The Desolate
Chapter Seven - No Going Back

I couldn’t see a damn thing as Ashe drove on through the night, moving forward faster than I was comfortable with. I was relieved that I had not yet had anything to eat since waking up, but the grin on her face told me that she was in her element. My stomach turned as the truck moved over rocks and uneven terrain, but I kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment for Ashe. Thankfully there was no moon so it would make it difficult to track in the dark, but the lack of wind meant our track marks could last for days. And with the moisture of the lake seeping into the ground, I worried it could last even longer. Still, we were moving quickly enough to stay ahead of them, I just hoped the tracks would fade by the time they picked up the trail. In any case, it wasn’t worth dwelling on, we had other concerns, one of which was how this situation was going to play out. I didn’t know any settlements that were further out than Lake Eyre, at least not to the south. As far as I knew it was barren all the way to the coast. And in truth, I wasn’t that far wrong. But it meant Ashe was stuck with me longer than I’d planned.

I stared out at the dimly lit lake for a long moment breathing in the smell of salt and moisture that reminded me so much of the ocean. And of long faded memories that were soon circling in my mind as if neglected and now demanding attention. At that moment, I realized just how important it was to be upfront with her about my plans, I had to explain my situation in more detail before things got too serious, especially my thoughts of death. But my mind was too scattered to focus on what needed to be said, instead I started to ramble which might have been worse, hoping to fill the silence as Ashe drove on. Hoping my words would fill the void opening in my chest, “Those that have grown up in the deep desert and beyond in the wastelands of the north most likely have never seen a zombie, or at least they have not seen one in many years,” I explained, “so it’s unlikely that they would understand what it takes to survive around them.”

“That’s true,” Ashe agreed readily, before adding, “but they can’t get out there anyway, so what does it matter?”

“That’s true, and for the time being, no, it probably doesn’t. But that might not always be the case.” I explained, “Since I started coming out here, I have noticed that the desert is slowly retreating. Over the last fifteen years or so, the rains have returned to the far inland much more consistently than they had in the old world for a very long time. That means people like your family are now able to grow crops in regions that were once almost inhospitable to human life just a few decades ago. I worry that in the next few years, it might be possible for the zombies to make their way inland far easier than they can now. I was not making it up when I said zombies have washed up on the northern shores of Lake Eyre. The Lake Eyre settlement spends a lot of time hunting them and keeping them from building up. But how long do you think it will be until they are overwhelmed just like it was for the old world? The settlement is on low-lying terrain right on the water, with nowhere to run except the desert, or maybe the coast if they decide to replace a way to live with them.”

We shared a look, and then she asked, “Do the settlements realize this?”

I shrugged. “I honestly don't think so, at least not in New Alice or Corinth, I know the Lake Eyre settlement encounters them one or two at a time and they deal with it, but this place was almost dry before the collapse, and I have never seen that lake as full as it is now in all the years that I have been coming here.” She looked out across the lake that stretched as far as the eye could see, which admittedly wasn’t far under the dim light of the stars, but no doubt she remembered how it had looked that day. She reflected on my words for a long moment before I continued, “It is well over one hundred kilometers wide now, and some of the salted landscape is now beginning to become arable, especially around the far eastern parts of the lake. The salt that once poisoned the land is slowly seeping back into the water, and they now grow corn and grain on the eastern side of the lake.”

She just shook her head as she drove, seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

As we continued south for another hour, a storm began to accumulate to the southeast, moving north over the lake as if to reinforce my concerns. The scent of coming rain became more prominent as lightning flashed across the dark horizon to the south-east. Thankfully it was too far east to be a threat, but the heavens were certainly putting on a show for us.

We continued for most of the night in silence, maintaining a steady pace, the truck taking us a long way south beyond the southernmost tip of the lake, as we followed the river south that now connected the lake to the ocean. In the early hours of the morning, we passed a derelict farmhouse a few hundred meters west of the river that seemed as good a place as any to stop and rest. Especially with daylight fast approaching, I hoped we could hold up for the day and a portion of the night as well. So, I pointed to the structure and said, “Let’s make camp here for the rest, we should get some proper rest. We’ll filter some water and get our sleep cycles back to normal.”

