Bossy Romance: Single Dad BWWM (Billionaire Dads)
Bossy Romance: Chapter 16

ADAM

“Did she get there safely? Does she seem upset? Is she eating?”

“Which one of those do you want me to answer first?” Dejonae says through the phone. I hear the teasing note in her voice.

I shift the cell to my other ear, wondering what’s so funny. There is nothing remotely humorous about losing Nova. Since I left her apartment, a restless tension has been building in my body.

Maybe it’s Nova withdrawal. Like an addict trying to quit smoking cold turkey, I’m replaceing it harder than not to block her from my mind.

I promised I’d let her go.

Unfortunately, I’m not doing a great job.

“How is she?”

“She seems okay. Although I get the feeling that she’s not the type to ever lose her cool in public. She’s eating, although it’s not a lot, despite the fabulous brownies Dawn brought over. And she’s telling us about what happened when she got her hair braided today. Apparently, Clay Bolton’s nanny was making rude comments about his daughter’s hair. We’re discussing what we would have done in that situation.”

“So she’s okay?”

“She’s,” Dejonae sighs, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Adam. She doesn’t trust us yet. I barely got her over here.”

“Did you use the investment card?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Good. Tell Kenya I don’t expect anything.”

“Kenya’s not a liar. She’s going to invest in Vision Tech.”

“Then I’ll double whatever she gives me and invest the money right back in her publishing house. Tell her not to play those games with me because I’m insane.”

Dejonae chuckles. “Speaking of insane, you went viral on the internet.”

“It’s only the Inventor of the Year award. It’s not that big of—”

“You consume me. You control me.”

The blood in my veins goes cold. “How do you know about that? Did Nova tell you?”

“Someone posted a video of your dramatic love declarations. I thought I was watching an episode of Scandal for a minute.”

I faintly remember people recording us that night. Grabbing my phone, I look up the video. Once I replace it, I’m going to watch it on repeat until my heart shatters.

“Adam?”

“Huh? You were saying something about Scandal? Is it a gossip site?”

“It’s a show about the president and—”

Someone calls her name in the background.

“Oops. I have to go, but Adam…”

“What?”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.”

If the definition of fine has changed to ‘floating in a sea of utter despair’, then I’m better than fine. I’m amazing.

She sighs. “I told Sazuki to call you.”

“Why would you torture him like that?”

“He can’t stick his head in the sand when his friend’s life is imploding.”

“It’s not imploding. It’s more like a small pop.”

“Don’t make jokes to cover it up. Talk to someone. Nova isn’t the only one who needs support right now. If you spend all your time looking out for her and neglecting your own hurt—”

“I’ll handle myself. Don’t worry.”

Besides, I don’t have time to break down. Rowan needs me to be strong, to be there for him. He’s looking at me to have the answers about death and life and everything in between. I don’t have the luxury of falling apart, even if I just lost the only woman I ever loved.

“Thanks for doing this, Dejonae. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I try to surround myself with women who are smarter than me. Nova definitely falls under that category. I’m glad for an excuse to get closer to her.”

“Dejonae, where are you?” That sounds suspiciously like Vanya calling.

“Take care of yourself, Adam.”

I set the phone down and catch my reflection in a shiny sheet of metal on the table. The bags under my eyes are big enough to hold an entire tool box. I haven’t found the energy to shave and the beard that’s growing in is much thicker than I usually keep it.

Without Nova, I look like a caveman.

I try to smile. Really. I give it my best shot. But my lips end up drooping into a frown.

The kinetic batteries are in front of me. I haven’t touched them. I haven’t been able to concentrate since Nova left.

My phone lights up, shredding the silence.

It’s a call from Sazuki.

His gruff, heavily accented voice charges over the line. “Dejonae told me you were being an idiot and I should talk some sense into you.”

This guy never starts a conversation with a greeting. “You realize how rude you are whenever you open your mouth, don’t you?”

He doesn’t sound sorry. “I know a place that sells authentic sake. I’ll treat you. As long as you promise not to cry.”

“Sazuki, do me a favor, close your eyes and imagine me flipping you off.”

“I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”

“Screw off.” I pause. “Better make it twenty.”

Sazuki lifts a hand from his perch around a long counter. He’s sipping from a miniature bowl that looks like something Belle, Alistair’s daughter, would use in her pretend kitchen.

Oriental music is playing from hidden speakers. Low lighting makes the room seem dim and full of shadows.

