Wild West of the Heart
FIFTY FIVE

The winds blew into her hair, scattering strands across her face. She used a finger to swipe a few behind her ear as she squinted to the sun. Up the roof was calm for Fiyin as she heaved a deep sigh.

Her chin rested against her left knee while her right leg swung from above the building. She was seated by the edge, one of places that didn't have some barrier. Not that she wanted to jump, but she was aware of the risks. That if she did as much as move too much, she'd fall a hundred feet down into traffic.

Now that was a terrible way to kill yourself. Besides she didn't think it was worth it, because she was also aware of the afterlife which was hell.

She didn't want to kill herself, she just wanted some air, some time away from the world when it got too loud or too noisy. And she let out that breath, she still felt something was missing from her. Each moment, the thought of being pregnant infiltrated her mind, spiking her anxieties.

She opened her eyes, letting her left knee fall and then she heard footsteps from behind after the metal roof door made a sound. She didn't bother looking back, assuming maybe it was a teacher and she'd been caught. Things like detention and punishments seem minor when you're pregnant-

because you realize those are now the least of your worries. The atmosphere was humid and dry while the sun shone just above her. The trees that seemed far from below weren't all that far now.

"Hi" She recognized that voice, it was why she looked back in disbelief.

"Deborah?" She called her full name like she was some stranger. And then she turned back to the roads, throwing tiny pebbles from below.

It took a couple steps for Deb to get close and once she did, she sat right next to her, picking up a stick in her hands. Neither of them said a word until more than a minute had passed, though Fi might have hummed a song that was quite stuck in her head, leaving Deb to start a conversation.

"Ditching classes?"

She wasn't judgmental, she was just direct. And Fiyin turned to face her, not that she was offended but because she was actually genuinely tired.

"I just needed some time. Some space" The words slipped from her lips as she looked below at the traffic after the school gate. Deb swung her leg, letting it softly graze the side of the concrete. She was wearing a netted leggings so she was bruised.

Fiyin however had bruises all over her arms that had sealed, yet still very lucid on the exposed areas of her skin. She didn't notice Deb looking at her, thankfully. She just went back to humming that song. "From me?" She suddenly asked. "What?" Fi turned around.

"You need space from me after christmas?"

"What no" She dismissed, letting her brows curve across her eyes. "After i almost k—"

"Just stop there. I had even kind of forgotten about all that" Fiyin locked eyes with her as she still toyed with the stick in her hands.

"You'd forgotten?"

She heaved a sigh. "You know that's not what i meant" Fiyin whispered and Deb just sighed.

"Then why didn't we talk after that day. It's been a week. Look, i don't ever want things to be weird between us but i can't control how you see it" She said, lowly as she darted her eyes away from Fi.

She turned to the side, giving her only the view of her grazed side profile.

"Nothing changed" Fiyin lied, pushing a lump down her throat. "Then what do you need space from?" Deb and her were close before, it was why she still wanted to know. Because now, she didn't know where she stood and she thought it was cos of some stupid kiss, meanwhile it wasn't-

-she just hoped Fi would tell her what was going on, sort of oblivious to the fact that she almost did.

"You don't have to" Deb stood up, leaving her arms out for Fi to take. She looked up and down, hesitant to take it. "Just come to class, the results would drop soon. And up here is "

"—is dangerous" She whispered the last part as Fi grazed her skin with her cold palms. They shared an intense glare before Fi shook her, rising to her feet. She untucked her sweater from her waist to put it in and Deb just walked a bit forward to wait.

Fiyin stared at her back, feeling sort of guilty as she slid her arm into the wine cardigan. It was not as if she didn't want to tell Deb, the most difficult truth was that she herself, hadn't accepted it yet.

She picked up her pace past Deb and was headed down the stairway. Both of them, nothing but the echoes of creaking shoes and metal doors filling the air. They were hasty because they couldn't get caught, not after skipping the first three periods.

They made their way through the exits and snuck in from the toilet, cupping their chins when they walked past teachers. "Where do we go now?" Fi asked as Deborah's eyes met with a clock.

"It'll soon be forth period" She muttered, looking around into the biology lab. "Let's just hold on, i think this is where they're pasting the results"

Across the hallway from them was Abdul, who'd locked eyes with Fi. She let her eyes dim, waving her palms and he just stared at both of them, clutching a pile of books in his hands. He nodded before he left, so as not to come off as a snub but he as well, was taken back to the Christmas party-

-when he'd almost seen them kiss. Not that he owed any of them loyalty, except Obi, who was best friends with Ola. The whole cycle just circled back to him, and what he knew.

The thing is, he didn't know Ola did too.

Fi turned around and Deb had already gone inside, she followed and closed the door behind her as quietly as she could. The lab was quiet with the emptiest wooden chairs and tables.

There were typical charts and diagrams hanging from the walls, one of which she had always taken interest in, which was the reproductive system, hers. She was vast in the knowledge of biology and also in the biblical idea of procreation but she just never thought of having kids.

Obviously not then or even in the nearest future. She just always thought it'd be something she'd deal with maybe when she was thirty or something.

But look at her now.

