A Soul of Ash and Blood (Blood And Ash Series Book 5)
A Soul of Ash and Blood: Chapter 46

“That sounds like faulty logic to me,” Poppy commented.

I laughed, leading her toward the cooler air of the outdoors. “My logic is never faulty.”

That got me a slight smile. “I feel like that’s not something one would be aware of if it was.”

But in the lantern light, the small grin faded too quickly as she glanced around the garden and the breeze rattled the bushes crowding the walkway. Her steps slowed. Even without my senses, I knew she practically hummed with anxiety.

Seeking to distract her, I spoke the first thing that came to mind. “One of the last places I saw my brother was a favorite place of mine.”

Her attention darted from the darkened pathways that neither the lanterns nor the moonlight penetrated. Wide eyes met mine.

I tightened my hand around hers, but her fingers remained straight. I held her hand. She wasn’t holding mine. “Back home, there are hidden caverns that very few people know about. You have to walk pretty far in this one particular tunnel. It’s tight and dark. Not a lot of people are willing to follow it to replace what awaits at the end.”

“But you and your brother did?” she asked.

“My brother, a friend of ours, and I did when we were young and had more bravery than common sense.” My brows knitted. “But I’m glad we did because at the end of the tunnels, was this huge cavern filled with the bluest, bubbling, warm water I’d ever seen.”

She glanced to our left, where the low murmur of conversation seeped out from the darkness. “Like a hot spring?”

“Yes, and no. The water back home… There’s really no comparison.”

“Where are—?” Her head swiveled to the right at the sound of a soft moan. I grinned as she swallowed. “Where…where are you from?”

“A little village I’m sure you’ve never heard of,” I said, squeezing her hand. Her fingers remained straight. “We’d sneak off to the cavern every chance we got. The three of us. It was like our own little world.” A wistfulness I hadn’t felt in a long time filled me as I spotted the marble and limestone fountain sculpted in the likeness of the veiled Maiden. Water tumbled from the pitcher she held, spilling into the basin at her feet. “And at the time, there were a lot of things happening—things that were too adult and grown-up for us to understand then. We needed that escape, where we could go and not worry about what could be stressing our parents, and fretting over all the whispered conversations we didn’t quite understand. We knew enough to know they were a harbinger of something bad. It was our haven.”

I stopped at the fountain and faced her. “Much like this garden was yours. I lost both of them. My brother when we were younger, and then my best friend a few years after that,” I told her, which was only partially true. I lost both of them at once. One because of my foolishness. One at my hands. “The place that was once filled with happiness and adventure had turned into a graveyard of memories. I couldn’t even think about going back there without them.” A slight tremor went through my arm as the knot of sorrow and bitterness loosened. “It was like the place became haunted.”

“I understand,” she said, looking up at me with clear eyes. “I keep looking around, thinking that the garden should look different. Assuming there’d be a visible change to represent how it now feels to me.”

I cleared my throat. “But it is the same, isn’t it?”

Poppy nodded.

“It took me a very long time to work up the nerve to go back to the cavern. I felt that way, too.” I hadn’t gone back alone. Kieran was there. I didn’t think I would’ve been able to go myself. “Like the water surely must’ve turned muddy in my absence, dirty and cold. But it wasn’t. It was still as calm, blue, and warm as it always was.”

“Did you replace the sad memories with happy ones?” Poppy asked.

I shook my head. “Haven’t gotten a chance, but I plan to.” I told her yet another lie. I doubted that was something I would achieve. And honest to gods, I didn’t think I deserved to.

“I hope you do.” She said it so earnestly. And, gods, that was a punch to the gut as I watched the breeze play with the strands of her hair, tossing them across her shoulder and chest. “I’m sorry about your brother and friend.”

Yeah, I really didn’t deserve that.

“Thank you.” I looked up at the star-riddled night sky. I knew I was a monster. But I also knew I wasn’t the only monster here. “I know it’s not like what happened here, to Rylan, but I do understand how it feels.”

