Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)
Bittersweet Memories: Part 1 – Chapter 20

I grin as I send off my last scholarship application moments before Silas walks into the bedroom. “Perfect timing,” I murmur, grinning at him.

He closes the door and leans back against it, his gaze filled with barely suppressed need. The last couple of days have been bittersweet. My thoughts keep drifting back to Dad, and each time, my heart stings with fresh pain. But then I think of Silas, and the way he’s helping me, the way he holds me at night, and some of the bitterness fades away.

I should have relied on him from the very start. I never should have pushed him away. The couple of days have proven to me that the way he sees me truly hasn’t changed at all. If anything, the divide between us seems much smaller. He seems more comfortable with me, more open.

“You sent all of them out?”

I nod. “Every single one of them.”

“Well, well, well… who would’ve known you’d be that desperate for a date with me, Ray?”

I giggle and shake my head. “How is that a surprise to you? I’ve been dying to go on a date with you since I was sixteen. I’ve waited for two years, Si. I might actually die if you make me wait any longer.”

He smiles at me with so much affection in his eyes that my heart starts to race. This is how I always imagined he’d look at me. I wonder when he started looking at me differently. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger, but he never even remotely reciprocated my feelings. When did he stop seeing me as a child? When did he start taking me seriously?

“One day, Ray,” he murmurs. “One day, I’m going to buy you a beautiful dress with some expensive ass shoes, and I’ll ask you to change into that before taking you on a date. I’m going to make you feel like a princess every single day. You won’t lack anything at all. I’m going to make sure that this period of our lives will be something we look back on fondly. It’ll be a time when things were tough, but hope and love kept us going. If we ever replace ourselves second-guessing our relationship or our commitment to each other, we’ll remember this period of our lives. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. Per aspera ad astra.”

I stare at him wide-eyed. “Our relationship, huh?”

He smirks and looks down for a moment. “I might be getting ahead of myself,” he says, unable to suppress his smile. “But before the day is over, I’m making you mine. Officially. Irrevocably.”

My heart pounds so wildly that I can hear my heartbeat thrumming in my ears. He has no idea how long I’ve waited to hear him say those words, how patient I’ve been, how long I’ve been burying my hopes and feelings.

“Let’s go, Ray. Let’s go on our very first date.”

I nod with the biggest smile on my face and place my hand in his outstretched palm. Silas entwines our fingers and pulls me out of the room, his grip tight and his smile as big as mine. When I lost my father, it felt like I’d never smile again, but Silas lit a spark in my charred heart, reigniting it.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.”

I smirk as the route the bus takes becomes more and more familiar. “The blossom tree,” I whisper.

Silas nods. “It only seems right. It’s there where I first buried my feelings for you, so it seems like the perfect place to give into them.”

Silas and I walk hand in hand, and the closer we get, the more nervous he seems. For the longest time, he seemed so unapproachable, someone I admired from a distance but could never get too close to. Yet here we are, together at last. I’m at my lowest point, and it doesn’t faze him.

I pause in surprise when the tree comes into sight. “Si… did you… you did this?” I stare in shock at the picnic spread laid out underneath the tree, countless wildflowers spread all over. It looks so romantic, and I can’t believe he did this for me.

He smiles as he leads me to the blanket. “Ricardo helped with quite a bit. He let me use the shelter’s ingredients to make us a spread. I offered to pay him for it, but he wouldn’t let me.”

I sit down next to him, and Silas turns toward me so he’s facing me. “We were interrupted last time, and I didn’t want this place to become a source of pain for you when we’ve created so many amazing memories here.”

“Si,” I whisper. “You didn’t need to do this for me. I don’t need dates and all of these things. You already work so incredibly hard. How did you even replace the time to arrange all of this?”

He shakes his head and cups my face. “I will always make time for you, Alanna. I will never force you to fit in between the margins of my life. You will always be the center of everything I do, everything I am. Throughout the last two years, you’ve been a constant source of hope for me. You kept me going when life felt tough, when I thought I couldn’t escape my circumstances. You gave me something worth fighting for, and if you let me, I want to offer you the same. I know things are about to get incredibly hard for you, for both of us, and I can’t shield you from all of it. But if you let me, I’ll be there every step of the way. Though I can’t take away the pain, I’ll share your burdens. Will you let me be to you what you’ve always been to me?”

He looks into my eyes with such hope, such unyielding love. “Yes. There’s nothing I want more, Si.”

He smiles, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look happier than he does at this moment. Si bites down on his lower lip, his gaze dropping to my lips, and my heart starts to pound wildly. His eyes travel back up to mine, and he chuckles as he pushes against my shoulder.

I gasp as I fall backward onto the blanket, and Si smiles the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen as he moves on top of me, his lower body flush against mine and his forearms on either side of my head. “Do you remember when you and I were packaging food together two years ago? At the time you were upset you’d never have some of my firsts.”

I purse my lips in annoyance and glare at him. How could he remind me of that right now? Silas merely chuckles and lowers his face to mine. He kisses my cheek gently. “Hear me out, baby.” He presses another kiss to my face, inching a little closer to my lips with each touch. “I don’t even know when it happened, Ray, but you took my most important first without me even realizing.” He kisses the edge of my lips, and I tilt my face, wanting more. He’s kept me waiting for this for so long now, and I don’t think I can wait even a second longer. “You are my first love, Alanna… but more importantly, you’ll be my last.”

His lips brush over mine, his movements hesitant. I arch my back and tilt my head, giving him easier access, and Silas groans as he finally kisses me fully. One of his hands moves into my hair and he grips tightly as the tip of his tongue brushes over my lips, and I open up for him, my entire body feeling strange. I’ve never felt this kind of need before, and the way his tongue tangles with mine has me wanting more, though I’m not entirely sure what it is I want more of.

He moans against my lips as I kiss him back, my hands roaming over his back impatiently. I’ve never felt this restless before, this needy. Silas kisses me harder and grinds his hips against mine, igniting a new type of desire in me. He’s hard, and knowing he wants me that badly has me feeling something I’ve never felt before. It makes my awkwardness melt away, and I slip my fingers underneath his t-shirt.

“Ray,” he moans, pulling away a little to look at me. “You’re going to drive me insane. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to take things slow with you?”

“Don’t then,” I plead.

He leans in and presses a lingering kiss to my lips. “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so fucking much. I’m done keeping the words buried within. I love you.”

Silas wraps his arms around me and turns us over, so I’m lying on top of him, and I can’t help but giggle as I push myself up against him. I look into his beautiful emerald eyes, my heart racing. “I love you so much more, Silas.”

He smiles at me, and I lean in to kiss that smile right off his face. He’s right. This is a moment I’ll remember for the rest of our lives.