The Second Hand Man
August 1st, 1969

My relief hasbeen short-lived.

Tallis waswaiting for me outside the library this afternoon.

This time hemade me get into that same unmarked vehicle and drove me down to the station.

“What’s up,detective?” I asked as we entered the front door.

“I thoughtI’d give you a tour of the station. Show you a little bit about how we work.”

“I should begetting home. My mother will get worried.”

“Come on, itwon’t take long. Besides, maybe I’ll be able to convince you to use thatsuperior mind of yours to help the police one day. Who knows, you may just be asuper sleuth in the making.”

“I seriouslydoubt that.”

“Well,” hesaid smiling wryly. “If you decide to become a super criminal, it always helpsto know how the other side operates.”

“Supercriminal?”

“You know,like Lex Luthor or Doctor Doom an evil mastermind intent on ruling the world.”

“My I.Q. maybe high for kid, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will increase as I age. I’mnot a genius – evil or otherwise.”

“When was thefirst time you realized you were…different?”

“You don’twake up one morning and think, ‘I’m different.’ It’s something that happensover a period of time.”

“But, by thetime you did the tests, you must have been well-aware that you were…gifted.”

“Of course.”

“Of course,”he repeated and ushered me into a large room with a white wall that had beenmarked with height markings in feet and inches. There was a plain-clothes ladysitting behind a large desk sorting through files.

“Hi Janice,”said Tallis.

“Lionel,” shegreeted back.

“I want youto meet a friend of mine, Cornelius Crane.”

“Hello!” shesmiled.

I nodded andsaid, “Ma’am.”

“What can Ido for you gentlemen?”

I felt morethan a bit concerned when Tallis asked, “Is Kowalski still in holding?”

“The lasttime I checked he was sawing his way through the bars with his snoring.”

“Anyone elsedown there?”

“Nope!”

“Good, I wantto show the cells to little Cornelius here, and I wouldn’t want any unsavorycharacters giving the little tyke nightmares.”

“You’re allheart, Tallis.” I had noticed a strong hint of sarcasm in that statement.

“I’m givinghim a tour of the station. You want to help out a little?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, justexplain what you do here.”

“Alright,”she said standing up. “Well, uh, this is the Booking Office. We take thefingerprints here.” She pointed at the marked wall. “And we take the bookingphotographs over there. And that is where…”

“Mugshots?” Iqueried.

“What?”

“Aren’t theycalled mugshots?”

Tallissmiled. “The kid obviously watches a lot of gangster movies. You want to givehim the treatment?”

“Thetreatment?” she frowned.

“Yeah, takehis prints and…mugshot. Just show him how it all works.”

“Alright,”she smiled. “This way John Dillinger.” While she did my prints, Tallis used apiece of chalk to write a string of numbers across a small board. After theprints she handed me a tissue daubed with spirits to clean my fingertips. WhenI had finished, she propped me against the wall and frowned. “I’ll have tolower the tripod quite a bit. The last time I had to do it was with a circusmidget who was passing himself off as a kid on Halloween.”

“Yeah,” saidTallis. “We found a lot more than just candy in his big sack.”

“Silverware,jewelry and a large bunch of handbags and fat wallets,” added Janice.

“How’d youcatch him?” I asked.

Tallis staredat me. “Same as most other criminals. They inevitably get too confident andtoo…greedy.” He shoved the board against my chest. “Hold onto this.”

I read thenumber, “176-671.” I frowned and asked, “Any specific reason for thatparticular number?”

“What, don’tyou ever read any Scrooge McDuck comic books? Or is that too immature for younow?”

“Ah, ofcourse! The Beagle Boys.”

“Bingo!” hesaid winking at me. He stepped back, but then suddenly got a better idea. Hetook the board from me and using his sleeve wiped off the 176-671. Afterscribbling new information on the board he returned it to me. We all laughed atthe words he had written.

“No smiling,”said Janice looking through the viewreplaceer. There was a flash and she said, “Turn to your left.” There was anotherflash. “That’s it! All done!”

“Right,” saidTallis. “Off to jail with you.”