“Sometimes, I think…I think it’s a blessing that I was young when Ian and I lost our parents,” she said after a moment. “My memories of them are faint, and because of that, there’s this…I don’t know, level of detachment? As wrong as this will sound, I’m lucky in a way. It makes dealing with the loss easier because it’s almost as if they’re not real. It’s not like that for Ian. He has a lot more memories than I do.”

“It’s not wrong, Princess. I think it’s just the way the mind and heart work,” I said. “You haven’t seen your brother at all since he left for the capital?”

Poppy shook her head as she stared at my hand holding hers. “He writes as often as he can. Usually, once a month, but I haven’t seen him since the morning he left.” Slowly, she curled her fingers around mine, and fuck, that surge of triumph came again. I wasn’t only holding her hand any longer. “I miss him.” She lifted her chin, her gaze replaceing mine. “I’m sure you miss your brother, and I hope…I hope you see him again.”

Fuck.

That was said as earnestly as her earlier words. I started to tell her that I would, but damn, it felt all kinds of wrong to tell her that.

The breeze caught another strand of her hair. I snagged the curl, the backs of my knuckles grazing the bare skin just below her throat. A tremor went through the hand I held. Her scent thickened, her body eagerly responding to that barely there touch.

Poppy dropped my hand and stepped back, turning away. “I…” She cleared her throat, and a smile started to tug at my lips. “My favorite place in the garden is the night-blooming roses. There’s a bench there. I used to come out almost every night to see them open. They were my favorite flower, but now I have a hard time even looking at the ones cut and placed in bouquets.”

“Do you want to go there now?” I asked.

“I…I don’t think so.”

“Would you like to see my favorite place?” I offered.

Poppy glanced over my shoulder. “You have a favorite place?”

“Yes.” I extended my hand once more. “Want to see?”

She hesitated for only a heartbeat, then returned her hand to mine. My heart thumped as I led her away from the Maiden fountain and down another pathway toward the southern side of the garden. Her sweet, fresh scent invaded all my senses, even crowding out the lavender blooms we neared, leaving me thinking she was anxious because of that. Her desire concerned her.

“You’re a fan of the weeping willow?” she inquired.

The old and large willow she spoke of appeared in the lantern light, its branches nearly reaching the ground.

I nodded. “Never saw one until I got here.”

“Ian and I used to play inside. No one could see us.”

“Play? Or do you mean hide?” I asked. “Because that’s what I would’ve done.”

She gave me a tiny grin. “Well, yes. I would hide, and Ian would tag along like any good big brother.” Her head tilted back. “Have you gone under it? There’re benches, but you can’t see them now. Actually, anyone could be under there right now, and we wouldn’t know.”

I gave the willow a quick glance, able to see through the darkness of the canopy of branches. “No one is under there.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I just am. Come on.” I tugged her forward. “Watch your step.”

Poppy was quiet as I took her around the low stone wall. I parted the branches with one hand, letting her enter, and kept my other hand firmly around hers as I joined her beneath the willow, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see a damn thing.

“Gods,” she murmured. “I forgot how dark it is in here at night.”

“It feels like you’re in a different world under here,” I said. “As if we’ve stepped through a veil and into an enchanted world.”

“You should see it when it’s warmer. The leaves bloom—oh!” Excitement filled her voice, bringing a grin to my lips. “Or when it snows, and at dusk. The flakes dust the leaves and the ground, but not a lot makes it inside here. Then it really is like a different world.”

“Maybe we’ll see it.”

“You think so?”

“Why not?” I said, knowing we wouldn’t. I turned to her in the darkness. We stood close, our bodies inches apart. “It will snow, will it not?” I asked, letting myself…well, pretend. “We’ll sneak off just before dusk and come out here.”

“But will we be here?” she asked, sending a bolt of surprise through me. “The Queen could summon me to the capital before then.”

“Possibly.” I forced my tone to remain light. “If so, then I guess we’ll have to replace different adventures, won’t we? Or should I call them misadventures?”

Poppy laughed quietly, and the soft sound did two things simultaneously: It warmed my chest and my blood. The chest part confused me. The blood side of it did not. “I think it will be hard to sneak off anywhere in the capital,” she said. “Not with me…not with me being so close to the Ascension.”

