Alpha Billionaire Series
The Right Choice Chapter 5

MADII

"Easy now," the therapist cautioned, helping me lay Drew back in the bed again. After sitting up straight for nearly twenty minutes, Drew was exhausted. His body had been used to lying in various positions-turned regularly to keep his skin from getting bed sores- for the past two years. Doctors and therapists didn't have to tell me that he had no strength. I could see it.

After getting him settled, I took a deep breath. I hadn't been as active in the past few years as I was prior to his accident either, but I had the strength to do daily activities. I could only imagine what Drew felt like; he had to depend on others to feed him after the first few bites, because his arms tired so easily. He had even been put on a light and soft foods diet to start out, just to get his digestive system back to working like normal.

"That's it." Adam put an extra pillow behind Drew's head as he adjusted the bed to a lower position. "Let's rest for about 30 minutes and then we will get you sitting upright again so you can eat. I'll check back here when lunch arrives. Alright?"

I nodded at him as Drew offered a few questions. They chatted but I ignored them. Everything about visiting Drew was tiring to me now. Depression had swallowed me whole, leaving little room for me to feel hopeful or encouraged. It was insane. I should have been happier than anyone on the planet, but I was down. So down that I didn't want to talk to the man who loved me-either one of them.

"Bye, Madii. I'll be back after a bit." Adam waved as he walked out of the room. I wondered if he lived here. He spent so much time in this room the past week that it seemed like he never left. Maybe that was how it was with patients awakening from a coma. I had never experienced anything like this before, so I didn't know what the norm was.

"Come sit by me." Drew wiggled his fingers, leaving his arm to lay limp across his lap. Pasting on my bravest smile, I sat on the edge of his bed and folded my hands in my lap until his wiggling fingers brushed my arm. "Don't you want to hold my hand?" "Of course." I slid my fingers between his and held his hand. It felt stronger than it had last week, but still he had a way to go. I was grateful for the help of Adam and the nurses. I knew it was their job, but they did it with such compassion that it felt like they genuinely cared about Drew and his recovery.

"I can't wait to get on my feet and walk. When we walk down that aisle everyone will just go nuts. I talked to that reporter again this morning before you came by. She wants to come in and record some of my therapy sessions for the piece they're going to do on me. Can you believe that? I told her I needed to ask you first, since you would be in the shots too. She said she'd call later."

It was sort of exciting that the news media wanted to do a piece on Drew's miraculous recovery, but I didn't really want to be a part of it. The camera in my face while I was dealing with my unresolved issues just didn't seem like something I wanted to do. "Yeah, that's okay." I lied I know. But how did I tell him that I wasn't interested in having my mental breakdown plastered on every television screen in the tri-state area, let alone the national news? I also did not like the idea of a report tagging along everywhere. "God, baby girl. I'm so sorry. I'm so insensitive. I should have just told her no. I know this is all like a fucking yo-yo to you. I haven't even taken time to ask you how you're doing." Drew squeezed my fingers, though it wasn't much of a squeeze. The sunlight streaming in his window made him squint at me, so I got up and closed the curtain to avoid his comment.

I didn't want to discuss my feelings. I had to be there for him. It couldn't be about me right then or I'd break down crying, and he didn't need that. What Drew needed was a strong support system that was excited that he was back and championing his recovery. The doctors had told me his mental state was directly connected to his physical health. If he got too down about the accident and the time he lost, he would not do as well in recovery. So, I pushed my feelings aside as best as I could and tried to be what he needed. "There you go. No more sun in your eyes."

"Come sit down, baby. Talk to me." He patted the bed next to him, but when I relented and sat, I chose the same place on the edge of the mattress. I kept my fixed smile too, because I didn't want him to keep pressing me.

"What did you order for lunch?" There was nothing written on his whiteboard, where they kept records of his nurse and any other comments to be passed on to doctors or other staff.

"Turkey salad, but I don't want to talk about lunch. I want to know what's bothering you." Drew slipped his hand into mine again, and I almost pulled away. Why would I pull away like that? I loved him. I didn't even know what was happening to me. "Nothing is bothering me. I'm so happy you're awake. I've missed you." That was true. I had missed him, and deep down I still loved him so much. Except, there was this new love in my life. A love that was stronger and deeper than the love I had for Drew. And I couldn't tell him. I couldn't even be honest with Gavin and tell him.

"But you seem troubled by something." His brow furrowed. "It was the reporter, wasn't it?" Drew knew me so well he could see through my lies, and backed into a corner like this, I was no good at coming up with something convincing on the spot. Not that I lied to him, but given the circumstances, I had no choice. What had been so many months for me of change and growth, had been mere seconds for him. He was the exact same man he was the moment he passed out beneath the water, with the same deep connection to me that I was struggling to locate.

"No." I blurted, but I wished instantly that I'd just agreed with him. It would have gotten me out of his next question.

"Then what is it?"

He stared at me, searching my face with his gaze. I felt my gut roll and hated the fact that when I got anxious, I also got nauseous. My pulse picked up, and my tongue felt thick and sticky. He wanted an answer, but I had none to give him. It had been two years since the accident. Two years was a lot of time. Anything could have happened. And so many people told me to move on. I felt tears welling up and I blinked them away, praying he hadn't seen them. I was ready to force a smile when the door swished open and Pam, Drew's charge nurse, walked in carrying his tray of food.

