Alley Cat
Same Mistake

The night sky is empty and cloudy as it always is in New York City.

Why do I even bother looking up anymore? Oh, that’s right. I remember that I’m lying down on a rooftop of a ten story apartment building. If only there were stars in the sky, everything would be perfect. I have lived in a time before light pollution was a thing, so I’ll just tell you that once upon a time, long, long ago, there used to be so many stars in the sky that you wouldn’t believe it. You could easily point out constellations and spot shooting stars like they happened every night. The world changes so fast.

Luka’s striped sweatpants act as a comfy cushion against the hardness of the roof. I hear nothing but gentle breeze brushing past my ears and the loud sound of an airplane flying over me. If I listen carefully, I could hear the traffic ten stories below me. Eventually, all the angry honking and beeping die down and I’m lying under a blanket of quiet.

I think of Todd a lot these past two weeks; I don’t deny that I miss him. My ignorant self can’t stay ignorant for more than a week, so this past week was reserved for reflection. My reflection consists of lenience and regret. I regret blaming Todd for being so smitten with Shirisha. Sure, he was a little obsessed with her, but I remember that there was a time when I felt just the same. A blush rises to my face, and I press my back harder against Luka’s sweatpants. It’s a dreadful memory that I don’t dare unfurl.

I didn’t start missing Todd right away; my pride has always stood in the way of my own progress. It took a whole week of missing his body heat which usually kept me warm on drafty nights. Then the days became too quiet. I missed his excessive caution and terrible jokes. I realized that I had lost my fat friend; I no longer had anyone to join me on my adventures or advise me against them. I needed Todd because even though I didn’t know him very long, he was arguably the best friend I’ve ever had. He didn’t drag me into trouble like Shirisha did. He never intended to break my heart. He never abandoned me, but I had abandoned him.

I rouse from my comfy position and am invigorated with renewed spirit. I must replace Todd. I need to know if he’s okay. I need to tell him that I’m sorry.

At a dreadfully inconvenient timing, a shadow lunges at me from my side. We collide and roll to the edge of the rooftop where I climb out from beneath the creature and run away from the edge. I can see more clearly as I stand at a distance. The shadow takes the form of a leopard with icy blue eyes. She stretches her mouth to let out a feline growl. I could recognize the growl in my dreams; it’s Shirisha.

I don’t get a chance to ask why she’s attacking me before she lunges at me again. I force myself to run in zig-zags. Leopards are dangerously fast, especially if they run straight ahead. My jagged movements succeed in slowing her down, but I realize that I’m running around the perimeter of the rooftop and it’s not a big one. I make a desperate choice by jumping off the ledge, and I fall.

I land on a window washing rig (the machine that elevates people up so they can clean skyscrapers). The rig shakes a little, but I’m secured. Shirisha roars from the rooftop, and she looks down at me from above with anger and annoyance.

Stop being a coward and fight me!

“No thanks!” I meow. “I’m good right here!”

Shirisha roars again. It’s an aggressive roar that rattles her lungs and gives her the courage to leap off the building and land on the edge of the rig. I gasp as the rig violently shakes beneath me. The rig tips to her side. Shirisha is much larger and heavier than I am. Her weight nearly knocks us both from the rig, but Shirisha’s thick claws dig into the metal, securing her. She pulls herself up, the rig levels itself out, and we go at each other again.

I wish I could tell you that we fought epically with Hollywood movie jumps and speedy swipes of our claws but we don’t. Each move made is carefully calculated as to avoid tipping the rig to one side. I manage to swipe at her eye, and she roars ferociously before bowing her head to chomp at me. Her slightest movements cause the rig to creak from under us. Shirisha has trapped herself. It doesn’t take long for her to realize this, and she lets out another roar of frustration.

“Why can’t you just leave me be?” Under normal circumstances, I would replace it humorous that my opponent has trapped herself, but I don’t dare laugh. I think I pity her. Pity. Sooner or later, we all learn the embarrassment of pity. It affects some of us more than others. I’ve met people who would rather die than be pitied. Cats and their pride, am I right?

Shirsha’s body glows brightly, and I take it as a sign to change my form as well. Shirisha is not the kind of person to submit without spilling a little blood and I? I’m not willing to waste my final life fighting a wretch like her.