As her eyes moistened at the sight of the plain chart, she felt a palm slowly slip between hers and it was Deb. She just brought her head to rest upon her shoulders in the silence. Though she had no idea what was going on, Deb knew something was wrong. She'd known since they first met-

-something Fi hadn't told her yet. But she was always willing to provide that comfort for her, because she was not that different. She as well, had struggled with self harm when was thirteen.

And up until last year, she wasn't sure she was completely free from it yet. The only good thing was she had a caring nanny that looked after her when her parents were out of town, frequently. And she had Kiki and her therapist.

She had people around that cheered her on, that comforted her. Fiyin did not, and she was about to be that person for her, only if she let her in. They shared a moment of silence and grief as they held unto each other but that was all before the door barged open, sending Deborah five feet apart-

Fi was startled, turning her face to the door. And she couldn't believe her eyes, of all the people she could see in that moment, it was the devil, Collins.

He halted, having maybe caught them cuddled up and he had a million sheets in his hands which she assumed were the results.

That gaze that they shared were pins to her soul and she could feel her skin crawl. She felt sick to her insides seeing his face, so bad that she wanted to throw up.

"What are you doing here?" His voice filled the entire room as Deb cleared her throat. "Waiting" She muttered under her breath. "Anxious for the results" She added, pretty convincingly and he struck out a finger at Fi. "You both?" He asked. "Yes"

Fi was numb, her tongue was that she couldn't say a word. She just imagined all the million ways this man could go through twice the pain she had. And she didn't care if it made her into a monster, there were just some people that deserved all the pain in the world.

It was often those people that got away with it.

"Then, i'd assume to start the queue outside" He dropped the stapler to the table, finally looking away. He let the papers slips from his grasp, with a sheepish smile across his face.

Fiyin's lips quivered as she stood to the ground.

"You okay?" Deb brushed softly against her shoulders as she noticed how furiously she looked at Collins. "Yo, we need to leave" She whispered and it was then she had grasped her attention.

"We need to leave" She said again, pulling her hands slowly out the door and Collins threw his head over his shoulders, hearing the whispers between them. "What was that?" Deborah asked.

Fi unsurprisingly shook her head as she pushed a heavy lump down her throat. "Nothing" She lied.

-

The bell rang through the halls, alerting the students of a change in the periods. But for the ss3s, it meant their results were to be posted now.

Abdul ran up the stairs as quickly as he could, in the middle of an errand. He'd just seen Fi and Deb but somehow he'd wiped it from his memory. His brain had now been pervaded by exam anxieties and he wasn't really the only one. As the grade elevens rushed down the stairs, most of their hearts wanted to leap through their chests.

Relief had drained from their faces, alongside color as they ran towards the biology lab. With groans louder than footsteps, they were all anxious because failure in this meant no grad. And no graduation meant an extra year in his hellhole. He scanned the hallway full of doors for the storage closet after being sent by a teacher to get a mop. Picking his steps, he dodged through the students that flooded the corridors until he saw the door that bore the tag. STORAGE CLOSET.

Funny how he'd been here for years and he didn't even know the school had this. His hands gripped the knob as he pushed it open. He shook once confronted with a figure before him.

Arching his brows, he turned back to the hallway that had cleared and his eyes went to the table behind the door, noticing the grains of powder above it. He'd recognized that lanky figure before the person turned around.

"Shit" Nathaniel cussed, meeting Ab's hollow eyes. "What the fuck man?" He asked, recognizing that type of powder once he'd seen his nose. Ab turned around, closing the door. It took a moment for Nate to blow off the drugs before he trailed behind Abdul. "Hey. Hey" He called.

His hands gripped unto his shoulders and Ab turned around defensively. "What the fuck? In school?" Ab pointed to the door, with judgement in his eyes like he was the joyless janitor.

Nate pinched the bridge of his nose, looking down at the ground. "Lower your fucking voice" He whispered and Abdul just let out a scoff.

"I knew there was something off" He added before making an attempt to walk away. "You can't tell anyone though" Nate replied and Abdul just halted.

"Just stay the fuck away from me and my friends and we're good" He said, holding unto the rails and running downstairs, totally forgetting he was even on an errand. He just needed to get down-

-and calm his prevailing anxieties by seeing that list. He brushed past shoulders on the corridor before he got to the door. But just by it, the corner of his eyes had noticed Obi who had his hands tensely in his pockets. He looked back and forth and then he walked towards him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Hey. Hey" He raised his chin to look at him, and then he was met with his moist eyes. "Obi" Ab called, with his fulani accent. "What's wrong?"

It was then Obi shook his head, letting his head fall upon his boyfriend's shoulders. "My name is not on the list" Ab's heart dropped, knowing that only meant one thing. Maybe two-

that Obi had failed maybe. And there was the possibility that he could get an extra year. None of those two things made any sense.

His let his hands grip his cardigan, filling his nose with that familiar scent from his hair as tears soaked his clothes. "It's going to okay" He replied.

"It might be a mistake, honestly. I need to "

"Your name is there, i checked. And so is Ola and Fi saw hers. Everyone except me" He pulled away with worry in his eyes. "What am I going to do—" To be continued...