Knowing Jude
Chapter 45

I walk into the house like I'm walking on a tight rope. A very thin tight rope placed miles and miles above ground, and one misstep will mean the sure death of me.

I close the front door softly behind me and scan the living room. It's not empty. Dad is sitting on his favourite armchair watching prime time news. That's my luck, it runs out fast.

Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I still try to push it a little further though. Heart racing, mind a little jumbled this from the little near kiss experience in Jude's car. Well, to some extent, I think. Some part of me was sure he was going for it. I'm sure I didn't imagine it, he even looked at my lips and-

"Jo? Is that you?"

I must have jumped ten feet high because Mum's voice comes out of the blue. Or maybe it's because I was too invested in thoughts of Jude.

And at a time like this, when I'm in big nasty trouble.

I turn towards the kitchen, where her voice came from.

"Avery, see me in my study after you have your dinner, yes?"

This time it's Dad who talks, and I turn again to look at him.

Does he sound angry? No. Does he look angry? I don't know, he turns away before I can gauge his expression.

He sounds calm though, and what do they say about the calm and the storm?

"Yes," I reply meekly.

Where has my rebellious fire gone? I was supposed to march into the house, get into my room, and lock my door against all new house rules.

I'm not actually adhering to Jude's 'be a good girl' suggestion, am I?

I jam my hands into Isaac's hoodie's pockets and drag myself to my death-the place of it being the kitchen.

Mum is folding up her apron when I walk in.

"Your dinner is in the refrigerator, you'll need to heat it up," she says while putting her apron away.

She sounds normal.

Calm.

More calm.

I don't like the feeling of this.

"Thank you," I say, avoiding any sort of contact with her and heading for the fridge.

"See you in the morning," she says, then she's gone.

I stand there in silence and deep contemplation because it just doesn't add up. Where's the scolding? The fresh terms of punishment? The questions about where I've been? What does Dad want?

Getting summoned to his study rarely spells good news in this household.

I finally open the refrigerator, deciding worrying more won't help me in any way.

The least I can do right now is be full for my trial.

Jude, 10.23 pm: Still alive?

I'm lying in my bed going through how erratic my day has been-shortly after Trey leaves after complaining about how I forgot his bike at Isaac's place when Jude's text appears on my phone. A certain giddiness attacks me as if my day couldn't get any better.

Me, 10.23 pm: And kicking, all thanks to you.

The moment I click send on my reply, I replace myself wondering whether I replied too fast. Will he think I'm too eager to talk to him? Too desperate, maybe?

I pause for a moment.

Since when did I care about that?

Jude, 10.24 pm: Oh? What did I do?

Two things make me feel better instantly.

One, he's replying just as fast.

Like always, si?

Two, he's playing coy.

And it's making me stupidly giddy.

Or maybe that's because I have my door closed for the first time in very many days.

Me, 10.24 pm: Talk to Mr. Hansen...?

Jude, 10.24 pm: Who, me?

Me, 10.25 pm: Cut the shit, Jude.

Jude, 10.25 pm: Oh yeah, that sounds like the ho I know.

I almost don't notice it, but I do and my brow rises...

He's typing.

Jude, 10.25 pm: Shit, sorry, I mean Jo.

Typing again.

Jude, 10.25 pm: The Jo I know.

I'm about to start typing but he's typing yet again.

Jude, 10.25 pm: You're totally not a ho, haha.

I don't know how to react at first, maybe because I'm caught by surprise. This... This is...

I scream into my pillow.

This is cute.

Since when was Jude cute?

Me, 10.26 pm: Definitely.

The struggle to not represent the painful grin on my face with a corresponding emoji is real.

Jude, 10.27 pm: *eye roll*. Something's wrong.

I half rise from my bed....

Me, 10.27 pm: What? Are you okay?

As if in case he isn't, I'm so ready to go fix it.

Jude, 10.28 pm: I'm at a party, why on earth am I texting you?

Oh.

Me, 10.28 pm: Because I'm more fun...?

I cross my fingers and hope he notices the really heavy sarcasm.

He does.

Jude, 10.29 pm: Yeah right. I gotta go.

Me, 10.29 pm: You haven't even heard the good news yet.

