Children of Chaos - Book 1
7th Chapter

“In a way, this is where it all started Kyra, in a way”

“It started long before that, we both know that, so don’t pretend otherwise. This…this was just when it picked up again.”

The dark wooden door in front of you looked fairly harmless, which it was. The sole purpose of the tower had been to reach the city in the sky, the nightmares had followed after, created by the hate and fear of those who’d built it.

“That’s somehow disappointing.”, Aidan stated as he looked at the small wooden door. He shrugged at the looks he received. “After your dramatic introduction to this place, I was expecting big iron gates with heads on spikes.”

Megumi stifled a laugh and Lynn chuckled softly. You just rolled your eyes and turned away, hiding your amusement. You knew it wouldn’t last long.

“Keep up the humor Aidan. It will help.”

Somehow that shut him up.

“What will await us in there?”, Megumi asked fearfully.

“I don’t exactly know”, you admitted quietly.

“What do you mean: You don’t know?”, Emrys exclaimed. “Didn’t you say that you’d been here before?”

“I have. I had a talisman that dampened the effects of the tower, but the person I went with did not. This tower makes you confront your worst fears, brings them to life. With the talisman, I still had to face my fears, but I was constantly aware of my surroundings, aware that it wasn’t real. That's the only way to get through it... To remember.”

And even that had been bad enough. Now it would be worse, much worse. Khai had said that it had been the worst experience of his life, but he’d refused to tell you his fears. Now you wondered if you’d been one of them. You also wondered if he’d be one of yours. Your fears had changed since you’d last been here. You were no longer afraid of being alone. If you were honest you didn’t know what you would replace in there, and that scared you most of all.

“I don’t exactly know how the tower works, but once you’ve faced your fears you’ll arrive in the city. I need you all to remember that whatever you face in there is not real. Remember that and you’ll be fine. There is no physical danger.”

And with those words, ignoring their worried expressions, you opened the door and stepped into the darkness.

It began immediately. For a brief moment, you wondered what the tower really looked like on the inside, or if the others would really follow you, then you were distracted by your surroundings and the outside world no longer mattered.

You were up on the stone arches, the Sahara desert stretching out endlessly before you, the wind caressing your face. You closed your eyes, breathing in the hot air, a relaxed smile on your face. You had missed this. There was a sound behind you and you flicked your wrists, making your blades appear in your hands, as you spun around to face the threat. But there was no threat. There, on the other side of the arch stood something impossible. Someone impossible.

“Khai?”

Barely a whisper that made it past your lips. It was as if the world had stopped. Nothing moved, nothing even existed. Nothing but him. You couldn’t believe your eyes. It was impossible. He couldn’t be here. And yet, he was. You looked at him, drinking in his features. His hair was just a little too long, the way you’d always liked it and he’d always hated it. He’d always said it got in the way. His eyes... they were as vibrantly blue as you remembered, maybe even more so. His skin was a soft gold-brown and he was dressed in his loose white tunic, his blade strapped to his wrist. He gave you a small smile and that was all you needed.

You hesitantly took a step forward, then another, gaining momentum, and finally, you ran at him full speed, ignoring the danger of toppling over the edge, throwing yourself into his arms. You could feel him. Feel his heart beat within his chest. Feel his arms around you. He was real. He was solid. He smelled like the sun and desert sands. His arms gently encompassed you, holding you close, and you broke down sobbing.

“It’s alright”, he said soothingly as he gently caressed your back.

“It’s not alright”, you sobbed, unable to stop. “You were gone. You left me!”

You clawed your fingers into his tunic, refusing to let go. You would never let go again.

“I didn’t leave you, Kyra.” He hugged you harder. It was almost painful. “You left me.”

The words hit you like knives. You wanted to pull away to look at him, but you couldn’t. He was holding you too tightly. Now it was definitely painful. His arms were like iron, crushing you.

“It’s your fault that I’m gone.”

His voice had taken on a hostile tone, the warmth in it gone. You felt your ribs ache under the pressure. You tried to fight him off, get away, but he was too strong.

“You did this to me!”, he shouted and suddenly he forcefully pushed you away. “Why didn’t you save me?”

You fell down hard, scrapping open your hands and knees and looked up at him. His handsome face started to change before your eyes. The sparkling light in his blue eyes started to fade, leaving them dull and empty. His golden skin began to pale until it was a pasty, white color and all the time he was looking at you accusingly. Then the skin over his heart ripped open and blood came pouring out in a seemingly never ending stream. He coughed, once, twice, spitting out more blood and slowly fell to the ground, twitching.

