Behind The Alpha Series Book 6 Oliver
Chapter 12

(Chapter song ‘I Scare Myself’ by Beth Crowley)

EZRA

“Jane. Here’s your tips.”

I fill my bus bucket and turn back to the bar. Paulie puts an envelope down and goes back to cleaning.

“Thanks. I appreciate you not firing me. I swear, I won’t do that again.” I say as I count the money and put it in my pocket.

“Well, if the Alpha says anything, you forced me. Got it?” He waves a knife he was using for lemons, at me.”

I give a little smile. “I twisted your arm.”

“That’s right.” He winks with a smirk.

I go back to cleaning the tables when the front door opens.

“We're closed.” I stand and see a large body looming in the doorway.

I put on my attitude and my wolf does a flip.

‘I know. Shut up!’

I carry the empties around the bar and start to put them away.

His boots thud on the floor and he stops in front of bar and sits down.

I glance over at him as I wash some glasses. “Are you deaf? I said we’re closed.”

He raises two fingers at me and crooks them.

I chew my lip, saunter over and lean my hands on the bar.

He looks around like he’s looking for someone then motions me to come closer to him.

I sigh and lean forward.

He tilts his head to me and locks my eyes. “The day this bar closes to me, is the day I lock that door, bend you over that counter and spank you until you beg me to rip your clothes off.”

I lower my head shake it. My wolf internally growls.

I raise my head and he has a smart ass smile on his face. “Then I guess the bar never closes then.” I push off and go to the fridge.

“If that’s what you want.” I put the bottle down and he takes it. He lift it to his lips. “You’re missing out on a good spanking.” He bounces his brow.

I narrow my eyes and lean on the bar. “You don’t know me to say things like that.”

He puts the bottle down. He sucks his lip. “You’re right. I apologize.” He shoves the bottle aside. “What are you doing here?”

My face falls and I grab a towel. “Working.” I mumble as I wipe the counter.

“I told Paulie you quit.” He says. He pulls out a cigar and lights it.

“I know. Why?” I roll an eye to him.

“This is too stressful for you. I saw that the other day.” He puffs his cigar and ashes it.

My wolf pushes up on me. She rants and raves, the crazy from her builds and I shove down.

“You don’t have that say.” I grit.

“I do.” He points to his chest with his cigar hand. “Alpha.” He nods. He ashes it, sticks it in his teeth and smiles.

I nod and walk over to him. I stare him right in the face, reach out and rip the cigar out of his mouth.

“HEY!”

I storm over and throw it in the sink full of water.

“That was a 200 dollar cigar!” He stands and growls. His big hands slam the bar.

I stand in front of him. “The day an Alpha tells me what I can or cannot do is the day I slit my own throat!”

He sucks in his top lip. “OK.” He pulls out another one and lights it. “Just remember, Lady bird. That kind of disrespect, gets you into some serious trouble around here. I tried to help you. I might not try next time.”

“I don’t need your help.” I spit.

“From what I saw the other day, you do.” He leans on the bar in front of me. “I can make that fear of yours go away. All you have to do is let me.” He lowers his voice and his dark eyes met mine.

I wrap my arms around myself. My mouth went small as I feel the monster inside me. “You can’t save me.”

“Lady bird. I can do whatever you want me to. If you want me to save you, I will.” He whispers.

His words hit me in a place I have forgot I even lived in. But how can he save me from my broken mind? There’s only one thing that’s got me this far. There isn’t anything more.

“I want you to leave.” I say low.

He stares a moment longer and nods. “OK. I leave, but I won’t go away. When you need me, I’ll be here.” He taps the bar with his finger, puts his cigar in his lips and turns. “Have a good night.”

I’m frozen as I watch him leave.

No. He can’t know the places inside me. I won’t survive it. If he saw the monster I fight with, she’d kill him or he’d kill me. Either way, blood will spill. Croak will keep my fear away, not an Alpha. I’m Alpha, we don’t need two.

I throw the towel in the sink and walk to the back.

I don’t even know why I’m upset. He’s mean and I don’t like it. The bitch doesn’t like it either and she’s making me feel all her anger. I need to shut her up.

I lock the door and sit on the toilet.

I pull out my vial and take my hit.

I rest my head on the wall as the world with her fury spins. A tear falls from my eye because he was there and I felt like the time before the white prison. Before the red juice. Before the begs for help. Before Michael.

I felt something not usual. I felt he was doing something, but I don’t know what.

She protests quietly in the swirling Croak. I close my eyes and I see him. His eyes stare into mine and I get scared not because I’m afraid of him. No. I’m afraid of myself and what I could do to him.

I may need him, he says, but he doesn’t need me. I’m not right and not his to make right. I’m no ones but mine. Alone. Forever alone with the bitch who wants my Alpha. I pretend she doesn’t exist, but she will always be just behind me. Waiting. That’s why I’m not safe for anyone. Only I can hold her. Only I can keep her in. Oliver can’t and I don’t want him to.

A knock on the door, scares me. “Um…” I cough as I clean up the Croak. “Yeah! Be right out!”

“Hurry up! I’m locking up!” Paulie says from behind the door.

