The Moral Dilemma (War of Sins Book 5)
The Moral Dilemma: Chapter 17

SHE GULPED down against the sudden wave of discomfort.

Why was it that she could be so strong at times yet so weak at this moment? Maybe it was the fact that her scars represented her weakness—the time when she’d been unable to defend herself.

“He beat me,” she uttered in a low voice. “He beat me repeatedly.”

He spread his palm over her back, the heat from his skin transferring into hers. One moment, she felt his touch searing into her flesh, the next it was gone. Yet just as she was about to protest the absence of his touch, she felt something else—his mouth.

He was on his knees behind her, his lips on her skin as he peppered kisses all over her back and the swell of her bottom.

“Raf,” she whimpered, her breathing growing labored.

“What else? What else did he do to you?” he asked in a barely subdued voice.

His hands were now tracing the contours of her waist, moving down her body sinuously, reverently. Yet it wasn’t long before he turned her to face him, this time switching his attention to her stomach—the other place riddled with scars.

“What else did he do to you, Noelle?” His voice was anguished, desolate.

He brought his cheek to her stomach, nuzzling her flesh and breathing her in.

Her entire body trembled from his proximity and the mesmerizing effect of his touch.

“Raf,” she said his name breathlessly, her head falling back as her eyes squeezed shut.

He was attacking her senses with his caring words and slow caresses, and she didn’t know if she could bear it—not when no one had ever touched her in such a manner before.

“Tell me, Noelle,” he demanded. “Tell me and I’ll tear him apart limb by limb.”

Her mouth hung open as she looked down at him. He was watching her, his eyes consuming her with the intensity of his gaze.

God, but the mere fact that he offered despite being locked in such a place warmed her heart like nothing else.

Bringing her hand to his cheek, she caressed him slowly before dropping to her knees in front of him, close to him, so close his air became her air.

“Do you hate me?” she whispered, fear making her voice shake. “I’ve been a duplicitous bitch and I’ve treated you like shit. Can you forgive me?”

“You’re my duplicitous bitch,” he replied smoothly. “My fucking anchor. You think I don’t realize how many times you’ve risked yourself for me? How many times you put my wellbeing above yours? You think I don’t realize I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you?” His voice picked up in intensity, just as he grabbed onto her shoulders, holding her tight.

Noelle blinked repeatedly, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

“You… You mean that?”

“Of course I mean that. You were my best friend online, and here you became something more—you became everything. I didn’t need to see you. I didn’t need to fucking know who you were. I just needed to hear your voice and the way you calmed my goddamn soul.”

“Raf,” she whimpered, unable to believe what she was hearing.

Slowly, his hand moved down her chest until he reached the pendant nestled between her breasts.

“This is all the proof you need that my heart is yours,” he continued.

She saw the way his eyes fell to her breasts. Her nipples were tight and straining for attention. At some point, her fear had turned into arousal, and her body had immediately responded.

He noticed it too, his breathing growing harsher, his pupils contracting even more.

More daring than she would have thought herself—despite envisioning this very moment for so long—Noelle reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging it up.

He raised his arms, letting her remove it before she moved lower, her fingers fiddling with the band of his pants. She found the courage to pull them down, and he soon helped her take them off, discarding them to the side next to the other clothes.

She took a moment to simply look at him. He was lean but his muscles were well defined from the labor he’d been subjected to. There were all types of scars on his body too, from the beatings and lashing he’d received, and she leaned forward to lay a kiss to his chest.

Despite both being stark naked, and despite the fact that she’d imagined this moment for so long, she found herself going shy as her gaze drifted lower.

He was hard, his shaft pointing upwards and leaking liquid at the tip. She swallowed hard, a little bit intimidated by his size. She’d watched porn before—all in an attempt to get as much vicarious experience as possible—and she knew he was well above average. So much so that she wondered how bad it was going to hurt when he’d put it inside her…

She nibbled at her lips, worry and arousal mixing inside of her. But it was all overshadowed by the pure love she had for him in her heart—so much love she knew she would withstand any type of pain to be one with him.

They slowly touched and explored each other’s bodies as urgency built inside both of them.

“I love you, Raf,” she whispered, tears of happiness shining in her eyes. “You’re perfect to me. So perfect.”

