Just One of the Guys
Thirty Two

Corbin

**Knox: I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and that you mean so much more to me than you realize, even with the short amount of time that we've known one another. You're all I eat, sleep, and breathe, Averi.** **Knox: I also want you to know that I'm here if ever you need anything. You need someone to talk to, we can talk from dusk 'til dawn if that's what you need. A shoulder to cry on, I've got big enough shoulders and they can carry a lot. If you just need someone to be a sounding board, I'm a pretty dang good listener. And if you don't want anyone else to know, my lips are sealed.**

**Knox: I guess what I need you to know is that I am here. I'm a patient man, and I have no intentions of going anywhere. I'll even be a complete gentleman, pinky promise.**

**Knox: I also need you to know that I'm sorry for everything and if and when we get past this, I hope that we can start over. Leave the past in the past, dead, and buried. Start with a completely clean slate.**

Lying in bed, I read over his text and then reread them, analyzing every word. When we were writing back and forth to each other during class, I wanted to tell him.

I even tried to tell him without actually coming out and saying, *"Hey, so, I'm actually right here. I've been right in front of your face this whole time. But you need to know that I've got baggage a mile long, however, I can't talk about it. I just need you to trust me."*

I decide to not respond, telling myself I need to distance myself, or that Averi needs to distance herself from him-and that's what I'm going to do.

I've got a bit of time left before the game, so after getting out my physics books and notes, I begin working on some of the problems.

I just finished working on my last equation when someone knocks on my door.

"Corbin, you in there?" Gentry hollers then tries the handle to see if it's locked or not.

After the last incident, I always triple-check to make sure it's locked before walking away, not willing to risk someone walking in on me when I'm not a boy.

"Just a sec," I call as I pull the door open, then turning around I try to replace my shoes and hoodie in the mess that is my apartment.

"Christ, what the hell happened here?" he asks, looking around at my place like a hurricane has gone through it: Hurricane Averi, at your service.

"Umm...yeah, I've been kind of busy and haven't been particularly good about cleaning up after myself lately."

I give a shrug, at the same time, spying my chucks.

As I pull them on, I look around once more, trying to spot my hoodie. My t-shirt is loose enough that no one can tell what I'm hiding beneath, but it's going to be chilly at the party tonight and I don't really want to freeze. "Looking for this?" Gentry asks, holding up my hoodie. "It was on the back of the desk chair."

"Thanks," I tell him, then after throwing it on, I grab my key and some cash before we head out the door and towards the gymnasium.

It's completely packed when we get inside. I have no clue as to why I didn't think it would be, but holy damn, are there a lot of people.

*It's a good thing that I came as Corbin tonight instead of Averi-too many people have seen the real me as it is. I can't take any more chances.*

"You hold our seats and I'll get food?" Gentry asks, standing up, ready to leave.

"Sure," I say, then hand him my cash before questioning, "will you get me some nachos, a pickle, and a Cherry Coke if they have it, if not, regular coke is fine."

"Aye, aye captain!" Gentry says as he salutes, then walks off.

He is such a strange character sometimes, but he's been a really good friend and he makes pretty good company too.

While he's gone, both teams come out of the locker rooms with their warm-ups on and head out to the court to warm up before the game starts. My eyes automatically gravitate in Knox's direction all of their own volition. He shoots a three- pointer, making it look easy as pie as the ball soars into the basket.

After they run their warm-up drills, the clock counts down the final minute before the game begins. The feel of someone's eyes on me causes a prickly sensation to crawl up my back as the referees make their way to the court and the guys begin stripping down to their game shorts and jersey, then head to the court to take up their positions. When I replace Knox, he's looking out in the stands, his attention on Gentry and I, or someone around us.

If I were here as Averi, I'd think he had been looking at me, but as Corbin, there's no way.

Colt walks up to half court, readying himself for the opening tip-off. As soon as the referee blows his whistle and tosses the ball up into the air, both Colt and the jumper for the other team scramble to be the one to tip the ball. Berkshire takes the tip, getting the ball.

