When He Desires: A Dark Mafia Romance (Fallen God Book 1)
When He Desires: Chapter 26

“Ugh, I wish I was going to the party with you,” Del grumbles.

I squeeze the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I slide the hot iron over my dress. “Don’t you have your company’s holiday party coming up this week?”

“Yeah, and I can guarantee you I’ll be in bed alone by ten p.m., the same way I was last year. These nerdy software engineers have no idea how to have a good time.”

“I think it’s a good thing you’re not going to be at the charity auction. We can’t have you blowing money you don’t have just because you feel bad for people who donated the items.” Del has a track record of draining her savings bidding on things no one else seems to want, which will probably be my mixology class this year. One time, she spent three hundred dollars on a collection of empty perfume bottles.

“Hey, I have no regrets. If I was there, you know I’d bid the hell out of your class.”

I groan. “I’m dreading it. It’s going to be so embarrassing if no one wants it.” And there’s a good chance no one will, but I couldn’t say no to Lottie. She’s always been kind to me, and I loved her as a teacher.

Del tsks. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re telling me you’re not even a little excited?”

I set the iron aside and lift the satin dress I dug out of the back of my closet a few days ago. It’s red with black polka dots, long sleeves, and a boat neck.

It should do.

“I wouldn’t even go if Rowan weren’t insisting on it. But he and I have a deal, so this is me earning my keep.”

Nerves flutter in my stomach. Dinner at Emerald Grill was overwhelming, but tonight, the whole town will be present to witness Rowan and me acting like a couple.

We’ve barely talked since the night of our last date.

He’s spent the last three days silently driving me to the office and then silently driving me back home. All week, he’s looked like there’s a lot on his mind. And Sam was around the whole weekend, walking me through the plans for the renovations and helping me clear the rest of my things out. When Rowan wasn’t helping us, he made himself scarce.

Now it’s Monday, the night of the party, and I’m desperate to break the ice that’s set in between us.

Was I too harsh with him on the ride home? Probably.

I don’t know why I went off on him like that.

Actually, that’s a lie. I do know.

That date unmoored me. Rowan makes me feel all sorts of things, and the more time I spend with him, the less I remember all the reasons I should keep my guard up.

I felt like I needed to plant a stake in the ground and make it clear to both of us that it doesn’t matter how my body reacts to him. Or how I’ve been dreaming of his hands on me again for days. Or how there’s a tiny part of me that’s excited about this party despite my nerves because I’ll get a chance to be close to him again.

None of that matters, damn it.

If I give in and sleep with him, the confusing feelings inside me will grow wings, and I’m scared I won’t be able to rein them back in.

Del snorts. “I’m sure he’d be happy to let you earn your keep in other ways.”

“Stop it.”

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t tell me you still haven’t fooled around.”

“Not at all.”

“You’re really telling me you’ve been there for more than a week now, and nothing’s happened between you two?”

I think back to the night after we went to The Junction. I think back to him standing shirtless in the kitchen, cooking eggs for me. I think back to how I cozied up on his lap, not once, but twice.

Oh, something’s been happening.

But I can’t tell Dell that. Not when I don’t understand any of it myself yet. “I thought we were becoming friends,’ I say instead. ‘Now, I’m not so sure.”

She laughs. “Based on what I’ve heard about him, that is not a man who has female friends.”

“What would be the point of starting anything? I’m still planning on leaving this place once I’ve sorted everything with the house. Sam told me it should take four weeks to get everything done, but with the holidays coming up, he tacked on another week. So that brings us to mid-January.”

“Why not just have some fun with Rowan in the meantime?”

That’s exactly what Rowan said after our date. You may as well have some fun.

I rub my forehead. “You know I don’t do casual sex. If I sleep with him, there’s a good chance I’ll get attached and get my heart broken when it’s time to leave.”

“It’s not like you have to leave.”

I flip the dress over to iron a wrinkle I spied on the other side. “What do you mean?

“I mean, you can fix up the house, sell it, and use the money to open that bookstore you always wanted in Darkwater Hollow. Then you wouldn’t have to end things with Rowan if you didn’t want to.”

“Del, haven’t you heard enough from me and Lottie about Rowan? He doesn’t do relationships. He’s not looking for anything serious. In fact, he’d rather let me live with him and pay a fortune for my repairs than give a genuine relationship a chance.”

Del sighs. “I hear you. It just seems like such a waste. Especially since it sounds like you two are getting along.”

More like I go from being enthralled by him to wanting to strangle him.

But tonight at the party, I have one task.

I have to convince everyone I’m in love with him.

I walk out of the bedroom an hour later, determined to play it as cool as a cucumber tonight, only to nearly stumble over my feet when my eyes land on Rowan in the living room.