“You need to have more faith in me if you think I can’t manage to replace a way for us to sneak off,” I told her instead of saying that wouldn’t happen. “I can assure you that whatever I get us involved in won’t end with you on a ledge.” I brushed a wisp of hair back from her cheek. “We’re out here on the night of the Rite, hidden inside a weeping willow.”

“It didn’t seem all that difficult.”

“That’s only because I was leading the way,” I teased.

That brought another soft laugh from her. “Sure.”

“Your doubt wounds me.” I turned from her. “You said there were benches in here? Wait. I see them.”

“How in the world do you see those benches?”

“You can’t?”

“Uh, no.”

I grinned at the darkness. “Then I must have better eyesight than you.”

“I think you’re just saying you can see them, and we’re probably a second away from tripping—”

“Here they are.” I stopped by one, taking a seat.

Poppy gaped at me.

“Would you like to sit?” I asked.

“I would, but unlike you, I can’t see in the dark—” She gasped as I tugged her down so she was perched on my thigh.

I was glad she couldn’t see, because my smile was so wide, there was no doubt my fangs were visible. “Comfortable?”

There was no answer from Poppy, but her scent was rich and lovely, ever increasing.

“You can’t be comfortable,” I told her, sliding an arm around her and drawing her closer so her entire side was pressed firmly to my chest, and the top of her head was just below my chin. “There. That has to be much better.”

Her breath came out in short, shallow breaths.

“I don’t want you getting too cold,” I tacked on, grinning. “I feel like that’s an important part of my duty as your personal Royal Guard.”

“Is that what you’re doing right now?” Her voice was thicker, smoother. Did she notice? Because I sure as hell did. “Protecting me from the cold by pulling me into your lap?”

I carefully and lightly placed my palm against her waist, thinking of what little experience she had. While I might have been bold with her seating arrangement, I knew this was also a first for her. “Exactly.”

Her breath tickled my throat. “This is incredibly inappropriate.”

“More inappropriate than you reading a dirty journal?”

“Yes,” she insisted.

“No.” I laughed. “I can’t even lie. This is inappropriate.”

“Then why?”

“Why?” That was a good question. My chin grazed the top of her head as I looked at the branches concealing us. There were many reasons, and all of them came before killing time. Her need of me. My want of her.

My gaze tracked over her bow-shaped lips, the proud tip of her nose. “Because I wanted to,” I said, giving her another bit of honesty.

“And what if I didn’t want to?”

I chuckled. “Princess, I’m confident that if you didn’t want me to do something, I’d be lying flat on my back with a dagger at my throat before I even took my next breath. Even if you can’t see an inch in front of you.”

She didn’t deny that.

I glanced down at the curve of her leg. “You have your dagger on you, don’t you?”

She sighed. “I do.”

“Knew it.” Desire surged through me as I let go of her hand. It wasn’t so much the dagger that turned me on. It was what the blade symbolized. Her resilience. Her capability. Her strength. The proof that she had taken the nightmares and the fear and turned them into power. That was what turned me on. “No one can see us. No one is even aware that we’re here. As far as anyone knows, you are in your room.”

“This is still reckless for a multitude of reasons,” she countered. “If someone comes in here—”

“I’d hear them before they did,” I told her. I had my reasons for being under here. Many reasons. One of them was that I wanted her to have at least a handful of minutes where she was just Poppy. Not the Maiden. Minutes where she didn’t have to worry about being caught. I wanted her to be as she was at the Red Pearl, free to experience. To live. “And if someone did, they’d have no idea who we are.”

Poppy leaned back, trying to see my face in the shadows. “Is this why you led me out here to this place?”

“What is this, Princess?”

“To be…inappropriate.”

It hadn’t been at first. Now? Most definitely. I touched her arm. “And why would I do that?”

“Why? I think it’s pretty obvious, Hawke,” she said. “I’m sitting in your lap. I doubt that’s how you normally hold innocent conversations with people.”

“Very rarely is anything I do innocent, Princess.”

“Shocker,” she muttered.