The front of the restaurant was crowded with customers, but this back room is empty except for a handful of people.

The VIP section.

Sazuki nods at me when I take the seat beside him. He flicks his fingers at someone and a miniature bowl appears in front of me.

He gestures to the drink with his long, musician fingers.

I lift the sake and sniff. “Is it strong?”

“Drink it and you’ll see.”

I take a sip and nearly cough through my nose. “Whoa, that’s hard alcohol.”

“It’s sake mixed with wine. Drink responsibly.”

“Cheers,” I croak out.

A Japanese chef slides behind the counter and bows to us. He pulls out an expensive-looking fish and starts cutting it like a ninja.

My eyes widen.

Sazuki, on the other hand, looks largely unimpressed.

“How is Rowan?” Sazuki asks when the chef is finished with the fish. He slides a pair of chopsticks over to me and picks up his own set. Expertly, he plucks one of the sashimi slices and eats it.

“He’s with his mom right now.” I eye the chopsticks warily. I’m more of a knife and fork guy.

Well, more of a fork and a tear-it-with-my-teeth guy.

On top of that, I’d take meat and potatoes over raw fish any day.

But Sazuki seems to have made an effort so I pick up the chopsticks, one in each hand. “Since Alexa isn’t doing too well, he’s sleeping in her hospital room to have as much time as he can with her.”

“Ehem.” Sazuki slides me a fork.

“Thanks.”

He nods brusquely. “Who is Alexa?”

“Rowan’s mom.”

Sazuki doesn’t blink. “And why is she in the hospital?”

“She’s…” Guilt pricks my chest. “She’s got terminal cancer.”

Sazuki’s blank expression shifts to one of concern. “I am sorry.”

I nod.

“So this is why your son showed up that day,” Sazuki says, wisely putting it together. “His mother wanted to see him safe and secure with you before she passed.”

“That’s what it turned out to be.” I put another piece of fish in my mouth. My past experience with sushi wasn’t a pleasant one, but this isn’t too bad. Maybe it’s because the fish melts in my mouth. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten much lately and my stomach is chomping at anything I provide.

“What does this have to do with Nova?”

At the mention of her name, my stomach drops and the fork slips out of my grip.

Sazuki studies me carefully. “Is she unhappy that your ex-girlfriend has returned?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then?”

I keep quiet, which is a first for me.

Sazuki takes a napkin and wipes his mouth with it. “I understand how difficult it is to create a harmonious environment with your lover and your child’s mother. In my case, I did not see my ex-wife’s schemes or how it affected Dejonae until it was too late. I am very grateful that Dejonae was so mature and patient about Ashanti. She gave me another chance in the end. Perhaps you can talk to Nova and—”

“This isn’t something I can talk to Nova about.”

He arches an eyebrow as if to say what do you mean?

I tell him about the doctor’s warning, Alexa’s request to leave the hospice, and the requirement of marriage.

Sazuki is quiet when I’m done.

He takes another sip of the sake. “You know all this and yet you have not made a move to marry her.”

“Something deep inside won’t allow me to,” I admit. “I keep looking for another way out.”

“What if time runs out before you replace one? Can you live with yourself if you let your child’s mother die unfulfilled and unhappy?”

The guilt pricks me again. It’s like a needle that keeps growing and surging in deeper.

“I love Nova. I have always loved Nova. I will always love Nova. But if I do this, if I marry someone else, there’s no coming back from that.”

“That is not true. I was married to someone early on in life. It was many years later before I met Dejonae. Being married to someone once does not mean you are no longer deserving of love.”

I shake my head miserably and drain my entire glass of sake. “You don’t understand how Nova thinks. We spent seven long years dancing around each other. I just barely got her and then I lost her. If I marry my old girlfriend right after we broke up, do you think she’ll forgive me?” I shake my head. “She’s not the type to give second chances. Especially when she’s cut someone off.”

“I cannot tell you what to do, Adam, not when it comes to your relationship with Nova. I can only speak to you as a father.”

The sake is stronger than I expected. I’m already starting to feel the buzz under my skin.

Sazuki slides his elbow across the counter and stares into the distance. “My relationship with Niko is different than my relationship with Dejonae. I would die for them both. I would live for them both. I love them both, but in different ways.”

I nod. Perhaps it’s the sake, but I feel Sazuki is talking a lot more than he usually would tonight.

“Your relationship with your son is different from your relationship with Nova, but it is not the same and therein lies the problem.”