He’s standing by the window looking out at the backyard. The crisp white dress shirt and the dark-wash jeans fit him sinfully well, as if whoever made them used a pattern with exactly his measurements in mind. He tugs on the sleeves and rolls his boulder-like shoulders back.

Just watching his absentminded movements sends lava dripping into my bloodstream.

He slides on the blazer he’s holding, the action so fluid and practiced, it’s like he’s done this a thousand times before, even though I know he hasn’t. I doubt he’s had to dress up like this often working in constriction.

It’s a shame.

When he turns to face me, there’s a fire blazing low inside my belly.

Our eyes clash. Rowan holds my gaze for a moment and then allows it to slide lower, taking me in inch by inch.

I can barely breathe as I wait for him to speak. Being seen by him is a full-body experience—my skin sizzles, my heart pounds, and my nerve endings flutter.

When his eyes finally return to mine, there’s a distinct hunger in them.

He looks like he wants to take a bite of me.

And right now, I think I’d let him.

Maybe he senses my weakness, because he stops in front of me and drags a knuckle over my clavicle. “You look good in red.”

My nipples pebble. If I weren’t wearing a bra, he’d see it and know that he was right that night after we left Emerald Grill.

He did make me wet that night. He made me so fucking wet. And then he somehow managed to do it all over again when he pulled a fantasy I didn’t even know I had from somewhere deep inside my head and recited it to me in that low, sexy voice.

“Thank you,” I breathe.

Snow floats through the sky as we drive to the historical manor where the party is taking place. The air inside the car is so charged that neither of us dares to speak.

I think back to my conversation with Del. Everything I said to her is true, but I’m not all logic. And a very illogical part of me wants to forget about my legitimate concerns about Rowan and see where tonight might lead.

We replace a spot in the busy parking lot and get out of the car. Rowan’s palm is pressed against my lower back as we join the other guests streaming inside the venue.

The manor is one of the few historical buildings scattered throughout Darkwater Hollow. It’s beautiful, with intricately carved wooden ceilings, art depicting biblical scenes on the walls, and a grand ballroom where the dinner and auction will be taking place.

The ballroom is brimming with people by the time Rowan and I make it inside. It takes me only a moment to spot Brett’s sister and mother on the other side of the room.

They shoot me a glare, like they can’t believe I’ve dared to show my face here. They’ve never liked me. Neither has the rest of Brett’s family. His dad has always been cordial, but he’s the mayor. He has to put on a friendly front to his constituents. I’ve never deluded myself into thinking he was happy about his son dating me.

I ignore them and follow Rowan toward our designated table.

As soon as I see the people who’ll be sitting with us, my stomach turns.

There are four couples. I know three of them only in passing, but the fourth pair—James and Sarah—were in my grade in high school. One time, Sarah took my clothes while I was taking a shower in the girls’ changing room and hid them under a bench far from my locker. It only took me five minutes to replace them, but I spent those minutes imagining I was going to have to go out into the hallway in only a towel, and the sheer panic I felt stayed with me for years.

She shoots me a cold look when Rowan and I take our seats.

Annoyance prickles over my nape. It’s been years, but she still clearly has a problem with me.

I scan the three older couples at the table. Their vibe is also decidedly frosty as they send us a smattering of nods and thin-lipped smiles. Two of the women avert their gazes when I try to make eye contact.

Okay, what’s going on? I’ve only ever served these people at Frostbite, and I don’t recall any of them being particularly rude to me.

Is it what I’m wearing?

I glance down at my dress.

Rowan leans in and whispers, “The only way we could have gotten a worse table is if they’d sat us with Abigail and her husband.”

I tip my head toward him. “What do you mean?”

“The two guys sitting across from us are friends with the husband. I’ve seen them hanging around together.”

Crap.

“Bad luck,” I mutter.

This is not a good start to our night. I know Rowan’s goal is to get some new leads for his business to replace the clients he and Sam have recently lost, and the couples at our table would be the perfect place to start. But how can Rowan convince them to work with him if they don’t even want to say hello to us?

I need to help him. He’s new to this town, but I’m not, and I know that if he can win over the people sitting with us, it will start a chain reaction. If there’s one good thing about the Darkwater Hollow rumor mill, it’s that it goes both ways.

I take in a steadying breath. Well, here goes nothing.

Plastering on an earnest smile, I lock eyes with the woman sitting closest to me. “Hi. Emily, right?”

Hesitantly, she turns my way. “Hello.”

“I think you know Lindsay Kennedy? She’s my best friend’s mom.“

Her expression brightens. “Oh, yes, Lindsay and I lived next door growing up. Shame she left a few years back.” She folds her hands in her lap. “How’s Delilah?”

“She works at a tech company in San Francisco now. I was just on the phone with her before we came here, and she was very upset she’s missing the party.”

Emily smiles. “I think a lot of people have fond memories of these parties. The community doesn’t quite come together like this at any other time during the year.”

