The Second Hand Man
November 30th, 1978

Yesterday afternoon, I traveled down to Sedgefield to be with my motherand my father’s parents for Thanksgiving - today.

I made sure to pack in my chess set.

[I never knew my grandparents on my mother’s side. They both passed awaybefore I was even born.

My mother was the youngest of 5 children, and when she was only ten, hermother had died from lung cancer. Her father had passed away some years laterin his sleep. If I could choose, I guess that’s the way I’d like to go –peacefully in my sleep.]

It is bittersweet sleeping in my old bed again. There are many wonderfulmemories, but this only makes the single, tragically traumatic one all the moreintense when juxtaposed together with them.

I would have thought that Claudia would have wanted my room, it beingmuch bigger than hers, but I guess that she feels uncomfortable after learningwhere Hannah had spent her final hour upon this mortal plane.

I am not at ease with the idea myself – and I have the rational mind of a59 year-old man at this time.

Before my grandfather had passed the honor of carving the turkey over tome, my grandmother had asked each one, as she traditionally always does, totell what they were most thankful for.

“Second chances,” I had said. “For all the times I’ve had the courage andthe opportunity to be able to right the wrongs.”

They had all agreed that the statement had sounded wonderfully profoundand sincere.

Boy o’ boy, if they only knew the whole truth?

On both these particular occasions (In my first and second lives), mygrandfather had given me the same advice.

I have already mentioned that he was…is a man that calls a spade – aspade. And I continue to admire him for his candor. He will be sorely missednext year.

He will suffer a stroke right after an eagle putt on the 11th hole at St.Michaels. He will pass away shortly thereafter.

Less than a year later, my grandmother will join him. My mother willclaim it was from a broken heart.

Strange, my grandparents seem to argue so much, and yet…like Time, Loveis also a four-letter word!!!

We had decided to have a few games, prior to the meal, while the ladieswere all assisting in preparing the large special feast planned for aroundlunchtime.

“A man has three brains,” he had told me in a low tone across thechessboard. “One in his head, one in his stomach, and one between his legs.” Ihad laughed the first time, but had just stared seriously at him on the second.He had returned the stare before adding, “Depending on the circumstances, eachwill take its turn in dominating…controlling you. If you allow your johnson torule your life, it will ruin your life. That is why I’m going to give you someadvice today that will help you greatly. Hell, it may one day even save yourlife.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. At times like that it is best to get a hold of yourself. Imean literally. Do you catch my drift?”

“Clearly.”

“Good! And there’s nothing for you to be ashamed of either.” He gazedacross to the kitchen table where my grandmother and mother were basting theturkey and, seemingly, having their own deep conversation. “It’s either that orface a lifetime of regret for a few minutes of pleasure.”

The gravity of those words had escaped me the first time round. “Are youtelling me that my father was an illegitimate…he really was a bast…”

“Hey, let’s not talk ill of the dead, okay? Besides, I made an honestwoman out of your grandmother long before…”

I laughed. “The bastard really was a bastard.”

That was the first time my grandfather had ever struck me. He slapped meon my left cheek. It was not a hard strike, but it had seemed like asledgehammer. The words that followed were even more violent. He pointed acondemning finger. “I like you. More than I ever liked your father. He was weakand he made many mistakes, but he made you. He was your father and he deservesyour respect. Okay?” I remained silent. I guess the disgust on my face probablyforced out the truth. “Don’t be playing this holier than thou scenario. There’snothing I despise more than a hypocrite.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m sure you’ve often wondered why Beth…your mother, such a beautifuland intelligent creature, married someone like your father?”

“Actually…yes. Are you trying to tell me that I…”

“Hell, you’re supposed to have a superior I.Q. You kick my butt all thetime at chess. Are you telling me you never did the math?”

“What? No! No, I never even imagined that…”

“You weren’t no premature birth; in fact you were three weeks late.”

“Why are you telling me this, now?”

“Because I thought you’re old enough now to hear the truth; old enough tohandle it.” The blood had drained from my face. His face saddened. “Maybe I waswrong? I’m sorry.” That was also the first time I had ever heard him apologize.

“No, you’re right. You’re rightand I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“You sure?” He held up his empty glass. “I think you need one of these; astrong one too. Hell, you’ll be turning twenty next year.” He lumbered offtowards the kitchen and the pantry where his secret stash was hidden. “Shit,knowing the kids of today, you’ve probably been into the jungle juice plentyalready. Living on your own you’ve probably even been plastered a few times aswell?”

I stared at, but never saw the chess board and pieces in front of me. Iwas still deep in thought when he placed a glass in front of me. “Here, that’llput the color back in your cheeks in no time. And don’t let me ever catch youhaving it with any goddamned apple juice either.” I laughed before taking along draft. He sat down and stared me square in the face before saying, “So,being something of a little bastard yourself, I thought it time to educate you.So now do us all a very big favor - try not to keep up the family tradition,you hear? When you feel your loins aching, you should have no qualms, no embarrassment,and definitely no second thoughts about grabbing that snake of yours andmilking it dry. You’ll be surprised how different the world will seem afterthat. You may even have the nerve to tell the most beautiful woman in the worldto go screw herself.” I choked on my drink. He pointed a finger at me again.“Married women!”

“What?” I asked regaining my breath and composure.

“Biggest problem in the world. Trouble with a capital T. Don’t be chasingafter any, and if any come chasing after you – be sure to take my advice.Screwing a married woman might sound all exciting and make you feel good, butafterward you’ll end up feeling like a heel. Take my counsel, nothing willremove the rose-colored glass from in front of your eyes faster than a quicktrip to the nearest bathroom. Tell them you need to relieve yourself. No lie inthat. They’ll never know you’re not talking about taking a piss.” He pointed tothe front of my trousers. “I know it’s gonna be a difficult thing to do, butyou’ll thank me in the end. Trust me. Proverbs; chapter 6 and verse 32 – ‘Hewho controls his male member is better than a mighty man who conquers a greatcity.’”

“It actually says that in the Bi…”

“No, but it damn well should!”

We both laughed and my grandmother shouted from the kitchen, “Are youtelling the boy some of those unsavory jokes you’re always hearing down at theclub?” We laughed even louder.

In my first life I had spurned those words, buried them beneath apromiscuous lifestyle – perhaps deathstyle would be a more appropriate term. Ilearned my lesson the hard way, but unlike many others, I have a second chanceto do right this time round – Second chances!!!

I had told my grandfather later as he was leaving that he should starttaking half an aspirin each morning and evening. He said that it sounded like acrazy idea. “I take a pill when I’ve got a headache – not before.”

I told him that it would help to thin his blood, but he just grumbled andsaid, “That’s why there’s whisky.”

So I asked, “When was the last time you had a thorough checkup?”

“What are you suddenly so concerned about my health for? This body ofmine’s still got a good many years service left in it. There’ll still be plentyof opportunity for you to kick my butt at chess.”

Sometimes it’s not always easy to apply those second chances, especiallywhen it’s not directly in your power to do so. Maybe it was just fate’s way oftelling me that I’ve already caused enough damage to this timeline by trying toforce those second chances on the naïve and unwary. In any case, I would onlybe postponing the inevitable (That is, the inevitable for the rest of humankind– not for Cornelius Crane. When it comes to fate – I’m pretty much in controlof mine. At least I strongly believe this to be the case. If not – only Timewill tell!).

As I have already mentioned - My grandparents, especially my grandfather,will be sorely missed.