“So, you’re suggesting I led you out here, instead of toward a private room with a bed.” Knowing how touch was so forbidden to her, I exploited that, skimming my fingertips down her right arm. “To engage in a particular type of inappropriate behavior?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, though my room would’ve been a better option.”

“What if I said that isn’t true?”

“I…” Her exhale teased my jaw as I moved my hand to her hip. “I wouldn’t believe you.”

“Then what if I said it didn’t start off that way?” I moved just my thumb along the soft, rounded flesh there. I spoke the truth. I hadn’t planned on this. Especially not right before I betrayed her. That would make me the kind of bastard that I…well, that I was. “But then there was the moonlight and you, with your hair down, in this dress, and then the idea occurred to me that this would be the perfect location for some wildly inappropriate behavior.”

“Then I…I would say that’s more likely.”

I glided my hand down. “So, there you have it.”

“At least, you’re honest.” She bit her lip as her eyes drifted halfway closed.

“Tell you what,” I said, watching her closely. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“A deal?”

“If I do anything you don’t like…” I drew my hand down her upper thigh, stopping when I felt the dagger beneath the thin panels. Closing my hand over it, I smiled. “I give you permission to stab me.”

“That would be excessive,” she stated.

“I was hoping you’d give me just a measly flesh wound,” I said. “But it’d be worth replaceing out.”

Her lips curved into a grin. “You are such a bad influence.”

“I think we’ve already established that only the bad can be influenced.”

Poppy’s eyes closed as my fingers slipped off the hilt of her dagger and trailed over the blade. “And I think I already told you that your logic is faulty.”

My heightened senses picked up on how her breath and pulse quickened. I could feel the heated restlessness building inside her.

It was building in me.

“I’m the Maiden, Hawke,” she said, sounding more like she was reminding herself of that fact.

“And I don’t care.”

Her eyes snapped open. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I did.” And I fucking meant it, because even with all the lies I’d told, this was the truth. Right now, under this willow, the only thing that mattered was who she was. “And I’ll say it again. I don’t care what you are.” I moved my hand from her back and cupped her cheek. “I care about who you are,” I said, and…fuck, godsdamn Kieran was right. I did care about her.

Her lower lip trembled as the muscle in my jaw flexed. “Why?” she whispered. “Why would you say that?”

I blinked, her question catching me off guard. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Yes, I am. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You don’t make sense,” I said.

She punched me in the shoulder, and not that lightly either.

I grunted. “Ouch.”

“You’re fine.”

“I’m bruised,” I teased.

“You’re ridiculous,” she retorted. “And it’s you who makes no sense.”

“I’m the one sitting here being honest.” Which was entirely fucked-up if I thought too long about it. I didn’t plan on doing that because I was sure to pay for it later. “You’re the one hitting me. How do I not make sense?”

“Because this whole thing makes no sense. You could be spending time with anyone, Hawke—any number of people you wouldn’t have to hide in a willow tree to be with.”

That was true. “And yet, I’m here with you. And before you even begin to think it’s because of my duty to you, it’s not. I could’ve just walked you back to your room and stayed out in the hall.”

“That’s my point. It makes no sense. You can have a slew of willing participants in…whatever this is. It would be easy,” she argued. “You can’t have me. I’m…I’m un-have-able.”

I frowned. Unhaveable? “I’m confident that’s not even a word.”

“That’s not the point. I’m not allowed to do this. Any of this. I shouldn’t have done what I did at the Red Pearl,” she went on. “It doesn’t matter if I want—”

“And you do want,” I said, my voice low because it felt like I would send her fleeing if I said it too loudly. “What you want is me.”

“That doesn’t matter,” she said.

That was bullshit. “What you want should always matter.”

A brutal laugh left her. “It doesn’t, and that’s another thing that isn’t the point. You could—”

“I heard you the first time, Princess. You’re right. I could replace someone who would be easier.” I traced the edge of her mask, over her cheek. “Ladies or Lords in Wait, who aren’t burdened by rules or limitations, who aren’t Maidens I’m sworn to protect. There are a lot of ways I could occupy my time that don’t include explaining in great detail why I’m choosing to be where I am, with whom I choose.”