Kowalski wassleeping in the last cell. The door was open.

“I believeyou know our regular guest Mister Harold Kowalski?”

“The guy thatwas with you at my school?”

“Yep, heoften spends time here in our five star facilities; at his own request, ofcourse. Especially when the weather turns a bit too chilly for a park bench. Ithink we’ve been a bit too kind to him lately. Can’t seem to get rid of thebugger.” Tallis had a set of handcuffs in his hand. He ran them along the barsproducing a loud, irritating, clackety-clack sound. Kowalski grumbled and satup. Tallis raised his voice. “Come on, sleeping beauty! You won’t sleep tonightif you don’t get up now.”

Kowalski poppeda cigarette in his mouth and after some unconvincing searching in his pocketsasked, “Got a light?” Tallis obliged before saying, “This is my friend,Cornelius Crane.” Kowalski narrowed his eyes at me through a cloud of smokebefore giving me a half-hearted salute. Tallis put his hand around the back ofmy neck and asked Kowalski, “You wanna teach him that war cry of yours?”

“What?” askedKowalski taking another puff and frowning at Tallis.

“I’m sure thekid will love to hear that 1st Battalion, 3rd Marines war cry of yours?”

“Oh, fu…maybesome other time. Right now, I got a bunch of Russians doing the Sabre Danceinside my head.”

“Come on?Janice has a sandwich and a big mug of coffee waiting for you upstairs.”

“It’s notcoffee I’m needing right now.”

“The onlything in this precinct, besides you, with any alcohol in it, is the spirits weuse to clean off the fingerprint ink. And don’t get any bright ideas becausethat stuff’ll kill ya faster than…”

“I may bedown, Tallis, but I ain’t that goddamned low…yet.”

I sniffed myfingers.

“Come on,”repeated Tallis. “Do the kid a favor. It’s not every day that he gets to meet areal war hero.”

“Bloodyhell!” he said struggling to stand on his one and only leg. “Ah, shit!”

“Was thatit?” I asked.

“What?”queried Tallis.

“The war cry?‘Bloody hell! Ah, shit!’”

He laughed before reprimanding Kowalski.“Watch your mouth around the kid!”

“Sorry,runt,” apologized Kowalski before saluting more briskly and saying loudly,“Lava Dogs! 1st in, last out! Hoo-hah! Fortuna Fortes Juvat!”

“What’s thatmean?” I asked innocently.

Tallisanswered, “Fortune favors the brave. You wanna try that war cry too?”

“Do itagain?” I asked Kowalski.

He obligedand I immediately saluted and repeated, “‘Lava Dogs! 1st in, last out! Hoo-hah!Fortuna Fortes Juvat!’”

“Hah!” smiledKowalski. “You’ll make a mighty fine Lava Dog.”

“ThanksHarry,” said Tallis. “Go have that coffee now.”

He salutedagain and said, “Sir, yes, sir!”

Tallis waitedtill Kowalski had disappeared up the stairs before saying, “Step inside.” Heclosed the cell door behind me but never locked it. Then he handed me thehandcuffs and their keys through the bars. “Have some fun with these. I justneed to do something quickly. I think I better hide that bottle of spirits. Iwon’t be two minutes.”

He was gonefive. He had obviously gone off to question Kowalski regarding me again. Ismiled knowing that there was no way that wino was gonna recall my face withany definite clarity or certainty.

I decided toentertain Tallis, on his tardy return, with my mournful rendition of GreenGreen Grass of Home.

“‘Then Iawake and look around me, at the four grey walls that surround me and Irealize, yes, I was only dreaming. For there's a guard and there's a sad oldpadre - arm in arm we'll walk at daybreak. Again I touch the green, green grassof home.’”

He smiled andpushed open the door. Then his demeanor became more serious. “Come to myoffice. I want to show you something else.”

“Thanks forthe tour, but I really should be going. My mother will be getting worried. Asit is, I’m already late for …”

“Don’tworry,” I’ll fix that chop chop.