I squint. “Make it make sense.”

“Does he feel your love as fiercely as Nova does? You make it quite obvious how you care for her. You defer to her. You put time and effort into making her life easier. You would cut your own heart out to make her happy. Is this not true?”

I drink again. “It is.”

Sazuki grabs a porcelain flask and pours more into my glass. “Would your son say the same?”

I frown.

Sazuki stares pointedly at me.

“Rowan knows I’ve got his back.”

“What would make him the happiest? Do you know?”

“If there was a cure for his mother’s illness, he’d probably explode with glee.”

“And apart from that?”

I lift a shoulder. “Anything to make Alexa happy would make him happy.”

“Then you know what your son needs. It is not what you need. Perhaps it is not what you want. But this is what being a parent is. This is your responsibility as a father. It is a heavy task.” His eyes are solemn. “It is the reason many would rather abandon their children than be involved in their lives. If it were easy, would there not be more fathers in the home?”

His words burn me.

I look away and reach for a drink.

These tiny bowls are too small. I take the sake flask and pour it myself.

Sazuki frowns at me. “If you are there for his mother, then when his mother can no longer be with him, your son will remember that, whether now or years from now.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you hesitate?”

“Because it’s not the answer I want to hear.” Giving up Nova is like giving up a kidney. I can’t imagine my life without her, and marrying someone else feels like I’m betraying her in the worst way.

Sazuki releases a worried sigh. “Perhaps your stubbornness is for the best. Choosing someone else over Nova is not what Dejonae wished for me to tell you.”

I arch an eyebrow at him. “You did not follow the script.”

“If you blame anything on me, I will deny it to my grave.”

“Nice to know I can count on you in a pinch.”

“I would rather, what do the Americans say—throw you under the bus than risk Dejonae’s wrath.” He swirls his sake around. “Perhaps this is why the other ladies sent all the men to talk to me in the past. Sending only one means the outcome can swing wildly in a different direction.”

“All the men? You mean Alistair and the rest? They came to talk to you?”

“It was when I had issues with Dejonae…” Sazuki sighs. “A story for another day.”

I lift my sake glass.

He clinks his bowl against mine.

We drink deeply and I feel the burn go all the way down my chest.

Sazuki’s eyes meet mine. “Do you know what you are going to do now?”

“Yeah.” With dread and determination twining together in my stomach, I spit, “I’m getting married.”

Rowan’s ruddy cheeks are a sign of his excitement. I fix his bowtie, twisting it until it looks balanced.

His brown eyes latch onto mine. “I saw mom’s dress. She looks really nice in it.”

“That’s great, bud.” I straighten and work on my tie next. I’m wearing a suit similar to Rowan’s—a navy tux and brown shoes.

“Look.” Rowan unfolds something from his pocket. It’s the list he made for Alexa. “We’ve scratched everything but two off.”

I skim what’s left of the to-do list.

#1 Wear a white dress and get married to a good guy.

#5 Go on a trip to India.

“I wanted to do this together.” Rowan runs to the table, grabs a pen and returns to me. Holding up the paper, he strikes a line through the first wish.

“Huh. Look at that,” I say, my heart heavy.

“Mom’s really happy.”

So are you, bud. That’s good. As long as you’re happy.

“Are we going on a trip after this?”

“That’s the plan.” We don’t have any time to waste. Alexa’s condition is worsening. I rented a medic plane to take her out of the country, but even with the extra precautions, we’re still playing a dangerous game.

“I can’t wait to go to India.” Rowan squeals. “Everyone was so jealous when I told them.”

“You told the kids?”

“Yeah.”

I reach for his shoulder. “Who exactly?”

“Niko, Micheal, Bailey and Belle.” Rowan blinks innocently.

I restrain my groan.

Great.

If the kids know, then the adults definitely know. I shudder to think of what the farmhouse ladies will do to me if they hear about this.

“Have you been to India before?” Rowan asks.

“Not yet,” I answer faintly.

“You don’t look that excited.” His smile flattens. “Is something wrong?”

“I am excited.” I try to show him how excited I am by smiling, but I realize that was probably the wrong choice.

Rowan sees right through my teeth-baring imitation and the light dims in his eyes. “Are you angry?”

“No, kid. Why would I be angry?”

“Because Nova’s not coming.”

I swallow hard.

“I texted her,” Rowan admits. “To tell her about the wedding.”

Everything inside me freezes. “You WHAT?”

