Big Bad Wolfie
Chapter 33) Panic! At The House

I didn't look up once, not even to see where I was going.

My talent and memory of the place led me through the halls.

I'm too pissed to do anything but glare at the ground. I'm still running, so the tile flooring is whizzing past.

F**k him.

I'm freaking out.

Why am I freaking out?

I feel like my lungs are closing in.

This comes up all the time.

Why am I so... UGH!

People talk s**t all the time.

Why am I so..?

Why am I..?

F**king s**t! I can't even think straight!

I finally reached my bedroom and flung the door open. After storming in I slammed it shut again.

F**k EVERYONE who had ANYTHING to do with this!

His presence is driving me insane.

The panic attacks never come this easily!

Not even when I'm on my period or some s**t!

If Wolfie and I can't figure this bulls**t out after I've taken my house back, I'll have to give up my position. No leader can be on the brink of a panic attack at the mere mention of a war, or at the asking of a few questions.

No leader can be what I used to be.

What I've worked my f**king @ss off to get away from.

Sure, the panic attacks still come, and the anxiety will always be there, but I prided myself on being able to keep my s**t together when I need to.

And then this motherf**king s**tface comes into my life and puts me five years back.

I thought mates were supposed to help with this s**t!

So somebody please explain to me why I'm getting that familiar tightening feeling in my chest!?

Or why the same thing has almost happened like six times today!?

I dove into my bed and took the biggest gulp of air I could. I buried my face into the pillow and screamed.

I don't care if people think it's childish, it's better than the two alternatives.

A full blown panic attack or a full blown killing spree.

When I finished with my cries, I was out of breath, so I focused on breathing in and out.

After a bit, my racing heart going tens of beats per minute, went back to its normal two.

I took another nose full of sweet air.

I just can't seem to get enough of it.

I buried my face deeper and deeper into the pillow, taking it all in.

That ugly feeling in my chest, head and stomach finally settled into what it usually felt like when things calmed down.

Exhausted and empty.

But better than overwhelmed and suffocating.

And then I felt the bed beside me dip.

...Jason's POV...

"What is it with her and her mood swings?!" I literally hollered at my beta once my mate ran out of the room.

My stomach always does somersaults when she does that.

When she suddenly seems so broken and stressed and sad it sends a twinge through my heart.

It stresses me the f**k out!

"She'll go from fine to... To," my voice cracked as I gestured toward the door she ran out of.

"Well did it ever occur to you, you idiot, that she's never actually fine?!" Zach snapped at me.

Well shi-

"Did it ever occur to you maybe she always feels that way and she just hides it! But you drive her so crazy she can't help but lose her s**t?!" He stared at me angrily.

I didn't say anything.

I don't know what to do.

Malaki whined.

If I let myself get close to her now-

"Well?!" Zach screamed after I didn't answer.

I bit the inside of my cheek.

What do we do?!

'I don't know, the plan was to seduce and intimidate her. Not drive her to despise us.'

Ugh!

... I'm gonna regret this

"F**k!" I shook my head and followed where Maria disappeared.

I'm getting in too deep.

She's chipping at my resolve.

And that's the only thing keeping me from saying f**k it to all this bulls**t and giving her everything she's ever wanted and needed.

The Moon Goddess gave me the perfect person to ruin all my plans.

I nearly laughed out loud.

Of course she did. That's my luck.

'Stay strong.'

Why the f**k should I -

'He'll kill her, Jay.'

F**K!

I hate this.

I hate everyone.

I hate HIM.

F**king Abanddon.

I hate -

Maria?

I walked farther into the room.

She's there, laying on my bed. Or, at least the one I've been sleeping in for the past few weeks. She has her face shoved into the pillow and she's taking in long, drawn out intakes of breath. Every fiber in me felt like it had all the weight lifted off of it, and I couldn't help but smile. Goddess, I'm a weirdo for smiling at this.

'What? She can't get enough of our scent,' I could practically feel Maliki grin.

She kept breathing it in, hugging the pillow tighter.

I bet she doesn't even realize she's doing it.

I hadn't realized I was even moving, but by the time I came back to reality, I was right next to her side of the bed.

For once, Malaki wasn't bombarding me with... Intense images of what he wanted us to do with her, like he usually does when we watch her without her knowing. We were just looking. Observing.

Malaki isn't in his, let's-increase-the-population mode, he's in, we-need-to-protect-what's-ours mode.

And I can't agree more. Seeing her all worked up and seeking comfort in our scent, probably subconsciously, set something off in me.

It's not my usual, nice guy, let's do nice things urge.

It's the kind of urge to protect that I know I'd rip the head off anyone who even thought about hurting her.

So what to do when I'm the one who hurt her?

'Make it better! Idiot!'

Hey! I thought you were the one that said I should 'stay strong' and not give in to the pull.

'...'

Mhm!

'Well, we want her to submit to us, not hate our guts.'

'So Just this once won't hurt.'

Yes is will. It'll hurt me.

'JUST DO IT!'

Hey! I know you're on edge, but try to keep cool. If we're gonna do this just this one time, we need to do it right.

'You're right. For just this one time.'

I nodded. Just this time.

***Maria's POV***

I shot into a sitting position.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I screamed at him.

He looked taken aback. A flash of hurt crossed his face.

Ha! Good! Give him a taste of his own medicine.

He was silent, then he pulled a face. Something that looked painfully close to sorrow, and it made me want to leap into him arms.

No! No, you're not aloud. You're not aloud to just switch like this, Wolfie.

What is it with him and his mood swings?

He stayed looking at me with that look for a few seconds.

"If you really wanted me to leave you alone, why did you come to this room?"

"What? This is -"

I looked around.

Oh my...

"No! No, this is still my room! Just because you've been sleeping in it! Just because you stole it, does not mean —!"

He yanked me toward him, and I nearly bursted into tears at the thought of him trying to hurt me again.

but he enveloped me into bear hug and held my head into his shoulder with his hand.

But I could tell it wasn't just to shut me up...

"I'm so sorry," his voice nearly broke at the end.

He didn't say anything else, but my chest tightened all over again.

And then everything burst.

I cried into his shoulder. I cried so hard his shirt was wet within the first two seconds, but he didn't care. He held me tighter.

I don't care why he's doing this. I don't care that he's bipolar. I don't care if I'm bipolar. I don't care if I hate him. I don't care if he hates me. He's hugging me. He's hugging me so tight, it's like he's afraid to let

go.

I'm afraid for him to let go too.

So I clung to him for dear freaking life. I clung to this moment.

I clung to this eye of the storm.