A Thousand Heartbeats
: Part 3 – Chapter 69

I sat in my chair, surveying the desk before me. Agreements, treaties, queries, petitions. I kept wishing Escalus was awake to see me handling these tasks; he’d be so proud.

I signed the last thing in front of me, then slumped against the high back of my chair. For once, no one was there. No lords, no doctors, no guards.

Smiling to myself, I decided it was time to take a break. I pulled up my skirts and dashed from the room, taking the back stairways to my favorite patch of the garden, far from the splashing fountains and lush blooms. The high walls of greenery shielded me from the world, the smoothed cobblestone path gave me an aimless circle to roam. It was a refreshing, for a moment, to not have to think so much.

Of course, without the chores of kingdom-running in front of me, my mind went immediately to Lennox.

Us both making it out of that cave alive might have been the only grace the universe had to spare for two people so painfully star-crossed.

I wondered if he thought of me at all. And, if he did, was it only as his enemy again? Did he think of the way it felt when we kissed? I could see the moments over and over in my head. I could feel his hands in my hair, his breath on my neck, his name in my heart.

And when those moments came, I felt like running away entirely. Maybe he and I could live somewhere else, someplace no one wanted. Maybe we could build something of our own.

But I could do no such thing. Kadier was not going to be lost. Not on my watch. I’d survived the loss of my mother. I’d survived my father shifting into the darkest version of himself. I’d agreed to marry a man I could hardly stand. All of this I’d laid at the feet of the Kadierian throne, and I was not letting anyone—not even Lennox Ossacrite—come and take it.

Still, the very thought of his name did things to my heartbeat.

Lennox’s love was tangled. It was dangerous but gentle, open but complex. It was more than the books prepared me for. And I wanted it with everything I had in me.

I looked around my oasis, realizing what a strange little place it was. Typically, our gardens were much more deliberately arranged, designed almost like a maze. But this was just a path centered around a stone. So simple, so . . .

I froze.

“What are you?” I asked, squinting at the rock. Now that I studied it, the thing seemed unnaturally smooth.

A chill went through me, and I bolted, looking for the groundskeepers. I twisted through the stone lanes and grass allies, passing people as they curtsied my way.

“You there!” I called, finally coming upon a gardener. He bowed deeply in respect. “Sir, I need your help. Please fetch at least two other men and some shovels. Bring one for me as well.”

There was only one place for me to start now, but I felt I’d already exhausted all my resources. If there was truth to be found, I was determined to replace it.

“Annika?”

I turned to the sound of my name being called out in a tone of disbelief. Nickolas, of course, was on the other end of the word.

“Do you need something?” I asked, still moving in the direction of the library.

“What in the world happened to your gown? Have you been rolling in dirt? You look an absolute mess. I told you, you need a dedicated maid again. What will people say? It’s not proper to—”

I rounded on him, holding up a finger. “Nickolas, I appreciate all that you’ve been doing for me, but you have got to stop trying to bend me into whatever version of a wife you’ve built in your head. Either take me as I am or replace someone else.” I took a few quick breaths, brushing my hair off my face. No doubt he had feelings on that as well. “I am princess here. I am regent. If I walk around in my stays, then it is proper, and no one can say otherwise. If you want to be of help, then help.”

I watched as Nickolas blinked and took breaths, as he weighed things in his head and came to the conclusion that, for now, I was right.

“My apologies, Your Highness.” He swallowed and straightened his waistcoat. “There are a number of people waiting for you, which is why I’ve been roaming the palace for the last hour trying to replace you. After everything that’s happened, I couldn’t dismiss the possibility that you’d been taken again, and the thought might have put me out of my right mind.”

I didn’t miss that he’d turned this back on me, but if he’d truly been worried, I wasn’t going to poke him more.

“I am sorry to have worried you, but there is something pressing at hand. Please go tell those waiting that I apologize for any inconvenience, and I will see them tomorrow.”

I pressed on toward the library, pushing through the doors in a rush.

“Your Highness,” Rhett greeted me. “So nice to see— Are you all right? What happened to your gown?”

“I was digging,” I explained quickly, moving to the history section.

“Ah,” he replied with a laugh. Not judgment, not reproval, but laughter. “And what did you replace?”

“A half-sphere. A stone so round it looks like the sun rising from the ground,” I said, a chill going down both my arms again as I remembered Lennox’s words. I stopped before the vast wall of books. “Rhett, I need the oldest records of the forming of our country. I need to know everything about how we came to be here.”

He looked like he had a dozen questions. But instead of asking a single one, he pointed toward one end of the shelves. “Start here.”