Jude, 10.30 pm: Oh?

Me, 10.30 pm: No shady appointments for me.

Jude, 10.31 pm: Oh, did she already get busted?

Me, 10.31 pm: No, I think it has to do with whatever you told Dad. He apparently trusts you a lot. What did you tell him? When did you even talk?

When I went to see Dad he said Jude had talked to him concerning me and said he was giving me the benefit of doubt based on Jude's word. I never could have imagined Jude doing something like that, they must have a really close relationship.

He takes his time replying back this time, and I hold on to my phone all those minutes anticipating his reply. Which is why it's a bummer when he finally does.

Jude, 10.37 pm: Can we talk later? I gotta go.

Deflated, I text back.

Me, 10.38 pm: Cool, have fun.

That's the end of our conversation and I replace myself going through our previous conversations.

There's something seriously wrong with me.

Will we ever get to Sunday?

The next time I meet Jude is on Sunday afternoon. Everybody scattered after lunch. Everybody but Maria, who Jude did bust yesterday, and there's no way I'm staying in the house alone with her. So I scatter too, Jude picking me up. I feel like whooping down the street because I'm a free woman who owes nobody anything in the whole wide world.

Well, maybe just gratitude, for Jude.

Yesterday went so well that I can still feel the excitement coursing through my system. Maria went for the party-after telling Mum in the morning how she wanted to spend the day at the public library-and Jude had someone take shots of her getting into a lot of shit. Drinking, smoking weed, and the one that had Dad ballistic, snorting some white stuff with this older looking guy I've never seen, in a bedroom. The video ends when they lock the door completely.

I couldn't even replace it in myself to laugh at her misery in her face, Dad's wrath had her humiliation covered. He also asserted that he was going after her older boyfriend to make sure he never looks at another minor ever again. The sweetest part was when she confessed her little scheme in getting me into trouble and apologising to me.

I had allowed myself a smug smile, and a piece of advice.

Next time, choose your victim wisely.

Trey had been in place to burst into full-blown donkey laughter. From his eavesdropping spot, of course.

Which is why I jump into Jude's unsuspecting arms, which has him toppling backwards but the car is right behind him.

"St. Carmel High School For Girls. It's run by nuns. They have a freaking convent in the school compound. That's where she's going."

"What? Oh."

I laugh, still wrapped around him like a vine. "I think Dad is just scaring her, though. And you talked to him, shit!" I pull back, dropping to my feet. "You talked to Dad!"

"Uh, yeah," he says, giving an uneasy smile.

I get off him, now feeling a little embarrassed. I have the little flaw of becoming too carefree with people I get familiar with, sometimes overstepping boundaries I never could have before. "What did you even say to him?"

"That if I was having sex with you they wouldn't have to worry about protection because it's my first priority."

I lift an eyebrow. "Oh please. Really, what did you tell him?"

"I'm serious! You didn't want to see the gyno, yeah?"

I feel like laughing at the absurdity of it all but the dude looks serious.

Shit.

"Are you serious?"

He shrugs, assuming a nonchalant air. "Yeah. Saved your ass, didn't I?"

"OH MY GOD, JUDE! Why would you do that? Now my Dad thinks... He thinks..."

"That you're having sex with me?"

"God forbid."

"You sound like it's a bad idea."

It is!

"Of course him thinking that is the worst thing out there!"

"I'm talking about us having-"

"No, don't even go there." I don't know how this conversation got here but it's got to chill out now. "Where are we going?"

"You tell me, I don't usually go to any fancy places."

"And where is it that you go?"

He leans in close. "Dark places," he says in a loud whisper.

"Oh, interesting."

"I know a place we can break into."

"What?" My mind fully registers what he said. "What?" I exclaim.

"You heard me, come on," he says, already going for the driver's side.

"I've not agreed to any sort of breaking in, Jude!"

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"If we get caught—"

"No getting caught involved."

"Where are we "

"How about you get in the fucking car and you'll replace out?"

"Very persuading," I mutter drily, going for the passenger's side.