Ashe agreed, turning the truck towards the house that seemed to be crumbling in parts. But the arid flat terrain around it meant there was little cover or protection from the elements otherwise, giving us very few options, “How much water have we got left?” She asked.

“Less than a liter to spare.” I said, adding, “We’ll rig up some traps for condensation and use the water from the river. It’ll be salty as hell, but if we distill it, it should get rid of it.”

“Alright!” She said as she stopped the truck in a small, covered garage made with rusted sheet metal. Its frame didn’t look in great condition, but it offered us some protection from the sun when dawn finally hit. It was still mostly dark when we arrived with only the first flecks of sunlight peaking over the horizon.

As soon as she shut off the engine, I said, “Wait here!” Climbing out of the car, I immediately spotted several nearly full jerry cans lined up along the rear wall of the garage, along with some old tools and equipment. It was unlikely that the fuel inside would be much use if it was very old, but I was not sure how to tell, and there was no way of knowing how long it had been there for. Ashe climbed out of the truck as well and when I pointed to the fuel tanks, she made her way over for a closer look. “Can you tell if it’s any good?”

She shrugged. “Sometimes you can tell by smell or if there are lots of particles on the bottom of the container, but I can’t tell with these.” The lack of transparency in the containers was the main problem as she unscrewed the first one to smell its contents. Wrinkling her nose, “Nope definitely not!”

“Check them all and see what you think,” I said, diverting to her knowledge of keeping the car running as long as possible. She was certainly more familiar with them than me, and she had really begun to earn my trust and respect for all she’d done to help get us clear. “I’m going to check the house and see what’s left! Don’t go far!”

“Okay.” She agreed as she gathered another small container to use to examine the fuel on a wooden bench lined with numerous rusted and mostly unusable tools. Even under the shelter of the garage, the weather had not been kind to anything metal. But the plastic coating on the jerry cans seemed to keep them in good condition. I nodded once more to her as she worked and left her to her task, leaving the garage and heading over to the house for a closer look.

Most of the windows had been smashed with numerous bullet holes in the walls, indicating a gunfight at some point in its distant past. I paused at the entrance where the wooden door was beginning to rot away, the hardwood finally giving in to the elements after all these years. I tapped on the wall and waited for any sign of movement. It was unlikely we’d replace zombies, but you can never be too careful. Besides the rustling of a small animal near the back of the house, it seems eerily quiet. When I entered what had once been a small living area, there were more than a dozen bullet-ridden corpses lying on the floor where they fell, their flesh long since decomposed leaving only their bones and the decaying rags that had once been their clothing. Their bodies were somewhat mummified by the salt and desert and the weapons they were carrying had rusted well beyond any usefulness. The rest of the house had little in the way of supplies, with the victors of the fight likely having picked it clean years, or maybe a decade or two earlier. It made me a little suspicious of using any of the fuel, wondering if it had been left or abandoned for a reason. But there was no sign that anyone had been in the area at any point recently.

As I walked back to the garage, my eyes cast over the terrain we had passed over and the tire tracks left by the truck. Much of which had set in the mud of the shoreline leaving a long trail that stretched beyond my line of sight, suddenly more visible in the morning twilight. I had no doubt they would get reinforcements and pick up the trail, but whether they could replace us depended on how long the tracks lasted. And how long it took them to replace the tracks and start following them. When I returned to the garage, Ashe had put aside one of the containers which she declared was ‘most likely usable’, while the others apparently would ruin the engine and leave us walking within a few minutes if we put it in the car. I thanked her and climbed back into the car to get some rest while she loaded the fuel onto the back of the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. “Did you want to leave right away?” Ashe asked.

“No, not yet, let’s wait until we are through the heat of the day. We should rest here while we can and get some water sorted out for us, it could be a while before we can have the chance to stop again. Let’s say four hours of sleep each. I’ll take the first watch; you take the second, then we’ll try to swap our sleep cycles back tonight.”