You ran over to him, shaking his shoulders, pressing your hands on his gushing wounds, but it made no difference. The blood sickered through your fingers, taking his life with it. He looked at you, one last time and whispered: “Why?”, then he died.

“No. No, no, no, no, no!”, you shouted, tears running down your face. “Come back to me Khai. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

But the words wouldn’t bring him back. Nothing would. You curled up in a ball and cried, cried for the man who had just died in your arms for the second time.

It took you a while to realize that you were no longer on top of that arch, and with the change of scenery came the memory that all of this was fake. You slowly got up, wiping the tears from your face, trying to steady your shaking hands. “It’s not real”, you muttered over and over, but you knew better. This might not have been real, but the guilt the tower fed on was.

You looked around, afraid of what the tower would throw at you next, but the scene didn’t look familiar at all. You were in a small, cozy stone house and the sun was shining warmly through the window. A woman, maybe in her late forties, was sitting by the window, wool and needles in her hands. She had beautiful dark eyes, almost black, that were oddly familiar and she was humming a gentle tune that struck a chord within you. You felt as if you should know it, as if you should know her, but you were sure that you had never seen this woman before in your life.

There was a noise at the door and the woman got up. You wanted to get out of the way so she could get to the door, but she walked right through you. The whole thing made no sense. Nothing here looked familiar, so how could this be one of your fears? The door opened revealing the silhouette of a tall man, dark against the sun.

“Yes?”, the woman asked in a confused tone. She was speaking Spanish, and yet, somehow, you understood her. “May I help you?”

The voice coming from the man in the doorway was familiar, too familiar.

“May I come in?”, Aidan asked in a nervous tone. The woman nodded and he entered.

You had never seen him this way. He was nervous and sweaty, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. His eyes drinking in every inch of the house and then resting on the woman's face with a mixture of fear and longing. He didn’t seem to be able to see you either, and you felt relief wash over you. Whatever this was, it wasn’t one of your fears that much you knew. Which meant that this had to be his fear. Suddenly you felt really uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and curious.

Now you realized why the woman had looked so familiar. You had seen her before, once, in a dream. This was Aidan’s mother. That would explain why he was so nervous. You looked over at the woman who had, all those years ago, cast out her own son, and found her to look...kind. She didn’t seem like an evil person. But this was Aidan’s fear, and you doubted that he was afraid of her kindness.

“Now young man, what can I do for you?”, she asked, a polite smile on her face.

“I’m here...well... “, he stuttered, unable to form the words. His mother gave him a patient smile.

“Yes, son?”

That did it. Her calling him 'son'. He took a deep breath and when he spoke again he sounded calmer, more collected.

“My name is Aidan.”, he said firmly. “Aidan Mayor. I am your son.”

For a short moment, she didn’t react and you thought that all would be well. That she would take him into her arms as her long lost son. Then all went to hell in a hand-basket. The woman jumped up, pressing herself against the wall of the kitchen, a crucifix in her hand.

“Be gone demon!”, she screeched, her eyes wide in fear.

“Mom”, Aidan tried helplessly, reaching for her, but she just screamed. “Mom it’s me.”

“You are no son of mine! Demon! Demon child.”

“Mom, please! I’m your son.”

The last thing you saw, before the scene shifted, were the tears running down Aidan’s face as he pleaded to the mother who had abandoned him.

This time, you were standing on the edge of a cliff, the wind raging at you, violently blowing your hair around you. You looked down the cliff that seemed to go on forever and ever, finally losing itself in a black abyss. The sight made you feel just a little bit dizzy and you took a step back. You looked around; ready for whatever the tower would throw at you this time, only to replace that you were not alone. There, just a few meters away from you, standing dangerously close to the edge, was Lynn. It became clear to you that you were, once again, in someone else’s fear, but it made no sense to you. What fear was this? Heights? Lynn wasn't afraid of heights, she never had been.

She was standing completely still, her entire body tense, her fists clenched and her face an ashen gray as she stared into the abyss, so dark that there was nothing to be made out, nothing to be seen. It was the unknown. You ran to her, wanting to pull her away from the edge, but your hands went straight through her. Just like before, you were no more than a ghost, an invisible observer, unable to help. Again you wondered why you were even there. This shouldn’t have been possible. The tower should only be able to throw your own fears at you, not those of the others. Yet here you were. You looked back at Lynn and realized that her lips were moving. She was muttering something, so quiet that you could barely make it out over the sound of the wind.

“It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.”

Like a mantra she kept repeating that phrase to herself, her eyes still fixed on the abyss. Then she did something that would forever change the way you saw her. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, letting her entire body relax and let herself fall forward, sailing down into the abyss with her arms stretched wide. You reached out for her, a silent scream on your lips and the scene shifted.