It's not a long ride, but we get into an entirely different neighbourhood to what I'm used to. A neighbourhood of big white mansions with long driveways and high walls. Electric fences, high gates, and security cameras. The place looks eerily empty. The only people in sight are a random security guard at a gate here and there.

"Looks so lonely around here," I comment.

"That it is. That's what you get for being insanely rich and living with your fellow rich humans."

"You're going to be rich," I point out.

Jude gives me a quick look, then takes a turn off the main street. "What?"

"You could be a professional footballer if you want. You're already a famous model, soon you'll be super famous. And all those other works you do." I pause. "You make me feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life." "You're a high school student, cut yourself some slack."

"Says a fellow working-class high school student." I look through the windshield to replace us approaching an imposing golden gate. Golden. Fancy much? Jude stops the car just before the gates and I watch him as he leans out of his window to punch a code into a keypad on the wall beside the gate.

The gates slide open.

"Whose place is this?" I ask when he settles back, my eyes stuck on the white mansion lying beyond an impressive fountain.

"Adams'. I feel like having a little fun because Cole has been an asshole lately."

"What about his parents?"

"His father is on some charity mission for several days and his mother on vacation with her twenty-seven-year-old lover." "What? How do you know that?"

Jude shrugs. "It's no secret. Even Mr. Adams knows about it. Doesn't seem to bother him. He has his mistresses too. Guess they figured they'd make more money if they stay together."

He drives through the gates. They slide shut behind us.

"Cole's not home?"

"Trust me, the entire neighbourhood would know if he was. Of late he likes to keep a lot of company. Loud company."

"Parties?"

"And worse."

"Worse?"

We come to a stop in front of the mansion. I step out of the car and take a good look.

White cubic walls, lots of glass.

It screams millions of dollars.

"It's so beautiful."

"Wait till you see the inside."

"Can you get us in?"

"This is my second home, Jo. Yes, I can."

I'm relieved because this is way better than what I had in mind when he mentioned breaking in.

The moment we get into the house, Jude raids the Adams' liquor cabinet as if that's what primarily brought him here. On my part I can't help snooping around the large room, there are too many beautiful expensive-looking antique items placed strategically all over. Statues, figurines, carved animals, and beautiful paintings on the wall. It's all very homely.

"Jo, come and have a taste. This is the sweetest wine you'll replace anywhere."

I turn around to replace Jude perched on one of the white couches, a bottle of wine in one hand, a half-full wine glass in another.

I walk back to him and give the bottle a dubious look. "Isn't that really expensive?"

He lifts it, studies the label. "This? Yes, very. It's how the best things come. Costly. You want a taste?" He lifts his glass towards me.

"No thanks. If it's so expensive, should you be stealing it?"

"I'm not stealing. You think they'd notice? Have you taken a good look at that cabinet? It's like a fucking display, someone needs to put it to use."

Yes, I can see the cabinet, alright. The shelves are encased in glass and look like they belong in a high-end bar.

He pushes the glass further towards me. "Come on. It's sweet, I swear. You'll like it."

I reach out and take the glass. Jude watches me in obvious amusement as I take a sip, then another.

"It's nice," I say nodding.

"See?" he says excitedly, then rises to get another glass.

I don't tell him I don't plan on a second glass.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asks once he gets back.

I shrug.

"You're kidding me. There's a hot tub somewhere in here, want to try that?"

"Hell no."

Not getting anywhere half-naked with Jude.

"Okay, now you're kidding me."

"I don't have a bathing suit."

"Aren't you wearing underwear?"

"Oh, now you're kidding me."

"You can keep your shirt on."

"Can't you feel the August heat that the rest of us are burning under right now?"

"In that case, there's a very huge swimming pool out back. Come on."

And he's gone, walking towards an opening that exits the living room and disappears into a hallway. I rise and pad barefoot after him. The hallway leads to a large glass back door, which he slides open. I feel like I'm in some sort of Mediterranean getaway. We walk into a terrace and in front of us is a clear blue swimming pool, the water shinning in the late afternoon sunlight.

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Jude places the wine bottle and glass on a table that's between two loungers. Then he whips off his shirt and I'm staring at his ripped torso. My fingertips tingle at the sight of his stomach muscles.

"Will you just stand there and watch me or are you going to strip and join me?"

