Those Three Little Words
: Chapter 16

Hair mussed, wearing sweatpants, a long-sleeved Agitators shirt, and my slide-ons, I shuffle through the conference room door where the hotel has set up breakfast for us. I stayed up late last night reading into the second trimester and what to expect from the incredibly unpredictable Penny Lawes.

Things I learned: she’ll start to show, and we’ll be able to replace out the sex of the baby which, to me, is pretty exciting. I’m not sure where her head is at when it comes to wanting to replace out. If she wants to wait, I’ll painfully wait with her, but I’m kind of hoping that she wants to replace out.

Lifting my head from my phone—where once again I’m checking on scores—I spot Pacey in the back corner, hovering over a plate of eggs with his phone in hand. He’s the only one in the room besides me. Normally, I wouldn’t even think twice about sitting next to him, but now that things are rocky between us, I walk over to the buffet, where I pick up a plate and contemplate whether to sit next to him or not.

I pile on eggs and bacon to my plate, along with a fruit cup and a bran muffin. It’s always the same thing at every hotel. The team likes to keep things easy on us, not having to make too many decisions, and keep us fueled with all the right things at the same time. Occasionally, the hotel will throw in their own spin like a baked good, but everything is pretty much the same.

After my plate is full, I grab some water and then turn toward Pacey’s table. His back is to me, and I’m not even sure he realizes I walked into the room.

This is it. Either I could sit somewhere else and let there be a break between us, or I could close the gap and continue to mend my friendship.

On a deep breath—and a hope and a prayer he doesn’t kick me across the room—I head over to his table. I leave a chair between us, so we’re not shoulder to shoulder, but not too much room so it looks like I’m avoiding him.

When I set my plate and water down, his eyes glance away from his phone, and he meets my gaze. I steel myself for him to tell me to fuck off, but instead, he sets his phone down and leans back in his chair.

“Did you see the Freeze lost one to five last night? Clemens apparently forgot how to goaltend.”

Is he . . . uh, is he talking to me?

I want to look behind me to make sure no one walked in when I wasn’t paying attention, but then again, his eyes are on mine, which means he must be talking to me.

Play it cool, man.

Don’t mess this up.

“I did,” I answer. “An absolute upset that works in our favor.”

“Not just an upset, a blow to the ego.” He leans forward. “They lost to the Rockets, the second-worst team in the league. And not just lost, but lost bad.”

I chuckle. “Karma is a real bitch, isn’t it?” I allude to what Gasper did, hoping it’s not going to stir trouble, but when Pacey laughs and nods, I know we’ll be just fine.

“Yeah. The dickhead can’t quite hold his head high at the moment, can he?”

“Not so much.” I scoop a forkful of eggs, and before I bite into them, I say, “Your sister threw up in my shoes.”

His brow raises. “What exactly are you talking about?”

I swallow and lean in closer. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone because, well, she threw up in a shoe, but I feel like I need to explain to you why we probably lost that game to the Freeze. Because I didn’t have the right gameday shoes, because your sister threw up in them. And before you start worrying, it was the one and only time she’s thrown up, and I made sure she was okay.”

The corner of Pacey’s mouth twitches.

His finger drums on the table.

And then he chuckles.

He actually fucking chuckles.

The vise that’s gripped my chest loosens once again. The clouds start to part, the fog lifts, and for the first time since we found out Penny was pregnant, I feel like I can see my friend again.

He lifts his water to his lips and says, “Good for her.”

“Good for her?” I ask incredulously. “You’re happy she threw up in my shoe?”

“Seems like something you deserved.”

“Dude.” I level with him. “Those were the game-time shoes. No one deserves that kind of abuse.”

“You got her pregnant, which in return is the cause of her throwing up. Therefore, I’m pretty sure you deserved it.”

I lean back in my chair, water glass in hand. “Well, when you put it like that.”

He laughs some more and then grows serious. “How are things with Penny? She hasn’t spoken to me much, and I don’t blame her. She hasn’t spoken to our parents much either because I’m pretty sure she’s avoiding telling them. I fear she’s alone, and I know I created that for her with the way I reacted.” He scrubs his hand down his face. “About that.” He winces. “Winnie has been a persistent voice in my ear about how you can’t take time with those you love for granted. And how I wouldn’t want an unresolved rift between us . . . you know, should something happen. And, now that I’ve cooled off, I realize how badly I’ve handled the entire thing.” His eyes meet mine. “Even with you.” Winnie would know, having lost her mom not long ago.

“Dude, don’t worry about me. We’re cool. I probably would have had the same reaction as you. I’m just glad we’re looking at each other. I missed staring longingly into your eyes.”

“You are so fucked in the head.”