You were back at the pond where you’d found out about your heritage and it was a full moon night. This had been one of your fears the last time around as well, but something was different this time. You slowly walked over to the pond where you’d seen Shinehah’s symbol on your forehead and looked into the water, expecting to see something, but all you saw was your own face looking back at you. You looked older somehow. Your emerald eyes harder. You sighed and turned away, no longer wanting to see your reflection. You didn’t like it.

As you turned you came face to face with Emrys. Why would he be in your fear? He looked tense, his fists clenched, his face hard and he was looking straight at you without seeing you. Was this his fear? You turned back to the pool and, this time, it wasn’t your reflection you saw. It was Emrys’. He was ghostly pale, almost white.

“Emrys.”, a soft gentle voice said and both of you spun around to face the newcomer. It was Lynn.

“What are you doing here?”, he asked, almost panicky.

She said nothing but slowly walked towards him. There was something about her that felt off to you as if this Lynn were not the one you knew. She looked different, less real, more…alluring. You turned back to Emrys and saw the longing in his eyes. You raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“Go away”, he said, but his voice was weak.

“Why should I?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Now she was standing right in front of him, looking up at him, her eyes big and vulnerable. You wanted to gag. What was this fear? Fear of commitment? You chuckled. Badass Emrys biggest fear was commitment. Or not.

Lynn was leaning in for a kiss when something came over him. He pulled back, his eyes wide with fear, his hands pushing her away.

“Run”, he growled as he fell to the ground, twitching.

The show had suddenly become a lot more interesting. You were beginning to think that you might have been right about him. He was a Zeev, which was extremely rare. Only very few children of Olea had that gift or curse if you wanted, and they were all dangerous. No wonder the Elders didn’t like him. So you had been right all along.

Lynn watched with horror, and you with fascination, as Emrys slowly changed into a large white wolf, wildness in his pale eyes. Then he pounced, his large jaw closing around Lynn’s midriff, nearly tearing her in half. She cried out in shock and pain, and your fascination changed to pain, as you watched your friend die for the second time in just a few short minutes. You knew that it wasn’t real, you were more aware of it than ever, but you still wanted to save her, tear Emrys away from her, but you couldn’t move. Once again, you were simply an observer.

Emrys changed back, his face and chest full of blood, his eyes slowly clearing up, and stared at Lynns mangled body. “No. No, no, no.”, he whispered as he cradled her in his arms. You lost sight of him as the scene shifted once again.

This time, the first thing you noticed was the cold. The kind of cold that seeps right through your skin and sinks into your bones, making them burn with an icy fire. The next thing you noticed was the fog, a thick soup wrapping itself around your arms and legs, clinging to your skin and disappearing in wisps as you moved. You took a few hesitant steps, unable to see where you were going. You didn't want to move too much, afraid that you'd go sailing over the edge of some chasm that you couldn't see in the fog. Then the fog lifted, ever so slightly and you noticed your surroundings for the first time. A wave of nausea washed over you as a cold feeling settled in your chest. You were standing on a large field, stretching for miles and miles, covered in corpses.

You could not move or breathe as your brain tried to take in the horror of the scene. Slowly, like a sleepwalker, your body started moving. You had no power over it. It was almost as if you were once again stuck in someone else’s nightmare, unable to control the events in front of you, except this time you knew that it was yours. Your legs carried you to the nearest corpse. It was the small body of a woman, her face hidden by her black hair. It looked as if she’d been impaled by huge claws going right through her midriff. You felt your body bend down, felt your hand move to her face and wanted nothing more than to stop it, but you couldn’t. With dread, you watched your fingers gently brush away the hair to reveal a familiar face. Megumi's eyes were wide open, an almost surprised expression on her face. You wanted to scream, jump back, vomit, run away, but your body wouldn’t let you. Calmly it rose again, like a robot, controlled by an outside source, while you struggled and thrashed on the inside to no avail.

In that same manner you were moved from body to body, revealing Lynn, Ethan, Aidan, Emrys, Nami, Khai, Megumi again, Lynn again, Ethan again. You were forced to walk calmly from body to body, taking in their gruesome deaths one by one, unable to cry, shout or simply break down. You were a prisoner in your own body, forced to wander through the never-ending sea of the bodies you were leaving in your wake. A reminder of the monster you were and were yet to become.

It was hard to tell how long you spent in that ocean of fallen friends and comrades, but after what seemed like an eternity, the scene shifted again. Having regained control over your body you dropped to the ground, vomiting again and again until there was nothing left but bile. Then you curled up into a ball and sobbed as you remembered the images you had just seen.

Dead. They were all dead. You had killed them all.