“Noelle…” Raf groaned as he brought his face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. His mouth opened over her pulse point, sucking the skin in. “Mi luz.”

She gasped, pleasure shooting through her.

“You’re mine,” he rasped as he trailed his tongue down her body, taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking. “You were mine before. You’re mine now. You’ll always be mine. The only woman I’ll ever claim. The only woman I’ll ever love,” he said right before he bit down.

She cried out, arching in his embrace and urging him to continue.

She didn’t know what she was doing, or what she was meant to do, but as he continued to nibble and suck on her nipples, she simply gave herself to sensation.

Noelle didn’t even realize when he laid her down onto the ground, or when he started peppering kisses lower down her body, touching and worshiping each scar, replacing the painful memories with warm, loving ones.

“You’re so beautiful,” he praised. “When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the entire universe. Even after you hit me with that plate, I kept thinking of you—dreaming of you. So beautiful,” he murmured, moving back up and claiming her lips.

The first kiss was tentative, his lips brushing against hers in a slow dance before they both took the plunge. Noelle parted her legs to accommodate him, wounding her arms around his neck as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

“So beautiful and you were mine all along,” he murmured.

“Yes,” she whispered fervently, her mind foggy with desire. She was enveloped by warmth and spice—his maddening scent that filled her with euphoria. “I’ve always been yours.”

So lost to the sensations she barely realized what was happening, or the fact that his erection was nestled right between the folds of her sex, bumping against her clit every time he rocked against her. She tightened her legs around him, wanting more of that exquisite pleasure. Every little movement excited her further, her nerves bundling tight as she neared her release.

So close… She was so close.

Yet just as she was about to reach that peak, he angled his hips, reaching between them to adjust the head of his cock at her entrance. There was a burning sensation as he pushed forward before he thrust fully into her.

Noelle cried out, but it was out of pain, not pleasure.

Raf didn’t notice. He was equally lost to the sensation and the mind-blowing experience of being inside of her for the first time, that he didn’t realize she was hurting—he had no frame of reference for the fact that she was unusually tight.

“Fuck,” Raf groaned, resting his forehead on top of hers. “You feel so good,” he whispered. “Too good.”

Noelle squeezed her eyes shut, the tears falling unbidden.

Yet she was afraid that if she said anything, he was going to stop—and she never wanted him to stop.

“Do it,” she urged, tightening her arms around him. “Fuck me, Raf. Take me. Take what’s yours.”

She didn’t have to repeat as he started moving.

Noelle whizzed as the pain intensified when he slammed back into her. But she did her best to ignore it and focus solely on the fact that they were together. They were finally together and he was inside of her—the rest didn’t matter.

She bent her knees, wrapping her legs around his hips just as she buried her face in the crook of his neck so he wouldn’t see the pain echoed in her features.

“Fuck me,” she whispered, holding as tightly as she could onto him.

He was slow at first, and though the pain continued to be agonizing, she found that her body started to accommodate to the invasion. Her muscles slowly relaxed until the pain became just a light stinging sensation.

“Give me your mouth,” he demanded, searching for her lips.

She eagerly turned her head, letting him kiss her just as the speed of his thrusts increased.

A low moan escaped her when the pain gave way to pleasure, tiny pulsations making her toes curl. Yet just as she thought she could reach her climax, Raf released a loud groan, stilling inside of her as warm liquid filled her to the brim.

They were both breathing hard, and Noelle winced as Raf withdrew from her body, leaning back to look at her.

His brows scrunched up in confusion as his gaze landed between her thighs.

He swallowed audibly, his face ashen.

“I hurt you,” he whispered in horror. “I was a brute, wasn’t I? Did you at least come?”

Noelle wet her lips as she moved into a sitting position. She was sore, and as she moved, everything seemed to hurt—so much so she couldn’t even disguise it.

Glancing down, she saw what had scared Raf.

There was blood.

There was a lot of blood, not only between her thighs, but also on his cock.

She winced internally. She should have expected that since her hymen had been barely perforated—just enough that she could insert one of her fingers.

“It’s not that bad.” She tried to seem as casual as possible. “It was going to happen regardless.”

“No, I hurt you. I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I’m just… I… I didn’t know what to do and…” he mumbled.

“Raf,” Noelle moved closer, climbing into his lap and hugging him close. “Don’t blame yourself. I would have likely bled anyway since I had a very strong hymen,” she added with a blush.