I laugh and then say, “She’s not alone. I talk to her several times a day. I’m sure you know Winnie is hanging out with her a lot, and when Winnie isn’t there, Blakley’s there. She’s very much taken care of. She hasn’t said anything about being alone, and honestly, she’s in very good spirits.”

Pacey’s lips twist as he studies me. “You talk to her several times a day? What kind of talking?”

I hold my hand up. “Nothing like you’re thinking. Just friends. Trust me, I learned my lesson.”

“Okay.” He still eyes me. “Would you want something more?”

I shake my head. “I’m not in that kind of headspace right now. I’m focused entirely on making sure Penny has everything she needs, preparing for what’s to come, and making sure I’m mentally prepared to become a father.”

Gently, Pacey asks, “Have you been speaking with your therapist?”

I nod. “I haven’t told Penny that because I don’t want to freak her out, but yeah, I’ve been speaking with him.”

“Why would it freak her out? There’s nothing wrong with seeing a therapist.”

“I don’t want her to worry that I’ll be an unfit partner in this parenting journey, you know? It’s bad enough I’ll be gone a lot because of hockey. I want her to know she can depend on me. Not wonder if I’ll be a flight risk.”

“You won’t be. Not just because me and the rest of the boys will murder you if you are but also because you’re someone who breaks the cycle. You won’t be like your father. You don’t have that kind of bone in your body.”

I glance down at my plate and push a few eggs to the side. “You mean that? Because when we were in Penny’s office—”

“I know what I said was out of line, and I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for saying something like that. Or for saying half of the shit I’ve said to you. You deserve better, but I’ll be honest when I say, I think you will be there for her, but I don’t necessarily trust you to be there romantically for her.”

I slowly nod. “I agree with you. I don’t trust myself either, and that’s why I’m not going there.”

Pacey lends out his hand, and I take it, giving it a good shake. “I appreciate it, man. And I appreciate you stepping up. A lesser man wouldn’t have done the same thing.”

“Thank you.” I release his hand and say, “She’s actually kind of funny. Really weird at times, but she has a good sense of humor. The more I get to know her, the more I can see us being good friends.”

“She is. She’s also a hellion, an instigator, and stubborn. Very stubborn.”

“Shy and awkward,” I add.

“But very loving and thoughtful.” He lets out a sigh. “She’s a catch, and I just wish things were different for her. I feel like she’s doing this all backward, and I’m worried what her future will be like.”

“Well, I’ll try to make it as easy on her as possible.”

“It’s all I ask.” Pacey claps me on the shoulder and then stands from his chair. “A few more games, man. So close to the playoffs.”

“We got this,” I say as he walks away. I turn back to my plate with a smile on my face.

Didn’t expect that this morning, but fuck, does it feel good.

PENNY: Did you need to get stitches?

Eli: Just five.

Penny: When I saw your helmet fly off, I pulled a blanket over my eyes and cringed.

Eli: I honestly still don’t know how it all happened. All I can remember was fighting for possession of the puck against the boards, an elbow to my head, my helmet is gone, and then, blood is running down my face.

Penny: It was a stick that got you. To the fans, you looked like a badass with the blood.

Eli: What did you think?

Penny: I thought you looked like something from a horror film. Let’s just say you’ve had more attractive moments. That was not one of them. Also, what’s with the thick stubble? Are you growing a beard?

Eli: Haven’t shaved on this away trip. For an avid hockey fan, you think you’d know that’s tradition for the last away trip before the season ends.

Penny: I never paid that much attention to you.

Eli: Ouch.

Penny: LOL. It’s true. Sorry.

Eli: Well, for future reference, every last road trip, I don’t shave until we get back.

Penny: Does that include your arms and legs as well?

Eli: I don’t ever shave those.

Penny: Huh, okay.

Eli: I’m not falling for it, Penny. Not this time. You trying to trick me into whatever is scheming in your head.

Penny: I’m not scheming anything. I have better things to do with my life, like grow a child, than try to trick you. Honestly, Eli. Oh, which reminds me, I got a phone call from the doctor’s office. They asked about the microchip and if we want to put one in the baby when it’s born.

Eli: Microchip. Like what they put in dogs?

Penny: Yes, exactly. I told him I’d talk it over with the baby’s father and come back with an answer. I think it might be a good idea.

Eli: Wait, this is a real thing? They really put tracking devices in kids?

Penny: Yes, but don’t worry, after ten years, they dissolve. So it’s not like we’re still tracking him when he’s twenty. It’s just so we can make sure we know where they are when they’re young. Especially toddler age. They get into everything at that age.

Eli: It dissolves? I haven’t read anything about this.

Penny: Want me to send you the website with all the information you might need?

Eli: Yeah, that would be great. If I’m going to make an executive decision about this, I’ll need all the information. And you’re leaning toward yes?