The tipper passes the ball to their point guard, #32, and then makes his way down the court as #32 dribbles the ball, blocking shots as our guys try to knock the ball away from him without getting a foul.

As soon as he gets the chance, Knox steals the ball from #32 and takes off down the court, shooting and making a three-point shot before the other team even gets back to half-court. Excitement permeates the entire building as the game quickly intensifies. Gentry finally returns to our seats, handing me my food and drink before sitting down in his own seat. "That line was damn long," he complains, then takes a massive bite out of his chili cheese dog before turning his attention to the game and asking, "so, what'd I miss." After explaining what all he'd missed, our guys are up 12-5.

Berkshire is at the free-throw line and, already having missed his first shot, the player knows this is his last shot.

Fumbling the shot, the ball soars over the top of the basketball goal. Wesley, sweeping behind, catches the ball and narrowly misses stepping out of bounds.

Passing the ball to Colt, he then goes to guard his man as Colt dribbles down the court, analyzing the best move to make.

After only a few seconds, Colt fakes a left, darting to the right, and ducks under one of Berkshire's guys before popping back upright in front of the goal, going in for a layup.

Knox, Wesley, and a few of the other guys that I don't know give him high fives or slaps on the back as they make their way over to the coach at the side of the court.

Berkshire calls a timeout and I say, "They're good," at the same time, watching the guys go back on defense. #32 takes his time getting down the court as he takes in where our guys are and tries to replace the best strategy at getting the ball to the net.

With a bounce pass, #32 attempts to pass the ball to their #15, but one of our guys intercepts, dribbling down the court at a fast clip.

"Who's that?" I ask, trying to get a better look at his face. "I don't recognize him."

"That's Kamden Altair. Really good at basketball, but he's kind of a loner," Gentry informs me.

Kamden reaches our basket in no time, shooting, but the ball bounces off the rim.

Running out of time as Berkshire has now made it down the court and has him surrounded, Kamden snatches the ball out of the air before Berkshire's #22 can get a hold of it and goes in for a layup, the ball swishing through the net, and making it now Berkshire's ball.

"Kamden sits behind me in my criminology class," Gentry continues, "he's nice enough but sometimes he can be a little odd."

If Gentry is calling someone odd, they must be *really* out there. "Gotcha."

Noting it's almost halftime, and I replace, surprisingly, that I'm really enjoying myself.

I didn't want to go after what went down between Knox and me. It's still too sore of a wound and not one that I want to keep picking at. It hurts, seeing him, knowing it's best for both of us, for me to keep my distance, regardless of what we both truly want. Thankfully though, there's so much going on, I've not really had time to dwell on any of that.

Berkshire takes a shot and misses, and Colt steals the ball, hurtling down the court before the timer buzzes signaling the end of the first half. He's almost there but he's not going to make it as the clock counts down 4, 3, 2...he throws it from just past half-court.

The ball soars through the air with a perfect arc, going straight through the center of the goal, swishing through the net.

"Yes!" I yell, jumping to my feet along with the rest of the excited crowd. "He made it! Holy crap!"

Both teams make their way off the court, heading down to the locker rooms.

Turning to Gentry, a thought occurs to me. "Why don't you play? I mean, the rest of your friends do. You're definitely tall enough. So, what gives?"

With a shrug, he looks out at the court, a far-off look coming to his face. "I used to play," he says, but I almost miss it because he says it too quietly considering the noise of the crowd. "Loved the game, actually-Knox, Colt and I were like the three musketeers on the court, ya know?"

I didn't really know since I'd never played sports back home.

"What happened? If you loved it so much, why did you stop?"

Nibbling on his bottom lip, Gentry glances at me, the sadness that is so clear in his warm brown eyes causes my heart to clench.

"Last year, I went to an away game, and I forgot my cell in my apartment. When we got back and I finally got to my phone, I had twenty-three missed calls, fourteen voicemails, and thirty-two text messages. I started listening to the voicemails, but as soon as I heard the words, 'Your sister' I immediately called my mom. My sister had been to a party with one of her friends. Someone roofied her drink, raped her, and then beat the absolute crap out of her. She survived, but she's never been the same."

