Patient Blue
Welcome to Paradise

Time passes in a perfect rhythm of peace tranquility and plenty. The Tree of life has begun to shed its leaves, a sign that it is dying. As the leaves turn brown and shrivel, the golden apple grows and ripens, preparing to drop and shed its precious seed which will grow the new Tree of Life to replace the old and continue to bring balance and harmony.

And time passes. We meet the neighbours, and that causes trouble. Ian and Helen, they had died just before us in the Tsunami that engulfed Littlehampton. They live in the land bordering us to the west. As always I mentally evaluate the couple, both naked like us, within ten seconds of meeting them. Ian, fat, loud, smug, with a small dick which he probably hasn’t seen for a while and Helen, plain, drooping tits and tombstone teeth. I wouldn’t want to fuck her even if I ever had the urge to fuck anyone in this place, but if I do regain that urge, she will be the last on my list.

I know straight away that I’m going to hate them, but I’ll make an effort for Rosslynne’s sake. We had met whilst out walking and gathering fruit and they had invited us to join them for lunch back at theirs. When we approached their home, which stood in the shadow of a Tree of Life, at least fifty feet taller than our tree, it was obvious to me and especially Rosslynne, that the couple, Ian in particular, had been busy. For a start they lived in a very smart two storey log cabin complete with veranda.

’Our golden apple dropped two weeks ago, there is already a strong new shoot growing, ready to maintain the balance,’said Ian. ‘Helen and I did a small blessing ceremony, it was very moving and spiritual.’

‘My apple hasn’t dropped yet.’

‘Never mind’ said Helen, blatantly looking at my nuts I believe there’s a Doctor not too far from here.′ Ian laughs and Rosslynne smiles politely.

‘Yeah good one,’ I say through a false fixed grin,desperately trying to think of a witty riposte that doesn’t contain the words ugly, tombstone teeth or tits, but will not come.

‘That’s nice,’ says Rosslynne, looking at the cabin.

‘Just something I knocked up, easy really, all the right lengths of timber just lying around waiting to be stacked in the correct order, cemented together with a bit of wet clay from the stream mixed with dry grass for strength, still I’m sure your place is just as nice.’

‘We decided to stay in one of the caves for a while it’s nice, very roomy and everything.’

‘Oh you still live in a cave.’ It was Helen ‘you must be some of the only returned still doing that, very retro.’

‘I’m working on it just gathering my materials and honing my designs.’ Rosslynne gives me a dirty look.

‘Let us know if you need any help, said Ian, I’ll help knock something together in a jiffy.’

‘Thanks for that I’ll let you know,’ I silently seethe and think, you acorn dick tosser, ‘but I’m sure that once I get started I’ll get it finished quickly.’

‘I’ll make sure of that,’ adds Rosslynne.

‘Anyway come in, plenty of food and wine, Helen is a great cook and much to my surprise I have become rather a dab hand at making wine, though be careful it’s strong.’

Wine, you have wine? How? I mean ‘What container did you use to ferment it in?’

‘The hollow stones of course, just the bigger versions of the ones used for cups and bowls, you know how easy they are to split and the hollow space of the big ones can take at least three gallons of liquid.’

‘Oh yes the hollow stone things.’

We have a fish course as starter, with the main being fried guinea pigs, or chigs as Ian calls them. They are delicious, though Rosslynne declines the chigs and eats only fruit and vegetables delicately prepared.

I quaff large quantities, far more than anyone else, of the surprisingly tasty and even more surprisingly potent wine, get drunk and a bit mouthy. Rosslynne gets embarrassed for the both of us. We talk about our experiences since we have been returned and it’s obvious that some have fared better than others. Ian tells us about the next neighbor along who lives in a twelve room three storey wooden mansion with indoor running water. He used to be an industrial chemist before his death in the Guildford earthquake. He has apparently combined two chemicals that explode on contact with water and uses this method as an easy way to catch fish, kills hundreds at a time with most going to waste, but as there seems to be an endless supply, he says no harm done. Ian is going to try the same method himself in a couple of days.

We discuss our time in the Deep Black storage area and realize that memories of that strange, surreal place are already hazy. Almost like a long vivid dream that you can’t quite recall once you wake. Rosslynne and I talk about visiting our parents, my brother and the time we first met. Rosslynne, who is now also half cut, talks about her reunion with Jake the Snake Hall. She makes a joke and says he wasn’t called snake for nothing if you know what I mean. Helen laughs raucously at this little anecdote, says ‘lovely a nice big boy, a real python eh! nothing like it.’ Ian looks rather crestfallen, stares at Helen with vague disappointment and I can tell that he now knows size really does matter after all.

I on the other hand though tragically inebriated, know it already and will have to replace out more about this Jake the snake. I don’t like the sound of him or the connotations implied. I now feel jealous as hell. Looking at Ian I think that a woman can destroy a man and his delusions with just a few words. They are the ones who really have the power and it has nothing to do with physical strength or aggression. Although “The Snake” is a subject best left alone I know I just won’t be able to let it go.

