Alpha Queen
Chapter 50

Liviana’s POV

I watched as the Northern pack’s Alpha and his men left my territory.

I held onto the bracelet that Dante gave me from the moon goddess.

I’ll have to see her later on.

But for now, I want to be able to spend some time with my friends.

I went back to the pack house.

I already mind linked El earlier that they can already go back down.

I saw them in the living room and Ellie was also awake from her nap. She immediately ran to me and I lifted her up.

“Livi, can you play with us please?” shw said with her puppy eyes. I chuckled.

I still had a ton of paperwork to do.

But this is Ellie.

Sweet Ellie.

“Okay, little one” I said and booped her nose. She giggled.

“Yey!” she cheered and I looked at my friends.

“Shall we go out?” I said and they nodded with a smile.

We went out together and played tag with Ellie like we had done when we were still kids.

It seemed like yesterday I was the carefree pup that ran around our land.

But now….

Now, everything is different.

I have responsibilities.

Big ones.

I can’t play around like a little girl anymore.

I can’t enjoy life like I was the only one in it.

And I’m no longer pure and innocent.

I’ve killed many of my kind.

The bad ones, of course.

I took their life with my own hands.

And it’s not because I wanted to.

It’s because I had to.

To protect this pack.

Maybe it was only sinking in my mind now.

But the thought was overwhelming.

It’s common to get b***d on your hands when you’re a werewolf.

We’re beasts.

Some of our kind doesn’t deserve to live with the bad things that they have done and plan to do.

But if I’m being honest, I hated how it was common for us to kill someone else instead of imprison them like humans do.

Maybe it was because of that.

Maybe because I was in between living as a werewolf and a human that I have such thought.

In the werewolf community, death is better than imprisonment. That’s all there is.

And that’s why I feel bothered.

I’ve put up a front of the strong fearless female Alpha but deep inside, I didn’t know who I really was anymore.

I can kill anyone who tries to harm my pack.

But there are nights where I look at the moon and ask why it had to be that way.

I am afraid of nothing.

But I’m terrified of the thought of disappointing the people around me.

I can do anything and sacrifice everything for my pack.

But sometimes I lay away at night wondering if I’ll ever have someone who would do the same for me.

I’m pitiful.

Who could’ve predicted that this is the situation I’d end up in?

I didn’t.

“Livi”

I snapped back to reality as I looked at Blake.

“Oh hey. What’s up?” I asked him because I spaced out.

“Are you okay?” he asked worried. I nodded.

“I’m fine” I said and gave him a small smile.

I sat on the side for a little while until Ellie was finally called inside by Theresa.

I remained outside as I enjoyed the fresh air.

“Livi” Blake called out.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Do you have time?” he asked. I raised a brow at him.

“I do. Why do you ask?” I said. He smiled mischievously and pulled me.

“Come with me” he said as he kept pulling me somewhere.

After a while of walking, we stopped at a familiar place.

One that I haven’t visited in so long.

It was a tree house that my dad built when we were little so every time that Blake and Katie would come over to play, we had our own spot in our pack to play in.

“Let’s go” Blake said and held my hand as we made our way to the tree house.

We reached the top and went inside.

We went by the window which still had a wonderful view of the woods and the pack.

“Do you remember when we used to play here every time we’d come over” he asked with a smile. I nodded.

“Of course. I always looked forward to seeing you and Katie because you were the only friends that I have aside from El” I said.

It feels so good to go back to those childhood memories.

“I always looked forward to seeing you too” he said and our eyes met. I chuckled.

“You already had many friends then. Why would you still be excited to see me?” I said. He smiled.

“Because I just did” he said softly as he stared straight into my eyes.

I froze for a moment with the sudden shift of the atmosphere.

One that made me feel a little uncomfortable.

“Oh by the way” he suddenly said then took out something in his pocket. It was a piece of paper.

“You used to like poems, remember?” he said. I nodded.

I loved reading poems as a child.

I was an aesthete then.

“Remember when I told you then that when I grow up, I’ll make you a poem?” he said. I thought about it.

