Collided (Dirty Air Series Book 2)
Collided: Chapter 15

“You know, when I suggested working out, this isn’t quite what I had in mind,” Sophie says between labored breaths. Her chest heaves and her cheeks flush. She tied her hair back in a ponytail, bobbing whenever she moves with light bouncing off the golden strands.

Now that she mentions it, this wasn’t what I had in mind either. I regret my decision to invite her to come with me. My idea of an outdoor workout before the Canadian Grand Prix is biting me in the ass because Sophie looks fuckable.

The past hour has been an endless cycle of me silently cursing up to the sky every five minutes, wondering how I ended up in this position in the first place. My head surpassed the gutter and ended up in the sewer, thinking about how she’d sound with me fucking her.

Yesterday was a close call in my hotel room. I almost messed up, kissing her on my bed. I wasn’t thinking straight, distracted by the way she was laughing and looking at me. She’s so damn unaware of how alluring she is.

I don’t understand Sophie’s stubbornness in denying what we both want, so I follow her plan because I’d rather not push her at the risk of losing her as a friend. It’s laughable how months ago I was scared to have her as anything more than a hookup. I didn’t want to open myself up to another friendship like I had with Johanna, but with Sophie everything feels so damn easy. She dug her heels in and took up a spot in my life, not giving me a chance to push her away despite my creeping anxiety at becoming dependent on her.

I replace it hard to ignore how my dick pushes against the fabric of my workout shorts. It’s payback for my stupid plan. She had suggested outdoor yoga by the track, but instead, I convinced her to hit some trails near Montreal. I have little control over my body’s reactions to her when she stands in front of me, ass on display in those tight bubble-gum pink leggings. On anyone else, her Barbie getup wouldn’t work, but on Sophie, everything goes. Don’t get me started on the matching sports bra. What the fuck type of support is that? She calls it fashion while I say it’s torture.

I tuck my dick into the waistband of my shorts to prevent her from catching my hard-on. She remains oblivious to my dilemma as she stares at the view of the city.

I wipe my palm down my face. “You look indecent.”

She flashes her dimples, hitting me with a stunning image of her. “It’s a look. Athleisure is all the rage now.” She throws her arms out and does a circle, giving me a view of everything I want to touch, lick, and fuck. In no specific order.

Athleisure isn’t the only thing raging right now.

“Seriously, where is your shirt? Here. Take mine.” I start to pull my shirt off, desperate for some type of visual protection. Her breasts rise up and down every time she breathes for fuck’s sake. I’ve tried to not look but it gets harder the higher we climb because the more exhausted she gets, the heavier she breathes.

Her winded voice catches when she glances at me removing my shirt, her eyes widening when they land on my stomach.

“No! Put your abs away. No one needs to see that.” She covers her eyes.

Her reactions make me want to say fuck you to friendship. Especially when she peeks at my body through the gaps of her fingers, catching a hint of exposed skin.

Her eyes meet mine before she becomes engrossed in the landscape views. “Oh look, I think I see a squirrel climbing up a tree. I’m going to go check it out.”

My eyes fall back to her butt as she walks away. I consider writing a personal letter of complaint to this legging company she drones on about. Athletic wear my ass. Who can work out in that? More importantly, who can ever get work done in a gym next to someone looking like that?

We climb to the top of the trail after another ten minutes of hiking, getting a great view overlooking the city. I’m thankful to be done climbing because I no longer feel tempted to smack Sophie’s ass while she walks ahead of me.

Sophie collapses on the grass. “I’m done for the day.”

“We still have to get back down.”

She fiddles with her necklace. “I’m pooped. Why don’t you even look winded?”

“Because I work out like an animal every day?” I smile at her. My body looms over her, casting a shadow and blocking her from getting any light.

She groans. “How could I forget?”

I like getting under her skin, pulling for the reactions she saves for me. She keeps me interested by the faces and quips she sends my way.

“Well, I could show you. Then you’ll never forget, I can promise you that,” I tease her.

She responds by throwing a rock about five feet away from me.

“You missed.” I grin at her.

“Next time I’ll aim for the head. It’s inflated enough to make for an easier target.”

I let out a loud laugh. “You feed my ego more than anyone else. That wild look you get in your eyes when I wear a suit is enough for me. No need to try so hard to avoid me.”

She coughs to cover up a gasp. “You really need to get laid because you’re starting to see things that aren’t there.”

Ah, so this is how she wants to play it.

“Is that an offer?” I drop my voice low.

A pebble lands a few feet away from me with a soft thud. She didn’t even try with that one.

I lie on the grass next to her. We stare at the sky, comfortable with our silence, no pressure to fill the quiet with useless words. My body brushes up against her as I readjust myself and get comfortable.

Sophie brings out things in me I don’t recognize. It’s different than what I had with Johanna, with that friendship being solely platonic from the start. My thing with Sophie is damn near flammable, waiting for one of us to set a match to this waiting game, setting our relationship ablaze.