I finish transitioning first and scale the windows, climbing my way back up to the rooftop. I don’t look back down; I can’t afford to waste time. Shirisha is faster. I hear her heavy breathing below me. The thought of her grasping at my ankles and me falling ten stories below to rushing traffic hastens my heartbeat. It’s moments like these that remind me of my mortality. I’m not afraid of dying; it just occurs to me that I’m not ready yet.

I reach the rooftop and rush to Luka’s sweatpants. I barely have enough time to pull them up to my waist when Shirisha pounces off the ledge and tackles me. She’s on me now, punching me in my cheek and nose. The sharp pain spreads all over my face and riles me up. In my rage, I push her off with a strong kick and throw myself on her.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask. I punch twice in her mouth, hoping to prompt a faster response.

With a bleeding lip, Shirsha says, “To give you an answer! The one you’ve always wanted to know!”

Shirsha headbutts me, causing me to recoil. It gives her time to throw me off her. We both rise to a sparing position with balled fists. In hand to hand combat, we’re about even. I remember everything that Shirsha has taught me. Low kick. High kick. Elbow jabs are my specialty. Shirsha is much faster and stronger than me, but I’m more agile. I evade her hits, sometimes directing her own movements against her. After punching her in the neck, Shirisha wheezes and staggers back.

“I left you to make you stronger. As you can see, it worked.”

Her answer takes me off guard which Shirsha takes advantage of by summoning her claws and slashing my arm. I scream and look down at my wound; it’s deep but not fatal. Warm blood trickles down my wrist. The smell of it drives me into a rage. I look back up at Shirsha and wish to wipe her satisfied smug off her face.

“You’re a liar,” my voice wavers as I speak. I could barely feel the soreness of my wound or smell the blood oozing down my arm. My blood boils in my veins; it makes me sweat. I may as well be burning in Hell. “You left me because you were scared. You couldn’t handle the fact that there was actually someone in the world that loved you more than you loved yourself.”

“No, Helene.” Shirisha’s giggling now. I wonder how long it takes her to stop. She wipes tears from her eyes and stares me down with a grave face. “I just got tired of saving your ass all the time. It was so...exhausting.”

“Fine.” The same scar she cut in my heart centuries ago reopens and it bleeds more than it did before. Maybe that’s how I’ll die; I’ll drown from my own misery. “But if I really am that exhausting, why is it that you’re the one that followed me here? If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you missed me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I came here because I felt sorry for you. I’m tired of you moping around and pretending that I’m the bad guy. I’m sick and tired of you blaming me for your miserable life. If anything, you should be thanking me. I made you stronger. You wouldn’t be still alive if it weren’t for me.”

The memories come rushing in all at once. Eight lifetime’s worth of pain dawn on me. All the faces of the people that I’ve lost and loved come rushing back, making me feel all sorts of overpowering emotions that threaten to destroy me. My skin feels hot. My tears evaporate on my cheeks. A burning sensation stings the palms of my hands. I see red.

I don’t know why or what Shirsha sees, but her eyes widen. Her face pales, mortified. She stumbles backward until her heels hover over the rooftop ledge. She’s trapped. I’ve never seen her so scared and helpless, but it brings a gratifying sensation that feeds my fire. I am suddenly consumed with the obsessive desire to make her feel how I feel. She must understand my pain.

I thrust my hands forward and blast her with a flaming torpedo. Shirisha screams upon impact. It’s a scream of agony and terror. Her eyes reflect the fire as she shrivels in on herself. All of her hair catches on flames, and I watch her burn.

I hear someone yell at me, but it’s not Shirisha. She’s too busy screaming in pain. I turn to the direction of the sound to replace Todd standing at Shirisha’s side. He must have climbed up when I was distracted and had been watching the whole time. My body tenses as I anticipate an impending attack, but he stands there, looking at me with pleading eyes.

This isn’t you. You’re better than this.

Everything about him pisses me off. I don’t feel the slightest sensation of remorse. In fact, I’m glad that he saw me hurt Shirisha. I want him to fear me. He should know what I’m capable of.

“I’m not, actually. Sorry to disappoint. At least you came in time to watch the show!” I gesture to Shirisha whose hair is still on fire. Her screams only add to my bliss. I expect Todd to shame me, but he continues to look at me with the most sorry expression ever worn on his cattish face and says nothing. The more he looks at me, the more it irritates me on the inside. I can’t stand it.

