Tore Up (Mississippi Smoke Series Book 1)
Tore Up: Chapter 40

If I stayed in here, I was going to wake her up and fuck her.

I’d barely held her in my arms last night, and she’d fallen asleep quickly. Her hands wrapped around my arms as if she needed to hold on to me to keep me there. The raw ache in my chest morphed into a deep-rooted torment. Tremors ran through me as I let everything I’d done to her replay in my head. It had been hours before I could go to sleep.

I kissed her head, whispered things to her, caressed her arm and face. That was the only way I got through the anguish I had brought upon myself. After a night of sleeping like this, giving in to what I wanted and knew I wasn’t going to be able to live without.

I wanted to be buried inside her again.

But my pretty girl needed her rest.

Getting up, I pulled on a pair of sweats and quietly left the room. It wasn’t early. That was the latest I had slept in, in years. I heard voices in the kitchen, and although I didn’t want to deal with them this morning, I knew it had to be done. Might as well get it over with now while she was sleeping.

I ran a hand through my hair with a silent sigh of annoyance of what was to come, then entered the bright, entirely-too-full kitchen. Did every one of the fuckers have to eat breakfast at the same time today?

“Mornin’,” Oz said from his seat at the bar.

I met his gaze, and he simply nodded once. He wouldn’t say any more. It was one of the reasons he was my best friend. We understood each other. Talking about shit wasn’t required.

The others went silent. I walked to the coffee machine and got a mug down from the cabinet. If they wanted to stare at me and wait on me to tell them what had happened last night, then they could do just that. It wasn’t like I wanted to explain this to them. It wasn’t anyone’s goddamn business.

“You’re back then,” Ransom asked.

Leave it to him to speak up.

“Yeah,” I replied as my coffee gurgled from the machine and filled my cup.

“You’re gonna hurt her,” Than said, not masking his anger.

Gripping my cup, I turned to look at him. His body was tense as he glared at me like he wanted to put his fist in my face. He wouldn’t because he wasn’t that stupid. His protectiveness with her had still better be because of Crosby. If he was feeling shit, then he was going to need more than his brother to keep him safe.

“I’m sorry, Than. I don’t recall asking for your opinion,” I drawled, then took a drink.

“She’s fragile, you bas—”

“WHAT he is saying,” Ransom cut him off, glaring at his brother, as if that was going to shut him up, “is that we all are concerned about her. She’s grown on us. It’s not just about her being Crosby’s baby momma anymore. We care about her.”

The muscle in my jaw ticced as I stood there, deciding if I could take on all of them.

“I was the one who had to go to her bedroom at night when she woke up, screaming, and you weren’t here,” Than said, pointing at his chest. “And I heard her. I sat on that goddamn floor and heard whose name she called out when she whimpered.” He took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. “And it wasn’t Crosby’s.”

I stared back at him, some of my rage draining. Was he saying she’d been calling out to me in her sleep? While I was gone? Fuck, how did a chest hurt so much and yet feel so damn full at the same time?

“Like I said last night …” Oz said.

My eyes swung to him. I hadn’t expected him to say anything.

“He’d have wanted it to be you.”

I took a deep breath. “I tried not to,” I finally said. “But it happened, and I couldn’t stop it. She …” I paused, not sure how to say this correctly. There was so much to what I felt about her and the reasons why I shouldn’t feel them, but after last night, I knew I’d never be able to let her go. I fucking hoped Oz was right.

“She’s the most important person in my life now. I can’t decide if that’s okay or not. There is a fucking war in my head. But when I’m holding her”—I shrugged—“nothing else matters. It is all eased.”

I hadn’t planned on saying any of this to them. It had just come out. Maybe it was a good thing. They all needed to understand where I stood. That she was mine.

Than let out a heavy sigh. “Well, all right then. If that’s how it is, I can live with it. Oz is right. This is what Crosby would have wanted. If he can’t be here with her and his son, then he’d have wanted you to take his place.”

There was no jealousy in his tone. His expression wasn’t one of a man who’d lost something he wanted. Somehow, he’d been there for her, gotten close to her, and not fallen in love. I didn’t know how the hell he’d managed it. He had seen her as Crosby’s. Someone to protect. Nothing more.

I hadn’t been able to do the same. Every time she looked at me, I swore she had taken another piece of my soul until she claimed me entirely. I had wanted her to be the cause of everything that had happened. I’d wanted her to be a fucking gold digger. I had wanted her not to be as perfect on the inside as she was on the outside. Because I had feared this would be the result. Strange how what I’d been so fucking scared of was what brought me back from the edge. She’d given me a reason to live again.

“Since that’s all settled,” Forge said, speaking up from his plate of pancakes, which he’d been eating during all this, “when do you think Saylor is gonna be over her drama? I’m ready to stop having to split up and choose houses like a bunch of kids from divorced parents. Besides, our pool is better here.”

When no one said anything but stared at him, he threw up his hands. “What? I’m just saying if Bane can get over the fact that he’s in love with Crosby’s baby momma, then Saylor can get over the fact that Crosby has a baby momma.”

Oz pushed his stool out and stood up. His eyes swung to mine, and he rolled them. The corner of my lips quirked.

It was okay. They’d all accepted it.

I hope that means you are okay with it too, little brother. Because she owns me.