Alphande'
My Honour

“There is something wrong or missing.” I said to Tet as she slathered more of the healing salve over my eyes. “It is like a light that I once had burning inside of me is suddenly gone.”

“That will be the cold licking your bones. You should get used to it as it will get worse the closer we get to Morirgates.”

“It is not the weather. It is something else. I have felt this emptiness inside me for some days now. It is like someone has died or is about to. I used to feel this way after I had a vision.”

“After what you did, many people will die.” she said nonchalantly.

“That was cold even for you Tet.” I said as I turned away. “I am going outside on the deck.”

“But I am not finished with the salve.” She said unaffected by my shift in mood.

“What’s the sense in patching my eyes? It is not like I will ever see again and you’re right because of me, if even did regain my sight everyone I would want to see could probably be dead.” I said as I pulled the wound bandages over the empty orbits and swung my feet off the cot. I felt around the side of the bed until I found the wooden cane the captain had fashioned out of an old oar for me. I stood up and walked with certainty to the foot of the stairs as I had become accustomed to the lay of the room and didn’t stumble quite as often as I did before. I made it up to the deck in record time stubbing my foot only once on the top step.

I hobbled over to the ship searching for the rail. After I did I grabbed a hold of it and leaned over, inhaling deeply through my mouth trying to quell the panic and guilt that rose up in my chest. I coughed violently as the air was thick with ash and smoke.

Someone has died, I couldn’t see my visions yet I knew it was so, as my heart was mourning even though my head didn’t know why. And then Tet was being so…I didn’t even know why she had bothered coming. All she has done was criticise and scold. She held no sort of compassion or empathy within her. I don’t know how I could have been misled to believe that she was human at all.

I heard footsteps behind me and they came to a stop as the railing moved slightly forward. “Nurse, getting to yah’ I suppose.” said the captain.

“How did you guess?” I said brusquely.

“Every time we meet, she makes me want to fling myself over the railing too.” He laughed and I couldn’t help but to smile back.

“She is infuriating. If I can live with her, I suppose I could face anything at Morirgates.” I lamented.

“Somehow I don’t think that you will be going to Morirgates.”

“Why? You think I’ll have committed suicide by then.” I joked darkly.

“No,” his voice got lower. “It is just that when changelings attach themselves to a human there is always a reason. This one is not bringing you to prison, but to its homeland. I don’t know the reason, but it must be something important or big. Not just anyone gets to go among the people of Envladane Cargo. You must be something special, but even I knew that before the changeling came along.” He cleared his throat.

“And you are not going to try and stop her?” I asked.

“No, I am not brave or that stupid to think I could especially with us being so close to land. I have charged four times the usual amount for any journey to bring you here. I have already been paid half for delivery and the other half for when I get back. I however am not going back.”

“Why?”

“No sac of gold is worth my head or that of my men. I have said it before, I am a man of the sea and I will not get pulled into the conspiracies of the land. I can spot a death trap wherever there is one and refuse to fall in. I will work ports in Rá Leat and Lear from now on. Sebán and Gé Addar have become too hostile for my liking.”

“If you knew it was so, why did you take the job?” I asked.

“Nostalgic reasons,” he said but did not clarify. Clearly it was an off limit topic.

“How far away are we from land?” I changed my line of questioning.

“About a day away. The glow from Llyn Morir is already visible even through the smoke and fog. The dock fires we will see within six or seven hours.”

“ Llyn Morir, I have never heard of it?”

“The words mean Lake of Death. It is a mountainous cauldron filled with fire and molten rock. It is the reason for the ash and smoke in the air.”

“So it is a volcano like the ones making the pillars of Sigh.”

“Yes, except the pillars are all dead, except for one—Arridia, which only lets out smoke. This one is alive and burning and twice the size of the four pillars combined. There is a river that flows from the Llyn that is of pure fire. It is over that river that Morirgates is built. It is the only thing that keeps the castle warm enough to battle the cold of the north.”

“You seem to know much about Morirgates.” I said as observation.

“Well that was because he lived there. That should be obvious even to a blind man like you.” said Tet who had appeared again without sign or sound of her approach. “I bet, even by the looks of you, you might have even been born there. You are a north tribe human, probably the last of your kind left.” she paused. “Yes, I am right. I should have known that’s why you could tell what I was so quickly.” She said with assurance.

