Potent
Chapter 17: Agony

“No?” Valentine furrowed his eyebrows, in shock. Her blonde hair barely touched her chin now. A woman without her hair was like a man without a sword…

“It’ll remind me that I held my own against Malcolm,” Gemini explained, her eyes shining.

He blinked. She what?

“You fought him? How?” He demanded.

“Magic.” She grinned, looking so absurdly pleased and happy. It was the happiest he’d ever seen her. A pang of guilt shot through him. It’s my own fault that she’s never been this happy…

“Magic?” He squinted.

“Yes. I was just so angry at Malcolm for threatening you that this… red magic surrounded me. It gave me armor and swords and somehow I fought Malcolm. And… I didn’t die,” She explained.

“You used magic?” Valentine asked. He wasn’t sure he believed her.

“Yes, of course I did!” She insisted.

“Could you do it again?”

“I… don’t think so. Not right now. I think it was connected to my emotions. Very strong emotions.”

“Interesting. I haven’t seen that kind of magic in awhile,” Valentine mused. How had he not sensed that she had it? I must be losing my edge. Unless…

“I… I just can’t believe I did it…” Gemini’s eyes lit up. Valentine found himself smiling a little, simply because she was too. Funny how she’s so happy about it.

There it was again. That stab of guilt. He was the one who had prevented her earlier happiness. No. He had crushed it. Very intently and solidly. A memory surfaced of him threatening to cut off her finger. He inwardly winced, remembering that moment. He remembered when he almost let her be cut up alive for firewood. It had even been his idea. Another time he had nearly choked her to death.

More and more memories piled up in his head. All of them were of him being horribly cruel to her. A sinking feeling erupted in his gut. Regret flowed through him. “My lord, are you alright?”

Valentine snapped his eyes up to her, realizing he had been staring off into the air.

“I’m fine.” The lie came too easily.

Gemini bit her lip. The silence suddenly became very awkward.

“Have you decided on… what to do, my lord?” She inquired, clasping her hands but fiddling with them.

Valentine knew what she meant. She wanted to know if he was still sending her home. Or if he was going to reinstate their deal.

“I don’t know,” He said, passively.

Gemini nodded, slowly. A moment passed.

“My lord--”

“Don’t call me that,” Valentine snapped. Those two words were like tiny daggers sinking into him. “I’m not really a lord.”

“Yes, my--I mean, I won’t… say it. Anymore.” Gemini squeezed her hands. Valentine saw how she took a tiny, unconscious step back. “Um. What should I say instead?”

More stabs of guilt. Had he forced this--this response from her?

“My name,” Valentine stated, obviously.

“Oh… right.”

Valentine swore he was imagining it but a light flush formed across her cheekbones. Which he decided to ignore.

“Gemini… will you… ” He trailed off. He glanced at her, her eyes wide, probably wondering what he was going to say. Oh, who cares? Drop the formal act, Valentine. Own up to your sins.

Valentine suddenly sunk to his knees in front of her, bowing his head. Gemini heard herself make a strangled noise that was either a gulp or gasp.

What is he doing?

“Will you forgive me?” The words were strained and his voice was thick.

Instantly, she covered her mouth. Her entire body froze as she shook her head slightly. No. What am I hearing? What on earth am I hearing out this man’s mouth? “I’ve done naught but deceive and wrong you. You have no reason and no desire to make peace with me… but… forgive me. Please.”

This was too much… the most feared, cruel, powerful, violent, and destructive man in Dunstorria was on his knees in front of her, begging for forgiveness. This couldn’t be possible.

This couldn’t be real.

“Who’s inside my head?” She said, quietly.

“I’m not manipulating you, I swear.”

“But… this can’t--you can’t possibly be…” Gemini had trouble forming coherent thoughts.

“I am. You just haven’t seen me this… vulnerable…” Valentine responded, sounding a little more like his old self.

“I haven’t seen you vulnerable at all…”

“Well,” He said, wryly. “There’s a first time for everything.” Valentine was still on his knees, his head still bowed. Gemini had to look away, stubbornly wiping away a few tears. “Gemini--”

“Stop. Don’t speak anymore, please.” Surprisingly, he made no snide reply.

She desperately tried to clear her thoughts. After a moment, she swallowed her tears and found her voice. “Why are you doing this? Why now?”

A long, slow silence opened up. He was hesitating, she could tell. But why?