“She said she’s too busy, but I get the feeling she just doesn’t want to come.”

I blink rapidly. “You told Nova?”

“Was I not supposed to?” Rowan shrinks back like a turtle retreating into its shell.

“N-no,” I mumble.

Inside, frustration churns in my gut. Accepting that all the kids and their parents found out is a hard enough blow.

But Nova too?

I didn’t want her to know. As impossible as it might have been, I wanted to keep this entire mess a secret from her.

“Guess the cat is out of the bag,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.

Not only is it out of the bag, it’s skittering around the room, raking its claws into the curtains and peeing all over the carpet.

Rowan keeps studying my face.

I shake my head. “I’m okay, bud. Why don’t you head outside and check on your mom?”

Rowan darts out of the room.

I take a few calming breaths.

Remember why you’re doing this. Stick to the plan.

There’s a knock on the door.

Greta, Alexa’s nurse, pokes her head in. “Is the groom ready?”

Not even close.

I lift my chin. “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you in the chapel then.”

I wait a few minutes and then march through the hospital hallways. Nurses smile and whisper as I walk by. Doctors nod. A few slip me congratulatory handshakes. It’s not every day a guy in a suit comes barreling through the hospital, ready to marry a patient. I’m sure the news has spread all over the building by now.

Can they tell that my heart is beating a million miles a minute? Can they tell I’m sweating enough to fill a lake?

Every step feels like I’m sinking deeper into mud.

But I keep going.

My hands press against the chapel doors.

I hesitate and then push.

Sunlight streams through the stained glass windows. The ends of the pews are decorated with white fabric and large, exaggerated bows. The officiant is standing at the front of the room, grinning broadly.

He welcomes me with a nod. “Mr. Harrison. Big day today.”

“Thanks for doing this.”

“No problem.”

The doors open and Rowan comes walking down the aisle. He’s balancing the pillow holding two rings. Alexa roped in one of the little patients in the hospital to be her flower girl. She and Rowan move together down the aisle.

I smile softly at my son. Sazuki’s right. He’s going to remember these moments with his mom for the rest of his life. This means more than a simple wedding ceremony. It means happiness. It means family. It means everything.

Rowan grins at me and moves to the side of the podium.

The doors open again and Alexa comes out. She’s sitting in a wheelchair, wearing a white dress. Fabric is flowing out from behind the wheelchair, making her wedding veil look longer and fuller.

I told her to get the dress she wanted and, though it had to be altered to fit her deteriorating body, it still looks fashionable.

Greta wheels Alexa to the front and helps her to stand.

I notice what she’s doing and offer my arm. “Hey, you don’t have to get up.”

“If we’re going to do this, we’ll do it right,” Alexa says with a smile.

“Once you get tired, sit down again.”

“Don’t worry,” the officiant says. “I won’t make this long.”

Alexa puts her hand in mine. It feels frail. Her skin is paper-thin.

My heart is moved with compassion for her, but that’s it. It goes no further.

As the officiant drones on, I escape into my mind and picture what my wedding to Nova would have looked like.

Rowan would keep his gig as ring boy and one of Dejonae or Kenya or Dawn’s children would have been the flower girl. Maybe all three. I can see Niko throwing flowers like gun shots at the ground. I can see Belle skipping with her basket, gap-toothed smile flashing at all the attendants. I can even see Beth calculating the ratio of flowers to aisle space and moving with sure, practiced steps.

And then Nova would have appeared in a white dress that’s as sexy and sophisticated as she is. It would probably be something form-fitting, just like those pencil skirts she favors. Her hair would be out, wild and curly. Or maybe she’d pin it back in an elegant style. Either way, she would have been glorious.

I would have fainted in shock at how stunning she was. And after Sazuki and the other guys resuscitated me, I’d probably leak a tear of joy and gratitude that the woman I loved had finally said yes.

Nova would have walked down the aisle to me, taking each step beat by beat. And her eyes would have been on mine the entire time.

Then she would have held my hands and recited vows about loving me for a lifetime.

In sickness and health.

For richer or poorer.

Till death do us part.

I would have said the same words and I would have meant them.

“Adam?” The officiant calls to me and shatters the image of Nova. I blink and it’s not a tall, prim, dark-skinned woman in front of me.

It’s Alexa.

She bats her eyelashes and I notice that they’re a lot bigger than usual.

“You were saying your vows,” the officiant gently prompts. “Till death do us part.”

