Back and Stronger: Alpha's Daughter
Chapter 71

After two more testimonies, the judges adjourned for the day and requested the presence of counsel in his chambers. Sophia watched on the tablet as everyone dispersed. Then she zeroed in on Neil as two uniformed officers of the court caught his arms behind his back and clamped the cuffs on. Neil showed no expression whatsoever, and she was watching closely for any kind of sign on his physical or mental state. In moments, Neil was escorted out the door. Sophia briefly wondered why the judge asked to speak with counsel in his chambers. She had learnt how the judiciary and government functions were applied in the courtroom, but before that day, she had never seen one. Was it normal for the judge to want to talk to the counsel away from the defendant, Neil, or any of the witnesses, she wondered? Was it a good sign? What if it was a bad sign? She started to pace again, running through everything she had learnt in her online government classes. Scott had had to tutor her, but not because it was difficult to understand. It was just boring.

She heard footsteps then keys jangling as the gate to the cell block was unlocked. She went to the bars of her cell and gripped them. She twisted her hands on the cold, smooth steel. The shuffling of feet came closer, then closer, until the two officers and Neil were in her vision. She searched his face and was scared at the shuttered look on his face. He was disconnected, distant. No, not again. As he was marched past her cell, she stared hard, hoping he would feel it and look at her. When he didn’t, she sank back down on the floor with her back against the cement wall that separated their cells. She listened as his cell was unlocked, and the gates slid open. It slammed closed a second later and she heard the skeleton key click the lock in place. Keys jangled and the guards walked past heading for the gates to cell block. She listened in silence until the footsteps faded into the distance.

“Neil,” she whispered into the silence.

She heard him move, but he didn’t answer. She lay her head on her hands and figured she’d give him a minute. Maybe he needed to think, to process what had happened in his trial. Or maybe he wasn’t ready to talk or listen yet. She didn’t want to push him. Not when he was already so distant. She feared if he shut down more, there’d be no return. She faintly heard the water in his sink and thought briefly that he was braver than she, because she wasn’t getting near hers. She used the water they gave her with her disgusting meals to brush her teeth with and to rinse her hands with the soap bar. She even tried not to use the toilet and held it until she absolutely had to use it. She spent some time comparing her cell with her room in the basement. They were both gross, but at least she knew that the only person in that basement was her or her father when he was torturing her. The people who may have resided in this block in the past gave her chills. Really, she understood they were criminals, but this environment was awful. She also wondered how they kept everyone in on a full moon, because surely some of the criminals had had that extra strength. They would have been able to bend those bars as if they were a metal coat hanger. She rubbed her temples for a minute and tried again.

“Neil, I don’t want to bother you, but if you have a few minutes, I’d like to talk.”

She imagined his back pressed against her, and realized she was as close to him as she could possibly be while they were prisoners.

“Are you okay?” She asked, then immediately felt foolish. Of course, he wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay either.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

His voice was soft, almost quiet and she knew it wasn’t because of the wall separating them. Tears stung her eyes. She wished that she could offer him comfort, that she could hold him, if he’d let her. Anything really.

“I’m okay. Much better since they moved my father.”

“I wondered where he’d gone. Why’d they move him? Who moved him?” he asked with suspicion in his voice.

Sophia swallowed past the lump in her throat. Given what Scott had told her earlier, she wasn’t certain how Neil would handle the information. She wasn’t going to lie to him though.

“He started taunting me. After hours of it, when he started talking about Leo, I started yelling back. We argued back and forth, but I can’t even remember what all I said. I was so mad; I think I unleashed everything I had been holding in all those years and it spewed out of my mouth faster than I could stop it.”

Neil chuckled. “That must have felt good.”

Sophia’s heart lifted at the sound of his chuckle. It wasn’t much, but she’d take it.

“Yeah, actually it did feel good, but anyways, the woman from the office came in and ordered him to be moved to another cell block.”

“I see,” he said. The hard edge to his voice caused her to shiver.

“She brought me a tablet so I could watch your trial. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what? That I was a murderer? That I hunted shifters, tortured them, then killed them?” When he said the words tortured and killed his voice hitched and her arms pained to reach out to him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Neil.”

“Didn’t I? I did the same shit to them that your father did to you, probably worse.”

A tear slid down her cheek. She would never believe that he was the same as her father, regardless of what he said. She tried to hold back a hiccup and failed. Neil would know that meant she was crying. Or trying not to. In all the months they’d lived together in the apartment, he’d developed the ability to read her as easily as a picture book for kids.

“Soph...”

She hiccupped again.

“I’m sorry.”

“You should have told me. You should have been honest with me. Maybe not from the very beginning, because that would have scared the hell out of me, but... later. I thought we were close enough to be honest.”

“Were you always honest with me?” he asked.

She had kept some things to herself. Not because she didn’t trust him, but because she didn’t want to relive it through the telling.

“I tried to be.” She answered softly.

He moaned and she recognized it as his frustrated moan. She envisioned him running his hands down his face. She knew that was what he was doing, without being able to see, she knew it.

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right. So, tell me. Make me understand.”

