Skinned
Beneath this Skin

Valerie

“Does it hurt when you stand?” I questioned Killian as I grabbed his arm and slung it over my shoulder to help him on his feet, the sheer feel of his skin calling to my attention as the heat of him seeped through the material of my clothing, adding more to the building sweat on my forehead as I tried to support his weight.

Killian ignored my question, his eyes solely zeroed on to his unsteady legs as he attempted to stand upright, and it took him a while to finally stand on his full height that towered over me by another foot.

“Take it slow,” I mumbled. Each step of Killian became more steadied, and it didn’t take long for him to finally start walking on the same pace as I was.

Right when I thought that he was stable enough to stand on his own, he had tripped on his feet the moment I loosened my support on his weight, and my arm immediately tightened around his torso to pull him closer to my side, the sensation of his exposed skin gliding easily against me had nearly rendered me immobile.

“Sorry,” Killian muttered, his face heating up as he clenched his jaw as his frustration for himself showed clearly on his face while he tried to maintain his balance yet again.

Despite his weakened state, his strong build and the unknown creature within him were two factors that I was uncertain for, and in order to assure myself that nothing bad would happen, I made sure to pack three sets of sedatives that were meant just for him, and for everyone’s safety.

No matter what, I had to maintain my precautions with Killian. I trusted him, but it was not enough for me to put my life and the entire pack at risk.

“The border patrol shouldn’t be present by the eastern border, Reed figured that it’s consistent with its peace, and the wind wouldn’t be strong enough to carry your scent, so you’re free to go there,” Heath told me as he watched me help Killian out of the cell, his arms crossed above his chest as he leaned against the large tree trunk while wearing a face that displayed his apparent dislike for the male leaning against my side, “Don’t go anywhere but the east, especially the northern part of the land. Do you understand me, Valerie?”

“Yes, Heath, I do. Thank you,” I said.

Heath pushed himself away from his leaning position, “Good. You’ve got four hours. I’ll come replace you.” With one final look at the both of us, he had ventured his way out of the clearing and into the darkness of the forest.

I looked back up at Killian who watched the area where Heath had disappeared, before sending him a grin. “Let’s go.”

The heights I was reaching for Killian were beginning to grow, and I was very sure that it will continue its progress for a long time, until I found every single thing that defined him as a person and a beast.

It made me wonder... Why did I gamble so much for his expense?

Maybe it was because I saw myself in Killian. We were the same, both holding something that we didn’t want to acknowledge, cursed with a monster that defied our morals, and punished for it critically for the rest of our lives.

I realized that we were running away from something that we didn’t want; destruction.

“That’s the ritual?” Killian asked me as we advanced deeper into the east, his head turned over to the direction of the orange light hidden amidst the large bodies of trees a few meters away from us.

“Yes, but we’re not going anywhere near it,” I told him.

We stopped by the river and threw my bag on the bed of grass before helping Killian take a seat beneath a tree. Everything was silent, except for the sound of the rippling water in front of us, and I took a moment to admire its calming view before taking my place on the empty space beside him.

Even from the short distance between us, I could still feel the heat radiating off of his skin, and I couldn’t force myself to get used to it, its sensation holding a firm promise of warmth even on the coldest of weather.

It felt odd to have the urge to give in to the pull of his sharp features. Everything about him was inviting me in, taunting me in ways I did not want to acknowledge, but I understood my reaction to him; he was just attractive.

I clenched my jaw and adjusted myself on my place.

“If you’re hoping to get the truth out of me, you can’t,” Killian said nonchalantly, his eyes taking in the sight in front of him before dropping his gaze on me. “I’ve been trying to remember, but it always hurts when I do; my mind completely turns itself against me.”

“And that’s why you’re here with me,” I smiled reassuringly. “I’m here to help.”

I expected Killian to trust my words, but his face took on a grim expression, his eyes reflecting his hurt while he looked at me like I was just the same as Alpha Azeil, “And after you get what you need from me, you’re going to tell him everything?”

“No, that’s not going to happen,” I frowned, “In fact, I did this for you in the first place. I know you’re far from what everyone perceives you to be, and I very much intend on proving them wrong, but I need your cooperation. Will you work with me?”