I stare at Alexa because this line, at least, is true. “Till death do us part.”

She smiles at me, reminding me of the woman I once pursued. Our relationship was purely physical. I know absolutely nothing about her now except that she’s the mother of my son.

But that much is enough for me.

She brought Rowan into this world and I owe her for that. I owe Rowan for missing out on so many years of his life. It’s a debt I’m willing to pay. Even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.

“Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You can kiss the bride.”

Alexa leans toward me.

I don’t turn away.

At the last moment, she groans and falls back.

“Alexa?” I call.

“Mom!” Rowan rushes over.

Greta barrels toward us with the wheelchair. Together, we get Alexa sitting again.

“I think she might have overdone it,” Greta says, her eyebrows knotting in the middle of her forehead. “I told you not to stand.”

Sweat is dotting Alexa’s face. Her eyes are half-closed and her voice is a whisper. “It was… worth… it.”

“I’m taking her back to her room to rest.”

“But we have to go to the airport soon,” Rowan says, his eyes wide.

I pat his shoulder. “Your mom’s health is more important, kid. Let her recuperate first.”

“I’m okay.”

Greta looks down, her face stamped with displeasure.

Alexa puts on a brave smile. “Rowan was looking forward to this trip.”

“If you push yourself too hard…”

Alexa shakes her head. “I’m… fine. Really.” Her eyes swerve to me. “Adam, let’s… go. Please? I want… to go.”

“You should listen to Greta.”

“I think I… know… my own body.”

I cave. “Okay. But you’re going to take it easy.”

“I promise.”

“Let’s go, kid.” I motion to Rowan.

“Yes!” Rowan jumps up and down and chants, “In-di-a! In-di-a! In-di-a!”

Steve brings the car around. He gives me a sympathetic look when I wheel Alexa out.

I pretend not to see and help Alexa out of the wheelchair. She’s changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, but all her makeup is still on. Somehow, the contrast of her fancy makeup and normal clothes only makes her look more frail.

“You okay?” I ask, noticing her eyes squeezing shut in pain.

“Yeah,” she answers.

But that’s a lie.

Alexa is not okay, and it becomes abundantly clear when the medic plane crew refuses to fly with her.

“Her body can’t handle a trip that length,” the flying nurse says, her face strict.

I glance at Rowan’s disappointed frown. “How about a shorter trip then?”

She shakes her head.

“In the country?”

“She can’t get on a plane. Period. And I wouldn’t suggest long road trips either. She should be in the hospital’s care. Not traveling the country.”

“I don’t want to be… in the hospital,” Alexa says weakly.

Rowan walks to his mother’s side and holds her hand. His eyes are starting to get teary again. “Come on, mom. There’s only one wish left. I really wanted to scratch that off for you.”

“We still can,” I say determinedly.

Rowan looks up at me with hope in his eyes.

I make a few calls and then take Rowan and Alexa to a Bollywood movie theatre. The inside smells of naan and curry. The decorations are all red, gold and cultural.

Rowan grins when someone comes out to greet us with garlands and puts a red dot on our forehead.

“See,” Alexa squeezes Rowan’s hand while I push her into the dark theatre, “this is… almost… like India.”

He nods enthusiastically.

“Bud, do me a favor and hold the wheelchair for me. I’ll take your mom out.”

Rowan holds the chair steady while I scoop Alexa into my arms. She weighs practically nothing.

“I booked out the entire theatre,” I say quietly, setting her down on a chair in the middle row. “There’s food.” I gesture to the tables set up for us. “And drinks. It’s not India, but it’s as close as I can get.”

“It’s… perfect. Really. Thank you… Adam.” She squeezes my hand, but it’s only a weak pressure on my fingers.

“Mom, try this out. It tastes awesome.” Rowan tries to feed Alexa a piece of naan.

She scrunches her nose and shakes her head. Rubbing the back of his neck, she says faintly, “You… eat. I’ll get full… just watching you.”

“Go wash your hands before you eat, Rowan.”

“I don’t want to miss the movie,” he argues.

“You won’t.” I check my watch. “You still have a few minutes.”

“Go,” Alexa tells him.

“I’ll be back super quick.” He darts off, his feet pattering on the stairs.

I loosen my tie and settle into the chair beside Alexa. I’m not hungry either, but it’s mostly because the wedding is starting to sink in.

My eyes catch on the wedding ring glinting on my left finger.