Penny: Seems like a great idea. It works for dogs. Why not for babies too?

Eli: Just seems weird, you know? Does the tracker come with an app?

Penny: The more expensive one does. And the app also tells you when the baby is about to pee and when it is going to poop within ten minutes. Very accurate so you can prepare yourself for what’s to come. And then the obvious sleeping stuff, which is nice. But that one’s $2,000. Seems pricey.

Eli: It predicts poop? That might be nice, actually. And money is not a thing so don’t worry about that. I still want to look at the information, but it all seems like it could be good.

Penny: Not a problem. Here is the website: ICan’tBelieveYouFellForThat.com

Eli: I. HATE. YOU.

Penny: HAHAHAHAHA DYING! Oh my God, did you seriously think that was a thing?

Eli: You know, it’s not nice to fuck with me. I’m a sensitive guy. I could cry. Is that what you want? For me to cry?

Penny: You and I both know that would never happen.

Eli: You don’t know that. I could be crying right now.

Penny: Send me a picture. I want to see your tears.

Eli: Who’s the sociopath now?

Penny: Hahaha.

Eli: Did you just text me to goad me? Or was there a reason for these texts?

Penny: Checking on your eye. Remember, I was nice at first.

Eli: So this is more like a toxic friendship then. Luring me in with sweetness only to gaslight me after.

Penny: If you think some innocent teasing is gaslighting, then I don’t think we can be friends.

Eli: Now I feel like you’re extorting me.

Penny: Do you even know what these terms mean?

Eli: Generally.

Penny: Glad your eye’s okay. Good game out there. I’m going to bed.

Eli: Night, Penny.

ELI: You got my shoes dry-cleaned? Seriously?

Penny: I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Eli: I didn’t even know you could do that.

Penny: Trust me when I say I did a lot of research and found a place in Vancouver that was pretty confident they could restore them to their natural state. They did say the shoe that didn’t have puke in it was more smelly from foot contact. They asked about athlete’s foot.

Eli: I’m sure they did. *insert eye roll* But thank you. You didn’t have to do that.

Penny: I felt like I owed it to the fans. I thought about making a TikTok on how they’ve been found and returned to your feet, but I’m not sure if it’s too much.

Eli: I’m more than happy to have you slip them on my feet like Cinderella if that’s what you want to do.

Penny: That seems like something Posey would enjoy, not you.

Eli: He’s rubbing off on me.

Penny: I can see that.

Eli: We come home tonight. Are you excited to see me?

Penny: Eh.

Eli: Come on, there has to be at least a shred of excitement.

Penny: I’ve had my place to myself, my bed to myself, and I’ve been able to do whatever I want without your judgmental eye looking in on me. Does it sound like I’m excited to have you home?

Eli: Positively riveted. Maybe this will change your mind: I got something for you.

Penny: For me? Like a present?

Eli: Yes, that’s usually what it’s called when someone gets you something.

Penny: Why?

Eli: Lol. Because I saw it and thought of you. Are you going to be mad about that?

Penny: Not at all . . . God, why am I feeling emotional right now? I hate these stupid hormones.

Eli: Are you crying?

Penny: . . . No. *wipes at face*

Eli: So you’re telling me, beneath the sarcastic sociopath, there’s a sensitive side to you?

Penny: I thought we established you were the sociopath.

Eli: Either way, I like it. You don’t have to be so tough all the time.

Penny: Is that what you think I am? Tough?

Eli: Yeah, I think you sort of have a wall up. I’m getting to know you, but there’s still a defensive barrier, and it’s your humor and teasing.

Penny: Weren’t you saying I have all different sides to me? Well, here is another one. Apparently, I cry at the mention of a gift.

Eli: Well, keep your expectations low because it’s not that big of a deal.

Penny: I think you could give me an old rabbit’s turd, and I’d be happy.

Eli: Well, it’s not a rabbit’s turd, so get that out of your head.

Penny: Sad, could have been a lovely gift.

Eli: You are so strange. I don’t know which one of your many personalities is going to show up.

Penny: So you’re saying it’s been a fun roller coaster so far?

Eli: Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Shy at first, then a fucking fire in bed, then shy and extremely awkward, then teasing, then angry, now fun and charming. Anything else I need to worry about?

Penny: Nope, I think that just about covers it, but I suggest you don’t sleep on a new side of me. You never know what might appear.

Eli: Got it. Okay, see you tonight, or in the morning. I’ll try not to wake you up when I get in.

Penny: Don’t worry about it. Good luck tonight. Bruise someone’s ribs.

Eli: Haha. I’ll try.

Penny: Oh and Eli? I am excited to see you tonight.

Eli: Ditto.