"Howdy, folks. I got your turkey salad here, with steamed veggies and a brownie on the side. Also, this protein shake ordered by the doc. He said you're trying to build muscle, and this will help, so we keep sending them. This one is strawberry. I see you didn't drink the chocolate one yesterday." Pam sat the tray down on the small rolling table next to the bed and adjusted it higher, positioning the table over Drew's lap. She pulled the lid off the main dish and steam wafted upward. "Yeah, chocolate isn't my favorite." Drew scrunched his nose up and readjusted himself in bed.

Since when was chocolate not his favorite? Everything he ate before the accident was chocolate: cake, pie, cookies, shakes, you name it. And now he didn't like chocolate? I offered a confused expression, but he ignored it.

"Well, we have vanilla and strawberry of this sort, but we also offer some citrus types too if you're interested in trying those. More like a powdered drink than a milkshake, but they do the trick." Pam tore the lid off the protein drink and plunged a straw into it, then pushed the tray closer.

I didn't care if Drew's tastes had changed. I was simply glad to have avoided that conversation. He picked up his fork and portioned a bite onto it, then lifted it toward his mouth. I could see his arm was still tired from the therapy he'd just done, so I scooted forward, ready to feed him.

"Nah, honey. Let him do it until he can't. The more he practices, the better." Pam's gentle lecture was enough to make me scoot back. It was painful watching Drew struggle. He dribbled on his chest, and she dried his face for him, hovering over him as he ate. I could have done her job, but the longer she stayed, the less likely he was to dive back into the sensitive topic of my emotions.

"Fuck, my arm feels like it weighs a ton." Drew dropped his fork onto his plate and sucked at the straw Pam thrust into his mouth.

"Well, you can stop your complaining now and replace five things to be thankful about." Her motherly way made me chuckle. I covered my mouth and looked away because I knew Drew would likely snap at her, but the expected reaction did not come. When I looked back at Drew, he had his eyes closed, his face calm. I felt like I didn't even know him when he opened his mouth.

"Being alive. My parents watching out for me. My beautiful fiancé. The ability to breathe, and...."

"Me!" Adam's voice broke into Drew's list of things to be thankful for, and I turned to see him smiling. "I see Pam has you focusing on the positive. She is really great at that." Adam nudged Pam out of the way and took the shake from her hand. "Thanks." At that, Pam turned and headed out the door. Drew took another sip from the shake and sighed contentedly.

"Yeah, sometimes it's difficult to stay positive. So, I'm thankful that Pam and Cecil both really keep me grounded." He rolled his neck. "Any chance I can just skip this meal?"

"Drew," I chided, "you need to eat in order to build that muscle back."

"She's right. If you're not fueling your body correctly, it will take longer to regain all those essential functions you lost." The doctor set the shake back on the tray. "You know you're lucky to have such a beautiful woman who cares so much about you. I heard from a lot of people how she waited on you day and night, reading to you, and visiting long after most patients' loved ones stop caring. She's a keeper."

I shrank back inside myself, feeling a tiny part of my soul die. If either of them actually knew what I had done, they wouldn't be singing my praise. But they didn't know, because I hadn't told them. I was too ashamed and confused.

"Yeah, she's pretty perfect to me." Drew reached under the tray table and took my hand, rubbing his thumb over my engagement ring. I shouldn't have been wearing it. I should have just told them both that the engagement was off, that I needed time to figure out what I was even feeling.

"Alright, well, I'll be back later this evening. We will do some more sitting exercises. By the end of the week, you should be good for a 30-minute wheelchair ride. If you can do that, then we can get you to the rehab lab where we can start working on those legs. Before you know it, you'll be walking down the aisle." Adam patted Drew's leg and fixed his eyes on me. "Help him finish up eating, and I'll see you two later."

I nodded, certain that if I spoke, my voice would crack and give me away. Violet was right. Keeping all of this bottled up inside of me was going to kill me. And what little I had said to Gavin was only enough to take the edge off. I needed space to think. So, I shoveled food in Drew's mouth, to keep him chewing and occupied. I didn't want him asking anymore questions.

When he was finished eating, I told him he should rest, that I wanted to get food from the cafeteria, but really, I wanted to sit in my car and hide from the world. It wasn't an exceptionally hot day, so I kept my windows rolled up and locked myself in, letting the tears flow freely. I saw Alice headed up to Drew's room, so I sent her a text letting her know I didn't feel well and decided to go home. The pressure of trying to keep a smiling face when my insides were dying was too much.

All I could think about was Gavin-how he cared so much that he sat patiently and listened, even though I knew he really wanted his own answers. He wanted to comfort me enough that he was willing to let me walk away and work out my emotions, even if it meant losing me.

When I got home, I sat in my car and sent Gavin a text.

Madii 12:49PM: Want to do dinner, Friday night?

I got an instant reply.

Gavin 12:49PM: My place or yours.

It was so sweet that he instantly knew I would not want to go out in public.

Madii 12:50PM: Mine

Gavin 12:50PM: It's a date.

My heart breathed a sigh of relief, and I headed into my house to toss myself on my bed and pray the week went by fast.