Killian watched me for a few moments and looked down at his lap, “I will, only with you.”

“We’re good then,” I grinned.

“What are we going to do here?” he questioned me, making me shrug in response.

“I’ve got plans for you,” I said and sent him a look, “but I won’t be starting tonight. Consider this an orientation to our growing routine.”

“This won’t be my last?”

“No, it won’t, but it will be once you try to escape me right now,” I mumbled. “Tell me honestly, Killian. Do you want to escape this place?”

“I don’t have any reason to,” Killian replied weakly, his deep voice setting into a deeper tone that gave out his sorrow, “Nothing’s waiting for me outside this land. I don’t even know if I have a family.”

“Everyone has a family,” I told him and let my gaze soften at his lost expression, and I quickly gave him a smile once he raised his head to look at me once again.

“Do you have one?” Killian questioned, taking me by surprise as I immediately straightened my back and returned my attention at the river in front of us.

That one was a sensitive topic to go through, but I knew I had to answer him truthfully if I was going to help him discover every single thing that made him who he was.

I was going to unravel his past, that meant that he had to unravel mine too; we had to be fair.

“I had a father,” I gulped and locked my jaw tight to prevent myself from choking out on my own internal turmoil before letting out a shaky breath, “I killed him on my first shift, I was just sixteen.”

I knew that memory like it was the back of my hand. I could remember how my wolf snapped at me when I tried to push myself back to the surface, but it didn’t want me to stop what it intended to do.

She wouldn’t concede, even if it meant going against me.

The fury she held had wrapped itself tightly around me, forcing me down as I watched her bare her teeth to my father who was already down on his knees; too afraid to even move as muscle as he watched the monster that could rip off his throat.

The depraved does not deserve to breathe.

The words rang harshly from my wolf, only to be heard by me. She gave her first greeting to my father with a snap of her teeth, hackles raised and legs ready to spring on her very first meal.

My father could feel the strong threat that was carried by her thunderous growl; the sound of it leaking with wrath and hunger for what my father had inflicted upon us.

I could feel my wolf basking in the smell of my father’s horror, and she let him see the monster that he had built for his very own death.

No amount of repentance could replace his damages.

And with my wolf heaving with rage that could set an entire forest on fire, the last thing I saw from my father’s eyes were fear, before she had swiftly mauled him to his death, sending him early for the Moon to greet.

I had watched his dead body laying on the floor for the entire night until the rise of the sun, and Alpha Azeil’s father had come to visit our home, only to discover me in nothing but blood as my clothes and the mangled corpse of my father.

Again, the familiar pressure had tangled itself tight around my neck.

I waited for Killian’s judgement, but when I searched his eyes for any reaction, he displayed no disapproval for my truth. He kept his sharp features calm and thoughtful; he didn’t even give out his disbelief, he just listened for more.

“My mother died right after I was born, bearing a female Alpha was too much for her, and her death meant also the death of my father’s sanity. He made sure I took every bit of his pain and made sure that it was engraved hard on my skin. He made me face silvers when I was just ten, thinking that it could turn me into a spineless female,” I said, pausing to force down my grieve that tugged harshly at my throat, “but he didn’t know that he was molding something ruthless inside of me; he was making a monster.”

I bit my bottom lip to prevent it from quivering and shook my head in attempt to get rid of the sorrow that relentlessly clouded my mind, “She wasn’t supposed to be that strong on her first appearance. She should be relying on me, but she stepped out like she knew what she was going to do.”

Even as a pup, I dreamed of surrendering myself to my wild without fear-to feel the air on fur, teeth, and claw, but I was met with destruction that lived off of blood and war. It wasn’t graceful, it wasn’t kind, and it was never forgiving.

“That wasn’t your fault, Valerie,” Killian bit out, his frustration and rage pressing down onto my father’s doing as his eyes completely gave out his understanding.

It was funny, really. For a man who was nowhere near a werewolf, he expressed more compassion than any other wolf in my pack.

“I know it isn’t,” I told him, “I hold my father entirely responsible for what she has turned into. He left his mark on that wolf, and I’m going to bear his damages for the rest of my life.”