I leap off the apartment and land on the window washing rig. A bucket of dirty water sits on the edge where I last remembered and I grab it.

Helene? HELENE! Todd meows at me from the rooftop. He thinks I’ve abandoned him. Let him think that.

I climb up to the rooftop while holding the bucket between my teeth. By the time I get to the top, Shirisha’s still flailing in pain. I splash the dirty water onto her head and it extinguishes the fire with a hiss. Shirisha’s screaming finally ends. Her scalp is bare and red. The fire has eaten away all her hair, leaving behind nasty burns that could be worse. She’s lucky that werecats heal fast.

I look down on her as she pants from screaming so hard. I tower over her; I expect it to make me feel good but I don’t. Slowly, I kneel to her level and tell her in a tightly controlled and low voice. “You never taught me how to be strong. You only taught me how to hate people.”

I throw the bucket at her and miss, but she still yelps anyway. Suddenly, I feel my remorse and humanity coming back to me. I need to leave before she sees. I want to leave her with the monster she’s made.

I take a few steps back before leaping over to another apartment roof. I hop from rooftop to rooftop in a frenzy. Tears blur my vision, but I push through. I need the feeling of going somewhere, anywhere. But the truth rings clear at the back of my head. I have nowhere to go; I don’t belong anywhere.

I hear the sound of scurrying feet behind me which causes me to stop in my tracks. I would recognize the sound in my sleep. “Stop following me!”

No! Todd says stubbornly. He puffs out his blue fur (or maybe that’s just his fat) to make himself look bigger, tougher. You’re not leaving me again!

“I’ll burn you!” I take one step forward to taunt him, but he doesn’t budge.

Go ahead! I’m not scared! His voice shakes as he says this, but he’s still there.

“You’re stupid.”

And you’re mean. You abandoned me.

“Yeah? Well you abandoned me first!”

No I didn’t! It was a stupid crush, Hel. I was never going to leave you for Shirisha. After being stuck with her for two whole weeks, I can’t even stand her! Did you know she lead a Nazi youth group in World War Two?

Todd’s answer takes me off guard, and I can’t help but scratch my head. “Huh. That actually sounds like something she would do.”

Exactly! Todd stamps his paw to emphasize his point. She’s––

“––a horrible––”

––person!

Todd and I stare at each other in thoughtful silence until I break it. I look down at my feet which are burried under the excess fabric of Luka’s sweatpants. “Actually, I think I might be a horrible person too.”

Todd nodded his head with thoughtful consideration. You did just burn all of Shirsha’s hair off and left her with nasty second to third degree burns.

A long sigh empties my chest as my heart swells with emotion. “Todd?”

Yeah?

“I missed you.”

Todd freezes for a moment before dashing across the rooftop and jumping into my arms. The most loudest and obnoxious purr rattles his chest as he nuzzles my cheek. I laugh from joy, so much joy. “I thought you were going to hate me forever!”

Only if you leave me again!

A haunting wolf howl interrupts our tender reconciliation. It echoes in the distance, piercing the normalcy of New York night. Goosebumps dot my skin and Todd’s blue fur sticks up straight. Both our ears swivel around, analyzing the noise. A faint yell for help rattles the tranquil atmosphere and quickens my heartbeat. It’s a man’s yell, but it’s a shrill embodiment of terror echoing throughout the night.

“HELP ME!”

He screams again, a scream of pain. And then there’s silence.

My body reacts immediately; I run towards the source. Todd runs by my side and tries to say anything to appeal to my rational mind. He should know by now that there’s not much rationality left in it.

Hel? This doesn’t seem very safe…

He pants as we leap over another rooftop.

“Yeah? Well, we’re cats in New York City. May as well check it out.”

Todd opens his mouth to say more but decides that it would be best to conserve his energy for running. We follow the source to Central Park and slow to a walk. We remember that this was the same place where Shirsha was attacked before, but it’s much later now. The moon is high in the sky; it must be at least 1 a.m, just when Central Park has closed. Grass rustles from easy wind and the shadows of trees sway slightly in the back. It would seem like an ordinary tranquil night if it hadn’t been for the pungent smell of blood.

Todd’s back arches into the classic cat hurling position. The smell!