Poppy’s nose scrunched.

“The thing is,” I continued, “none of them intrigue me. You do.”

“It’s really that simple for you?” she asked.

No.

Not at all.

Not even here under the willow.

“Nothing is ever simple.” I pressed my forehead to hers. “And when it is, it’s rarely ever worth it.”

“Then why?” she whispered.

My lips quirked. “I’m beginning to believe that’s your favorite question.”

“Maybe. It’s just that…gods, there are a lot of reasons why I don’t understand how you can be this intrigued. You’ve seen me,” she said. I couldn’t have heard her right. “You’ve seen what I look like—”

“I have,” I cut her off, because holy fuck, I had heard her right, and that shouldn’t have even crossed her mind. But because of bastards like the Duke, it did. Gods, I wanted to murder the fucker all over again. “And I think you already know what I think. I said it in front of you, in front of the Duke, and I told you outside the Great Hall—”

“I know what you said, and I’m not bringing up what I look like for you to shower me with compliments. It’s just…” She shook her head. “Never mind. Forget I said that.”

“I can’t. I won’t.”

“Great.”

“You’re just used to assholes like the Duke.” I snarled his title. “He may be an Ascended, but he’s worthless.”

She stiffened. “You shouldn’t say things like that, Hawke. You—”

“I’m not afraid to speak the truth. He may be powerful, but he’s just a weak man.” And a dead one. “Who proves his strength by attempting to humiliate those more powerful than he is. Someone like you, with your strength? It makes him feel incompetent—which he is. And your scars? They are a testament to your fortitude. They are proof of what you survived. They are evidence of why you are here when so many twice your age wouldn’t be. They’re not ugly. Far from it. They’re beautiful, Poppy.”

The tension eased from her as she whispered, “That’s the third time you’ve called me that.”

“Fourth,” I corrected. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Only your friends and your brother call you that, and you may be the Maiden, and I’m a Royal Guard, but all things considered, I would hope that you and I are friends.”

“We are.”

I should feel like shit for that—for becoming what I needed to be. Her friend. Gaining her trust. That festering guilt spread. My gaze flicked to the willow’s swaying limbs. I didn’t need to take it this far. I knew that. Fuck, I knew that in the Atheneum when I didn’t kiss her. I had what I needed. The rest would be history.

I sighed, palming her cheek. “And I’m not…I’m not being a good friend or guard right now. I’m not…” I moved my hand beneath the heavy fall of her hair and curled my fingers there, holding her close to me. Just for a few more moments because I liked the way she felt in my arms, and I figured that after tonight, the only time I’d be holding her this close would be to stop her from punching me. “I really should get you back to your room. It’s getting late.”

Her exhale was ragged. “It is.”

Fighting the desire to do the exact opposite, I started to lift her from my lap—

“Hawke?” she whispered. “Kiss me. Please.”

Shock held me still, but my damn heart punched at my ribs as I stared at her. I knew what I should do. There was a past. There was a future outside this willow. I needed to do what I had done last night. There was no need for this.

Except she’d asked me to kiss her.

And I wanted this.

Fuck good intentions and the sliver of me that was a decent man.

“Gods,” I rasped, sliding my hand back to her cheek. I would surely pay for this later, but right now, no price seemed too steep. “You don’t have to ask me twice, Princess, and you never have to beg.”

Closing the distance between us, I brushed my lips over hers. It wasn’t a kiss. Not at all. But she gasped against my mouth so damn sweetly that I smiled. And I slowed without much conscious thought. Not because I thought she couldn’t handle it. I knew she could. Whether I could handle it was debatable at the moment, but I also wanted her to enjoy this. I wanted her to feel as much as she could.

I wanted her to have more experiences.

She could have that, no matter how this all turned out. She would.

I moved my mouth over hers as I shifted my hand so my thumb reached the pulse at her throat. It beat a wild tempo. So did mine as she fisted the front of my tunic. She tugged on the fabric. I wasn’t sure she was even aware of the demand, but I was.

She wanted more.

I could give her more.