Alexa turns to me. “Adam.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you,” she says hoarsely. “And… I’m sorry. I know I could have gone… about things… a different way. I could have… told you… about Rowan… sooner. Or at least… shown up with him and… explained things… personally.”

“Alexa, you don’t have to—”

“Let me finish.” Her voice is firm even though it sounds like it’s painful to speak. Turning her head with great effort, she watches me through hooded eyes. “I didn’t know… if you were still that… playful guy from college… who couldn’t take care of… himself, much less anyone else. And I was scared… that you would love… your inventions… more than Rowan. But I’m glad… that I was wrong. I see… how capable… you are of love, Adam. Nova has… a good man… in you.”

I squeeze her hand. She’s taking shuddering breaths between each word and it’s hard to watch. “You should stop talking and preserve your strength. After the movie, I’ll take you home. Greta already texted me. All the medical equipment arrived at the manor.”

“You think… of everything.”

The door opens and light spills on the stairs.

Rowan’s back.

Alexa squeezes my hand urgently when our son darts toward us. I glance down at her. The light from the movie screen throws her skin into shades of silver and white. Her lips are bright red and it only makes her skin seem more translucent.

“Take care… of our son, Adam.”

“I will.”

“Take care… of our son.”

“I promise, I will,” I whisper.

Rowan pops up in the aisle. “What are you two talking about?”

“How excited we are… to visit India through this movie.” Alexa musters up a smile. “Why don’t… you sit next to… me… while it starts?”

“Okay,” Rowan says.

“Wait, let me move this arm for you.” I fight with the cupholder so that Rowan doesn’t have to be separated from Alexa. As soon as the obstacle is gone, he curls up under his mother’s arm, eating and sipping on soda.

The movie starts.

I keep my eyes on the screen, getting sucked into the story. I’m surprised by how good it is. I honestly didn’t think I’d enjoy it.

“Mom,” Rowan whispers, “are you hungry now?”

I look to my left. Alexa’s eyes are closed. Her head droops, but it’s strange. It’s almost as if her neck can’t support the weight of her head anymore.

“Mom?” Rowan’s voice is starting to rise in panic. It’s jarring. Eerie. It’s a sound I never want to hear in my life again.

On the screen, people are singing and dancing but, in real life, there’s only the screams of my son and the still, lifeless body of his mother.

“Mom!” Rowan shakes Alexa. Tears are streaming down his face. “Mom! Mom!”

The truth hits me like a punch to the jaw. I shoot to my feet, launch over to Alexa and check her pulse. The moment I touch her hand, it’s cold. The moment I touch her wrist…

Nothing.

“She’s gone,” I murmur.

At my words, Rowan wraps his arms around me and sobs into my neck. I hold my son while my heart breaks and then I call an ambulance to take Alexa’s body away.

The night is still.

The house is quiet.

Rowan is in his room after crying himself to sleep.

There’s a knock on the door.

I don’t feel like getting up, but I push myself wearily to my feet and open the door.

My eyes widen.

I blink once. Twice.

Nova’s chest rises and falls unsteadily. “I heard,” she says. “My condolences about your wife.”

I stare at her.

Damn, after the day I’ve had, I’m not sure if this is real or a dream. Maybe I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe I conked out while I was putting Rowan’s clothes in the wash. The clothes that he wore while he was hugging his mother’s lifeless body. Maybe I’m in the laundry room, my head cracked open and blood spilling on the floor.

If I don’t get up, Rowan will be without his mom and his dad.

Two parents gone.

In a flash.

In a day.

I have to wake up. Rowan needs me. Now more than ever.

Nova fidgets with one of her braids. She’s got her hair braided again. See? This has to be a dream. Nova’s not wearing her hair like that anymore. Am I remembering a version of her that used to be? A version that always showed up when I needed her and came before I called?

“Adam,” she says softly.

What would I do if Nova were really in front of me?

My heart thunders.

My eyes get blurry.

I step forward.

Cautious.

Careful.

I can’t risk waking up.

Not yet.

I need a little more time with her. One second isn’t enough.

I’ll have to wake up eventually. Return to a world where my son’s heart is shattered into a million pieces. Return to a world where Nova isn’t there to call. To come running to me.

I take another dazed step.

Nova doesn’t move. Her head tips up so she can meet my eyes.

“Nova.” Her name on my lips is a sound of relief. Of gratitude. Of longing.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest. She snakes her arms around my neck and lets me lean on her.

My Nova.

My everything.

She’s here.