She just shrugged and did not argue, understanding my logic and stretching out in the seat before turning to face me. She let out a small yawn as she stared at me smiling warmly before closing her eyes, her hand reaching out and resting on my thigh. She was someone who needed the reassurance of physical contact, that much was obvious. But it was always going to take time for me to get used to, I didn’t mind it too much, but it still made me a little uneasy. And the thoughts of my future travels and my future death began to waver as I considered seriously what life might be like if she just stayed with me. My mind was torn between seeking the girl’s affections, and my constant paranoia and desire to end it all. I’d seen enough of this world, or so I thought, at least until she came into my life. And suddenly there was a reason for all this that made no sense. She had done a lot to earn my trust in the last week or two and yet, my mother’s voice still haunted the back of my mind, and echoed from long ago, “Trust no one, Jack!”

I spent the morning using the empty bottles and plastic wrap to build a few condensation traps, and once I was satisfied, that they were working, I returned to the truck. I opened the glove compartment and found nothing unusual except for an old bible. I’d read it before and found its stories and wisdom useful at times. But unlike so many people in New Alice who were desperate to hold onto something, I just couldn’t replace it in myself to believe it was true. I’d seen far too much horror in this world to think anyone gave a damn about any of us.

I didn’t wake her after the four hours, I couldn’t stop my mind from circling through memories and thoughts, and there was no way I’d sleep anyway. So, I merely rested while keeping watch, eating a meal of preserved vegetables before pulling out a small bag of dried meat to chew on. I had been told it was Camel, but who knew, it could just as easily be horse or dog, you just never knew for sure unless you killed it yourself. But it tasted okay, and it would keep us going. I put some aside for Ashe as well for when she woke up along with a small amount of water. We still had one larger bottle remaining, but I still wanted to be a little careful until the water outside had been distilled properly. We had enough to get us maybe another day or two if we had to, the trick was to avoid travel during the heat of the day. But the coast was different from the desert, water would be far more abundant, and night travel much more dangerous. Zombies, while active during the day, rarely hunted during the heat, preferring the cool of the early morning and evenings for more intense physical activity. They're a lot like us in that respect. Although their brains couldn't easily distinguish between the two, they merely followed instinct and whatever was in front of them. And their memories seemed to be short.

Ashe opened her eyes after nearly seven hours of sleep, looking up at me for a moment before blurting out in a slight panic, “Shit, how long was I asleep?”

“Long enough to be well rested,” I said with a reassuring smile.

“Shit! Jack, you should have woken me up.” She stared apologetically before sitting up and reaching out to put her hand on my leg once more.

“I really wasn’t tired at all, and I figured you could use the extra couple of hours to rest up.” I pointed to the food and water I had put aside for her.

She smiled shyly at my words, taking in a deep breath before she leaned across to wrap her arms around me unexpectedly. She then consumed her meal eagerly while I sat and watched another storm building to the far east, “Should get moving soon?” She asked.

“I guess we could try to reach the coast before dark! It’d be better than sitting around here.” I said, “It can’t be more than another one or two hundred kilometers. We will need to reverse our sleeping patterns tonight, but we should make it.”

“Okay!” She said with a small nod, “Did you get any water filtered?”

“Yeah, give me a hand to get it bottled.” There wasn’t as much as I would have liked, but we at least had another liter and a half to keep us going. It wasn’t ideal, but at least we wouldn’t die of thirst.

When we got back into the truck, Ashe sat behind the wheel and took in a deep breath before sitting up in her seat and starting the car engine. Expertly reversing the vehicle from the garage, we had stopped in before turning and headed south. “Zombies, here we come!” She said with a sigh as we continued on.

“We’ll be okay, I promise, just make sure you listen to me carefully once we’re there,” I said, trying to reassure her.

I directed her slightly more to the west, eventually intersecting an old road passing a faded sign that identified it as the Stuart Highway, with sections of somewhat intact tar which I hoped would help conceal our tracks. As we drove, I looked behind us, satisfied with that decision. “Won’t they just follow the highway?” Ashe asked.

“Probably, but we won’t be driving for too much longer anyway. Once we hit the coast, we need to be on foot, or we’ll end up with thousands of zombies on our trail. Trust me, you can only drive over so many before they get caught under the tires.”

