Judas kiss
Chapter 45 - I pulled out.

Time was going by fast. Della had dinner dates with Spencer, Leo spent time with his father. Andre would always treasure the moments when he would drop Leo off back home because that was the only time he could lay his eyes on her after the birthday party. He didn't understand why she was so distant with him. She looked away whenever he looked at her. She didn't look at him whenever they spoke. She was always at a distance away from him. Della was aware that she cared for Andre and that one way or another, he was her first love and they shared some sort of bond. Well on her side at least, she was afraid-

She knew that she would easily give into him. He had this effect on her, he always did. It wasn't the way his baby blue eyes held her gaze or the way they fluttered pleasantly giving her a smile... the smile that she loves and adored. The dimpled smile that her son had inherited. Everything was going well at least.. civil so how did they end up naked in the middle of her Kitchen.

"Della-"

"Don't say anything.." Della hissed, she didn't know what she was feeling. It had to be guilt, after all these years of not needing this man.. she gave into him. She felt utterly embarrassed, disgraced, shameful. She felt like a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.. God knows all she wanted to do after this is go shower and cry under the blankets. Andre was quiet, he didn't know what to say, it had all happened so fast. They were both just so hungry for each other and more than anything; infatuated with need. He wasn't going to lie and say he didn't miss this. He missed it dearly, he missed being with his wife in every sense. No one could ever compare to the intimacy that they shared together. It was absolutely heaven and they both knew it. They shared such a beautiful chemistry that made their intimacy beyond savory.

"I'm sorry." Andre said softly. "I will leave if you want me to.."

Della didn't say anything, as she just sat there in the same stance. She looked between her legs-

"I pulled out." Andre said quietly buttoning his shirt.

He immediately regretted saying anything. He shouldn't have said anything. Della felt like a prostitute, while Spencer is in Portugal for two days... she is here doing this. Spencer absolutely adored her and she felt like a betrayer. The worst scum on earth not just sleep with anyone but it had to be her ex-husband. He didn't force her into anything. She did it willingly, she was filled with need as soon as she came, common sense immediately came seeping in along with guilt. She looked at Andre's now messy blonde hair, hickeys on his neck.. she clearly did that. It had just been so long.

But that was no excuse.

"You shouldn't have came here Andre." Della finally let out, on the verge of tears.

"I swear I had no intention that this would happen okay? I just came to bring back the signed birth certificate that's all."

"But you know.." She almost yelled, she picked up her oversized white shirt and quickly put it on. She knew Andre's eyes were trained on her body. She had not even shaved her lower area-

But Andre didn't seem to care.

"Know what?" Andre snapped now buckling his belt.

"You knew this would happen.. this is why we can't be alone in the same room." Della said quickly wiping a tear away, it was all regret but deep down inside she wasn't going to lie and say she didn't enjoy every minute of having him pulse inside her. "It's not my fault, Adela." Andre said gently.

it.

"I'm in a relationship with someone, this is so wrong.." She said pacing around, not minding the fact that her panties were still on the floor and so were her black tights that she was wearing before this man ravaged her into a pleasure that she had missed but wouldn't admit "I know.. kills me everyday just knowing that you probably do this with him all the time." Andre spat, unable to control his anger and jealousy.

"I don't." Della spoke in a low voice.

"That's why I feel horrible, I haven't been able to give myself to him but with you-" She groaned. "I hate myself."

"So why are you with him and not me?" Andre demanded.

"Because you and I ended. There can never be an us, it ended the day you snatched your ring back and threw the divorce papers at me. Above all he treats me right and that's honestly all I want." She said the last part as slow as a whisper. Andre was hurt.

"I never treated you right?" He asked in a hurt voice. His fingers ran through his golden blonde hair clearly frustrated, clenching his jaw.

Della kept quiet.

"You just turned out to be an asshole anyways. You probably married me because you felt sorry for me and of course the fact that I wouldn't sleep with you until the wedding.." She said closing her eyes heaving a huge sigh. Andre was utterly shocked.

"I loved you Della and don't tell me you don't believe it." He said in an accusing voice. Della only chuckled, tears brimming her eyes.

"You didn't, we both know that and if you did.. things would be different. You would have believed me over your mother and Leondre would have both parents and wouldn't have been born outside of marriage but it's okay. I'm glad you showed me your true feelings earlier before.. i had given you more kids."

"Wow Adela." Andre said in a defeated voice.

"I loved you and you know I did." He sighed. "I still do."

"Then it's simple, you don't know what love is." She said about to walk away only to be pulled back.

"I found you in bed naked with another man, how was I supposed to believe anything you said when it was right in front of me." He said looking right into her eyes, that immediately streamed tears down her flushed cheeks.