He stops talking to take a drink from his cup. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and then opens them again, continuing, "She's more like a shell of the girl that she used to be. She had been cheer captain, student council president, and a long-distance track runner. One night of being at the wrong place at the wrong time and she ended up paralyzed. Everything she'd ever worked for, had been taken away from her in the blink of an eye."

My heart breaks for both him and his sister. That's one of my biggest fears when going to a party; I always make sure to keep my cup on me, and if I sit it down for any reason, I go get a new one and fill it myself. I don't let anyone get drinks for me unless they're sealed.

"After that, I just couldn't get into it anymore. It felt wrong, doing something that I loved when she no longer could. It was like I was rubbing it in her face that she could no longer do the things she once had, and would never do the things she'd always dreamed of. I walked away without a backward glance, certain of my decision."

I don't know what to say, so instead of saying something, we just sit in silence as our cheerleaders finish their halftime performance.

"Now though, sometimes I regret walking away from it," he suddenly ruminates from beside me.

"There is nothing wrong with regretting giving up on something that you loved, something that you excelled at. I'm sure Coach would let you back on the team if you asked. Since the season is just starting, maybe it won't be a big deal." I pat him on the back, then finish what I was saying, "Maybe it isn't too late. Have you talked to any of the guys and asked them what they thought about it?"

Shaking his head *no*, he turns his attention back to the court.

The halftime countdown is over, so I drop the subject for now, but this conversation isn't over. He needs to know that what happened to his sister wasn't his fault and he shouldn't punish himself for something that was completely out of his control.

As the buzzer sounds, alerting everyone to the start of the third quarter, both teams take to the court. I hadn't even realized that they'd come out already, having been too absorbed in Gentry and my conversation.

I spot Knox immediately without even trying. It's as if he has some kind of gravitational pull that draws me towards him any time we're in the vicinity of one another.

The second half of the game goes by even more quickly than the first, the weird feeling of being watched forgotten in the excitement and adrenaline rush of the game. Endover came back out from halftime with a fire lit within them. They made every shot, only fouled out once, and managed to hold Berkshire from making any more points except for a free throw shot from the foul. The final score was 32-6 in Endover's favor.

As we walk out of the gymnasium and step aside, I watch as people make their way outside; the bitter cold sweeps in through the door each time it opens.

Taking the opportunity, I go back to our earlier conversation. "Hey," I say, placing my hand on his arm, waiting until I have his attention, to continue speaking. "You know that what happened to her wasn't your fault right?" Again, he doesn't say anything.

His face is so expressive, that I can see him trying to work through something in his head, but he doesn't speak it.

"Maybe it's not my place to say, but if basketball makes you happy, and you clearly miss being out there, don't punish yourself for something that was out of your control."

He nods but still says nothing, so I pick back up where I left off. "This is your senior year, you should make the most of it. Don't let it pass you by, then look back and wonder *what if*. Carpe Diem and all that crap." I then give him a sad smile but drop the subject.

I've said my piece about it, now it's up to him to do with it whatever he chooses. Once the gym has completely cleared out, the sudden silence causes my ears to ring.

"Come on," Gentry says, heading back towards the court and down into the locker room.

As soon as I walk in, I'm immediately surrounded by dicks everywhere: big dicks, little dicks, thick dicks, and skinny dicks-there are even a few dicks with a curve to them.

*Holy Shitballs!*

*What have I gotten myself into?*

Trying my best to act like having dicks wagging around everywhere as these guys walk around the locker room, going to the shower, getting out of the shower or in the process of getting dressed, completely unaffected by the large number of genitals being shown off, is entirely normal, I follow Gentry as he heads further into the room, finally stopping outside of a door labeled Coach.

*He's going to do it!*

*He's actually going to take my advice and talk to the Coach about getting back on the team.*

I just hope that Coach will give him another chance, considering the circumstances. Gentry knocks on the door, waiting for Coach to answer before stepping across the threshold and into his office. He looks back at me and I mouth *good luck* before Coach closes the door behind him.

Standing outside the office, I lean back against the wall, trying to keep my eyes from wandering, trying to replace Knox. I let out a deep sigh, wondering if I'm making a huge mistake, that maybe I should be taking my own advice.

