Broken Souls
Chapter 9: Can’t

Alpha Aaron’s POV

What just happened? I need to get out of the kitchen. Did she feel that? Did I feel that? Am I imagining things?

“You’re stupid.” Griffin is in my head, and I can practically feel him rolling his eyes at me.

“What the hell, you just have that to say?” I get to my room as fast as I can. I don’t need this.

“I didn’t feel right for a long time,” Griffin defends himself.

“How do you think I felt I lost her? And then you left too!” I’m angry at him. I know he’s hurting, but so am I, years of hurting.

“I know, but I’m back now, and I want to go back to the tiny girl. I like her. I think she’s ours.” He sounds excited, and that only annoys me more.

“No! What the hell?” I don’t even know what to say; I just know I’m not going back there. I’m still holding the muffin, and I replace myself staring at it.

“We should go back. I like her.” Griffin is practically waging his tail.

“I think I liked it better when you wouldn’t talk to me.” I’m too annoyed at him to even know what to do.

“You’re still stupid.” He tells me and goes to pout in the corner of my mind again.

“You’re wrong. She can’t be ours. Our mate is gone.” I remind him as he whines louder.

Kay’s POV

I’m pretty excited about my birthday. Oriel takes me for coffee at our favorite coffee place, and we go shopping; she really is a great friend. She is so easy to like. Beta Michael is taking me to dinner. I managed to convince her I didn’t want a party. She really tried, but she finally gave up on it. She also tells me she couldn’t convince Alpha Aaron to come to dinner, and I almost forget she’s his sister. I’m okay with him not coming. It’s would just make dinner even more awkward.

We get to the restaurant, and I feel a little strange having so much attention, but it is really fun. Michael and Oriel are sweet to each other. I feel a little like I’m in the way of their time together. They have been so busy with training and pack things.

“Hey, come to training soon, please?” Oriel gives me puppy eyes breaking me from my thoughts.

I laugh at her, “Okay, but I’m not any good. Will you hang out with me there?” I ask her feeling kind of dumb for being nervous.

“Of course, I will, and you’re better than you think you are.” she winks at me.

We finish our food, and I think we’ll be leaving soon when the waiter comes back with a bunch more waiters. He has a small cake with candles. “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Kay. Happy birthday to you!” everyone sings, and the waiter puts the cake down in front of me.

“Make a wish and blow them out quick.” Oriel giggles. I do, and I have to fight back the tears. This is the best birthday in a long time.

It’s been two weeks since my birthday. I haven’t seen Alpha Aaron since I gave him the muffin and our conversation. Oriel informs me he left the day after my birthday to meet some other Alphas about pack business. His sad eyes have found their way into my thoughts more than a few times in the past couple of weeks.

I mentally shake myself. Why would I see him? I’m nobody to him, just some little girl they found and decided to take in. I see Oriel come into the kitchen. I was helping Ms. Walker get breakfast prepped before the other omegas come in to help her.

“Hey you,” Oriel calls me, “Are you still coming to training with me?” I nod at her and walk over to join her.

I already warn her I am going to be awful. She has been working with me even before the doctor gave me the all-clear. We just didn’t tell Dr. Owens, and she tells me I’m not as bad as I think I am but, I think she’s just being nice to me.

I’m also scared as hell because I could replace my mate at any moment, and I don’t think I want to replace him. I don’t think I want to belong to anyone after what I lived through. The bruises are finally mostly gone, and I’m not looking as thin, but that’s still going to take time.

We get to the training ground, and Oriel promises again that she will stay with me and let Beta Michael and another warrior lead the groups today. I feel very uncomfortable being here, but training starts, and it’s not as bad as I think. I know Alpha Aaron has been pushing for extra training and increasing the amount of warriors in the pack, and it is obvious that he has done just that. There are so many new recruits I quickly feel better, and I agree to let Oriel leave me with the group of newbies, so she can talk to Beta Michael. We are giggling and talking when it happens.

The most wonderful smell of Cedar floods my whole body, and I hear a faint whisper in the back of my mind. “Mate.” I know it’s my wolf, and I’m sent into a panic. I need to leave, and leave now is all I can think.

I do the only thing I can think of. I’m in pure panic, so I run. I know I’m fast, and I take off at full speed for the trees. I’m scared, and I don’t want to be here. I don’t want this. I can’t. People that love me die. I push my muscles harder as tears slip out of my eye. I don’t want to be in love; I don’t want to lose someone I love again.

Alpha Aaron POV

It’s been a couple of weeks since I saw Kay. Her sapphire blue eyes have invaded my thoughts more than a few times. Meeting with the other Alpha’s and going over treaties and border issues was tedious. I’m glad it’s over now.

I finally make it back to the pack house this morning, and it isn’t even breakfast yet.