“Okay!” Ashe replied nervously.

“We’ll be okay, I promise.” I said again, “Zombies are easy to deal with. I’ll show you how, just listen carefully, and follow my lead.”

She gave me a nervous glance, before forcing a smile and nodding once.

We were beginning to run low on fuel anyway by the time the ocean came into view. We had traveled well over seven hundred kilometers on whatever fuel was in the tank before the engine started to sputter. New Alice had long ago expanded the fuel tanks on their vehicles for desert travel. And on this occasion, I was grateful. The trip that should have taken several weeks on foot was done in just a few days.

The engine soon started to sputter, and Ashe said, “It’s okay, we have an emergency tank; it should get us another twenty or so kilometers. Worst case, we can try that fuel, but I wouldn’t unless it’s a last resort.” She then reached under the steering wheel, flicking a switch under the dashboard, and a moment later the sputtering stopped. A very large part of me hated the experience of driving and just wanted to get out and walk, but the vehicle was surprisingly well-maintained for something that was probably pushing thirty or more years old.

Ashe was a very competent driver and had done well to get us this far south, and we were now less than twenty kilometers north of the ruins of Port Augusta, an old-world town on the southern coast of the continent that was likely in ruins. It wasn’t long before the engine started sputtering again, as we moved along the highway approaching the old ruins, adding to what was already a bumpy ride. I sighed with relief when the truck's engine started to choke less than one hundred meters from a motel that seemed mostly intact just to the left side of the old highway.

“Stop just up here,” I said to Ashe as we approached several intact brick buildings that composed that main structure. She turned us into a small parking lot and stopped just in time for the truck to die completely. The other cars around us had long ago rusted to little more than metal shells, some of which still held the corpses of their long-dead occupants inside whatever was left. Even the ones that had become zombies seemed to have been completely mummified, trapped in the heat of their vehicles by seatbelts that would never be unfastened.

The motel had long been abandoned, and there didn’t seem to be any sign of movement—zombie or otherwise. The structures were still mostly intact, with the large sandstone brickwork seemingly withstanding decades of weathering quite well considering the storms that probably ripped through this place regularly. We still had another hour or so of sunlight, but the idea of traveling at night with the threat of zombies was a terrible idea, so I decided on the luxury of another evening of rest. I just hoped the rooms were still somewhat intact, given that the walls had withstood the weather for all this time. “Let’s hold up here for the night! I doubt we will have any company, but we should keep watch just in case.” I pulled the backpack over my shoulder, while Ashe gathered her rifle and the screwdriver, she had used to start the truck.

“Do we want the fuel?”

I just shook my head, “That assumes it’s any good, and I don’t think we will need it from here anyway,” I replied, wondering if we would ever replace ourselves in another vehicle again.

Ashe nodded as she moved closer to me; her movement had become a little more apprehensive as we walked away from the truck, her eyes moving in the same skittish way they had just before our fight a few days earlier. The realistic threat of zombies had put her on edge as she moved closer to me. Following my lead, we cleared each room one by one before checking the immediate surrounding area for any threats. There wasn’t much in the way of supplies unfortunately but at least the place was clear of threats. I thought we would replace zombies around there, we weren’t far from Port Augusta after all, but it was surprisingly quiet. Still, we would need to stay alert.

“I think we’re good,” I said, trying to reassure Ashe as I led us back into the main area of the motel, entering one of the rooms that looked out into a central courtyard where the gardens had long since overgrown the old, concreted footpaths. The room was in relatively good condition, and relatively clean compared to a few others that contained long decayed and mummified corpses of those that had taken their own life many years earlier. Ashe followed me inside, placing the backpack down on the still-made but dust-covered bed just a few meters from the door. The room was small, containing two single beds, a small kitchenette, and a small bathroom, all well-worn by time—but still seemingly intact, protected from the weather by the thick sandstone bricks on the outside of the building, and the intact windows. I went back outside and sourced a few planks of usable wood from an old fence then returned to the room, knocking the planks into place over the front window to offer us a little protection for the night. It wasn’t much, but it meant nothing could simply jump through without waking us up first.