“You…” he blinked. “You were a virgin,” he stated it as if it just dawned on him.

“Of course,” she replied with indignation. “My virginity has always been yours,” she said, dipping her hand between her legs and gathering some of the blood. She brought it to his face, smearing it over his lips before pushing her fingers into his mouth. “I kept it safe for you,” she whispered.

“Fuck,” he cursed, his eyes wholly black as he stared at her in awe. “Do that again,” he rasped.

“What? This?” she asked innocently as she gathered more of her blood and smeared it all over his face.

He caught her hand, sucking on each finger, his eyes on her the whole time.

“Again,” he demanded, so she complied, scooping more blood and feeding it to him.

“You’re truly mine,” he murmured. “Only ever mine.”

She nodded, lost in his mesmerizing gaze.

“Only ever yours,” she echoed.

“I’m a fucking lucky bastard.” He smiled, a boyish grin that made her heart flutter. “But you still didn’t answer my question. Did you come?”

Noelle paused, not knowing how to answer. Her first instinct was to lie since she didn’t want to hurt his ego. It was clear they were both inexperienced and she didn’t want him to feel inadequate. But before she could muster a reply, he saw the truth in her expression.

“You didn’t,” he said with a disappointed sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. I’ve read articles, you know. Very few women come the first time they have sex.”

“I don’t care about other women. I care about you. And my woman needs to come,” he drawled confidently.

Noelle’s pulse picked up at the fact that he called her his woman. How many times had she dreamed about that?

She didn’t get to dwell on that thought though as she suddenly found herself sprawled on her back, with Raf between her spread legs.

“Tell me what feels good,” he told her, laying a kiss at the top of her mound. Before she could make any sound, he grabbed her ass, nuzzling his face between her legs.

Slowly, he kissed his way up her inner thigh, licking the residual blood before finally putting his mouth on her—there.

“Oh,” she yelped, startled by the ticklish feel of his tongue against her.

“I promise I’ll make it better,” he whispered, blowing air onto her battered sex. “I hurt you, didn’t I? I hurt my woman, but now I’ll lick it better,” he said right as he flicked his tongue over her clit.

“Raf,” Noelle moaned, surprised at the sensation.

She’d made herself come before with her fingers, and only by thinking about him and imagining fucking him. But his warm mouth devouring her sex was unlike anything she’d ever experienced.

“You like this, don’t you?” he murmured lovingly as he licked her slowly—agonizingly slow. He took his time with her, building up the anticipation as she started bucking on the floor, mindless and at his mercy.

“Yes. Oh, yes. I like it a lot,” she cried out.

He wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking it into his mouth.

Noelle’s eyes snapped open, her mouth forming an o just as her body started shaking uncontrollably.

“Raf… Raf… Raf…” she chanted mindlessly as she writhed under him.

Even when she’d made herself come before, it had never been this fast, or this powerful. As her walls clenched with the power of her release, she found herself tittering between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness.

He continued to lick her languidly, his finger probing at her entrance.

“I’ve never seen something prettier in my entire life,” he said reverently as he played with the mix of their releases. “I’m in you,” he whispered, laying a kiss atop her clit. “I’m inside of you, Noelle.”

She felt the weight of his words to her soul, and lifting her arms, she urged him to come closer, hug her, so she could feel him skin to skin—so she could realize it wasn’t a dream.

He moved slowly up her body, still peppering her with kisses until he finally reached her mouth. She opened for him, tasting herself and him—tasting them.

“You’re still hard,” she murmured against his lips as she felt his erection poking her against her stomach.

He shook his head.

“It’s the drug,” he whispered. “I’m almost always in a near state of arousal because of it.”

Noelle’s eyes widened. She hadn’t read about that, but now she felt sorry for everything he had to endure because of that damned drug—just as she was sorry he would not remember anything in the morning.

“Tell me you’ll remember this,” she spoke anxiously as she cupped his cheek. “Promise me you’ll remember this, please.”

“I want to. God, I fucking want to,” he groaned. “You’re never off of my mind, you know that don’t you? As Lucero or as Noelle, you’re always with me. Here,” he said as he took her hand and placed it over his heart. “And I promise you I’ll do my goddamn best to hang onto this memory.”