Oriel tried to get me to go to the birthday dinner for Kay. I’m avoiding her, and I know it, and Griffin won’t shut up about going to the kitchen because we’ll probably replace her. I get out of the car in front of the pack house, feeling tired and frustrated.

Griffin is driving me crazy, and I’m starting to feel like smashing things. Maybe I’ll go see how training is going this morning. I almost make it to the training grounds, and the wind shifts. My whole body is flooded with the scent of jasmine, and I’m completely intoxicated. Griffin comes smashing into my mind “Mine!” He’s pushing my legs to move faster to the training ground.

The wind shifts again, and I see her freeze. Her messy ponytail moves in the breeze. I see her freeze for a moment, and then she takes off running fast for the trees. All I can think of is how Lily died in those woods, and it makes me angry.

I take off after her. Why would she run? I don’t understand at all, but I need to get to her before anything can happen to her. I can’t let what happened to Lily happen again. This girl is damn fast, that’s for sure, but I push my legs faster, fueled by Griffin wanting to catch her just as much as I do. We both need to protect her.

Kay’s POV

I can hear someone chasing me, but I don’t want to look behind me. I just try to run faster. I can’t be caught. I’m so scared. Then, a large hand grabs my arm, pulling me to a full stop. Tingles flood my arm under his hand. The force of stopping sends me back, colliding with his chest.

“NO!” I scream and push hard away from him. Cedar flood my scenes, but I fight it and pull my arm away, moving away as much as I can. I still haven’t looked up at him. I can’t. The wolf in my mind is restless, and I can’t tell what is going on. He takes a step forward, and I back away more.

“NO!” I scream again.

He stops. “No?”

I know that voice, but I won’t look at him. I can’t look at him.

“Won’t you tell me what you mean by that? Won’t you look at me?” his voice sounds hurt and angry. Did that I caused that?

I shake my head. I can’t. I’m not strong. I can’t see those eyes because I know there will be more hurt in those dark honey eyes, and it will be my fault. Tears start falling from my eyes, and I don’t know what to do.

“Look at me.” His voice is different than the cold voice of my nightmares, and his Cedar sent is making me feel safe, but I can’t. He’ll only get hurt because of me.

“Kay, talk to me. I don’t know what to do.” His voice is angry, and my resolve slips, and I look at him. His face is anger and confusion, his eyes are full of pain, and it breaks my heart to see it.

More tears fall as I look at him, “Will you talk with me, Kay? I think we should at least do that.” He’s ordering me now. I fall to my knees, my head a mess of thoughts and emotions I can’t sort through. I feel like the air has been sucked from my lungs. He kneels down in front of me. His massive frame is so close to mine, and he holds out his hand, “We need to talk,” he says.

I do owe him that. He’s letting me stay here, and I’m sure he’ll want to reject me. Who would want me? I’m weak and not worth anything. I’m so broken, and he’s an Alpha. He needs someone strong to lead with him. That’s definitely not me.

I don’t take his hand, but I stand up, and so does he.

I stare at the ground, “You should reject me.” I finally whisper.

He gives me an angry look and turns, “Come with me now.” He orders.

“You should. I’m not the right one, I’m not strong. I’m not good enough. I’m just me, and I’m….” I don’t finish. I can’t tell him how broken I am. He just keeps walking.

Alpha Aaron’s POV

I catch her, and she screams no at me, and she cries. I want nothing more than to hold her, but I don’t think she’ll let me. It took so much just to convince her to talk to me. I’m at a loss of what to do; it hurts when she says no, and I am scared she of her rejecting me. I think that would kill me. I don’t think my heart can take it. Griffin is whimpering in my head. He is confused as to why she says no, and why she says we should reject her.

I wish I know what is going on in that head of hers. She tells me I should reject her. That she isn’t good enough. What does that mean? I just want to comfort her, but I can’t. I don’t want this or her, but her tears are hurting me.

I’m lost in thought and notice she’s falling behind, so I slow down my pace as we walk back to the pack house. We get there and avoid glances and the whispers. I know everyone saw us run off from training. I’m sure everyone wants to know what’s going on.

I feel Oriel and Michael trying to mind-link with me. I tell them not now and block them out. The only place I can think to take her is my office, so that’s where we go. This is all going very strangely. I don’t want a second chance; I don’t want to feel happy again; I don’t want to care about someone again, but it happened. I am now faced with a choice: reject her and go through that pain, or keep her here, so I don’t lose my mind completely.

We make it to my office, and I open the door for her. As she walks in, her jasmine scent swirls around me, and I’m completely hooked and trying to restrain Griffin, who has decided I’m stupid. He wants to just hold her and make her stop crying. I take a deep breath of jasmine and follow her in, determined to get to the bottom of all of this as well as why she ran from me.