“Yes. I remember” I said when the memory popped out.

“I made something recently and I wanted you to be the first. It’s not the best since I’m really bad at this but just hear me out” he said and I chuckled but nodded.

Blake took a deep breath and gulped.

Then he stared straight into my eyes.

“She shines like the morning sun”

he started.

“She’s nothing like anyone”

Blake’s eyes were soft.

“Her smile’s as sweet as a bun”

Then he smiled and chuckled and I did too.

“To me, she’s second to none”

He looked at me again with a smile.

“I could look at her every day”

He said it staring at me.

“That’s where my eyes always stay”

Why do I suddenly feel weird?

“I just can’t seem to keep away”

Like something bad will happen.

“While my feelings are on replay”

Or maybe I’m just paranoid?

“I don’t know how it started”

Maybe I am.

“You’re all I ever wanted”

I froze in place as Blake didn’t remove his eyes on me.

“Although I’m quite disheartened”

This is just part of the poem, right?

“I know that we are bonded”

I pursed my lips.

“We’ve spent most our lives together”

My heart started beating fast.

“How I wish it’s till forever”

This can’t possibly be for me.

“Cause that would be so much better”

Blake wouldn’t feel that way.

“I’m telling you through this letter”

I just stared back at him.

“Liviana, it’s always been you”

My mouth gaped open.

“You are the one I want to pursue”

It’s for me?

“Because this feelings are over due”

But why?

Blake stopped for a moment and held my hands.

“So I want to say that I love you”

He finally finished and I stopped breathing.

“Livi, I like you—no, actually I love you. I’ve always loved you since we were kids. Not just as a friend” he confessed.

What was I supposed to say?

“Please give me a chance, Livi. I know I’ll be better than that Luna in treating you right” he pleaded.

I couldn’t even speak.

And even I felt Amaris feeling uncomfortable of the situation.

“B-Blake” I stuttered.

Suddenly, I’m not the confident Liviana.

“Please, Livi. Give us a chance. I know you feel the same way about me” he said. I bit my lower l*p.

“I can’t” I managed to say.

Blake’s shoulders fell in disappointment and he let go of my hands.

“You know that I can’t, Blake” I said apologetically.

“Why? Why can’t you?” he said as his voice broke.

“We’re from very different worlds, Blake. You’re human and I’m a werewolf. Do you think that makes sense?” I said. He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

“Does it matter? So what if we’re different?” he said and a tear fell from his eye.

This is the first time in a while that I’ve seen Blake cry.

And it’s all because of me.

“You also know what situation I’m in. I can’t be with anyone else other than…my mate” I said as I thought of Luan.

“Yes, you can. I know that some wolves can pick their mates, Livi” he said in an accusing tone.

I sighed.

“Mateless wolves can. I’m not mateless, Blake. That’s why Luan is here, isn’t he?” I said.

Blake sighed.

“Do you love him?” he asked. I paused for a moment as I thought about it.

I value Luan, yes.

I like him so that’s something.

I care about him and feel the need to be with him.

But do I love him?

No.

Or atleast not yet.

“No” I answered.

“Then, do you love me?” he asked hopeful. I gulped.

“I do but as my friend and like my family, Blake” I told him and I saw his hurt expression.

“Would you still choose him over me?” he asked almost in a whisper.

I couldn’t answer.

How was I to answer such a question?

A choice between my mate, the other half of my soul, the one that the moon goddess chose for me.

Or the person who I spent most of my life with, a best friend and a family member.

“Blake, I can’t. Please” I said. He chuckled.

“Is it that hard to choose over a person you just met and a person who’s been there with you from the start, Livi?” he said.

“Is it so hard to choose me when I’ve been there with you all your life when we didn’t even know he existed until not too long ago?” he continued.

I wanted to reach out to him.

To tell him I’m sorry.

To wipe away his tears.

But I couldn’t.

I know I shouldn’t.

“You changed, Livi” he said and walked out.

I remained there.

Then I felt it.

My own tears streamed down my face.

To think that I thought this day would go so smoothly.

But here I am crying again.

Why me?