Tilting my head, I deepened the kiss, drawing her plump lips into mine, and she liked that, pressing into me more. When the kiss ended, I drew back just enough to see her swollen, glistening lips. I really liked how that looked on her. A lot.

Poppy moved toward me a second before I could reclaim her lips—and fuck, I liked that even more. Her eagerness set fire to my blood. As I drew my hands down her shoulders, I had to be careful that she didn’t feel my sharp canines, but there was no teasing now. She shuddered, returning the kiss with an inexperienced passion that surpassed any kisses that’d come before. A growl of approval rumbled up from my chest and danced against her lips. I nipped at her lower one, grinning at the way her breath caught. Her fingers dug into the tunic, her hold almost desperate as she squirmed in my embrace, and I knew what that meant, too.

She wanted more.

And I was more than willing to give it to her.

Gripping her by the waist, I lifted her and brought her down so her legs opened and slid to my hips. I tugged her against me, her softness against my hardness. And I knew she could feel me. The scent of her arousal spilled into the air around us. Her hips jerked, causing the sweetness between her thighs to drag along the ridge of my cock. I moaned at the friction.

And Poppy…

She showed me just how much she liked the feeling of me against her. She gripped my hair as her mouth moved against mine. My arms tightened around her as I sipped from her lips. The fingers in my hair clenched, and fuck, her hips moved. She rolled them out of pure, raw instinct, pressing her softness against my cock. I caught her lower lip again. She gave a breathy little whimper as her movements rewarded her with pleasure. Gods, she was hungry.

And I was willing to let her devour me.

Moving my arms, I grabbed her skirts, lifting just enough to get my hands under them. My palms hit her bare calves, and she trembled.

“Remember,” I reminded her as I slid my grip up the sides of her legs. “Anything you don’t like, say the word, and I’ll stop.”

Poppy nodded, replaceing my mouth in the darkness. My hands skimmed up as we kissed. She shifted closer, pressing down on me. Needing more. Wanting more. She was greedy.

Good thing I was, too.

A bolt of pure desire pounded through me as she arched into me. My fingers pressed into the flesh of her thighs as I rocked my hips up. She shook, grinding down on me, and fuck, it was the most exquisite torture there was. I gripped her legs, dragging her just a bit to the right, where she was fully pressed against my hard length.

“Hawke,” she moaned against my mouth, squirming against me and then moving back and forth. And, gods, I helped her replace that pace.

Poppy rode me through my breeches and whatever flimsy undergarment she wore, the heat I felt between her thighs as addictive as her kisses. Her knees clenched my hips, and fuck, I wanted to take her to the ground and lose myself in her. Lose everything in what I knew was her slick heat. My arms trembled. I shuddered with want. The image of her beneath me, her bodice tugged down, baring those dark nipples I’d seen through her nightgown, and the skirt bunched to her hips was so real that I started to draw my hands there. To lift her once more, to do just what I imagined because that sliver of decent man was even thinner now—

Poppy’s tongue slipped between my lips, flicking against my teeth.

Fuck.

I jerked away before she could accidentally come across something she didn’t expect. Something that would terrify her.

“Poppy.” Panting, I squeezed my eyes shut as I let my forehead drop to hers. My entire body was primed with want. My dick throbbed.

Her hands spasmed around the strands of my hair. “Yes?”

Struggling to rein in my desire, I said, “That was the fifth time I’ve said your name, in case you’re still keeping track.”

“I am.”

“Good.” I forced my hands out from under her gown before I gave in to the temptation and slipped up. I didn’t want to, but I’d just come way too damn close to taking from her what I did not deserve. I swallowed, unsettled by how quickly I’d gotten swept up in her.

Letting out a ragged breath, I palmed her cheek, the tip of my finger replaceing her mask. I traced it. “I don’t think I was being honest a few moments ago.”

“About what?” Poppy lowered her hands to my shoulders.

“About stopping,” I admitted. “I would stop, but I don’t think you would stop me.”

“I’m not exactly understanding what you’re saying.”

I opened my eyes. “Do you want me to be blunt?”

“I always want you to be honest.”

Guilt festered like an old, nasty wound, but I could be honest with her in this as I kissed her temple. “I was seconds from taking you to the ground and becoming a very, very bad guard.”

