Light My Fire
: Chapter 20

Awkward.

That’s the only way to describe Monday morning with Luke, Wyatt, and Jackson as we all get ready to leave the cabin and return to reality.

I stayed in my room last night after Wyatt and Jackson walked in on me and Luke, and I actually put on a podcast so I wouldn’t have to hear what they were saying. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be particularly flattering.

As I zip up my bag and drop it to the floor of my bedroom, I know I don’t regret having sex with Luke. It was exactly what I wanted—I wanted to see what it would feel like to be treated as an equal, not a delicate virgin. I just regret we weren’t more discreet as to when and where.

I don’t regret a single second I spent with Wyatt and Jackson, either.

I will always be grateful to Wyatt for taking the time with me to make my first time super special and very pleasurable. Jackson showed me a playful side to sex. And Luke helped me wrap my head around why sometimes people just get so turned on they need it now.

But these guys are friends and we had communication and an understanding through all of it until the kitchen with Luke last night and I feel bad about that.

Rolling my suitcase into the living room, I leave it and go over to Jackson, who is on the floor with the dogs. He immediately rises to his feet and holds his arms out for a hug with a smile.

“Take care,” he tells me. “You’re going to kill it on your exams.”

“Thank you. Let me know if you need anything for the dogs. Day or night, you can text me if you’re concerned about anything.” Jackson is staying behind at the cabin for a week with Henley and the puppies while he makes arrangements to get them all back to Chicago.

I can’t believe he’s adopting all of them, but at the same time, that’s a very Jackson thing to do, from what I can tell. He’s impulsive but he’s also all in when he decides to do something.

Jackson squeezes me tightly, kisses the top of my head, and releases me. “I will. Thanks for a memorable weekend.”

He’s being casual, but there’s an undercurrent there I don’t entirely understand. I just nod. “Thank you,” I say softly. “For being you. I had a great time.”

He opens his mouth but Luke calls from the front door. “We have to go, Brooke.”

Jackson steps back. “Bye, Brooke.” He winks. “Make good choices.”

That makes me laugh, in spite of my discomfort. “Back to my regularly scheduled Brooke,” I tell him. “Books and animals.”

At least for now.

I need time to process how I feel about this extraordinary weekend.

Never would I have dreamed I’d have sex with three guys in one weekend and I certainly would never have guessed that I could be attracted to three men all at once.

But I am.

I need time to decide what that means, if anything, given my inexperience with men.

Waving to Jackson, I roll my bag toward Luke, who is waiting patiently by the front door. “Where’s Wyatt?” I ask.

“He’s in the car already.”

“Oh, okay.” Wyatt is who I really want to talk to. He was so angry when he saw me and Luke and I want to clear the air, though I’m not sure exactly what to say.

Luke touches my arm lightly. “Hey,” he murmurs, leaning in close to me so he can’t be overheard by Jackson. “I just want you to know that I had a vasectomy, and I haven’t been with anyone else since I was last tested. In case you were worried. I never would have come inside you without a condom otherwise.”

The way he talks so openly about coming inside me has my cheeks heating. Which makes me annoyed with myself. These things need to be talked about. It tells me what I need to know about Luke.

He’s a good man.

“Thank you for telling me. I am on the pill for my irregular periods but I should have…”

I stop, confused.

What should I have done?

I don’t even know right now.

Luke smiles and rubs his thumb across my cheek. “You’re a hard woman to forget.”

His touch makes me shiver. “But you’re going to forget me?”

“I’m going to try, for all our sakes.”

My chest feels tight, but I nod.

He’s right.

It’s the smart, sensible thing to do.

Appreciate this weekend, tuck it away as a great memory, but move on from it.

This is the best way to end things with all of them, really.

The snowed-in intimacy won’t translate to the real world.

He opens the door and I head out to the car. Wyatt is in the front seat, and he ignores me.

It hurts more than I would like it to.

Which again tells me I need time and space.

But when we arrive at the airport after the five-minute drive, Wyatt does open the back door for me. He gives me a smile, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Wyatt—”

I don’t even know what I intend to say.

But he just offers me his hand to climb out of the SUV. I take it and step out. The wind whips my hair across my face and Wyatt gently tucks it back behind my ear.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says. “And I don’t want you to feel bad. I really don’t. I’m glad you had a good time.”

More like a life-altering, mind-blowing, confusing-as-hell time, but “good” works too.

“I did, thank you.”

I can’t think of anything else to say because my head is swirling with all kinds of messy and crazy thoughts. I can’t just blurt out, “I want to date all of you.”

Because I don’t even know if I do.

Again, this is all new. Can I trust my feelings?

Time. I just need time to think and I can’t do that with any of them touching me.

Fortunately, for all three of us, the plane is small but loud and we have to wear headphones. The flight is only ten minutes across the lake.

Once we’re at the airport on the mainland, I’m flying to Minneapolis and they’re going to Chicago.

There’s a lot of polite door holding for me from both of them and Wyatt rolls my suitcase for me, but yep, it’s awkward. Luke and Wyatt haven’t said a word to each other. That makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

But I know from my brother and his friends that guys tend to recover from disputes in friendships faster than women do. They’ll probably be fine in a day or two.

Or maybe that’s just my wishful thinking.

They both do hug me as we’re splitting to go to different gates. Just friendly hugs, with lots of space between them and me.

Then Luke says to Wyatt, “Want to grab a beer?”

“Definitely.”

We all wave. Then I walk toward my gate. I try to be a cool girl and not look back, but three seconds later I do.

They’re not watching me. They’re talking to each other, though I can’t hear what they’re saying, and Wyatt nudges Luke. He laughs.

That makes me feel better.

But then I’m alone at the gate.

No longer a virgin.

And very confused about three very different men.

I get a text from Sophie.

Right. Finals.

That’s all I really should be thinking about right now.

Not three hot guys who taught me how incredible sex can be.

I open up my notes app and start studying.

That I know how to do.