I hadn’t slept much at all. This feeling of panic had overwhelmed me and was taking over my body. I had flashbacks of the day I’d taken off of work to surprise Collin. I didn’t even tell my best friend I was doing it, because I didn’t want anyone at work to replace out I was playing hooky.
I’d been working long hours, and Collin had been traveling a ton, and he’d sounded so distant that it had me on edge. So, I’d called in sick, picked up breakfast, and driven the short distance to his apartment. I knew he’d be sleeping in since he’d gotten in late the night before, so I used my spare key and made my way to his bedroom.
The whole thing was still a blur.
The sounds coming from his room.
Her voice. Her laugh. Her moans.
If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Farah and Collin were stark naked in his bed, in a compromising position, and I’d just stood there dumbfounded before I’d run out the door.
Unfortunately, I had very clear knowledge that the rug could be swept out from beneath your feet when you least expected it.
And Tara showing up last night had caught me off guard. Sure, Nash had prepared me that she was coming. But the way that she’d glared at me. The way she’d looked at them—like they were hers.
Like they belonged to her.
She was Cutler’s mother. The mother of Nash’s child.
That’ll get in a girl’s head.
So, I’d done what I did best. I’d pulled out the Rice Krispie treats recipe and started making numerous batches of unicorn Krispies for Cutler’s big day this week. I’d planned to do that today anyway. Maybe I hadn’t planned to start at three o’clock in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep, and baking had always been what helped calm me.
I’d bought these clear little baggies to put each one in, with tags that read:
Thanks for making me the star of the day! XO Cutler Heart
So I’d get these bagged and tagged and freeze them so they’d be ready.
And so what if I made three times what I needed? I could give them to the girls. Or bring them to Midge for a treat. Or even Oscar, because he loved my baked goods. And I owed Janelle some treats for bringing me those beautiful flowers.
I opened the back door for Winnie to go outside once the sun came up. I hadn’t heard from Nash, but I figured he was busy dealing with all his baby mama drama.
I called Winnie back inside, just as I heard the door open next door. I spotted Tara and hurried back inside. I moved to the window and peeked outside to see Cutler in his jammies, running up the steps to the slide, as Tara waited for him at the bottom.
Why did that hurt so badly? I wanted the best for Cutler. And if having a relationship with his mama made him happy, I should want that, right?
I leaned against the door and slid down to the floor and cried.
I cried because I didn’t know where I fit into this equation.
I cried because I was afraid of getting hurt again.
I cried because just twenty-four hours ago, I was the happiest I’d ever been.
Life had a way of messing with you when you let your guard down.
There was a knock on my door, and I swiped at my cheeks and pulled myself together before pulling it open.
Cutler and Tara stood on my back porch, and he rushed me, wrapping his arms around my legs. “Good morning, Sunny. I just wanted to give you and Winnie a hug since you weren’t there when I woke up.”
My heart cracked at his words, and all I could do was bend down and hug him. No words came.
“Well, she lives next door, so you can always come say hello to your neighbor.” Tara’s lips were in a flat line, and her hands were crossed over her chest.
“Winnie!” Cutler called out as he ran toward her near my couch.
I cleared my throat as Tara and I just stood there awkwardly.
“It’s a nice morning, huh?” she asked, and I nodded.
“Yes. Is your Airbnb on the water?” I couldn’t think of anything else to ask.
She raised a brow. “It’s not, but I plan on spending most of my time here with my boys. I’m actually thinking of moving back to Magnolia Falls.”
I couldn’t speak; I just nodded.
She was coming back? Permanently?
My phone rang, and I startled as I moved toward the counter to see my mother’s name light up the screen.
“Cutler, we need to get back. Your dad is making us breakfast. Let’s go have some family time, all right?”
“Okay. You want to come eat with us, Sunny?” he asked as he moved toward me, and I silenced my phone.
I shook my head, fighting back the ginormous lump that was lodged in my throat. Would she be here all the time now? Would she try to reconcile with Nash? He seemed to despise her, but she was the mother of his child.
Would she fill that void in Cutler’s life? The one I was so eager to fill?
I couldn’t resent her for that. She was his mother.
“I’m okay, but thank you.” My voice came out shaky, and I saw the gleam of victory in Tara’s eyes. She was sending a message, and I was receiving it.
Loud and clear.
“Love you, Sunny,” Cutler said, as he hugged me one more time, and I wrapped my arms around him tighter than usual, breathing in all that sweetness.
All that sunshine.
“I love you, too,” I said, as I pushed to stand. They walked out the door, and I grabbed my phone and settled on my couch.
There were no texts from Nash.
I couldn’t blame him. He’d been as surprised as I was last night when she’d showed up early.
Had they stayed up and talked?
I dialed my mom back.
“Hey, sweetheart. Your text was a little cryptic this morning, and it looked like it was sent in the middle of the night. Is everything okay?”
Her voice always did something to me. Comforted me in a way I could always rely on. Provided a safe place for me to lose it if I needed to.
“Yeah. I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment.” I tried to keep my voice steady when the tears started falling.
“About Boston?”
“Sure. That’s weighing on me pretty heavily. And, well, Tara is back in town.” I’d filled my mother in on everything going on with Nash and Cutler and me.
“Oh, she arrived early. I know she was supposed to come in a few days, right?”
“Yep. She was there when we came home last night. She couldn’t get into her Airbnb until today, so she needed to stay over there.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “And I’m sure that has you feeling a little out of sorts?”
“You could say that.” My words broke on a sob. “I trust Nash; it’s not about that.”
“What’s it about, sweetheart?”
I sighed as I ran my hand along Winnie’s soft fur as she cuddled up beside me on the couch. “I just… I don’t want to get blindsided again, you know? I don’t know where I’m going to live, and I’m not used to not having a plan. But I just can’t see it yet.”
