The Girl Next Door
The Boy Next Door Chapter 48

My heart constricts. "You wouldn't have disturbed me." Maybe if she had, I wouldn't have been walking around all these years thinking that there was something wrong with me. I wouldn't have felt so abandoned. I wouldn't have pushed away the people who only wanted to love me. She clears her throat and blinks back the tears that fill her eyes. "Tell me everything. Catch me up."

I give her the Spark Notes version of my life. From elementary school through college, along with my plans for the future. I gloss over the hurt and pain she caused. The entire time, Candance sits quietly across from me, squeezing my hand from time to time. The longer I talk, the more my muscles loosen.

"I heard your father remarried."

"Yes," I say carefully, "when I was seven." When she remains silent, I tack on, "Her name is Jenna."

"She's been good to you?"

"She has." For some reason, I'm afraid to say too much. I don't want to unwittingly say or do something that will ruin the fragility of this moment. I don't want her to shut down or push me away again. That sounds so f*****g pathetic. Instead of doing either of those things, her lips tilt into a smile. "Good. It's a relief to know that you were well cared for and loved." Her gaze drops to our clasped hands. "I didn't think you'd be able to forgive me for leaving like I did."

The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Of course, I forgive you. I'm glad we have this opportunity to get to know each other again. Make up for lost time."

"Me, too."

She opens up and tells me all about her art and her family. I dredge my memory for every little detail of her, wanting her to know that she was never forgotten even though we weren't in contact.

I'm surprised when I glance at phone and realize that two hours have slipped by. As much as I don't want to cut this reunion short, I need to get back for practice or Coach will have my a*s and I can't afford for that to happen. Not with the way I've been playing. Without thinking, I blurt, "I'd like to meet your husband and kids." Leif and Surrey. A half brother and sister. It's so weird to think that I have siblings out there. Up until last week, I was an only kid. There were times when I was growing up that I desperately wanted siblings. Someone else who knew exactly how I felt. Hell, I would have been content if Jenna and Dad had popped out a few, but that wasn't in the cards. They tried for a couple of years and went the route of fertility drugs. Nothing worked. It would be kind of cool to pick them up and take them places. Maybe Alyssa can come with. We can go to an amusement park or the movies.

I almost shake my head.

I can't even believe I'm thinking along these lines.

"Oh." Candance pins her lower lip with her teeth before flicking her gaze away from me. "I...don't know if that's possible."

Some of the pretty façade in my head walls away as I crash back to earth with a painful thud. "Why not?"

"Well," there's an uncomfortable pause as she shifts on her chair, "my husband, Roger...he doesn't know I had another child."

I blink.

Wait...what?

Did she just-

"You," it takes effort to swallow down the nausea rising in my throat, "never told him about me?"

"No," she whispers, I didn't."

When I retract my hand from hers, her tongue darts out to moisten her lips. "You have to understand what it was like for me." For her?

I...have to understand what it was like for her?

You know what it feels like when you take a tumble and land on the flat of your back? The way it knocks the air from your lungs, making it impossible to breath? You gasp, can't talk, and your eyes water?

That's exactly the way I feel right now.

When I remain silent, eyes wide, full of hurt, she rushes on to fill the void of silence.

"When I left, I was in such a bad place. I didn't realize that I was in a state of depression. My therapist helped me to realize that I'd been suffering from post-partum depression since you'd been born. The creativity was no longer there and that was a frightening thing. It was like having an arm amputated. I didn't know who I was without my art. The decision was difficult, but in the end, I chose to leave." She presses a hand to her chest. "I couldn't be the mother you needed when I wasn't whole. When part of me was missing."

"So, you chose your art."

Over me.

Instead of me.

The unspoken words hang in the air between us.

Her eyes widen before she rips them away. Wetness makes them shiny. "I know that's what it sounds like, but my motives weren't that selfish."

A humorless laugh bubbles up in my throat. Or maybe it's all the emotion I've kept locked away for years.

"You might not realize it, but you were better off without me."

She might be right about that. Although, we'll never know.

"It sounds like this woman-"

"Jenna," I snap. "Her name is Jenna."

"Yes, Jenna." She swallows thickly. "It sounds like she treated you well."

For all Candance knows, Jenna could have been pure evil. Thank f**k, she wasn't. I have a couple of friends with stepparents, and they hate them. I lucked out in that regard. Jenna is everything that Candance is not and could never be.

I fold my arms across my chest and press against the back of the chair, needing as much space as possible. All of a sudden, the walls of the coffee shop are pressing in on me. I suck in air through my nostrils, filling my lungs, attempting to calm everything racing around inside me. The urge to bolt hums beneath my skin, making me twitchy.

"Colton?" She leans forward, stretching her hand out on the table. "Please, talk to me."

I fight my way out of the pain pounding through me and blink down at her fingers.

I can't.

I can't touch her.

"If you had no intention of letting me into your life, why did you want to meet?"

She blinks, as if thrown off by the question. "I needed to see with my own eyes that you were all right. That I made the right decision all those years ago."

So, this was only to assuage her guilt.

Got it.

I clear my throat, unable to sit here for another moment. "As you can see for yourself, I'm good. No need to worry or think about me for another sixteen years."

"Colton," her faces goes pale, "I don't want it to end this way between us."

Yeah, well...it's a little late for that.

Sixteen years too late, to be exact.

This woman could never understand the kind of damage she inflicted. She has no idea the emotional scars I carry around with me or how they've affected every single relationship I've had. Only now am I beginning to realize it.

Silently, I rise from my chair. I think we've said everything that needed to be said.

Her dark eyes widen as she scrambles to do the same. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah." I hear my voice as if from a great distance. "I need to get back to school."

"Please, let me explain it better. I didn't do a good job."

"Actually, you did. I appreciate you telling me the truth."

She sucks in a shaky breath. "I don't want you to have hurt feelings."

I almost laugh. Is she serious? My f*****g feelings are already hurt. More like they've been annihilated.

"Can we just sit and talk for a few more minutes?"

I shake my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Then let's set up another time to meet. Whatever works for you."

I drag a hand over my face before glancing at the exit. I just want to get out of here. Instead of walking away, I ask, "Do you have any intention of telling your husband or kids about me?"

Her shoulders slump.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I jerk my head into a nod. "Take care, Candance."

On legs that feel shaky, I push my way out of the coffee house and into the crisp fall air. By the time I reach my BMW, I feel sick to my stomach. It takes a couple of times for me to jam the key into the ignition. Relief floods through me when the key slides home and I rev the engine. I pull away from the curb and glance at the rearview mirror only to replace Candance standing on the sidewalk, staring after me.

With a heart that feels like it's splintering apart, I realize that's exactly where she belongs.

In the rearview mirror.