As we enteredhis office he picked up a piece of paper lying on his large desk and pointed meto a chair. “I’ll call her and tell her you’ve been delayed.” He was wellprepared. He looked at the paper and dialed. Then he gave me a wink whilewaiting for the call to be answered. “Mrs. Crane?...Detective Inspector Tallis!How are you?...I’m very well, thank you!...No! No, nothing’s wrong.Everything’s just fine!” He gave me another wink. “Not too good under thecircumstances, I’m afraid. The doctors have given her medication to help calmher…You have to stop blaming yourself. I already told you that Hannah Marnowijkwas a tragedy looking for a place to happen. She unfortunately happened tochoose your home to…The funeral?...Yes, of course she’ll be able to attend.We’re not a bunch of heartless…No! No, I’m afraid not. She’s not to have anycontact with anyone. I know it might seem harsh, but…No! That’s not the reasonI’m calling!...It’s about your son, Cornelius…I already told you thateverything’s fine! I saw him on the way home from the library today. The poorkid looked so down…Yes, understandably so. Anyhow, as I was saying, the poorkid looked so down I decided to try and cheer him up a little. So, I broughthim back to the station and gave him a tour. Showed him what police work is allabout. I even let him play with my handcuffs…Yeah, he loved it; thought it wasall just great!” Another wink. “Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you not to worryabout him being late. He’s fine and in safe hands. I’ll even drop the littleguy off at home later myself…Thank you! It’s a pleasure, Mrs. Crane. We don’tjust catch bad guys, you know? Serve and Protect, that’s our motto, Mrs. Crane.Serve and Protect!...Thank you again! Bye now…You too! Goodbye!” He replacedthe phone and sat down in the chair opposite. “See?” he said turning his palmsup. “All sorted out. You worry too much over small things. You should beworrying more about the larger issues in life.”

“Such as?”

He reachedinto his draw and removed an envelope. It was difficult not to read the largewords all typed in caps:

JOAQ DU MAILLE

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY!!!

EXTREMELY URGENT!!!’

He unfurled the letter and slid it across the desk, “Does this lookfamiliar to you?”

“Should it?” I asked pretending to read it for the first time.

“You wanna know what I think about that superior I.Q. of yours?”

“What?”

“I think you cheated on all those tests.”

“Yeah, well that’s a pretty daft deduction seeing as there was no way I couldhave had the answers beforehand. You can ask…”

“No, you misunderstand. I’m not saying you cheated to make yourself seemmore intelligent.”

“What? You think I deliberately answered some of the questions wrong?”

“Bingo!”

“Why on earth would I do…”

“Because if people were ever to realize your true intelligence – it wouldfrighten them. And knowing just how much to cheat on those tests places yourintellect way above that of a twenty-year-old.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Is it? You spend a lot of time down at the library. Have you ever readThe Midwich Cuckoos?”

“That’s science fiction.”

“Yes, but you’re a very real threat aren’t you?”

“Threat?”

“Come on! If people knew the real truth about a kid like you. You’d be likea…a dangerous wasp. A wasp to be crushed. People don’t like different.”

“You said I was welcome to come down to the station and talk whenever Ifelt the need. I thought the idea was to help me feel better about mysituation. Guess what, Sherlock? It ain’t working!”

“Maybe because you haven’t been honest with me…or yourself.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve been doing a little sniffing around.”

“Don’t you mean snooping?”

“Nah, like a bloodhound after an escaped convict – sniffing.” He sniffedthe air. “You know, looking for a scent to follow? Clues…incriminatingevidence.” He galloped his fingers on top of the letter.

“And?”

“And I spoke to your father yesterday.”

“My father? Why?”

“Well, I did a little checking and it seems he bought quite a largeamount of stuff on March 25th. Hell, less than a week after Du Maille drewthree grand out of his bank account. Coincidence? Maybe? Maybe not?

“So your father tells me he’s been saving up the money for the longesttime already; some silly story about keeping it under the mattress. Anyhow, itdidn’t take me long to have him singing like a canary.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I thought you were bright? It means he spilled the beans. Do youunderstand that idiom?”

“Yeah! So what he say?”