I'm punishing both Knox and myself for wanting to be together and forcing us apart because I'm scared. I hate how wishy-washy I'm being over this, it's just that my head and my heart are in a constant tug-o-war as to what the right move is under the circumstances.

*He makes me happy.*

*He makes me really happy, actually.*

*I know we've had some rough moments, but they weren't his fault any more than they were mine. I shouldn't have said the things that I said to him.*

Deep down, I know that he cares for me as more than just a body to screw, and I never should have said that. He's even tried to make sure that I knew that *that* wasn't what things were about for him when it came to us.

He even talked to me as Corbin about it. If he didn't mean it when he said that what we had was different for him, then wouldn't he have said something different to his friends? Going as far as bragging about how he's just stringing me along because I'm an easy lay?

He wouldn't have tried to replace me when I disappeared on him, going as far as going to Berkshire this morning and asking around to see if anyone knew me.

Picking up my phone, I type out a text, resolving myself to the fact that I still need time to work through my own demons before embarking on something with him, but he at the very least deserves an apology from me. **Averi: I'm sorry. I can't go into specifics, and I really appreciate that you want to be here for me but right now, just know that I do care about you, a lot actually.**

**Averi: I feel bad for how everything went down, for the things that I said. I just need time to work through some things of my own right now.**

**Averi: Please forgive me for making such a mess of things and I do hope you understand. I didn't mean to hurt you, that was never my intention.** **Averi: I'll try to explain everything one day if I can.**

I don't wait for him to reply before shoving my phone into my back pocket as I wait for Gentry to finish up with Coach.

"Corbin, what's up my man?" Colt asks as he makes his way over to where I'm standing against the wall, fully dressed thankfully. His hair is still wet from his shower, he smells good too. Clean, with a hint of sandalwood. Colt is definitely a looker.

I won't even try to deny that. With his shoulder-length sandy blonde hair that he typically keeps pulled up into a bun at the top of his head, a smattering of facial hair, along with his bright blue eyes, he kind of has the whole Thor look going on. He's built very similarly too, enough so that he could easily pass off as Chris Hemsworth stunt double in the movies.

I gesture with my thumb behind me, "Gentry's in there talking to Coach." I can't help the smile that takes over my face at the prospect of him getting some of his happiness back by rejoining the team.

"Oh, yea?" Colt asks, glancing through the window beside the door before looking back at me, "What's he seeing Coach about?"

"He wants back on the team." Shrugging, I glance over my shoulder trying to gauge how things are going by their body language, "I told him he should talk with Coach and see if he'd give him a shot."

I turn my attention back to Colt, only to replace that it's not just him now, but Knox, Wesley, and that Kamden guy too.

"That would be savage!" Wesley pipes up, laughing until Knox glares at him with a look on his face that says *shut the hell up*. He immediately stops but is unable to hide his grin.

Popping my right shoulder in a shrug, I turn back towards the window, not ready to see Knox up close yet. "I guess we'll see what Coach has to say right now," I say, stepping away from the door and turning back around to look out at the supportive faces all around me. He has all of these guys in his corner, they would do anything for him, each and every one, does he even realize that?

"He's coming back out."

Gentry opens the door, pulling up short when he sees all of us standing before him, waiting to see what Coach had to say and in support of him, regardless of the outcome. "Well?" I ask, unable to read the look on his face.

A grin replaces the look of indifference that he had moments ago. "I'm back on the team!" He says excitedly.

I wrap my arms around him in a hug, knowing that he had been nervous, but pull back quickly to not make it awkward. Wesley, Colt, and Kamden all give him high-fives.

Lastly, Knox pulls him into a bro hug, clapping him on the back. "Glad to have you back, mate."

"Thanks, bro," Gentry says as they separate from one another, then turning to the rest of us, with an ear-to-ear smile that I hadn't seen all evening, Gentry asks, "Who's ready to get fucked up?"

The guys whoop and holler as we begin making our way from the locker room and out to the parking lot, several other people from the team joining us once we make it outside.