“Humans lived in places other than Morirgates in Envladane? I thought most of the terrain was a cold wasteland?”

“It is for the most part. Humans used to live there the rest are all dead, except for him of course.” said Tet. “I wonder how that is?”

“You don’t already know? I am shocked!” I said with sarcasm and part disgust at her coldness.

I heard the captain take in a deep breath before he started. I could tell that this was the topic he had probably wanted to avoid earlier. However, Tet had a way of compelling things from you, no matter how unpleasant the telling. “I was taken from my parents by one of your kind—a male—and was brought to Dashan.

“I was ten at the time. I was sleeping and then I was awoken by a song. I had been warned about listening to music in the night. That was how you usually took our children. But it was hard to ignore as the voice called out to every desire in my body and I had to move. If I didn’t it was like searing pain gnawing down to my bones. I left the tent, my parents hadn’t woken up. Our camp was near to the sea, and I walked until I saw him waiting on the beach. Beautiful, if that word could ever be used for a male—but he was. His hair was as black as midnight, long and flowing in the air. His skin as opalescent as the moon itself. His eyes finely slit and tilted upwards like a cat. He smiled at me and told me to come and I did—without a second thought of family or home. We sailed across the sea for many days. He didn’t speak, but I didn’t mind as long as I was close to him I was fine and nothing else mattered, not even cold or hunger. We sailed to Dashan and he stayed only a night there with me. After that night, I never saw him again. I wandered around looking for him, but I got lost. I was left alone in the streets of Dashan alone to fend for myself.

“It was by luck that I had made my bed, half-starved and ready to die at the steps of a merchant. He and his wife took me in and raised me. They were without children and I grew to call them my parents, but I never forgot who I was and the place of my birth. Or the person responsible for my fate.”

“Yes, he did save your life didn’t he.” she said curiously. “I wonder which one of us it was. I must replace this out when I am home. An interesting puzzle to be solved.” It was as if she had missed completely the contempt directed at her in the captain’s voice.

“So we are not going to Morirgates then.” I said to confirm the captain’s suspicion.

“There is nothing there for us.”

“And there is something at your home, I would suppose.”

“Naturally. You ask questions about facts you already have the answers to. It is quite an annoying habit, one I suggest you lose before you come amongst my kind.”

“That is what annoys you, I’ll keep that in mind.” I snorted. “And what makes you think I would want to go with you wherever it is you wish to bring me.”

“Because your choices are limited. You will either go to prison to live out the rest of your days or you can come with me.”

“I will be going to prison then.”

She snorted. “Be serious. Prison to do what exactly?”

The heat of annoyance and anger starting to creep into my voice. “I might be blind but I still have my free will.”

“Captain, this is the eye of the helksinc. It will grant you a safe journey back and prevent misfortune in others.” She said ignoring my irritation.

“And you will not need it?” he asked.

“I can always get another one, unless you don’t want it, as that would save me hunting time. Helksincs are slippery creatures and quite unpleasant to kill.”

“I want it.” he said quickly.

She then turned to me. “Hold your breath.” She whispered.

“Why? You still haven’t answered my first question, what are we going to Envladane to d…” before all the words left my mouth I felt my feet move from under me and I screamed aloud as I fell from the side of the ship. I took a sharp breath of air in as my back painfully struck a wall of freezing water that split open and swallowed me within its depths.

After I got over the sudden shock of ice cold water, I knew that I should swim for the surface, except with the fall I had lost my sense of direction and I didn’t know where the surface was. I opened my eyes to see, but of course there was nothing there but darkness. I flailed around in the water, but remained static as the current pulling me under, while my chest burned with the want for air.

I felt strong hands pulling my head up out of the water. I coughed up the swallowed water and my lungs expanded with air, burning each time I took a breath.

“Walk.” was her single command. I first was confused as we were just in the middle of the ocean. It was after I felt the loose gravel under my hands and heard the quiet breaking of water on the shore that I realised that we were on land.