“That was sheer genius what you done,” after a pause he said, “Wellalmost, considering that I’m onto your little scheme.”

“What little sche…”

“What was it you buried the money in? Oh, yes, an old British sweet tin.”

“Don’t you mean dug up?”

He looked at me sternly. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way.You tell me the truth right now and I’ll make all your problems go away.”

“How you gonna do that?”

“Trust me.”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because you don’t have any other choice.”

“Yeah? What’s the hard way?”

“The hard way says, ‘I bet you if I sniff…dig a little deeper might be abetter way to phrase it, I’ll eventually get to the bottom of this little…shamof yours.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! I already know you bought the other stuff, you put inside the tin,at Fry’s.”

“That still don’t make me the blackmailer.”

“No,” he said pointing at the letter, “But that does. I’m betting there’sa typewriter in your home that our forensic experts will have no trouble inproving beyond a shadow of doubt that that letter was written on it.”

This guy had me by the short and curlies, and we both knew it. “So whyhaven’t you just had me arrested and been done with? Are you enjoying watchingme squirm?”

So, there it was, a query and a confession.

He sat back with a satisfied grin and formed his fingers into a steeple.“Hey, I’m your friend. Sure it would look good on my career record havingcaught the mysterious blackmailer, but there’s no pleasure in having to send asmall kid off to The Farm.”

I swallowed hard. “The Farm?”

He ignored my query and said, “I don’t want to see a bright young manblemish his name so early on in life. A criminal record stays with youforever.”

“What’s The Farm?”

“Hey, Du Maille’s a scumbag in my eyes. The man’s a perverted monster.He’s gonna get what’s coming to him. In fact, I’m pretty glad you managed tomake him squirm a little before we finally caught him. Hell, if it wasn’t foryou, he’d still be out there killing and…well…”

“Molesting little kids like me!”

“Bingo!”

“So, what’s the problem then?”

“No problems, only solutions.” He leaned back and stared at the ceiling.“Let’s see now? Unfortunately, in this case, your high I.Q. would probably workagainst you. The judge will definitely take that into consideration. Still, theworst that could happen would be some time on The Farm.”

“Are you gonna tell me what the hell…”

“A place about fifty miles north of here where they cater for your kind.”

“My kind?”

“Juvenile delinquents.”

“I ain’t no…”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be allowed to see your folks every other weekend.”

“Oh, God! My poor mother?”

“Relax! Stop fretting. I know a way to keep everybody happy.” Everybody,meaning you, me and your folks. I’m pretty sure it would break their hearts ifthey were to replace out the truth.”

“If? You’re not going to tell them?”

“Not a word. Not to them. Not to anyone. Not if…” He paused.

“Not if what?”

He pointed to the note. “I have a little business proposition for you.”

“A what?”

“You already know that I’m the only investigating officer in thisone-horse town, remember? I’ve had Kowalski check you out a few times now andhe still ain’t sure. So that leaves no one else who can finger you. There’sabsolutely nobody else in this little shithole of a town capable of replaceing outthe truth.”

“Should you be using such language in front of a kid, and one who grew upin this town and always loved it?”

“Grew? Loved? That’s past tense?”

I corrected my mistake by saying, “Yeah, well, certain undesirableelements have started making my life somewhat miserable.”

“Hey, I hope I’m not on that list? Just remember that I’m your friend?I’m trying to help you out here.”

“By calling Sedgefield a shithole?”

“I apologize. Actually, it’s my wife.”

“Your wife? You should wash her mouth out with soap?”

“Yeah, Karen. She believes I’m capable of more; I should be doing a lotbetter.”

“Meaning that you should be earning more?”

“Bingo!”

“Women! They’ll take you for everything they can and spit you out like apiece of used gum.”

“What the hell do you know about women?”

“Can’t live with ‘em. And you can’t damn-well kill ‘em!”

“Stay away from those cheap murder mysteries, okay. You should stick toreading more science fiction.”

“So, your wife Karen thinks Sedgefield is a shithole? Maybe there’ll be alot less shit here if you and her…”

“Let’s not get nasty here, okay?”

“You started this.”