“You’re completely right.” I lean back and put my hand on Rowan’s forearm. “By the way, have you met my boyfriend, Rowan?”

In my periphery, I see the table slightly perk up at the word.

So they’re all eavesdropping, huh?

Good. The bigger the audience, the better.

“I don’t believe so, but I’ve heard tons about you, Rowan.” There’s an amused glint in Emily’s eyes. She gestures at the man beside her. “This is my husband, Jonah.”

Rowan extends his hand with a charming smile. “Nice to meet you both.”

Jonah nods in greeting and shakes Rowan’s hand, relaxing slightly as the tension at the table eases.

Ice broken.

I’m not a particularly charming person—not like Rowan, at least—but after working at a bar for four years, I’ve learned how to talk to just about anyone. The best way to get someone to like you and leave a bigger tip is to ask them tons of questions. People love to talk about themselves.

So that’s what I do with Emily and Jonah. I ask about their kids, their plans for the holidays, and their favorite hiking spots around town.

“The trail in Whispering Woods is our favorite,” Emily says. “It’s only a thirty-minute drive, and the view of the lake is unforgettable.”

“We’d love to go.” I shoot Rowan, who’s been letting me drive the conversation, a smile. “Darkwater Hollow is a beautiful place. I’m proud to call it home.”

Jonah nods. “That’s good to hear. A lot of young people are leaving these days. I know there are more opportunities in bigger towns, but if everyone leaves, Darkwater Hollow will disappear in a few generations.”

Rowan’s hand is resting on the table, and I place my palm over it. “This is why I’m so proud of Rowan. His business, Handy Heroes, employs four people, and they’re only getting started. I’ve been helping out this past week, and I think it’s the kind of company that can make a big impact in the community.”

When I look at Rowan, he’s staring at me with some unreadable emotion in his eyes.

“I’ve heard about the work your company does,” Jonah says.

“You did an amazing job on my mom’s house,” James says begrudgingly, jumping into the conversation. “She won’t stop mentioning it whenever I call her.”

Sarah shoots daggers at her husband, but Rowan grins. “What’s your mom’s name?”

“Felicia Sutton.”

Rowan barks out a laugh. “She’s a delight. Sharp as hell, too. Did she tell you how she wiped the floor with me during a poker night she threw for me and my guys?”

James chuckles. “No, but that doesn’t surprise me one bit. You should see her when she goes to Vegas.”

Rowan runs his palm over his beard. “That was a great project. The first one we finished after we bought the company, actually.”

Emily glances at Jonah. “We’ve been talking about redoing our living room for ages. Maybe it’s time we pull the trigger? Do you have any availability in the next six months, Rowan?”

Jonah clears his throat. “We’ve got to get a few quotes before we commit to a firm, honey.”

“No commitment necessary for us to give a quote,” Rowan says. “Our prices are competitive.”

I inch my chair closer and wrap my hands around his arm. It’s solid muscle. “Very competitive. You won’t believe how sweet this man is. My house sustained some damage from a recent fire, and he insisted on fixing it for me. He won’t let me pay him a penny.”

“That was a girlfriend special,” Rowan says. “Don’t advertise it to everyone, Sunshine.”

Emily is smitten. “That’s so sweet. We’d love to talk more about this, Rowan. Do you have a card?”

I watch Rowan talk to them, noting how easily he can hold a conversation, and how subtle he is about pitching his company. It doesn’t feel like he’s selling, but by the time the bread rolls come out, he and Jonah are already discussing their budget.

Triumph blooms inside my chest. I think I managed to do it.

Me. The girl this town hates.

The conversation is interrupted by the servers bringing out large dishes of food—family style for the table to share. Rowan throws his arm over the back of my chair and leans in. “I’m in awe of you,” he whispers, his lips close to my ear.

A pleasant shiver zings up my spine. Truth is, I never would have had the courage to put myself out there like that if I didn’t have him sitting beside me.

I turn and open my mouth to respond, but when I see how he’s looking at me, I forget what I wanted to say.

He stares at my mouth as he lifts his hand to my cheek and brushes away a strand of my hair. “Did I tell you how unbelievably beautiful you look tonight?”

I feel his words brush against my lips. We’re so close, we’re breathing the same air.

“You didn’t.”

He brushes his knuckles over my jaw, caressing me like I’m something precious. “Then I’m an idiot.”

The entire table must be watching us, probably trying to hear what he’s saying to me, but it’s as if the room has faded away, leaving just Rowan and me in this charged space. No matter how I try, I can’t convince myself he’s doing this for our audience. There’s no hint of falseness in his dark, hazel eyes.

My heart thumps against my rib cage, the sound growing louder and louder inside my ears, and for the first time since we started this, I begin to think…this doesn’t feel like pretend.