Chasing Cthulhu (Urf Oomons #2)
: Chapter 15

Lu isn’t waiting when we get off the shuttle. For a moment I thought he was, but it was another, smaller tentacled alien. They look very similar, but this one is definitely a different person. As soon as we leave the shuttle, a tentacle snakes tightly around Mandy’s waist.

I jump back in surprise, but she just pats the tentacle-like it belongs there and introduces me to this new alien.

‘Gloria, this is Seven. Seven, this is Gloria. She’s going to be staying here with us.’

‘Greetings, Gloria.’ Seven does a smooth bow. ‘I am glad you are here.’

‘Oh? Why?’ I ask. Not to be rude, but I am a little nervous about these aliens and their intentions.

‘Tiny was adamant that you should. She would have been very disappointed if you had declined to visit.’

The translator does a weird thing when he says Tiny. It translates the word, but my understanding quickly changes it to Mandy’s name. Weird.

‘They named me Tiny before English was integrated into the translation matrix. now Mandy means Tiny and Tiny means Mandy,’ she explains.

That’s funny, especially because Mandy is more on the curvy/full-figured end of the spectrum. But I guess compared to these tentacle aliens, she is tiny.

‘Where’s Lu and Ken?’ she asks.

‘Ken is organizing all of the Earth things you had transported earlier. I do not know where Lu is.’

‘Ugh! Ken has no idea what that stuff is. How does he plan to organize things he knows nothing about?’

‘I did not ask. We cannot use our shuttles as storage though. I allowed him to unload it.’

‘Fine. I’ll just sort it out later.’ She waves her hand around dismissively. ‘Let’s give Gloria a tour.’

They show me all around. There’s a cafeteria, a storage bay, a shuttle bay, and a whole bunch of private quarters, most of them unoccupied. And there’s a swimming pod. It has a circle in the floor and that’s the entrance. Apparently, you dive into that circle, swim down, around, and up through a tunnel, and eventually replace a giant spherical space filled with water. It’s useless for us humans because there are no surface or air pockets to catch a breath. Homeworlder aliens can breathe underwater. It’s great fun for them.

There are great murals all over this ship. All earth/human stuff like Disney characters and pinup girls. I ask Mandy about it, and she says, ‘Oh, yeah. I’ll tell you all about Earth-Human Art tomorrow. It’s a funny story, but a long one.’

I bet. I thought Mandy was joking when she told those agents that the ship was hers, but it seems true. She’s decorated the whole thing and is explaining everything to me with a proprietary air. I wonder how she came to be in charge of this ship when it’s obviously designed for the tentacled Homeworlders?

‘This is the medbay,’ Mandy says as we turn a corner, and a door opens. ‘That’s the regen tank,’ she waves toward a huge blue tank, ‘and here is where you can come and get scanned if you want. It’s painless, and a full physical in under a minute.’

‘Nice.’ I compliment. This is such a weird situation. I’m complimenting this woman’s spaceship’s med-bay. My life just keeps getting crazier.

We tour the whole ship, but we don’t bump into Lu. Mandy introduces Ken when we replace him in the storage bay. He’s sorting out a whole bunch of stuff. It looks like someone raided at least three different department stores and stuffed a shuttle full of everything that could fit. Clothes, dishes, bedding, toys, and everything else. Why does Mandy need all of this stuff on a spaceship? She already showed me the replicators. There is a large industrial one for printing bigger things and a smaller one that seems to be just for food. Strange that she went on a shopping spree when she could make anything she wants out of thin air.

Ken holds out a monstrously clawed hand and says, ‘I am happy to meet you—’

‘Gloria,’ Mandy supplies.

‘Gloria.’ Ken says, looking pleased with himself as he shakes my hand. All of the other words were in a hiccupy alien language, but my name was carefully pronounced.

‘Would you like to supply Gloria with some of these nesting materials?’ He uses a tentacle gesture toward a pile of sheets, blankets, and pillows. ‘Or had you planned to replicate something for her?’

‘Oh, I already took care of all that,’ Mandy answers. ‘All of this stuff is for trade.’

All of his tentacles that had been moving around this whole time still. ‘For trade you say?’

Mandy nods emphatically. ‘Yes. You know how everyone is going nuts about Earth-Human stuff? I thought I’d grab up a bunch of things—’

‘Tiny, it is Earth-Human art that is valuable. Not these,’ he holds up a monster high doll in a tentacle and waves it around, ‘other things.’

‘What makes you think these things don’t have artistic value?’

Ken doesn’t answer.

‘Art is whatever people say it is. And everyone thinks anything to do with humans is inherently artistic. Sal sold all of those appliances, didn’t he?’

All of Ken’s tentacles do a quick bob at the same time as he says, ‘You are correct. We can probably trade these items on artistic merits.’

He holds the doll closer to his face, examining it. ‘Sal would surely be interested.’

‘Why are you unhappy about it?’ Mandy asks. I wasn’t going to say anything, but Ken does look unhappy about trading this stuff. His coloring has gotten darker. I had noticed with Lu that his color would suddenly darken when he’s upset.