The smell bothers me too; there’s just so much of it. It thickens the air around us, making it hard for me to decide where to go next. Luckily for me, I hear a weak groan and follow it. I’m led to a small pond where I see a crumpled body lying in a nest of cattails and tall grasses. I run to the man and sit by his side. I’m careful when touching him. Each trace of my fingers causes him the most serious pain. I hear him crying but even his cries are tainted with gurgling blood.

“Sir?” I say to him in a loud and clear voice. “Can you hear me?”

He groans in response. Upon closer examination, I see that his neck is almost completely torn up, yet he’s hanging on for dear life. The sight of it makes me cold. Anger rushes my body next. What kind of monster would do this?

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Todd is watching from afar, hiding behind a tree. I don’t blame him. It wouldn’t do him any good to puke on the poor man.

“D-D-Dog. Really big one too.”

I stroke the man’s sticky hair, once a smooth dark brown, now a clumpy mess. Suddenly, I hear a soft muffled footstep from behind. I prepare myself to fight, but I quickly see that it’s Shirisha stumbling towards me. Her scalp is still bare and red as I last left her. Guilt punches me in the gut.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“What?” She tries to play tough and refuses to show the slightest bit of fear which I saw in her a few moments before. “I came to check out the commotion too.”

Shirsha sits at the man’s head. Upon seeing the man, she’s forgotten all about me. Her eyes soften with sympathy. She’s so vulnerable and gentle in her movements that I barely recognize her. She speaks to the man with soothing words, asking him of his name and what had happened. The man whimpers as he tells her about his wife and his newborn daughter. He had just recently married and welcomed a baby girl into the world. He had everything laid out for him––a new job, flourishing matrimony, a child. In the spur of the moment, it was all taken away. He had been knocked down at the peak of his happiness and fell to rock bottom. It hurts me so much that I have to turn my head away. I can’t look because I know the feeling of losing everything at once only to be left with nothing.

“I–I’m going to die, aren’t I?”

Shirisha shushes him. Her sounds help to mute his cries. “Luis. Listen to me.”

The man holds back his tears. “What happened to you was very awful. No one, and I mean no one, deserves to go through this kind of pain. But you are running out of time. You have a very important choice to make, Luis. You get to choose whether you live or die.”

“No, Shirsha!” Shirisha looks up to face me and I see that she’s changed. This girl, this girl who has chosen to show a complete stranger her kindness with nothing to gain, is the Shirisha I once loved. Selfishly, I want to hold her and beg her to stay, but Luis is our priority here. “You know that this isn’t allowed. Mutts, people who were accidentally turned like him, are unstable. If we let him live, he will be a killing machine. He will never go back home to his wife and daughter without ripping them to shreds. Is that what you want?”

“It’s his choice!” Shirsha says through her teeth. “He should decide!”

“But at what cost?” Without realizing it, I’m crying too. “I don’t want him to die. Luis doesn’t want to die. But you and I have seen this shit happen before. Don’t make the same mistake twice, Shirisha!” “So what? Are you going to volunteer to snap his neck?” When I don’t respond, Shirisha glares back at me with an I-told-you-so look. “Listen to me, Helene. This is what we’re going to do. We’re going to leave him. This is a werewolf situation now. If he chooses to live, we will leave it to the wolves to decide what they’ll do with him. This is their problem.”

“Fine,” I say and slowly rise. “But when dead bodies start piling up in New York, everyone is going to put the blame on us for letting him live.”

“So be it,” Shirisha says with the most unapologetic adamance in the world.

Shirisha and I begin to leave and Todd tags along behind us. Luis calls for us helplessly, begging us to stay. “Please. Miss? Don’t leave me here! Please!”

I almost look over my shoulder, but Shirisha grabs my wrist. Every step feels like I’m dragging bricks. I bite on my lips so hard that it draws blood.

“Miss? Please! Help me!”

“Keep walking,” Shirisha urges me. She’s gentle but firm. “You can do this, Hel. We’re doing the right thing.”

But are we? I want to ask, but my legs silently tread on. At last, we make it out of Central Park to the ugly slab of cement and steel that is New York. I kick at the ground and scream. I know I must look like a total lunatic with all the hair pulling and crying and all the awful incomprehensible sounds that come from my mouth, but I don’t care. I fall to my knees and Shirisha lowers herself down to the ground beside me. She doesn’t look at me. She looks up at the dark and endless night sky in thoughtful silence.