“My wife’s a big-city gal. She’s just having trouble adjusting to smalltown life.”

“Well, sorry that we don’t have any Tiffany’s to cheer her up. I guessattending the girls fortnightly bridge club would also be beneath her…”

“Sedgefield has a bridge club?”

“I’m happy to hear you don’t know everything about this one-horse town?”

“I’ll tell her about it. You know, of course, that it’s nothing to dowith playing cards.”

“It’s about the latest gossip.”

“Bingo! Who knows, maybe Karen might inadvertently pick up some new leadsfor me? One can never tell? I’mpretty persistent when it comes to tracking down my man.”

“Or woman.”

“Orjuvenile!” He laughed out loud. “Yep, I should have been a mountie. You knowwhat they say about a mou…”

“‘A mountiealways gets his man.’”

“Bingo!”These were proud words for someone who had originally allowed a killer towander free for 25 years. He suddenly gave a laugh. “Six years ago, when theforce assigned me to Sedgefield, I had complained. I asked them how is it thatyou’re sending one of the great detective minds to some little town in themiddle of nowhere. Of course, I was still young…younger then – only twentyfour. I hadn’t had time to prove myself yet.

“And now inonly a few months I’ve caught a blackmailer and two killers.”

My throat hadsuddenly gone dry as I asked, “Two?”

“I’ll let youin on a little secret,” he said placing his hand on the side of his mouth. “Themedication the doctor gave to calm Mrs. Marnowijk’s nerves. I changed it withplain old aspirin.”

“Where youkeeping her?”

“Close by. Ina detention house. You can’t expect us to hold her downstairs hereindefinitely. That would be…inhuman.”

“You’re allheart, Tallis.”

“Yeah, Iknow. It’s one of my weak points.” Then he stared at the ceiling again and added,“Any day now she’s gonna crack. The dam wall is gonna break and…”

“She’s gonnasing like a canary?”

“Bingo! It’sjust a matter of time.”

“Great! Maybeyou’ll get a promotion and a transfer at the same time. That’ll make us allhappy – including your big-city wife.”

“Let’s get back to the business at hand, shall we? So as I was saying,the only other person who could’ve put the finger on you is Harry Kowalski, andhe’s a definite no-show. That leaves just me.”

“Go on?”

He tapped the letter again. “Joaq Du Maille’s bank records show that hedrew three thousand dollars on the 20th of March.”

I knew from the very first where Tallis was going with all this, but Iwas still having trouble believing it…accepting it. “Go on?”

“Your father says there was twenty five hundred in the old British sweettin. I believe him.”

“Yeah?”

“I do. But I fail to believe that Du Maille would have come up short inpaying the blackmailer. There was far too much at risk for him to have...”

I just suddenly blurted. “Okay already! I thought your motto is Serve andProtect, not Threaten and Extort?”

“This way everybody wins! That was very generous of you allowing the bulkof the money to fall into your parent’s hands?”

“Yeah, well, Sallinger’s been promising my father a promotion that will…probablynever come. We needed some new things around the house and…seeing Du Mailletalking to James Norton on the day that the kid had gone missing…”

“You put two and two together and took a big gamble?”

“Exactly!”

“I have a little confession to make.”

“What now?”

“Like you, I was never labeled a child prodigy, but I have a littletalent myself.”

“Yeah?”

“I have something of a photographic memory, especially with numbers.”

“If this is supposed to help me feel any better – it ain’t!”

“The force once trained and tested us in remembering license-platenumbers. They lined all the rookies up and had ten cars drive past at highspeed. I was the only one who could give them all ten correctly – and insequence. The next best was Joe McBride, and he could only recall three.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! That’s when they knew I would make good detective material.”

“Yeah, very good,” I said sarcastically. “If you’re so good rememberingnumbers, then how come you needed to look at our house phone number on thepiece of paper before calling my ma?”

“This piece of paper,” he said flicking it across the desk.

I picked it up. It was blank on both sides. “Why did you…”

“I didn’t want you to think I was lying when I said I was calling yourmother.”

“That is quite a talent you got.”

