A Game of Crowns
Chapter 35- In that moment, I knew

“And of all the futures she could have, she didn’t want a single one that didn’t have him in it.”

-Soulwoven

Rowan’s whole countenance changed the minute he heard Tobias. The windows to his soul shut closed with a resounding bang. He fell back onto the sand and looked up at him.

“Good to see you, man.”

I tore my eyes away from Rowan, not wanting to see the shell of the man he really was. He had closed himself off. I finally looked up at Tobias.

His piercing blue eyes held me in their gaze. What he was thinking, I didn’t know. His gaze flicked from me to Rowan and back again. I offered a small smile in his direction unsure of how to act around him. The last time we had seen each other I had declared my love for him and then had been dragged into the dungeon.

A grimace passed over his face, small enough to almost miss it, but I caught it. He turned to Rowan. “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

While Rowan and Tobias went over details, I watched them both. Both were handsome in ways other men could only wish to be and in ways that made women weak in the knees.

Point in case, me.

My mind worked furiously, trying to come to terms with the way my heart felt about the two men in front of me.

My relationship with Tobias had happened so quickly. We had pulled together to advance ourselves in the game and never took the time to become friends. We’d shot straight to something more. His constant assumptions kept driving wedges between us whenever we reached a good place. Then his blatant lie when he said he wouldn’t want to be king without me still stung.

I gave him the opportunity to choose me over power, time and time again, but every time I was never what he wholly wanted. Never enough.

Rowan, on the other hand, took the time to become my friend. Never had he let me down. He gave me space to replace out what and who I wanted, protected me, and made me feel safe. He wasn’t trying to gain something by being my friend or loving me. Time spent with him was always real.

I wrangled with my feelings trying to figure out what and who I wanted and in that moment, I knew.

I knew exactly who I couldn’t live without.

“We’re all done here, Moonstone,” Rowan called out, pulling me from my internal monologue.

I noticed Tobias flinch at the endearment.

I stood up and brushed off the sand from my shorts and legs and walked over to where they stood. Both towered over me as they looked at me.

Rowan smiled sadly and turned to walk down the beach towards the inn, leaving Tobias and me alone.

Once Rowan was far away enough, Tobias turned to face me. His cool demeanor slipped away as he pulled me in for a hug. His face dug into the crook of my neck. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried about you.”

“But not worried enough to write,” I stated flatly.

Another noticeable flinch as he released me.

The silence that followed was the most uncomfortable I’d had ever felt in his presence. He took a seat on the sand, propping his knees up and leaning his arms onto them. “I didn’t know what to say. I thought I would know when I saw you.”

I sighed. “It’s nice to see you, Tobias. I’m glad you’re still thriving in the game. I know how badly you want the crown.”

He winced at the insult in my words.

My shoulders fell. I didn’t want to do this to him. I didn’t want to intentionally hurt him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t...”

“You told me you loved me,” he whispered, interrupting me.

A painful jolt to my heart had me sitting next to him. I watched as the sun turned from bright and sunny to a soft dark orange glow, signaling its soon departure. It had been a long day.

“What’s going on between you and Rowan?” he asked.

His forwardness surprised me. Normally, he would have assumed but today he chose to ask. It showed beautiful growth of his character.

I owed him the truth. “Things with Rowan are complicated. When I was sent home, my heart was beyond broken. It was shattered. Thomas helped me heal some of it, but Rowan found me and brought all the pieces back together again. He was a shining beacon of light through the darkness that surrounded my heart.”

“I see,” he choked out. “You love him.”

It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact.

He turned to face me, eyes burning. “But you love me too!”

Tears began to roll down the sides of my cheeks.

In my epiphany earlier, I realized I didn’t. I had been swept up in the moment and chaos of the game. It wasn’t until I spent more time with Rowan that I discovered what real love was.

I cared for Tobias more than I should ever admit aloud, but it wasn’t anything near what I felt for Rowan.

I wiped away the falling tears and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t,” I whispered.

He jumped back as if my words had been a physical blow. He shook his head, refusing to accept them.

“Penelope, I should have said this to you the day you told me. I love you too. I can’t imagine a life without you in it,” he breathed.

He took a hold of my hands in his. “I have a plan for a life together. We can have it all, love and the crown. I’m in the process of getting Siobhan disqualified and I have a way to get you back in the game. It depends on a lot of other things to work out, but it’s possible.”

The fervor in his words made me believe him but in the end, it came down to the crown. He wanted both and not just me.

I let go of his hands and he let them fall into the sand.

“Tobias,” I started.

“Don’t,” he choked out.

“All I wanted was someone who wanted me just as much as I wanted them. I understand why you need and want the crown. I do. I understand how important it is to you. And maybe I’m selfish to want to come first, but I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is being second in the eyes of the man I’m with... and maybe that sentimentality makes me unfit to be queen.”

I would not voice that I wasn’t in love with him again. I didn’t need to. He heard it the first time.

He looked away from me, not wanting me to see his struggle to contain his emotion. He bit his bottom lip and nodded sharply. He looked away.

I was dismissed.

I left him staring at the horizon just as the sun began to set. My shoulders sagged as I walked towards the inn, but I refused to look back.

