Awakening (2 book series)
Awakening – Following Fate Chapter 78

"The Luna should stay with the people... we need you. Protect the Alpha and Rema by being with us."

It almost breaks me, but I shake my head and almost cry as the words burn my throat. Knowing that's the path they would expect, and no one would look down on me for it. I know that it's not what is needed to be done and the fates brought me here to this for one purpose. "I'm the strongest left here, with the most useful gifts. Without me the mission has less chance of success and our pack will certainly perish out there. I'm sorry, but if there was another way, I would take it..... but there isn't. I have to be your leader and do what's best for the pack. My mate would always put his life on the line for you and I should do the same."

The words are killing me as eyes round and faces pale as my words settle in, and I realize tears are starting to roll down my face. The inner heaviness consuming me because on some level, I feel like I'm abandoning my children, and this feels like a goodbye. Terror gripping me coldly that I am truly leading them to their death by leaving them alone to continue without their anchors in life. A pack without an Alpha, nor a Luna, is a pack without it's soul.

I curse myself for not being as strong as Colton, for not being able to push my fear behind the mask he wears so well and shows them an unbreakable face. I'm not him, and I can't hide what this means for them if I fail.

"Then take more of us.... we outnumber them as a pack, even without our strongest. It's our duty to protect our Luna, for the good of us all." Another voice calls out and then another with the same sentiment, and I raise my hands to quiet the growing noise. "No. I can't risk more lives than I have to... you all have a chance at a future without us if I don't come back. This is what must be done. There are vulnerable here. Children, pregnant femmes, and older wolves who need to be protected. I will take only those who can fight and stand a chance of surviving. I won't leave you without means to have a future." My voice breaks, a burning ache in my throat strangling me as my hormones spiral and I end up wiping my face to try and calm my unstoppable tears. I have no verbal way to express to these people how much I care about them continuing without us, should that be needed. I love all of them and see them as our legacy, to carry on when we're gone. These are our pack, in our homestead, and we must ensure their survival beyond this fight.

"This isn't how packs work, Luna." A male voice echoes my way from the left and I turn to see Tom, the sentinel who helped us leave, stand to voice his own opinion. Keeping his eyes downcast to show me respect but his words are clear. "We protect our Luna in the absence of our Alpha... we stay together, to survive together. That is our nature. Without our Luna, there is no pack. She's the heart that keeps us as one.... look at the mountain and the years we grew apart without one. Our people divided by names and bloodlines until we shunned those we should have sheltered. We lost our way without our heart...." Tom's voice carries boldly through the suddenly silent room as Sierra stifles a cry behind me and her guilt and regret at what he's saying almost end me. Ebbing my way as her own shredded heart bleeds at abandoning them to Juan's fate and only makes me worse.

"I won't sacrifice any of you. We're doing this in the hopes we break the spell and come back to the mountain with our pack and our Alpha. So we can fight to rid ourselves of the vampires, together." I try to stay firm, push back the feeble tears and replace that inner courage I know I possess.

"And how will our Alpha feel to know that when our Luna needed us, we stayed behind like cowards?" another call out, another male, and I falter as I try to replace the new voice in the crowd, beginning to get overwhelmed. I feel like I'm losing control of commanding them, even if their words are not against me at all.

"He will know I commanded it and you're to obey me when he's not here." I stammer the words, Sierra grasping my hand from behind to support me and I spot Meadow from the corner of my eye, sliding to sit down. She must have stood to come to my aid and quiet those disrespecting me. She should be hushing those calling out, talking out of turn, disobeying my command, but I can tell she knows they are not doing it with malice and she can't answer them. She agrees.

"We can't obey our Luna when it directly endangers her life... it's against all we are." This femme is in the front row, young, bold, and stares me right in the eye with passion despite knowing she's stepping over the mark and breaking the rules. "You've been our rock since you came here. You held us up and stood by his side to keep the people safe. You've worked to build the school, the village, the security and sanity of all of us. You care about us and it shows in your people...... How can you ask us to sit back and watch you walk into the fire after all you have given us?" Her words completely choke me, and I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out. I don't know what to say or how to reply when my heart is bleeding from such raw wounds.

Months ago, I was nothing to these people, and here they are, trying to convince me that they need me, that they want to stand with me to fight for our pack. I can't take this, it's too intense and I am starting to crumble. I'm no leader, this is proof right here, as I falter and break because my pack decide to disobey me. I have no control over what they choose.

"Don't make us disobey you, Luna, please...... we don't want to dishonor you. We all respect you to the moon and back, but the Alpha he would never see us worthy if we stayed and you went. We belong by your side, as one pack." It's one of the midwifes, pushing through the crowd towards me and one of the few of our citizens that has the right to look me in the eye. I have talked with her many times over the months to improve the facilities for birth and the care of newborns, and even witnessed a few under her attentive hand. She's someone who works closely with me when needed and I know her words are from the heart.

"Most of you are not fighters.... You won't survive. You don't know what it's like to come up against them." it's my last-ditch attempt to make them understand the dangers, the almost certain death for many of them, and it's as feeble as it sounds. My body vibrating as I cling on to my last shreds of sanity and composure knowing the crowd is against me as the noise begins to grow form hushed whispers to louder refusals.

"We are more in numbers than they are... we can use that to our advantage, and if some are lost, it's for the good of the pack." It's an elderly wolf, near the last phase of his life cycle. One who has seen many things, endured many battles, many wars, and his soft gaze warms me painfully. "A pack is only a pack when we stand and die together, Luna..... Protecting our previous Luna was denied us and for almost a decade we failed her. We won't stand back and lose you both and do nothing but watch. We as Santos have to redeem ourselves for the things our alpha did in our name. Juan dishonored us and ripped our pack apart; we came here and we began to heal, to bond again..... don't take that from us again by making us fail when it matters."

A sob escapes my lips and I have to cover my mouth with a desperate move to control myself.