It was right on sunset when we finally settled in for the night, Ashe had cleaned off the two beds and pushed them away from the door and window just to be safe. I found her in the small kitchenette towards the back of the room, preparing dinner, and approached her. Gently placing a hand on her shoulder to let her know we were all good for the night. She poured the contents of an ancient tin filled with pumpkin soup into two bowls that she found in one of the cupboards and handed one to me. It wasn’t much and the taste was very bland, but it would keep us both going until we got the chance to stop and hunt something fresh. Yet one more advantage of the coastal regions, hunting fresh meat was now a realistic possibility.

Ashe was still on edge as we ate, and the idea of leaving her on watch alone didn’t sit right with me. “I’ll take watch tonight,” I said, knowing that I would be unlikely to sleep much anyway, and I didn’t want her to be alone if something went wrong. But she didn’t respond, her eyes locked on the bowl in front of her as she ate slowly. “Are you okay?” I asked.

She hesitated for a moment before looking up at me and forcing a smile, trying to hide whatever was bothering her. “I’m okay!”

I needed to get the idea that I was going to abandon her out of her mind, but I didn’t want to probe too deeply. I knew well enough the demons that were likely plaguing her mind, but I had to push a little to get her to talk to me, asking, “Is it just the zombies?”

She gave a single nod. “Zombies, yes!” she admitted, before adding, “But also…” She stopped herself from continuing. She placed the bowl down and stood, heading into the bathroom before returning moments later with several bath towels. One of which was wrapped around her hips, while she hung her pants on the end of the bed.

I did not push the issue further sensing her uneasiness, so instead opted for a distraction. Another first for me with a mostly naked woman now sharing my bed it seemed. I searched the draws for anything that might take my mind away from my own gathering dark thoughts, replaceing another old bible and several novels packed away in a bedside dresser by the window that still seemed to be in reasonable condition. “Do you read?” I asked.

“Umm…No, I was never shown how,” she said with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

I sat down once more on the bed next to her with one of the novels and started reading just loud enough for her to listen. I read for a while and while I was successful for a while, whatever was bothering her soon resurfaced in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked, concerned by her darkening mood.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she answered after a minute or so. “Relieved in a way, I suppose, but not great timing for my body to start fucking with me again.”

I did not understand the implication and looked at her in confusion.

“It’s my period, Jack. Aunt Flow is in town... For God's sake!” she growled, rolling her eyes as if I were the most ignorant person in the world.

“Oh!” was all I could manage, as I finally understood the implications of the word, but I didn’t know how to respond and blurted out, “So, you are bleeding down there?” Pointing down to the towel.

She just shook her head and pulled another one of the towels around herself, facing away from me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to sound sympathetic. “It’s just…it's another first for me as well.” There was a definite need for distraction, so I crawled into the bed beside her and kept reading to her in a whisper. She seemed to be listening closely until I stopped once it got too dark to see the words on the page and placed the book aside. I didn’t know how to help her, or how to reassure her, but I knew she liked contact, so I laid next to her and put my arms around her in an embrace. I then heard a small sob as she pushed back against me, her hand holding my arm around her. And there I stayed for a long time.

Her crying slowed after a while before she eventually rolled over to face me, putting her arms around me as she took in a series of slow deep breaths. “What’s the plan now?” she asked.

I thought it over in my mind for a moment, before speaking whatever came to mind. “I had not planned to bring anyone with me, certainly not this far out. Honestly, my trip out to New Alice was more about replaceing a place where I could finally replace peace, and eventually, when the time came, my own death.” My confession darkened my own mood as I continued, “I know how to survive on my own, but there is a lot of loneliness and boredom that comes with it. And I have asked myself over and over why I keep going. And in truth, I don’t really know. My plan was to head a bit further to the south-east from here towards the most south-east regions of the continent. I’ve never been this far south, at least not since I was a kid, and I have always wanted to go and see it again just once more. And after that, I was prepared to just live out what’s left of my life in those surroundings.”

“Why there?” She asked without a hint of judgment in her voice.

