Awakening (2 book series)
Awakening – Following Fate Chapter 75

"I can't be a Luna and yet hide behind everyone else. I need to be the one to protect my people, even you. Even him. I've been sheltered for too long by him, by you, by everything he has in place to make sure I never have to really put myself out there. I have to be the one to do this, lead all of you. I have to be worthy of being his mate when it's called for." My words are not just for her, but for my own heart too and the doubts I have circling inside like a brewing storm. I could so easily use my children as an excuse to stay here and let them go out and fight in my name, but what kind of Luna would that make me. I know I have gifts that others don't possess, and I know that the fates will only be happy when I fulfill the role they have asked of me all along. I need to do this. "You have more to protect than just you... you heard what she said that night. About getting weaker, being vulnerable with your gifts. I've seen it with my own eyes these last days, happening so quickly. Lorey, you're not invincible and I see you fading." Meadow's stubborn tone only softens my resolve a little, but I know I can't give up.

"Then we need to do it sooner rather than later, before I worsen. Part of this is my broken heart and emotional exhaustion from being apart and won't hinder me out there when I know it's to save him. Right now, my gift is still strong enough... and I have no choice." With no word from Darrius and no sign of the vampires receding... we have to do this. I don't want to wait for something that may never come. There was no guarantee that the high lord would do anything when he found out I lived and Meds is right, I am weakening much faster than I ever anticipated. These past days my tiredness has been severe, my skills at harnessing energy has dampened a little and I seem to wear out so quickly from even menial tasks. We have to break the spell ourselves and bring them home before I do end up completely useless. Leyanne suggested that being twins, and hybrids, are why it's so much harder on me than expected. I'm feeding all my energy to two little powers in the making and my body is trying to keep up.

"There's nothing I can say is there? I can't lock you up, or even have Sierra hold you captive. Your stronger than us, even when you're pregnant." Meadow sighs, knowing defeat when she feels it and I hug her tight. Wrapping her in a maternal embrace and stroke her hair lovingly.

"Exactly.... so all the more reason I should be the one to lead and take Leyanne to the mountain with you. We can't leave our people alone without anyone, so Sierra must stay and watch those who truly cannot come, and so must the ones who may need to continue protecting them if we fail." The plan was always to assemble our strongest few, a small army, and march together in hopes we'll be enough. Leaving behind enough of the Santo pack that their bloodline will live on.

"You realize if we fail, that means you don't come back either... and if you die, so does Colton, so does the Rema." Meadow pulls back, blinking at me through misty eyes and wipes her face. Unable to shield me from her genuine fear. The air between us heavy with so many swirling emotions and I can't fight the growing anxiety from knowing all that could happen.

"I've thought of that... it would mean that so does Juan. So at least in some way the others can return to the mountain when the spell finally fades. They can rebuild, elect a new alpha, and life will carry on. I've already asked Leyanne to help me leave instructions for the villagers should they need to move on without us."

"I don't like this. You're talking like you don't expect us to succeed. So what are we even doing, huh? If you're leaving secret plans for the people to forget us then why don't we wait, replace another way." Meadow falls back into open crying, her lip trembling and her voice faltering. The strong and sassy warrior crumbling when faced with the possibly of losing so much more. Her heart has always been bigger than her fierce and only those she loves most ever see this side to her.

"I'm being smart.... it's not that I think we'll fail! I just have to make sure that if we do, the pack have a plan, have some place to aim if everything goes wrong. I need to pay attention to the details in the way Colton would. He always has a backup plan, always covers all bases."

I'm doing what a Luna does. Preparing for the worst. Putting provisions in place should my people be left without Luna, Alpha or Rema or any of the strongest that have protected them most of their lives. I have chosen a wolf as beneficiary to stay behind and oversee the financial security of the pack, the making sure they have all they need. They will be the one that is left with my instructions to carry out should we perish out there.

"It feels like tempting fate and signing off on our death certificates." Meadow breaks loose and walks away from me and stalks to the tree line, gazing out into the fog. She shudders when the dark shadows that always linger and wait out there, flash past eerily, her face paling as she recognizes the one she can't bear to look at. Unlike me, Meds actively avoids seeing her mate out there, she can't handle it and wants to pretend he's asleep somewhere and not here like this. They are always watching, always waiting, poised for our take down and it just adds to the growing unease in our homestead.

"The fates are on our side. They wouldn't have sent us to fetch Leyanne if they weren't. I have faith in what they plan...... please, Meds, have faith in me." I ask of her, my voice laced with conviction that I don't truly feel, and Meadow slumps down into the grass and tugs at stems and throws them into the airless space around her.

"You sound more like him every day. He even said the same thing to me the day he defeated his father.... 'have faith in me'.... Look where that got us, huh? God, that boy... I miss him so much. I miss my Cesar; I miss all of them. Even those stupid twins and all their frustrating antics. I feel like my heart is ripped apart and the pieces were left scattered someplace cold." Her tears fall fast, a watery smile appearing on her face as she reminisces over our sub pack and then frowns as the pain of their memory aches all over again. Her words warm me though and somehow give me some pride. That maybe Colton, he would be a little proud of how I was holding this together. That enough of him rubbed off on me that it's somehow getting me through even though he's not with me to hold me up. Colton is a leader, to the core. I learned from the best and if I can only be a fraction of what he is, then I will never fail. Our sub pack and our boys will come home if I can be anything like he is.