Her chest rose sharply against mine, and her scent flooded me. “Really?”

“Really,” I told her.

“I don’t think I would’ve stopped you,” she whispered.

I moaned. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m a bad Maiden.”

“No.” I kissed the other temple. “You’re a perfectly normal girl. What is expected of you is what’s bad.” I thought that over. “And, yes, you’re also a very bad Maiden.”

Poppy then did what I’d wanted from her at the start of this misadventure.

She laughed.

And it was a real, deep one. Her head tipped back, and she laughed loudly, the sound traveling through me.

Good gods.

My arms folded around her as I brought her back to my chest. I closed my eyes again, guiding her cheek to my shoulder as I fought the renewed desire to do what we both wanted: Take her to the ground. Fuck her until neither of us knew who we were. And she’d been telling the truth. Poppy wouldn’t stop me. She would’ve welcomed me into her. And I knew she wouldn’t have regretted it.

Until later.

Later, she would regret every moment spent with me.

Kissing the top of her head, I pressed my cheek to the soft strands of her hair. I needed to get her back, safely tucked away in her chamber. Things would be happening soon, or perhaps they’d already started, which meant Kieran had to be close.

“I need to get you back, Princess.”

Poppy’s grip tightened on me. “I know.”

I chuckled. “You have to let me go, though.”

“I know.” She sighed, remaining where she was. “I don’t want to.”

I held her to me, likely a little too tight. A bit too long. But I was reluctant to let go of her warmth and weight because the feel of her in my arms like this, relaxed and trusting, elicited an array of emotions that came at me fast and hard. I couldn’t describe most of them.

Except for one.

A feeling of rightness.

As if pieces fell where they were supposed to be and clicked together. I knew it sounded fantastical and made little sense, but it left me unsettled.

“Neither do I,” I admitted, then I shut it all down. I was good at doing that. Just like I did when the memories became too harsh and dark. It was like separating myself into two people. There was Cas. Then there was this, the one that had control.

I stood, gently lifting Poppy to her feet, but we were still holding on to each other, our bodies pressed tightly together. Maybe I wasn’t all that in control.

Poppy was the one to step back. Chest oddly hollow, I grabbed her hand. My hold on her was gentle as was my tone when I spoke, but inside? Man, anger and frustration built. “Ready?” I asked.

“Yes,” she whispered.

I led her out from under the willow in silence, taking us back to the lamplit walkway. The garden was quiet but for the wind rattling the stems and branches. We neared the fountain when a familiar scent reached me—

Vikter.

Fuck.

That was all I could think.

Fuck.

Kieran was ready. He was here. I needed to take her, but I’d stayed too long beneath the willow and now…now Vikter was an obstacle I’d have to go through, and I was about to erase the good memory of the garden I’d just given Poppy, replacing it with one even more horrifying than what had happened with Keal.

Every part of my being rebelled. I couldn’t do it even though I’d snapped one Royal Guard’s neck tonight. I’d done much worse to the Duke, but I couldn’t take out Vikter in front of her.

Fuck.

My thoughts quickly raced. This wasn’t a big deal. Just a slight change in plans. I would have to take her later tonight—make use of that servants’ door.

We rounded another corner, and Poppy jerked back a step as we came upon a maskless Vikter. My grip on her hand tightened as I turned to catch her, but she’d regained her footing.

“Oh, my gods,” she whispered. “You about gave me a heart attack.”

Vikter’s hard gaze flicked from her to me. His nostrils flared as he looked down to where I still held Poppy’s hand.

I probably should’ve let go, but I didn’t. Couldn’t fucking explain why as Vikter lifted his glare to my face.

Poppy tugged on my grip, and not breaking eye contact with the man, I held on for a moment more before letting go.

“It’s time to go back to your room, Maiden,” Vikter growled, facing Poppy.

She winced.

Fuck. I didn’t like that. “I was in the process of escorting Penellaphe back to her room.”

Vikter’s head whipped in my direction. “I know exactly what you were in the process of doing.”