Valentine didn’t speak. His hands were in fists, his eyes wide, and his mind obviously spinning. She could see an internal battle raging and her heart softened. Coincidently, she realized how cruel she’d just been. He had fallen on his knees to beg for forgiveness and she hadn’t even said whether or not she would forgive him. She’d demanded that he bare the rest of his soul. Gemini turned and sank to her knees too. Valentine flinched slightly. “No, don’t answer that. I’m asking too much of you--”

“You never have.” She tried to ignore that.

“And it is only fair I do the same. I--”

“I didn’t ask you to--”

“Valentine, let me speak,” Gemini pleaded. He shifted and didn’t look at her but he didn’t say anything more. She took a breath.

“I do forgive you. And I… ”

Valentine jerked his head up, finally meeting her eyes. His mouth moved to speak but nothing came out. “I love you, Valentine Eames’-son. I’ve no idea when I started to but I love--”

“Stop.” His voice snapped. She froze. He glared at her, as if in a trance. She wanted to continue but the look on his face made her hesitate. She waited as he stared at her face. “How? How can you love a monster, a murderer, and a bastard? You know who am--why do you love me for it?” Valentine’s voice was full of self-loathing and mockery.

“Because…” Gemini began quietly. “All that murder and cruelty was to help you cope with what you’d lost, to avenge your family, and to try to satisfy that hole in your heart. Now I know why you did all of that and why you did all the things you did.”

“I don’t want pity--you didn’t answer my question!”

“I love you because I know who you are, Valentine. I see myself.” His lips parted in a silent gasp. They both looked at each other, as if trying to read what the other was thinking. But Valentine suddenly shook his head.

“No. You’re nothing like me… you’re good and kind and selfless and… brave and gentle…” He turned away, uncharacteristically combing his hair. Gemini slowly moved closer.

“And now… you have a little of that too. I want you to become who you’re supposed to be. I want to help you do that. I love you for you are. All the twisted parts, all the things you’ve done…I know why… and I love you. I can’t explain it any other way.”

“I don’t deserve this.” He wouldn’t look at her. Gemini’s heart softened and tears rose to her eyes.

“Exactly. And you don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t love someone because they’ve earned it. You love them because they haven’t. You love the unlovable. Valentine… please… let me love you.”

Finally, he looked at her, pursing his lips as if trying to decide. Gemini moved closer, and carefully rested her hands on his shoulders. She nearly pulled away at the completely torn look in his eyes. Even if the rest of his face screamed otherwise, his eyes had never lied. He wanted this. That much she knew. But he also knew the darkness inside him, how evil he was. The struggle between the two was very real.

Uncertainly, she moved closer, bit by bit until she almost closed the gap to kiss him. His reaction was instantaneous. Valentine stiffened like he had been shocked and abruptly moved away. Again, he wouldn’t look at her.

“I… I can’t…” He panted.

“Valentine…” Gemini swallowed a sob. “Do you want to torture yourself? Why are you denying yourself happiness?”

He gave a her a look.

“Do you think that after all that I’ve done, I should have happiness? I don’t deserve one crumb of it.”

“And yet… the opportunity is still here.” A few tears escaped her eyes. “Please… don’t waste it. You might never get it again.”

So here it was… staring him right the face. Valentine had no idea what to do. His brain was wrestled with itself. He had done horrible, countless things to Gemini, to everyone. Why should he be rewarded for that?

He had never had true, constant happiness. Not since he was a child. After his family died, Valentine felt like dying. As the stubborn eight year-old he was, he resisted the Elite’s attempts to make him a Mastermind, welcoming their torture…

He lay limp on the floor. Every muscle in his body ached and burned. Even the slightest movement pained him.

“You can… hurt me… all you want. I’ll never… never give in,” Valentine moaned.

“Your resolve is impressive, young one. But it is pointless. You’ll be miserable for the rest of your life if you continue this way,” Morment said, one of the leading Elite Masterminds. He was one who could do magic. He was the one who tortured him each day.

“Don’t care… I’ll still be… miserable.” Valentine breathed hard. Talking hurt the muscles around his mouth. Even breathing hurt.

Morment scoffed.

“You will care. Agony is the thing that men cannot endure for long. So answer me this: Why have both your body and mind in pain if you can only have one of them in pain? What harm is going to come of you learning to use your gift?”

Valentine moved to cover his ears. He hated listening to Morment talk because his voice was always so hypnotic and persuasive. But as soon as he moved his hands, they screamed in scorching pain. And so did he.

Through the haze of his suffering, he saw Morment smile coldly and leave.