Ken’s tentacles all do a quick bob then a small shake and he says, ‘I am not unhappy about trading these items. I have been organizing and placing them in the personal use area,’ he waves a tentacle toward the near wall that has a bunch of shelves and cubbies, then explains, ‘Now I need to move all of it to the area for trade items.’ He waves the tentacle toward the opposite wall where large containers are stacked in neat rows.

‘Oh, no, you don’t have to do any of that. I’ll sort it out tomorrow,’ Mandy tells him.

He waves his tentacles around again. This guy really likes to gesture with those tentacles. He just keeps his arms folded across his chest for the most part.

‘No, I will do it. I was just frustrated for a moment that I had not done it right in the first place.’ Ken’s color does seem to be lightening. ‘I will sort this out.’

‘Well, thanks. I really appreciate it, Ken. You’re the best.’ Mandy smiles at the tentacled alien as she delivers this praise and he smiles back, baring sharp fangs as his skin takes on a lavender tone.

‘Ken’s acting weird,’ Mandy informs me in the hallway after we leave the storage bay.

I shrug because this is the first time I’ve met him. I don’t know what weird is when it comes to him.

‘Where’s Lu? I expected to see him by now.’

At first, I think she’s asking me, but Seven answers from behind her.

‘He is hiding. He has disabled the tracking function of his implant.’

I had kind of forgotten that Seven was following behind us. How could I have stopped noticing this monstrous tentacled alien looming over us the whole time?

‘Why would he hide from us though?’ Mandy asks.

Nobody has an answer.

Could it be that Lu is hiding from me? It can’t be a coincidence that the same day I come aboard, he disappears.

‘Okay, here’s your room.’

We’ve stopped in front of a door panel that opens automatically. There’s a platform bed and a low table. The bed has a bunch of thin brightly colored blankets and pillows. It looks very fluffy and comfortable. The walls are painted kind of—abstractly? Like there are four main colors, white, light gray, dark gray, and sea-blue, and they overlap each other in a few different places around the room. And where the colors come together it’s blended in a frothy kind of way like they are waves crashing onto each other. It’s a very nice, calming effect. After spending all that time in stark-white boring surroundings, I appreciate this decor.

‘Do you like it?’ Mandy blurts out impatiently. She’s been waiting for me to say something, I guess.

‘Yes. It’s lovely. I really like it,’ I assure her. She beams with pride and smiles up at Seven, who just looks pleased that she’s happy.

‘What’s this, though?’ I ask pointing at a raised rectangle on the floor.

‘Oh, that’s for Your dog. If you can get her to use it, her waste will just disappear,’ she explains.

‘Disappear?’

She nods. ‘Yeah, I’ve had it explained to me twice, but I still don’t understand how it works. Something about anti-matter. But it really does work. Guaranteed.’

That sounds kind of dangerous, but I guess I just need to trust that the things on this spaceship are safe.

‘Okay.’

I shift Peach from one arm to another. She has been very well-behaved today, all things considered.

‘Across the way, there is a bathroom. I can show you how to use the laser-shower tomorrow. And down there on the right is mine and Seven’s room.’ She points as she talks.

‘Yours and Seven’s?’ I ask. There has been a bit of a couple vibe going on, but I had thought that maybe these aliens are just very touchy-feely, and Mandy is nice about it? Lu grabbed and touched me a few times, it could just be an alien thing?

But no. This confirms that they are together like that.

‘Yeah, mine and Seven’s and our kids’.’ Mandy straightens her shoulders and seems to kind of square off with me as she says this. Like she’s bracing herself for something.

‘Your kids?’ I ask. This is the first time anybody has mentioned anything about kids on this ship.

‘Yes.’

‘Okay, well I’m kind of beat. I’ll just meet the kids tomorrow.’

Mandy smiles and relaxes her shoulders, but Seven growls at me.

‘Gawd, Seven, cut it out!’ Mandy admonishes him, then turns to me. ‘Of course, you can meet the babies!’ She tells me happily.

Seven does not look happy.

Mandy waves as she steps out the door. ‘Sleep well! I’m so glad you’re here!’

After the door closes behind them, I set Peach down on the anti-matter pet-pad. She circles once and immediately gets down to business. I have never in my life been so interested in dog poo, but I watch intently waiting for it to disappear. And it does. It just blinks out of existence. It’s just gone.

Crazy.

So, there are few weird things going on. Mandy and Seven are together-together. It’s weird. They shouldn’t be compatible with each other biologically. They definitely shouldn’t have babies. Multiple babies, like what the hell?

This is all impossible. And it’s also not really my business.

And what’s going on with Lu? Why would he be hiding and avoiding me? That kind of blows. Here I was thinking that he was behind all this and had come back for me, that I had this connection with an alien who would swoop in like a superhero to save the day. How many people have alien BFFs after all?

But in reality, he doesn’t even want to see me. I was actually rescued by this strange woman who wants human company.

This is still a good situation though. Much better than the facility I had been detained at. Better even than my life before all this alien stuff because internet stalkers can’t replace me here, can they? I can let go of that stress for a while.

And look at this room. Mandy obviously went through a lot of trouble to make me feel welcome. It’s nice.

I should figure out some work to do, some way to contribute around here so that I’m not a burden. Hopefully, I can stay for a while. I don’t really know how to contribute though.

Snuggling under the covers with Peach, I let go of all these questions and worries and fall into the deepest most restful sleep I’ve had in years.