You felt panic rise in your chest, felt yourself breathe faster and faster, felt yourself lose control and, in a desperate attempt to regain it, you put your fist in your mouth, biting down on it. Hard. The pain shot through you, pulling you back to reality. Blood was running down your hand from where your teeth had pierced the skin. Weak. You were too weak.

After another second of calming your breathing, you pulled yourself together and got up. You wiped your mouth, spitting out some blood, ashamed of your weakness. You had known this all along, guilt would only get you and everyone else killed. There was no point dwelling on it. So instead, you focused on what was happening around you and realized that you were, once again, in someone else's fear.

It was easy to spot who this fear belonged to. Megumi was sitting on the ground in a white room, her hands covering her ears, surrounded by people, some of which you knew. There was Morgain, as tall and beautiful as you remembered, although a bit more intimidating. It must have been how Megumi saw her. There were Lynn, Ethan, Emrys, Nami, and Aidan, and even another version of you was there, although you were pretty sure that the real you was prettier. And shorter, sadly. There were others there too, people you did not recognize, and all of them were glaring at Megumi.

The other you was the first to speak in a cold and condescending voice.

“You’re weak and annoying. I don’t even know why I brought you along. You ruin everything.”

“It’s cuz you felt bad for her. She’s so pathetic.”, Ethan spat, his voice full of venom.

“Still… I wish you hadn’t, she’s such a burden.” Lynn sounded almost bored.

“We could carve her up for the cats. At least, she’d be useful that way.” Nami said in an almost dreamy voice, and you chuckled, amused by the fact that even in this world she was weird and creepy.

“Your parents should have given you up for adoption”, Morgain said as she looked down at the crying girl.

More and more people came, insulting her, calling her names, and then, one by one they left, leaving only the seven behind, and you, the silent observer.

“Don’t say those things”, Megumi sobbed, her voice breaking. “You’re my friends, my family.”

All but Aidan laughed.

“You thought we were your friends?”, fake Kyra laughed.

“We’d never be friends with the likes of you.”, Lynn added.

And suddenly everyone but Aidan and Megumi was gone, leaving just the two of them. She was still sobbing and he bent down, a gentle expression on his face. He lifted up her chin and kissed her, softly, tenderly. Then he looked deep into her eyes and said: “As if I could ever love someone as sad and pathetic as you.”

The scene shifted.

You were in a dark round room. It felt old and somehow vile as if it’s very existence were an abomination and there, against the wall sat Nami, her hands over her ears, her eyes tightly shut. It reminded you uncannily of the situation you had just left. She was muttering and you could barely make out the words.

“I’m not one of you. I am real. I’m not a shadow. I am real. I don’t dance in-between the worlds, I just sing for the dead. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT!”

Her eyes flew open, fixating on you. Could she actually see you?

“This is why Kyra. This is why!”

Her eyes were wide and crazed, her hands still over her ears.

“They’re coming for me. They’re coming for me.”

“Who’s coming for you?”

“The voices. The voices in my head. They call to me, beckon me. Only I can hear them. Only I can see them, they want me. THEY WANT ME!… No…No…that’s not true”, she looked at you, her head cocked to the side, her eyes narrowing, her voice almost a growl. “You see them too, don’t you?”

“Whom do I see?”

Of all the fears you’d encountered this one unnerved you the most. You realized that you were in the tower, that you could actually see the tower, but you also knew that you were in Namis fear. Which meant that Nami could see the tower as well. And she could see you. For some reason, she was affected differently than everyone else.

“The dead, Kyra! The dead! Those lost in the shadows, the layers, those begging to return to the living. They are shades, shades like you. They want to take me, Kyra. Make me one of them. Don’t let them. Don’t let them take me.”

She was crying now, loud uncontrolled sobs that made your heart ache. You started moving towards her. You didn’t know what you would have done, had you reached her. Given her a hug? But it didn’t matter. Before you got there the scene shifted again and Nami disappeared. You were still in the tower, still in the same room, but now you were alone. Or at least, sort of, because the other person in the room was you.

So this was your last fear. .

“Hello Kyra”, the other you stated, her voice cold, detached. “How are you?”

Perhaps you should have had a profound discussion with her, found out more about your inner self, faced the monster within, but you had just spent what felt like decades on an emotional rollercoaster, and you felt like hell. You were also beginning to feel incredibly pissed off. This entire thing had been one, ginormous guilt trip, and you were done with it. You got it. You were a bad person. You killed everyone who came close to you. Perhaps you should just keep with that tradition. You stepped forward, coming face to face with your living mirror, took a mili-second to appreciate your good looks, and stabbed her in the heart.

“I’m flipping-fantastic. Thank you very much.”