Alpha Billionaire Series
The Wrong Choice Chapter 26

MADII

Lexi was nearly wasted, drinking almost a whole bottle of wine by herself as we planned wedding decorations. The guys mostly sat and drank beer; Gavin himself being the most involved of the group. But his input was really "You choose, babe," which was frustrating, but freeing. It gave me the opportunity to let Crystal and Lexi help in ways they hadn't been able to with Drew.

"So, the centerpieces will be silver milking buckets with lavender, wisteria, and white lilacs? Greenery?" I held up my phone, showing Crystal the sort of leaves, I was thinking about, and she nodded. "Gorgeous. You really have a knack for this." As soon as she said it, I watched her wince. "Sorry."

"No worries." I brushed off the comment, knowing she was insinuating that I'd already planned a wedding, and thus was good at this type of thing. There had been so many instances over the past few weeks of things like that being said, that I was getting used to it. After the outburst with Violet about the honeymoon brochures, I'd apologized to her, but I stood my ground.

Gavin had tried to convince me that we could take our time, but I made it clear that if we moved slower, it would not be good. I was feeling cold feet, but I wasn't about to tell anyone. Besides, I'd felt cold feet with Drew too. I chalked it up to being a normal thing for brides before they got married.

"So where is the bachelorette party going down?" Lexi slurred out, holding her empty glass up as if she wanted more. I took it away from her, setting it to the side. We hovered around the kitchen table at Gavin's place, all manner of wedding decorations spread out in front of us. The guys perked up at the mention of a party.

"I'm not sure." I pushed it from my mind. Gavin deserved to have a bachelor party if he wanted one, but I didn't want one at all. Just the thought of it made my chest tighten. "Jiles did you plan something for Gavin?"

Nervously, my eyes flicked to him, hoping to make the conversation go away. I stood and picked up random color swatches and strands of ribbon that lay strewn about. I needed to busy my hands so my mind wouldn't run wild.

"Nah, that's Nicky's job." He winked at me then clinked beers with Nick, who had a mouthful of spinach-artichoke dip.

Once Nick had swallowed, he coughed a few times and said, "We're going to take ol' Gavin to see some ladiesssss." Jiles and Nick high-fived. It must have been their thing because they'd been doing it all night.

I turned and gave Gavin a stern expression, and he waved his hands in the air. "No strippers for me, guys. The only beautiful lady I want to see half-naked is my soon-to-be wife." He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at me, pulling me onto his lap. I laughed as he tickled my sides and kissed my cheek.

"Shit, man. You're boring." Jiles set his beer down. "Just like my old lady. No strippers... what sort of bach is that?"

Lexi hiccupped and reached for a bottle of wine, which Crystal moved out of her reach. "I'll be a stripper." Lexi grinned and winked at Jiles, who laughed.

"I was thinking combined is good." Gavin nibbled on my ear. I could tell he was a bit tipsy, but he was playful, and it helped me stay relaxed.

"As long as we don't do scuba diving." Lexi snatched the bottle off the table and held it to her lips, guzzling a few drinks before Crystal pried it away from her. The room fell silent as the comment hit me.

I felt like I couldn't breathe again. My chest tightened and my hands got instantly sweaty. My mouth was pasty, my tongue sticking to the roof. I stood and walked out as Lexi called out, "What did I say?"

The kitchen called to me, beckoning me to hide and fight back the panic attack that loomed. I left them all behind as I leaned against the refrigerator, trying to control my breathing. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. It was only a few seconds before Crystal was there, wrapping her arms around me. She squeezed so tight I thought I'd suffocate, but I clung to her too, letting the panic subside.

"Are you okay?" she whispered, and I shook my head no. I wasn't okay. Memories of being under that water, watching Drew's face as the seconds ticked by and I was swimming him to the surface flashed in my mind. My heart raced.

"Is she okay?" Gavin's voice filtered into my conscious thought, but the room was spinning.

"Here, Madii. Sit down." A chair was pushed beneath me and in a daze, I scanned the room, though my eyes didn't seem to focus on anything in particular, until Crystal's blue eyes were right in front of mine. "Madison, take a deep breath." Something about the command helped me snap out of it. I took a deep breath, blowing it out. Then another. After the third breath, Crystal's eyes were replaced by the deep brown pools of love that were Gavin Carpenter's. He looked worried.

"I sent them away, okay? Nick will drive Lexi home and they'll get her car tomorrow. Crystal, I'll clean up. Just give us some space, okay?"

I watched Crystal walk out of the room, then heard the front door shut. I was alone with him, alone with my feelings. Alone with the panic of what the f**k was I doing?

"Madii, we can't do this. We can't move forward until you're ready. I don't want you to have regrets later on." Gavin pulled another chair up, scooping me up and forcing me onto his lap. I straddled him, feeling frozen with emotion.

"I am ready. I swear it. It's just that everything to do with weddings is just traumatic. You know? It's not like I was in a bike accident, and it was traumatizing, but I can go ride my bike a dozen times to desensitize myself to it." The logic made sense to me, so I used it to ground myself.

"Yeah, that makes sense, but if it causes you this much panic, then maybe we should wait." He tucked my long hair behind my back.

"I don't want to wait, Gavin. If I wait, then any number of dumb emotional triggers will make me back out. We can even just go to the courthouse and get married now if you want."

Gavin laughed. "They're closed. But if you are serious, we can do that in the morning." With a wink, he pulled me down to kiss him.

"I'm not serious. My dad would kill me." He kissed me deeper, so I lingered there, his tongue tracing my bottom lip. I could taste the beer on his lips.

"I really love you; you know? And I don't want you to have any doubts or reservations. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I love you." His hands rested on my hips, squeezing me, pulling me down onto his lap harder. I could feel him growing hard; he wanted me, but I just wasn't in the mood.

I returned his next kiss but pushed my hands against his chest. "I'm just not feeling it tonight, Gavin." I climbed off his lap, leaving him with a sullen expression, and he followed me out past the dining table toward his bedroom. He turned the deadbolt on the front door and shut off the lights as we passed, then shut the door behind us as we entered the bedroom.

Without another word, I took off my clothes, down to just my panties and t-shirt, and pulled the covers back. He slid into bed behind me, curling up around me. I felt his dick pressing into my backside as his arm draped over my mid-section and a hand cupped my b****t.

My body responded to him. I could feel my groin tense and the dampness in my panties, but my heart just wasn't in it. Something inside me felt off, so off that I just wanted to sleep and forget the world existed. Maybe returning the ring to Drew would help. Gavin had promised me that he'd take me to see Drew one last time, to return the ring and get my closure.

I knew that was all I needed to make sure I didn't feel like this on my wedding day. And that thought was enough to help me drift off to sleep, even if my sleep was fraught with horrible dreams.