“Well, it has its limits. I mean it’s not like I could read theSedgefield telephone directory and recall everyone’s number off the top of myhead.”

“Yeah, like in that movie where the guy goes to Vegas and…”

“And?”

“Forget it.”

“No, what did he do in Vegas?”

“He counted cards at the blackjack table. Why don’t you try that insteadof taking a poor kids savings.”

“It has its limits. It’s not infallible. If you asked me today for theten license-plate numbers, I wouldn’t have a clue.” There was a knock on thedoor. “Come!” It was Janice. “Yeah?”

“Here’s the print,” she said waving it like a fan. “It’s not properly dryyet, so be careful how you handle it. She handed it to me. I managed a weaksmile as I gazed at the pitiful-looking face above the board marked, ‘F.B.I.sMost Wanted.’ “Now you can show all your friends you’re a dangerous criminal.”

“Yeah,” I said dryly. “Next time we play cops ‘n’ robbers, there’s noprize for guessing which one I’ll be!”

She laughed and said, “Take care now!” before closing the door behindher.

Tallis pointed at the mugshot. “I want you to keep that as a reminder.”

“Of what? My little tour of the station?”

“That too, but mostly of the fact that you should use that special brainof yours for better things than pursuing a life of crime.”

“Well ain’t that the pot calling the kettle bl…”

“It’ll also be a reminder to you that I’ll be keeping a close eye on youfrom now on. So you be sure to keep your nose out of trouble. Okay?” I staredat him in fuming silence, so he repeated, “Okay?”

“Yes!” I hissed at him.

“Yes, who?”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Detective Inspector Travis, sir!”

“That’s better,” he smiled. “Don’t let that I.Q. of yours make you tooproud to show respect for your elders.” He stood up. “Right! Let’s get you homeand get my money.”

At the curb, in front of my house, I handed him the last of the moneythrough the car window. He counted it above his lap.

“This is only $400? You trying to screw me over?”

“That’s the damn lot, okay! That’s all that’s left. I had to buy someother items, remember. It’s everything!”

He narrowed his eyes and stared at me for a long time. I glared backdefiantly. Then he smiled and quipped, “I said we were friends, so I’m gonnatrust you on this one, okay?”

“It’s the goddamned truth, alright!”

“Relax, I said I believe you.”

“Then sound like it?” I sneered at him. “Do you know what’s another name fordetective?”

“What?”

“Dick!”

“That’s for aP.I.”

“I know butit kinda suits you…Dick!”

“Hey? Comeon? We’re all winners here. And to show you I mean well, here’s a littlekeepsake.” He handed me one of the $10 notes. “After all, I am not a greedyman.” He had taunted me by using the exact words that I had written in theblackmail note. “Consider yourself very lucky. You can sleep well tonightknowing your secret’s safe.”

“Yeah, I betthe whole of Sedgefield sleeps better knowing that Detective Inspector Tallisis out there serving and protecting?”

“We do whatwe gotta do, little Crane. It’s a hard world out there.”

“Sure.”

“Andremember, anytime you feel the need to talk, you know where my office is?”

“Don’t holdyour breath, okay?”

Then he suddenly remembered something. “Say,that was a pretty nasty thing you did to Kowalski; tripping up a cripple likethat?”

“Sometimes,we do what we gotta do, Tallis. It’s a hard world out there.”

“What a niceman,” said my mother wiping her hands on her apron at the front door. “I hopeyou thanked him properly for everything – and the tenner?” We watched theunmarked vehicle disappear down the hill. “Sedgefield need more like him.”

‘Yeah?’ Ithought. ‘Well, thank God there’s only one Detective Inspector Tallis.’

The man hadmanaged to stay one move ahead of me all the way through the…game. Yep, that’sexactly what this has been for him. An elaborate game of chess. And although hehad a stronger position on the board, I still feel this was more a stalematethan an outright victory for him.

Yes, the daywill come when I will checkmate this thieving, underhanded, dick bastard! Itmight not happen soon, but it will, most certainly, happen.

I vowed,right there and then, that I would one day have my revenge!!!