I shrugged. “It’s a long story,” I sighed, “But it ultimately boils down to the fact that my family is from there before the collapse, and I remember how peaceful it was as a child, at least most of the time. I just want to see it again just once before I die. I remember the hills and the seemingly endless greenery—lots of food, and farmland, forests, and open areas. There were zombies, but it was always manageable.”

She smiled and leaned up unexpectedly and kissed me on the lips, whispering, “It sounds beautiful!”

I blinked, a little confused by the gesture. I understood the theory that it was a sign of affection. Only my mother had kissed me as a child, but no other, and I wondered if it was a sign of trust. Our moment before the fight at the lake I had almost taken to be a spur-of-the-moment decision on her part, and mine. But this was premeditated, and it felt like she meant it. The implications were confusing and something to reflect on especially when it came to my own plans. She continued to caress my cheek and stubble with her hand, with an unfamiliar look in her eyes. Like my mother, but different…very, very different. “From what I remember, it was very beautiful. But there were also lots of zombies in those days, so who knows how much it has changed since then. Or what’s left of it.”

“Were you born before the Outbreak?” she asked curiously, her hand still touching my face gently.

“No,” I explained, “I was born about a year after. My parents were young, but they managed to have me and raise me, at least for a few years, doing the best that they could under the circumstances. They were good people from what I remember, but things were very difficult in those days.” I paused, then corrected myself, “Well, my mother was a good person, I don’t really remember my father all that well. She used to tell me stories about him, and he sounded like a good man. Or at least a man who knew what mattered in this world.”

“It’s still hard for parents,” she added.

“That’s true, but in those days, the people left alive were still learning to deal with zombies and each other. Especially with the newly formed groups of raiders and slavers to deal with,” I explained. “But you’re right, it is still not a great world to raise a child.”

She just listened and gently rubbed my back as I driveled on telling her all about life on the road, the cabin I lived in for several years in the mountains just south of the ruins of Canberra. I stopped after a while and looked at her in the eyes. She smiled at me, and I realized she had been hanging off my every word.

“Thank you for letting me stay,” she said with a small yawning. “I had honestly resigned myself to slavery, and suffering, and probably death at some point relatively soon, so this is something entirely unexpected. At least if we die out here, I might at least die with a smile knowing I found you.”

I instinctively put my arms around her again to reassure her. “So, it’s just the zombies you’re worried about around me then?”

She shrugged. “I worry about a lot of things, including zombies of course. But I also don’t know where this is going, I worry I’ll piss you off, or you’ll get bored at some point. I worry that my body is now fucking bleeding again, and while that’s a fucking relief that I’m not carrying some sick asshole's rape child, it is still bad timing. I also worry about the damage those times may have caused if I ever want to have a child in the future. There are just so many unknowns, that’s all.”

I squeezed her again, then brought my hand up to her cheek as she had done to me just a moment earlier. “I doubt that I will get bored of you any time soon.” I smiled honestly, “You truly are a fascinating distraction. You make me feel alive again. If I were to die right now, for the first time in a very long time, I might feel some level of regret and disappointment that I would be leaving you alone in this world.”

She blushed a little, and then her smile grew wider, whispering in a teasing tone, “So that means you’re no longer traveling solo then?”

“I guess not,” I replied, with a small laugh. In truth, the thought terrified me, caring was dangerous, and that’s the one lesson I had held onto for so long. But now Ashe had found a way beneath my defenses, and the thought made me anxious, but also there was an underlying sense of comfort and happiness that hadn’t been there before. Comforting yet incomprehensible at the same time. There was little survival logic to wanting her around, as useful as she could be at times. What I had come to feel for her was not rational in any sense that I knew. All I knew for certain, is that I wanted her with me, and I wanted her safe. And I no longer wished for my own death.

Ashe fell asleep a short time later while I remained awake through the night, my mind unable to stop thinking about what this young woman was doing to me. Nevertheless, it was soothing to know she was able to get to sleep. Her body curled up around mine as I remained beside her in the bed, allowing my mind to work through my fears. I could not help the urge to gently rub her back while keeping my arms around her through most of the night, a part of me cherishing and relishing in every moment. All the while, my eyes, ears, and nose remained on alert.