She squints at the sky. “It sucks that Maya skipped out this week. I miss her.”

“Now you’re stuck with me. I have you all to myself, just how I want you.” My voice drops into a husky tone.

“You take up half of my time as it is already.”

I have no shame admitting how I like keeping her around and doing stuff together. It helps me pass the time when I don’t need to race or do McCoy-related activities.

“How’s the list coming along?” I’m curious to know what she’s done, or what she hasn’t.

“It’s not looking too hot. I was supposed to do at least one thing per week to complete it in time, but I’m falling behind.” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger.

The grass crunches beneath me as I turn my body toward her. Her eyes land on mine, making me want to kiss her senseless against the grass, fucking up her pink ensemble with dirt stains and greedy hands.

Holy fuck, what is happening with me lately?

I fight my internal war of acting like a caveman or a gentleman. “How unlike you. You’re usually on task.”

Sophie is the most organized person I’ve ever met. She sure as fuck has her life together, and even though I have a job and I can be responsible, she takes it to a whole new level.

“I know.” She swipes a few blonde strands out of her face. “But I’ve been so busy. Look, I’m working out. That’s not exactly on my list but it might as well be. I mean, I probably lost a pound from our climb alone.”

I grumble, “Not that you need it.” She’s a petite little thing. If she loses any weight, she’ll fly away. “But being busy is good. Which ones have you done then?”

I don’t reveal to Sophie how I hang around her whenever I have free time, passing on club nights with the boys because I prefer to spend time with her. For purely selfish reasons because I don’t want her to cross off those items. At least not with someone who isn’t me.

She sits and pulls out her laminated list from her mini backpack. I’ve never met someone as Type A as her.

“All right. So far, we have…five items completed.”

One of my eyebrows rises. She doesn’t notice how she dropped we instead of I.

“What did you complete without me?” I hope nothing too scandalous for her sake and mine.

“I watched porn for the first time. And played strip poker with a group of people. Plus tried new food and drank while doing karaoke in Shanghai. And no matter what you say I count Monaco’s cliff-diving episode as skinny-dipping.” She sticks her chin out defiantly.

Who the fuck does she hang around beside Maya and me?

I hold back a growl. “With whom?” I’m not used to the possessiveness coursing through me at her crossing off items with someone else.

“Well, Maya set up a strip poker game with some guys from Kulikov she knows from back when Santi drove with them. It was a low-key celebration for my birthday.”

A birthday I had no idea about. Lovely. I clench my fists together in frustration. “How fun. Who won the game?” My jealous ass knows the person who wins wears the most clothes.

“Ugh, I came in dead last. I was down to nothing.” She fucking shrugs at me.

My molars grind painfully, my jaw clenching to the point of popping. I take a deep breath. Sophie jabs me in my side with her elbow, her breathy laugh filling me with warmth and calm.

She turns toward me. My eyes land on her bright ones, the evergreen shade easily becoming one of my favorite colors. “Relax. I’m joking. I watched about three hours’ worth of YouTube videos before playing that night. You’re looking at the proud winner of eight-thousand euros.” She swipes her hand across her palm, making invisible money fly away. “It wasn’t the full strip-poker experience, but I made it down to my bra. I can’t say the same about the boys though because Maya and I hustled.”

I bark out a laugh, letting go of my previous annoyance. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. And the porn experience? I should be offended about not having an invite to that one.”

She rolls her eyes while fighting a smile. “That one was just me and Maya after we had a few too many glasses of wine.”

“What type of porn did you watch? Girl on girl? Girl on boy on girl? Maybe you’re into soft-core porn with a riveting storyline?”

Her laughing into the sky makes my heart beat faster in my chest. I sit, wanting to take a deep breath of fresh air to calm my body down. Except now I get a full visual of Sophie with her soft lips parted slightly, luring me in, her eyes shifting from me to the sky.

My hands move on their own, brushing away some loose strands of hair that escaped her ponytail and trail down her face.

She takes a deep breath. Her eyes close for the briefest second before they open again. “Liam…”

One word sobers me because her eyes tell me she needs more time. She likes our friendship, and shit, I do too.

I didn’t think I would. When she turned me down in Barcelona, I wasn’t sure I could be her friend. The idea made me nauseous, reminding me of memories I wanted to keep hidden forever. But the more time I spend around Sophie, the more addicted I get. It’s impossible to ignore the pull I have toward her, both physically and emotionally, something I thought was long gone from my life. She pushes me in every way and meets me stride for stride. And fuck if my relationship with her doesn’t terrify me as much as it excites me.

“All right, let’s get this show on the road.” Sophie tugs me away from two girls who look annoyed at the intrusion. I follow her through the event for the Canadian Grand Prix, ignoring sponsors calling my name. F1 put on a nice dinner with music, dancing, and decent alcohol. Candles flicker around the room, shrouding us in darkness except for shadows moving across the walls.