“See what?”
“Usually, I just know what to do. I’ve always had this plan, and well, the last one got blown to bits,” I said, over a teary laugh. “And it was for the better, so I’m not complaining. But I don’t trust myself anymore. So what if I’m walking into heartache again?”
“You just said that you trust Nash, and you don’t trust yourself. So is it you that you’re doubting?”
“Maybe. I’m just—I see her with Cutler, and it makes me feel like a huge asshole—” My words broke on a sob, and I just let it all out.
“Emmy, talk to me. Why would you be an asshole?”
“Because I’m jealous, Mom. I’ve never been a jealous person. Even when Farah slept with my fiancé, it wasn’t jealousy I felt. It was betrayal. And anger. All followed by relief.” I took a few breaths and calmed my breathing. “But this is definitely jealousy. Like she could take them away, and I wouldn’t survive that loss.”
“Well, you know how I always say that things happen for a reason?”
“Yes,” I said, rolling my eyes as I reached over to the coffee table for a tissue to wipe my nose.
“Maybe this needed to happen to help you decide what to do about the future and Boston and all that you’ve been wrestling with up until now.”
“How so? I’m more confused than ever now.”
“No, you’re not. Because now you know what’s most important to you. And that solves the first issue. It sounds like your heart is in Magnolia Falls.”
“Yeah, well, so is my boyfriend’s ex. And she said she might be moving here. I can’t compete with her. She’s Cutler’s mother. She’s Nash’s baby mama.”
“Emerson,” she said, her voice stern.
“Mom,” I mimicked back in just as stern a tone.
“I think you should come home for a few days, and we’ll sort this out. Let them have this time, and save yourself the misery of watching it, okay?”
“Is that my Emmy?” I heard my father’s voice, and my mother told him the short version of what was going on. Before I could get in a word, he was grabbing the phone from her.
“Hey, baby girl,” he said.
“Hi, Dad.”
“I’ve already texted Bridger. You tell us when you want to leave, and he’ll have the helicopter come grab you so you don’t have to make that drive, okay? Come home, sweetie. We miss you.”
I nodded. “Okay. I’m going to try to get some sleep, and I’ll see how I feel when I wake up.”
“All right. Love you, baby girl.”
“Love you, too.”
My mom shouted the same sentiment, and I ended the call. I led Winnie down the hall and climbed back into bed and let sleep finally take me.
I woke to puppy kisses and rolled over to see it was well past lunchtime, and I’d slept a few hours.
Still no text from Nash. Obviously, there were red flags going off, because the man was always texting or calling, and that’s how it had been for weeks.
Something was different.
I decided to pull up my big-girl panties and text him.
Hey, I just wanted to check in. Are you doing okay?
Beating Heart
No. Things are really fucked-up.
What does that mean? Did something happen?
Beating Heart
There’s a lot of shit going on. I don’t want to pull you into it, but I’ve got to deal with this right now.
Can I help?
Beating Heart
No. I just need some time, okay?
What did that mean? He needed time? Away from me? Time to figure out how he felt about her?
Why does it feel like a slap in the face?
Got it. No problem.
Beating Heart
Thank you.
Thank you? That was it?
No I love you?
Every insecurity I thought I’d buried just reared its ugly head.
I padded through the house and made myself a cup of coffee and looked out the window once again. There was no movement next door, and everything seemed quiet.
They were probably spending the day together.
Reconnecting.
He needed time.
This was the mother of his child.
My phone dinged, and I looked down to see the group text from the girls.
Demi
How are you doing, Em? You okay?
They obviously knew what was going on.
I’m fine. Great party last night, Saylor. Sorry, we had to run out.
Ruby
The party was great. But let’s not ignore the elephant in the fucking room.
Peyton
I’m clearly out of the loop. Is the elephant Nash’s penis?
I started to laugh, but the tears fell down my cheeks.
Demi
The elephant is Tara. She’s back in town.
Ruby
And apparently, she’s got Nash pretty upset.
Demi
She knows exactly how to get to him.
What did that mean? Because she was moving back? Because he was confused about his feelings? I was too embarrassed to admit that I’d been kept completely out of the loop. He wasn’t confiding in me. He wanted space from me.
Peyton
Shit. This sucks. How do you feel about everything, Em?
Shitty. Nervous. Scared. Insecure. Angry. Sad.
That about nails it.
He wants space, so that’s what I’m going to give him. I’m heading to Rosewood River for the weekend. I think some time with family will do me good.
Demi
I’m so sorry. Do you want us to come over?
No, I’m okay. Thank you, though. I’m going to leave as soon as I get packed.
Ruby
Just hang tight, girl. He’s just dealing with some shit right now.
And then I typed a message into my sibling group text, which also included my two cousins.
I want to come home.
Easton
What the fuck happened?
Bridger
The helicopter is already there and waiting. Sent him after Dad said you might want to come home.
Rafe
Miss you, Emmy. We’ve got you.
Clark
Whose ass do I need to beat? I’m still looking for that piece-of-shit ex of yours to show his face.
Archer
Just get home. Melody could use some time with her auntie.
Axel
I’ll pick you up from the hangar, and you can let me know who I need to hunt down and beat until they can’t walk.
Clark
I’ll happily hide the body.
Easton
Let’s not put that incriminating evidence in a group chat. Save it for Sunday dinner. <winky face emoji>
I rolled my eyes and laughed because they’d always been this way.
I grabbed my weekender bag and packed up Winnie’s food and treats, and we were in the car, heading to the hangar.
Going home usually comforted me.
But for whatever reason, it didn’t feel like I was going home.
It felt like I was leaving home.
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