"You shouldn't have believed that Leo was your son then.." She said wiping her eyes dry. She hated feeling this weak in front of him. "Y-you have no idea how I felt. Your mother violated me.. and-"

She closed her eyes.

"It's not even worth it anymore. I don't know why we're even fighting about this. We had sex and it meant absolutely nothing to me."

"Why are you lying to yourself Della?" He questioned his eyes filled with void. "We both felt it, it will never go away. You know I know your body like no other. I know that you almost always cry every time I thrust into you.. it's not from pain, it's far from that. It's from something that even I can't explain and we both feel it."

Della kept quiet immediately replaceing the tiled floor much interesting.

"I know that you never want me to pull out.. you always want me to stay entwined with you because somehow we don't want to feel the void." He added, his voice low.. a small smile on his lips.

"I know that when I kiss you, your skin shivers.."

Della felt embarrassed, she acted like a teenager around him. When would these obnoxious feelings go away.

"I know that.. you missed me either way." He chuckled. Della just wanted to cry, she didn't understand why she couldn't hold her tears until he is gone. She just felt stupid, weak and pathetic. She wasn't a cheater, she would never ever cheat on her partner but she just had and God knows she didn't regret it. She hated herself because she didn't regret it.

"I want my wife back, Adela." Andre said softly putting a strand of her silk black hair behind her ear. "Even if I have to give you another wedding, even if I have to apologize in front of the press and tell them everything that happened maybe my mother will even go to jail and that I was at fault. I'm willing.. just say the word and I will."

"Andre this was a mistake.. it won't happen again." Della said making Andre's eyes flash with hurt. Every time he got close, she moved away.

"That's fine." He hesitantly gave her a heartwarming smile. "I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I kissed you first.." He said knowing perfectly well that she had kissed him first. He had not moved for some seconds contemplating if he should and in the end, he gets blamed for it.

"You have no idea what you have just done.." He chuckled. "You just reminded me of what I was missing, you just reminded me of how good we used to have it. I would always ravage you in our kitchen, every morning before work.. you always made me late. You just showed me that there is still so much between us and I'm not going to ignore it. I will admit, I have been with multiple women after we divorced and I have not been fully satisfied or feel the way I feel with you."

Andre smiled again looking down, his hands now in his pockets. "I'm even embarrassed because I couldn't last long.. that's how much I wanted you and how much I missed you. It took everything within me to even pull out.. I know-" He gave her an innocent nod. "You haven't been with anyone.."

"I could tell.." He finished his sentence. "Or maybe I'm wrong, you have just always been immensely tight. Even after Leo.."

"I had a C-Section." She replied. She wasn't thinking, there was no need to even reply, she thought to herself. Of course even if a woman had a c-section or natural birth, their vaginal walls would always return back to their normal stature. Again feeling stupid. She might as well continue what she started.

"Leo wanted to come out with his legs instead of his head.." She smiled, they both smiled looking at each other before realizing it and looking away.

"He has always been the trouble maker." Andre commented making them both acknowledge their son's mischievous attitude.

"I didn't have anyone... I hadn't met Mila yet." She added. "The pain was unbearable and I felt like.. I wouldn't be able to do it."

Andre listened attentively.

He should have been there.

"I was going to die, Andre." She said almost as a whisper. "I didn't even have the choice, the doctors just had to do a C-Section otherwise I was going to die."

She then hesitantly shrugged.

"I always think about what would have happened to my baby if I had not made it. He would have been an orphan and that breaks my heart. I know you didn't know I was pregnant and you wouldn't have looked for a child that you didn't even know existed." At this point Andre felt helpless. This woman had gone through so much because of him. He had made her pregnant and the fact that he wasn't there to take responsibility for his actions either way, he would have said it wasn't his child. He only admitted to Leo being his child because he was practically a photocopy of him and it would be highly alarming if he had decided to lie. He hugged her and let her cry on his chest, she couldn't help it. It was just an emotional scene for the both of them.

"That's why.." she pulled away wiping her now puffy eyes. "I think I'm better off without you because you only cause me pain and even if I love you.. it's just better that way because I don't ever want to give you the power to break me again. I'd rather be with someone I don't entirely love and be happy than be with the one I love and constantly miserable."

Andre was speechless, at this point he felt like a bother and if letting her go made her happier then he would.

"I know saying I'm sorry won't change anything." He said defeated. "I will just uhm leave. Again I'm sorry for-" he sighed. "Everything and today.."

"It wasn't your fault." She said immediately. "We both wanted this."

Andre nodded then headed out the door. As soon as the door closed. Della hopelessly curled up in her corner and cried. Leo wouldn't be back from school in five hours and she needed a good cry, it always made everything better. Letting it all out in form of watery substance.

She needed that.?