Next morning I awake from a nightmare, the first I’ve had since the return. In the dream, Rosslynne has moved in with Ian and Helen and when I go there to ask her to come back to me they all laugh. The early morning sun is shining through the cave entrance into my eyes. I have the hangover from hell with a pounding headache and a raging thirst. I most definitely do not have a hard on.

I stagger from the cave towards the stream to get a drink, cursing that I haven’t bothered to prepare any herbal medicine to get rid of this fucking hangover. I deliberately aim a stream of dark and burning piss at a large bee, a mistake as it buzzes angrily and flies straight at my face. I wave my arms dementedly and the piss runs down my leg and over my foot. Satisfied at my discomfort, the bee drones away to replace sweeter nectar elsewhere. I spot a chig and aim a kick, miss the agile little bastard, fall over and bruise my butt on one of the round stones which I hadn’t realized were hollow, until that know all Ian had pointed it out, wanker. It breaks in half creating two perfect spherical cups.

After drinking greedily from the stream I head back towards the cave. I want to speak to Rosslynne about this Jake the fucking Snake bloke. I don’t expect to like what she’s going to say.

When I return to the cave, Rosslynne is up and about and has made us a breakfast of strawberries and large sweet raspberries.She smiles as I enter, ‘good morning sweetheart how’s your head?’

‘Painful, that wine was very strong.’

‘Yeah I could tell you’d had a few, so could Ian and Helen.’

‘Mr and Mrs Wonderful in their dream cabin, fuck em I don’t take to them at all.’

‘Sometimes you have to make an effort.’

‘Like you and the Snake you mean, what’s that about anyway, you revisited him but didn’t tell me about it and then you go around flaunting it.’

‘You didn’t tell me about all of your revisits either I bet there was a bimbo or two in there somewhere.’

’I’m angry and now want to pick a fight. ‘I assume you got well and truly laid at your touching little reunions?’

‘None of your business, Jesus Michael, get a grip, what the hell’s wrong with you.’

‘I take it that’s a yes then?’

‘Look we were a thousand years in that place, we both visited lots of pasts and lots of people, sometimes together, sometimes not. Surely you haven’t suddenly become jealous of a one off meaningless fuck from a thousand years ago? Anyway I thought sex, jealousy and anger didn’t feature in this place. But if you are going to get all moody and pathetic, then the thought of spending the next two hundred odd years here with you, in a sodding cave, suddenly seems very unappealing.’

Yeah that’s right mention the cave, sorry I haven’t knocked up a ski lodge with sauna or something yet. Anyway the feelings mutual I wish I was back in the Deep Black storage area or even Bognor fucking Regis, anywhere but here.′

‘I wish you were too.’ Rosslynne stands up and leaves the cave walking quickly up the hill in the direction of the now bare branches of the Tree of Life.

I watch her go, marveling at her perfect pert little naked bottom, still slightly lighter than the rest of her golden all over tan, just like a little rabbit tail bobbing as she moves. I suddenly realize what a total knob I’m being. I mean, Christ, I visited fat pink tutu girl and I hadn’t told Rosslynne, not that she would have minded anyway. I love her so much and now I’ve needlessly upset her, why do I do these stupid self destructive things?

Rosslynne I’m sorry, come back I was being stupid, sorry I love you.′ She doesn’t stop or look back but continues purposefully up the hill. As she passes under the Tree of Life, the Golden Apple finally decides to drop, landing just by her feet. Rosslynne stops walking, picks up the fruit and examines it closely. She rubs it slowly on her inner thigh and brings it to her lips.

‘Rosslynne I don’t think you should eat the apple, sweetheart can you hear me? Don’t for Christ’s sake eat the apple, it’s sacred.’

'I'm not about to eat it, moron.'

She draws back her arm and lobs the apple, like a grenade, at my head. I try to catch it but miss and the sacred golden apple bounces off my left ear and ricochets into the fast flowing stream and is soon swept away out of sight.

There is silence, then Rosslyne says: 'Oops.' and starts laughing, bending over in almost hysterics.

'Well fuck me!'

'Actually I just might.'

That stops me in my tracks.

'Really?'

'Yes I've decided to forgive you, cause you just made me laugh and I could never resist a man who makes me laugh.'

'Well the apple's gone so that means the Tree of Life is screwed, still never mind there's plenty of other trees all over the place, now come over here you bad, naughty girl. I believe some discipline is required.'

This morning and for the first time since I arrived, actually for the first time in more than a thousand years I very definitely do suddenly have a hard on. My God look at her, stunning, beautiful I can’t’ believe we haven’t done it, not even once, hadn’t even thought about it in the whole time we’ve been here. But, all that is about to change, oh yes, everything is about to change alright. I think I’m really gonna like it here after all.

Welcome to Paradise.

EPILOGUE

Forty five and a bit wasn’t that old, but lately Blue had been feeling rough, a forty five and a bit kind of rough. Maybe this malaise was caused by yet another virus, thriving and steadily multiplying unchecked. Blue supposed that he really should consult the Great Physician, ask for advice, even a diagnosis......

The End