Strip and join him?

Trust Jude with his wording.

I watch as his hands go to his zipper and he pulls it down. It's kind of hot, and as much as it's a fine sight I feel myself blush and look beyond the pool. I can see him in the corner of my eyes, however, and he strips down to his boxers. Not looking. Definitely not looking.

And I don't look until there's a loud splash and he's in the water. I walk towards the table and place my empty glass there.

I laugh as he resurfaces, hair dripping wet and stuck to the sides of his head.

"What are you laughing at? Come on!" he yells, gesturing for me to join him.

I laugh and shake my head. "No way."

Jude wades towards the edge of the pool, eyeing me. "You're so stuck up, Jo."

"What?" I demand sharply.

"Stuck up. You're so stuck up, isn't it suffocating you, honestly? It's like you come with a manual that you wouldn't dare step a line out of."

I cross my arms over my chest and glare. "Shut up Jude."

"Or? I'm just trying to get you to have some fun for once! Aren't you relieved you put Maria in her place?"

I scoff. "Of course I am."

"Well then, normal people would normally celebrate something like that." He stops at the edge and reaches out to me. "So kindly get in the fucking water?"

Is that supposed to sound encouraging?

"I'm happy I'm not in shit anymore if that's what you're asking."

"What I'm asking is that you stop acting like you have goddamned life police on your shoulder and live life for once. It's good for the soul!"

"Did my father tell you that?"

"He told me to do anything that makes me feel that life isn't something I have to push and force myself through."

"I highly doubt that."

Jude shakes his head, flipping his wet hair so that droplets of water fall on my bare legs. "If you don't get in I'm coming to get you."

"People like different things in life."

"And you don't like the sound of a cool swim in this godforsaken heat?"

I keep quiet.

"See?"

And before I know it, he's scrambling over the edge of the pool.

"Okay okay," I rush, taking a few steps back. "Fine, I'm coming in."

He stalls and gives me an assessing look. "Sure? Don't think about running, you won't get far."

I hold his gaze in defiance and get a hold of the hem of my top. I pull it upwards slowly, exposing my skin. I feel goosebumps and butterflies erupt all over, I don't know whether it's from the draft or his heated gaze on my skin. I bite hard onto

my lip the moment my face is covered up in the fabric.

I can do this.

"That was not so hard, yeah?" Jude asks almost half an hour later.

Him teaching me to stay afloat with constant physical contact? Not hard at all.

He throws a towel at me as I step out of the pool and I grab it eagerly. I squeeze out my hair then wrap it around my body as I approach the loungers. I take a seat on the one opposite his.

Jude gives me an amused glance. "You're supposed to lose that towel, Jo. Let the sun dry you out. It's nice."

As much as he's acting like a typical boy, he's right. I unwrap the towel and put it aside. Avoiding his gaze, I lay down on the chair. From the peripheral, I see him raise his wine glass. "Want another one?"

I shake my head. "No thanks." I close my eyes and savour the soft warmth of the sun.

For once he doesn't push and we lie in relative silence for a while.

"I might have to move out sooner than I expected," he says finally.

I turn my head to look at him. "Oh?"

"Yeah, my father's fiancée is moving in and there's no way I can survive in that house after that."

"When is the wedding, by the way?"

"Early November."

"Oh."

"So, where are you going?"

"Here."

"Here? You're coming to live with Cole?"

He nods.

"I thought you guys are not on good terms."

"It's never that serious. Mostly I want to keep tabs on him so I don't care what he thinks. I'm welcome here anytime and I'm going to use up that welcome. I've literally spent half my life here."

"You're lucky," I mutter.

"Lucky? Hell no. It's my rotten luck that has me exiled from my own house."

"Sometimes you replace a home but not with your own blood, it's still home. Family is more than blood. So what they don't like you, the Adams' are glad to have you. I'm sure your mother would have loved you."

He says nothing in a considerable while and I'm afraid I may have said something triggering.

He concentrates on his wine and I gnaw on my lip, thinking.

His blue gaze lifts to me. His eyes are shining. A jolt of panic rocks through me. Are those tears?

"We'll never know that, will we? Because I killed her."