I wandered the inn for an hour before heading to the room. A little time to myself was exactly what I needed. I walked into the dark room to replace it empty. Rowan wasn’t here.

I quickly lit a few candles in the room and took one with me to bathe. Clearwater had electricity in all of its territory, but I found the candlelight soothing.

After my shower, I dressed in the only other option I brought to sleep in.

The black laced nighty.

Rowan had seen me nearly naked. This would be a walk in the park. The angry looking letter on my chest was an eyesore, but there was nothing to be done. Using the towel, I dried off the moonstone pendant and let it fall freely between my breasts again. I removed the sapphire ring from my right hand and placed it on the counter, not wanting it on me at the moment.

I combed through the tangles in my wet hair and removed the remaining traces of mascara around my eyes before heading into the bedroom.

Rowan stood at the door taking in the dim lighting. His eyes fell on me and widened as he took in the lace and exposed skin. He quickly schooled his features into nonchalance.

I bit my lip to hold in the grin that threatened to emerge.

Rowan’s fresh clothes indicated he had already showered. He made a plain grey t-shirt and black sweats look sexy.

“Where were you?” I asked as I casually walked towards the bed and sat down.

I could feel his eyes on me as I moved.

“I..uh..went to speak with Jillian about booking the room for another night.”

I nodded.

He took a seat on the bed on the farthest spot he could replace from me. “Ready for tomorrow?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. Changing the subject, I asked, “So, would you care to explain who you are, Hunter Graham?”

He chuckled. “It’s not a big mystery, really. My name before Rowan was Hunter. Our names were changed when we took our roles as members of the Trinity. Ivy’s name was Lily and Willow’s was Rose.”

I had figured as much, but it was nice to get clarification. I tried not to snicker at Ivy’s and Willow’s name. I couldn’t imagine them as Lily and Rose.

Rowan smirked. “Don’t ever call them by their original names unless they tell you themselves. They’re a bit sensitive when it comes to the names our mother gave us.”

I could understand that. I tried to come up with another conversation topic but we both knew we were avoiding the one we both wanted to discuss. He basically told me it was up to me if things were to move forward between us, so I had to initiate the conversation.

My heart thumped erratically in my chest and heat flushed my cheeks.

I stood up and walked over to his side of the bed and stood in front of him. My heart was a fluttering ball of nerves. I wondered if Rowan could hear its wild rhythm.

Once again, I felt his eyes on me, leaving a trail of heat wherever his gaze roamed. He turned to face me, an arch to his brow, but he didn’t question my movements.

I lifted my arms to hold his face in my hands. Ever so slowly, I leaned in close, shut my eyes, and placed a small kiss on his lips. I pulled back to replace him staring at me, questioning.

I shut my eyes and kissed him again. In a way I had never kissed anyone. The love I felt for him flowed through me and I knew with certainty he felt it.

Tentatively, he kissed me back, but I wasn’t having it. Now that I could kiss him, I would. I swiped my tongue against his, inciting a growl from him. He deepened the kiss as he placed a hand on the nape of my neck and the other on my waist.

He pulled back and stood, looking down at me. “Moonstone?”

“Rowan,” I breathed. “You are the one person I can’t live without. I love you.”

We stared at each other in wonder. Our moment had finally arrived.

A second later his mouth was on mine again, rough and demanding. My body seemed to melt into his.

This was really happening.

His mouth devoured mine and my blood pounded in my veins as a delirious high began to take hold. I moaned into him as he continued to ravish my mouth. Unreserved fire and passion could be felt in every movement of his lips and in every touch of his hands.

I couldn’t get close enough to him, that I strained against the length of his body.

Blindly we held onto each other and fell onto the bed. He wedged a thigh between my legs as he hovered over me, placing heated kisses on my skin. He hovered over my scar and kissed it twice before moving on.

The tip of his nose grazed the top of my breast as he continued his path down my body. A kiss on my inner thigh aroused a guttural moan from me. I could feel him grin against my skin. I sat up pushing him off me. On my knees on the bed, I faced him. I shyly grabbed his shirt and pulled it off.

His pale sculptured chest and abdomen were just as amazing as I remembered. My eyes greedily took in his bare skin. The heat in his eyes matched the intensity I felt. He lifted a hand and ran a calloused finger over my shoulder, sending a jolt of heat down my arm.

I stood on my knees, giving him a way to remove my gown. He slid his hand over one curved hip, over the smooth feel of silk, and pulled me closer. Reaching for the lacey hem of my nighty, he pulled it over my head in one swift movement. His gaze ran up my thighs, to my stomach, my breasts and finally to my face.

Love filled eyes pinned me to my spot. He took hold of my waist and trailed his hands up to just beneath the swells of my breasts. He leaned closer to place a kiss in the hollow of my neck. Close enough for his chest to graze mine.

His teeth nibbled, his tongue licked, and his mouth sucked on every inch of skin he could reach.

It was delicious torment.

We fell onto the bed once again, lost in each other.

He pulled back an inch. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked heatedly.

“More than anything, Rowan,” I assured him.

His hand disappeared between my thighs and I cried out in pleasure.

His name played repeatedly through my mind.

Rowan.

Rowan.

ROWAN.

As the night continued, all I knew was the heat that moved through me and the love I felt for the man above me. Nothing but this moment mattered. Tomorrow was another day.