Noelle nodded, giving him a tight smile. She leaned in to kiss his stubble, her fingers tracing the contours of his jaw.

Reaching between their bodies, she touched him lightly, getting used to the feel of him.

“Can I?” she asked tentatively.

He nodded, letting her explore him.

She couldn’t wrap her hand around him—no wonder it had hurt so bad!

“Do you…” she wet her lips, fluttering her lashes as she looked him in the eye. “Would you like to try it again?”

“You’re hurt.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you more.”

“You won’t,” she assured him, though she didn’t know whether that was true or not. She only knew that she needed more of him regardless of the pain.

“Noelle…” His features strained with pain. “You know I’d like nothing more than to spend an eternity inside of you. But not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why don’t we try and I’ll tell you? We can go slower than before,” she suggested.

She didn’t think he’d realized she was a virgin before and he’d simply rutted her as instinct told him to.

Before he could tell her no, she wiggled under him, bringing the head of his cock to her sex and swiping it up and down her folds.

“I want you, Raf,” she whispered. “Please.”

He gave her a curt nod as he guided his cock to her entrance, slowly pushing in.

She was sore. And despite being very wet, it was still a tight fit as he entered her.

“Okay?” he asked, wanting to make sure she was comfortable at all times.

She gave him a brilliant smile, angling her hips to allow him to slide in deeper. Raf’s movements were deliberate in their slowness, his eyes on her face as he looked for any sign of distress. It took him a while to fully seat himself inside of her.

“Oh, Raf. It’s perfect,” she sighed dreamily.

“No pain?”

She shook her head.

“I can feel you,” she said as she clenched her walls.

He released a loud groan, dropping his forehead on top of hers.

“Fuck. This is unbelievable,” he rasped in a harsh voice. “You’re so tight and warm and fuck… I have no words.”

Noelle gave him a cheeky smile as she canted her hips so that he could slip even deeper inside of her. Though there was still a slight burning sensation, it didn’t hurt as it had before. It even felt… good. So good, in fact, that she couldn’t stifle the tiny moans that escaped her as the tip of his cock hit a particular spot inside of her.

“I love this. I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, mi luz. Under any name, I’ll always love you,” he murmured as he laid a kiss to her forehead before trailing his lips to her eyelids. “Thank you for giving me this gift. I’ll always treasure it. God, I still can’t believe you’re mine. That you…”

“You’re mine, too, Raf.” She smiled. “You’re giving me the gift of your first time, too. I knew I could never let anyone else touch me when this was meant to be yours all along.”

He looked at her in awe, struck speechless by her words—so much so she could swear his eyes glistened with tears.

“Can I move?” he asked, and when she nodded, he withdrew almost all the way before thrusting into her again.

Noelle arched into him, whimpering at every little thrust. Once he was sure he wasn’t hurting her, he established a slow, steady rhythm as he made love to her just as she’d imagine for years on end. The mere fact that they were wrapped in such an intimate embrace, a part of him inside of her, made her tear up at the enormity of the moment.

This was it. This was what she’d fought for so hard. This feeling of completeness that only he could give her. And despite the initial discomfort, she quickly realized that her dreams hadn’t held a candle to the reality of being with him—of being his.

“I want you to come this time,” he told her. “You’re going to come,” he declared as he reached between their bodies, his thumb replaceing her clit and stroking her in tandem with his thrusts.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt tiny spikes of pleasure spreading through her.

She felt him everywhere, and in no time, she started convulsing around him, her nails digging in his back as she screamed her release.

“That’s it. I can feel you. Fuck… You’re gripping me so tight,” he groaned. A moment later, he came too, his warm seed coating her insides again.

He collapsed next to her, breathing hard.

They were both on their backs, staring at the ceiling. Slowly, his hand reached for hers, squeezing it.

“Thank you for saving me,” he said as he turned his head to look at her.

She met his gaze, a euphoric smile pulling at her lips.

“You saved me, Raf. The thought of you was the only thing that kept me going.”

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, but soon Noelle needed to leave before anyone would get suspicious.

“I’ll come in the afternoon,” she promised with a kiss. She quickly put on her clothes, reluctantly leaving him behind.

She hurried back to the house, and as she sneaked inside her apartment, she found Lucero still sleeping as she’d left her.

Taking her clothes off and putting on a pair of pajamas, Noelle went to her own bed.