I pushed myself up out of the shallow water. It was difficult to stand as I was weighed down by the waterlogged clothes and I shivered violently from the cold plunge. It was a bit too much for my knee and it buckled underneath me. I was about to hit the ground when she caught me around the chest. She wrapped my arm around her shoulders and placed one of hers around my waist. Warmth radiated from her body and I couldn’t help myself but to move closer.

“I forgot that humans are not as impervious to the cold as we are.” She said as we trudged along.

“How did we move from the middle of the ocean to land so quickly?” I managed to say through my chattering teeth.

“Envladane is a strange place.” She said and laughed while we trudged along the beach.

“Take off your clothes.” said Tet.

“Excuse me?” I said taken aback by her abrupt request. We were several miles inland and the sound of the ocean had begun to fade.

“Your clothes,” she repeated. “They are making you colder than it really is.”

“And walking naked in this weather is a much better option?”

“There is no reason to be shy Evander. It is not like I haven’t seen you without clothes before. And you won’t be naked for long, we just have to dry them before you put them back on.” She said as she had started unbuttoning my shirt without waiting for me to agree. She then pulled it down my arms along with the cloak I was draped in. She was right as I could feel the sudden increase in temperature as soon as the wet clothes had left my torso.

“I can take my own pants off.” I said as I caught her hands on my waistband. I kicked off my boots and the ground was warm under my feet. I then turned away from her and pulled off my pants handing them to her.

“Like I have said, seen it all before and if you should know I am still seeing it all.”

“Well you could at least have the decency not to look or at least lie to me that you are looking away.” I said as my cheeks reddened. If she was still the old woman I had known her to be, I would have been less embarrassed. She told me herself that she looked more like my age and I have never been naked around any young woman, regardless of the species, the fact I was so exposed made me nervous.

“If it makes you feel any better, you have a pleasing form, much better built than most humans I have seen. Even in your scarred and injured state.”

“That actually does not make me feel better.” I said sitting down with my knees folded to my chest and my arms wrapped around them, my chagrin deepening.

“I thought it would. The males of your kind seemed to like flattery.”

“I would like to be flattered less if you don’t mind.”

“If you would have it that way.”

“Where are we by the way? The ground here is warm and dry.”

“We are by a hot spring. Our clothes are drying on the rocks.”

“How long will they take to be dry?” I said trying to ignore the fact that she said our clothes, meaning that she might be naked behind me as well.

“Another minute or so.” I felt her sitting beside me. “I am impressed though.”

“By what?”

“I just told you that I was without clothes and it didn’t faze you one bit. Most human men would have taken advantage of that knowledge by now.”

“Most human men you have come across probably weren’t blind.”

“Regardless,” I felt her shoulder brush lightly against mine. It was warm, about or a little above the temperature of the stones I sat on. I tried not take note of how soft and smooth her skin felt against mine.

“Maybe I still see you as old and wrinkled, not appealing at all and besides I do not love you. Sometimes I am quite unsure if I even like you and I recently gathered that you aren’t even human.”

“That has never stopped others before.” She whispered in my ear. I felt as strands of her hair fell across my shoulder and back. Even though the air stank of sulphur, she smelled more like vanilla pods and rich mead. The muscles in my gut tightened and I had to fight with myself not to turn towards her.

“I think our clothes must be dry by now.” I said shifting away from her.

She laughed. “You are right, they may be dry.” I felt the absence of her presence and I relaxed slightly as her scent was gone and my nostrils were thankfully assuaged by sulphur. I felt the toasting heat of clothes tossed over my shoulder. I felt around the heap replaceing my pants first, which I quickly slipped on. My shirt and coat followed. I stood up more relaxed and comfortable that I was fully clothed and warm. “Your shoes.”

I held my hands out and she placed them in them. “Thank you.” I said taking them. I brushed the loose dirt from my foot and shoved them into the boots.

“You know if it is love you are waiting for Evander, you will be a virgin forever.”

“That might be so but at least I will have my honour intact and yours as well as a matter of fact.”

“My honour?” she laughed surprised. “The way humans see honour and the way it is among my people are far removed. You are indeed a rare one. I was right about bringing you here. Your honour might save your life.” She said amused.

“Where do we go now?” I said changing the subject as I was quite sure that all the blood in my body by now had risen up to my face.

“We head for home.” She said as she took my hand and led me away.