The Dominant Species
20

I had enough confidence to compete in an acrobats contest. I practiced acrobats even more. For a while, more than magic. Then, I started learning how to use magic in combat. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget. I had even more responsibilities to get through every day, but I liked to learn more about my passions. I was also glad to realize that I was up to the job of being queen.

At first, I practiced acrobats because I thought there was no harm in getting as ready as I could be for the competition, even though I still had no intention of competing. I was easing myself into doing something that would make me happy.

Aren’t I a lot of fun?

Later, I hired a professional to train me. This time, not just for fun, but I wanted to be good enough to compete. I tried to feel like I would be good enough to win. I knew I never would have felt good enough a few months ago. I felt like I was ready now. I didn’t get cocky. I knew I could still fail, but I dreamt of winning. I always kept myself from thinking I was definitely going to win. My lack of confidence was so strong that it remained even now. Confusing me. Infuriating my loved ones who did have faith in me. And just generally being a bitch.

Giselle practiced with me once a week. I really didn’t think I was better than her, but Giselle and Mom insisted that I was. Giselle and I kept each other posted on what we were doing. I told her about being queen and she told me what she was learning about architecture from her tutor. Sometimes Mom joined us when we practiced acrobats or magic.

I didn’t want to get cocky and I didn’t want to get my hopes up with the acrobats competition. I remembered how everyone had faith in me. Now I had faith in myself. But it was hard not to fantasize about winning the competition because I wanted to win.

When I competed I was very nervous. Anyone in the city could apply for this contest. The merpeople chosen for this competition were the best among the ones who performed in front of the judges. In order to make that decision merpeople performed without an audience, but the competition itself had an audience of thousands.

There were five rounds, in which two merpeople would compete at a time. The person who won the most rounds would win the entire competition. I had a weird feeling in my stomach and my heart was beating like crazy. But I’d gotten very good at hiding how nervous I was. Because I’m a politician I always needed to look calm and wise. No one ever knew how scared I was, no matter what I was doing.

We had to perform a series of movements in the water. Each round required us to do three movements. Each round was tougher than the last. With each round I was surprised yet relieved that I had made it as far as I did. I tried as hard as I could. It helped when I simply ignored all the merpeople who were watching me.

During the final round I had to struggle so my nervousness wouldn’t kill me. It’s not that I didn’t think I could win. I thought there was a chance. But I really wanted this. I didn’t like the idea of coming this far and not succeeding. Before the last round began I told myself a lot of things to get ready. I also told myself a lot of things to cheer myself up, in case I didn’t win.

It’s just one more round.

It’s okay if you don’t win.

You’ve made it to the last round and maybe that could be enough.

You beat almost every other contestant.

You don’t have to win the whole competition.

No one would judge you.

You could still win.

But don’t get cocky.

Don’t forget to concentrate.

Your friends and family would still be proud of you.

It was the last one more than any of the others that made me feel better. I focused on what I was doing and did my best.

The last contestant, a mermaid, and I were asked to perform three movements. I did the first one correctly. So did she.

I did the second one correctly. She didn’t. I prayed.

I did the last one correctly! She didn’t!

My mind went numb.

Everyone cheered.

I was astonished and incredibly relieved when I won the final round. I accepted the trophy and it made me more confident. I was very happy. My heart was still pounding but with happiness and disbelief. It didn’t seem real to me, so it took me a while for the magnitude of my victory to sink in. Everyone congratulated me. Alastair and Giselle were proud. My parents hugged me. I celebrated privately with them at the castle.