I stand up and go to the sink. I rub my tired eyes and watch the red fade a bit as she fades to the walls.

I fix my hair and slow to a stop.

‘Hi, little lady. Where ya going?’

My mind fills with the screams of a young girl and I close my eyes.

‘HELP ME!!’

I swing my head the other way.

I open my eyes and look into my reflection.

‘NO!’

‘This won’t hurt…’

‘FRANKIEEE!’

I blink a few times and hold my arm. No one could save me then, they can’t save me now. Little girls don’t get help. We get monsters.

I take a deep breath and straighten myself. I walk out and grab my jacket.

“Everything OK?” Paulie asks as he looks for the key he needs.

The corner of my lip ticks up. “Yeah. Fine.” I shrug on my jacket and pull my hair out.

“K. See you tomorrow night.” He lets me out and I walk down the three steps.

“Night.” I stuff my hands in my pockets and walk down the street to the main drag.

I walk a few blocks and my wolf perks. I slow a little bit and borrow her nose. The stench of death hits my senses.

My heart thumps and I listen for the howls.

The smell ripples across my back. It itches like a bad rash. That mangy feeling I get when one of my kind is close. I feel her rise slowly in my ribs.

‘Patience.’

I turn around another corner and my eye looks to my rear. The smell follows. The mange crawls on and the feeling of death is immense.

In my pocket, I call my claws. My canines descend and I let her see.

I take a few more steps and spin with a growl and my hands out to my sides. I scan the street for movement, but I don’t see anything.

A shiver runs through as I study the shadows for Michael.

‘Kill him.’

“Kill who?” I furrow my brow.

‘HIM!’ She yells just as I’m hit from the side and carried into an alley. My back is slammed so hard against a wall, stars exploded behind my eyes.

I huff and push, but my hands are pinned on the wall and my body is trapped. I blink to focus as my wolf rages. I can’t. Not here.

Red eyes stare at me like I’m dinner and a disgusting face looks me over.

His medium length, messy brown hair falls into his eyes. He’s naked and covered in filth. He has a chain around his neck. My eyes flick to the Croak hanging from it.

He gets close. “Hi, Ezra.”

“Denny.” I swallow as I try to fight his pin.

He sniffs me then meets my eyes. “I thought I smelled you here. What are you doing?” He sounds like a drunk snake.

“Nothing.” I grumble.

“I don’t think that’s what Michael wants.” He hisses.

“I don’t care.” I look around for anything that can help.

He raises his chin. “Michael cares. He cares for us and you’re broken. He wants us to fix you and bring you home.”

My eyes well. “Never. I want broken. You keep Michael.” I spit.

He licks his lips. “That’s not how it works, precious. Michael’s not happy without you. He says your head is important. It holds too much.”

“My head holds nothing.” I whisper. “I won’t tell his words.”

“See, we could go with that, but it scares us. We know you’re not real. If you don’t come back, we have to make sure you don’t…ever.” He snarls.

“I won’t come back.” I grit.

He pushes on me. “You come back to your kind! You don’t belong!” He growls.

“I don’t belong to you either!”

At that point, I let her go. She shred my skin and Denny was pushed back to the other side of the alley.

My wolf didn’t waste time as Denny shifted. The street filled with sounds of angry, rabid dogs biting and tearing at each other.

I grabbed his scruff and slammed him against the brick, cracking it. He gets up and lunges with full teeth. He grabs my throat and pins me on the pavement. We roll and hit a dumpster, moving it and its metal hide rings out as it crashes into the wall behind it.

Deep, sick growls come from both of us as we roll the other way, knocking over cans. I get him off and go for his mouth. He tries to bite at me and move out the way. I grab his cheek in my teeth and pull of a chunk of flesh.

His wolf screams out yelps into the night. He kicks at me and I tear off his ear. His blood coats me and the asphalt turns red.

His wolf cries as I grab another chunk and rip it off his face. I crush his muzzle. My wolf drowning his noise in violence.

She sinks her teeth into his throat and his jugular explodes. I pull back and his flesh separates from his body. I spit his throat out and dig for his spine. I turn it to powder in my jaws.

Tearing and shredding, I strip his soul from his existence. Liver, stomach, leg, tail. Rib bones fly to the oblivion of the alley.

I skin him alive and dead.

When she’s done, she sees the vial.

‘Take it.’ I order.

She picks it up out of the destruction of the rogue. He won’t speak of me. I hope he didn’t bring others.

She looks around and runs down the alley into the darkness leaving the bloody evidence of her insanity.

He won’t tell his words to anyone anymore and that makes me happy. Now, I can see Oliver in secret still. He can see me in secret. She can’t do anything about it because I have the juice. More juice.

I shift and climb the window. I fall into the building and walk to my bag. I open it and add the vial to the ten others I have. I hold one up. “You keep my words. You keep me real. Only you.” I smile and watch the liquid flow in the glass tube.

I will have all the Croak for me. I won’t be silenced in her torture anymore. She can me buried under my Alpha and I won’t feel her true self. Just the self I want. The self I say. The self I command. Me. Just me. Only me.

Alone.