“Doubtful,” I murmured, purposefully stoking Vikter’s ire.

“You think I don’t know?” Vikter came level with me. “It only takes one look at both of you to know.”

He was probably right. “Nothing happened, Vikter.”

“Nothing?” Vikter snarled. “Boy, I may have been born at night, but I wasn’t born last night.”

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, but you’re stepping way over the line.”

“I am?” Vikter choked out a laugh. “Do you understand what she is? Do you even understand what you could’ve caused if anyone other than I had come upon you two?”

Poppy moved toward him. “Vikter—”

“I know exactly who she is,” I cut in. “Not what she is. Maybe you’ve forgotten that she’s not just a godsdamn inanimate object whose only purpose is to serve a kingdom, but I haven’t.”

“Hawke.” She spun.

“Oh, yeah, that’s rich, coming from you. How do you see her, Hawke?” Vikter was so godsdamn close, only a gnat could get between us. “Another notch in your bedpost?”

Poppy gasped, whirling back around. “Vikter.”

“Is it because she’s the ultimate challenge?” he continued.

“I get that you’re protective of her.” My chin dipped as my voice dropped. “I understand that. But I’ll tell you just one more time, you’re way out of line.”

“And I’ll promise you this…it will be over my dead body before you spend another moment alone with her.”

I smiled then, my anger calming, but that wasn’t good news for Vikter. I tended to do the worst things when I was calm, and I could make his promise come true. Right here. Right now. End him and take Poppy. That’s what I should be doing.

But I didn’t want to do that in front of Poppy. “She thinks of you as a father,” I said softly. “It would hurt her greatly if something unfortunate were to happen to you.”

“Is that a threat?” Vikter demanded.

“I’m just letting you know that is the only reason I’m not making your promise come true this very second,” I said. “But you need to step back. If you don’t, someone is going to get hurt, and that someone won’t be me. Then Poppy will get upset.” I turned to her. She stared with wide eyes. “And that’s the sixth time I’ve said it,” I told her, and she blinked. I faced Vikter once more. “I don’t want to see her upset, so step. The fuck. Back.”

Vikter looked like he was going to do the exact opposite.

My grin kicked up a notch.

“Both of you need to stop.” Poppy grabbed Vikter’s arm. “Seriously. This is escalating over nothing. Please.”

I held Vikter’s stare even as another scent reached me. I looked straight into Vikter’s eyes and let a little bit of what I was come to the surface. Just enough that he recognized who we really were to each other at the end of the day.

Predator.

And the prey.

Then, Vikter stepped back. The man had balls. I had to give him that.

“I’ll be guarding her for the rest of the evening,” Vikter told me. “You’re dismissed.”

I smirked, my eyes dropping to where Vikter took hold of Poppy’s arm and turned away from me. The grip was gentle. That was the only reason he still had an arm.

Stepping back, I gave Poppy one last glance, taking in the fall of now-tangled hair and the lush curves I’d had my hands on. Then I moved into the shadows of an unlit pathway. The wind picked up, tossing several strands of hair across my forehead as I walked under the jacaranda trees. I caught a faint acrid smell as I spotted Kieran leaning against one of the older, moss-adorned statues, dressed in the black of the City Guard. No one, not even Nyktos himself, would’ve gotten him to wear the red of the Rite.

“Are you forgetting something?” he asked.

“No.” Reaching up, I tore the domino mask off and tossed it aside. “Her other guard showed up.”

“So?” He pushed off the statue, frowning. “You could’ve taken him out—ripped the heart from his chest if you wanted to.”

“I would never do such a thing.”

He snorted, giving me a knowing look. “What the fuck?”

“It’s not a big deal. Just a slight delay,” I told him. “I’ll get her in a bit, and we’ll meet in the Grove instead.”

Kieran made a low sound in his throat. “I don’t like this, man…”

“I know.” Frustration with myself, with Vikter, and this whole godsdamn thing rose. “Look, if I took him out, she’d be fighting us even more than she already will be. We don’t need that headache.”

“I think I already have a headache,” he shot back. “Anyway, the Descenters have set things in motion, so you’d better get her to the Grove.”