“I really...no we, we all really thought that being part of the military and being chosen elite was like a gift from the goddess. We were honored. To serve our pack, and all of Lucian territory was something we took pride in. Even punishing those that deserved it began to take a toll on us though. You can’t bring pain and death on as many shifters we had and keep the nightmares at bay.”

His voice hitched again before he continued.

“Every night, the souls haunted us, and we’d awaken in the morning to a new day with new orders, or a continuation of the orders. Being sent out in the field was a blessing because it took us away from death, it took us away from what we did. And, we had to protect ourselves against attacks too, you know, so it kept our thoughts at bay. Until darkness fell, then it started all over again. Their cries echoed night after night.”

“I know what night terrors are like, Neil. I know how impossible it is to escape them, even when you’re awake.”

“I know you do, baby. I know it. But I’m responsible, not just for my acts, but for my entire force. They acted on my orders. They trusted me to lead them, not turn them into cold blooded killers.”

“They don’t think that. I see how Connor, and Victoria and even that Rudolph guy looked at you with such respect. They don’t think that, and they don’t blame you.”

“They don’t have to. I blame myself.”

“Do you think I’m responsible for what my father did to me?”

“What? Don’t be fucking ridiculous.”

“I’m not being fucking ridiculous.”

She said fucking just to get him to smile. She knew he would. He always did when she swore. She had no idea why he found it so amusing, but she’d take it. She continued. She needed to make her point, and fast.

“I’m not being ridiculous, though. My father was...is a manipulative psychopath. He is to blame, not you. You had a job to do, a job that holds great honor, and you did that job. It was my father who failed you. Failed your team. Failed our pack and failed me.”

“I knew it was wrong. Deep down a part of me knew.”

She couldn’t deny that. She believed you always know when you’re doing something fundamentally wrong. But sometimes, you said fuck it and did it anyways.

“Why’d you do it then?”

“I was sworn to abide by my orders. I did what I was told, to the best of my ability.”

“Sounds to me like you were a soldier. One who took his oath seriously and was committed to the cause. When did you plan to get you and your team out of it? Rudolph said today that you always went in first, putting yourself at risk before them, I’m assuming, and that it was you who got them all into hiding.”

She heard him get up and start to pace. As weird as it was, she missed sharing a wall with him. She missed knowing he was right on the other side and if the cement wasn’t between them they’d have been touching, back-to-back.

“Your dad’s orders became...erratic. And more violent. At first, I ignored it. It wasn’t my job to question him. If I had tried to, I’d have been court martialed. I could have been put to death. But the more vicious, violent, it became, I started to pay attention. To the way he moved, spoke.”

“And?” She was trying to pull as much out of him as she could. She believed if she could get him to talk about it, then she could help him deal with it. All of it.

“I have to tell you something. But I need you to know, I didn’t ignore it and it was always my plan to help.”

Curious as to what the hell he was talking about, and a little nervous about the way he phrased it, she started to rock. Slowly, but rock. She needed the solace of the motion, little though it was.

“Okay.”

She heard him sigh. a deep, emotional sigh.

“I knew what your father was doing to you. I had been summoned to your house, to receive new orders, orders that I had to leave on right away. The one Rudy talked about in court today. Your brother let me in, and I heard you screaming and the sounds of a whip. Your father came upstairs soon after the cries subsided. I confronted him, your father. Asked what the hell he was doing down there, and he said you were to be tortured for your crimes. That scared me shitless. You were his daughter for fuck’s sake.”

Sophia gasped and tried to fight back tears.

“He was insane, telling me about you and the things he had done and what he had planned. I vowed that minute, when the crazed look entered his eyes, that I was going to get out of this. Then I was going to get you out. I swore to the goddess. But, I had to follow his orders, and I had a whole team of soldiers relying on me. I let them down by leading them into this shitshow. It was my duty to get them out. But I always knew I had to get you out of there. I had you watch too. I knew an ex-soldier who worked as security in the school. He was petrified at your father, but our code was strong, and I knew he’d do as I asked.”

Sophia wasn’t sure if she was upset or not. Yes, he left her there, but if he’d have tried to take her that night she knew without a doubt that her father would have killed him. And he did have soldiers relying on him.

“I’m not mad. You saved me. I’m not mad because I know my father was insane. And I’m not mad because you did come back, you did rescue me.”

“I killed without question, Sophia. Not until it was too late. I’m disgusted with who I was, what I saw. I’m disgusted by what I did. And what I made the others do.”

“You did your job, Neil. Nothing more and nothing less. And when it was time for you to get everyone out and safe, you did, then you rescued me. You’re a hero.”

“I’m not a hero.”

“Well, you’re mine...”

Neil didn’t want to hear that. She could tell because he moved across the room. When the conversation had died its painful death and too much time had passed to circle back to it, Sophia laid her head on her knees, her upper thighs pressed tightly to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs.

“Thank you,” Neil said.

“For what?”

“For still seeing good in me. For seeing a me that I’ve been fighting to replace again, and hold on to.”

“Your welcome, Neil. You’re the best male I have ever met. So thank you, for teaching me that it’s okay to trust again, to feel again.”

“Good night, baby,” he whispered.

“Night.”

Exhausted, drained, and confused, she let herself slip into the darkness in her mind.