I’ve barely seen Sophie tonight. We’ve both been busy since she needs to hang with her dad while I schmooze. Earlier, Rick found me and gave me bleak news about no offers from teams, leaving me disappointed and irritable. But the smile on Sophie’s face knocks my bad mood right out of me.

“I was in the middle of something.” I really wasn’t because girls like those are only after one thing and I’ve been on a body-wide lockdown for everyone who isn’t Sophie. But I’m curious why she feels the need to pull me away.

“I have a favor to ask of you.”

“I’m going to start logging all these favors you owe me. First, you wanted me to distract Noah from Maya, then it’s to help with your list. Next, you’re going to ask me for money.” I add the last one to get a stir out of her.

“First of all, you imposed yourself on my list. Second, I don’t want or need money from you! Don’t insult me.”

Sophie has good intentions and never tries to go after the wrong things. She’s the perfect girl if I were looking for that kind of thing, but I’m not, so I digress.

She huffs as she drags me away from any prying eyes. “Anyway, I need help. I want to get high once.”

I can’t help the snort-laugh that comes out of me. “You can’t be serious. Now?”

The look she gives me tells me that she is.

“I know you can’t smoke because of racing and drug tests. But Maya isn’t here and it’s legal to do it recreationally in good ol’ Canada. So, it has to be done tomorrow because I’m falling behind on items. And I need your help getting the goods and stuff.” She rambles while I grin like an idiot.

“All right. Your wish is my command.” I extend my elbow to her, craving the feel of her arm wrapped around mine.

I can’t help the smile that crosses my face as we ditch the gala without a backward glance. Corrupting Sophie has become my favorite hobby, right up there with racing and reading.

A few hours later, Sophie and I lie on a blanket in some empty park near Montreal, our sides pressed together with a couple of pillows I stole from my hotel propping our heads up. It’s quite the setup, coming off unintentionally romantic.

I no longer think drunk Sophie is the funniest one to see. She’s high as a kite, giggling at nothing. Earlier while purchasing the goods, she promised this was the first and last time she’d ever do it. She wants to see what the hype is about and I’m happy to deliver it under my supervision. Plus, I get to reap the benefits of her without reservations.

“This list is such a dumb idea, right?” She turns her head toward me. The moonlight shines off her face, her bright smile beaming at me.

I could be out doing something with Jax, but instead, I’m content hanging out with Sophie under the stars. Her and her fucking stars. She tells me how she loves to sit outside and differentiate the bright ones from planes in the sky like Galileo or some shit. Every time I get one wrong, she laughs, and fuck if I don’t love the sound of it. I like her laugh so damn much I purposefully confused the little dipper with Orion’s belt. That blunder got me a giggle I felt straight to my cock.

Somewhere between the first and second months of the F1 season, she became one of my good friends despite my physical attraction to her. I’m shocked we lasted this long without sex. Sophie denies our chemistry while I’ve had enough opportunities to make a move or ten.

She taps my hand, bringing me back into the conversation. Her light touch makes my body hum with desire.

Right, the list. “Nah, it’s not. You want to live a little and have a good time. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She sighs. “I know. My dad is tough, though. I love him. But he’s focused on making sure I’m nothing like my mom with all these rules and five-year plans. And I’ve tried everything to avoid being like her too. So, I’m stuck in this bad cycle of wanting to be perfect while missing out on life.”

My chest tightens at her admission, connecting with her more than she knows. “It sucks when we let everyone’s expectations for us rule our lives. I’m dealing with that shit and it sucks. What’s your mom like?”

She fidgets, trying to get comfortable. Her body curves into mine as she lays her head against my chest. Darkness hides my surprise. I wrap my arm around her, keeping my body loose. No way in hell do I want to discourage her sudden display of closeness. Even though I haven’t held her like this, it feels right, and it scares the living shit out of me. I hate being scared. Fucking despise feeling out of control, like I can’t get a handle on the swirling shitstorm brewing in my chest whenever I get near Sophie.

“She’s probably also high right now, hanging out in some jungle in Africa while saving the world.” She giggles, the movement vibrating against my chest. “She left us when I was a baby, claiming she didn’t want to be a mom. She’d rather go off and be a fake mom for all the kids in poor towns. I know I sound jealous and I feel terrible about it. It’s so selfish of me to be envious of kids who have nothing, but I am because she dumped me. My parents were never married, so her leaving wasn’t an issue in that sense. It was a clean break.”

No matter how easy a break, the idea of a mom abandoning their child hurts. The sadness in her voice makes my chest ache.

My fingers run through her hair to ease her discomfort. “You’re not selfish for wanting to have a mom who cares for you. I’m sorry to hear that she left. I can’t imagine how hard it is to grow up without a mom around.”

Her shitty mom reminds me of how I should call mine when I have a chance. I may be a dick at times by ignoring my brother’s calls, but my mom isn’t someone I actively avoid.

“Yeah, there’re some things you need a mom for. So my dad was stuck filling both roles, making sure I didn’t get into trouble. At least as much as he could with the F1 lifestyle of constant traveling. I’ll never forget the time I got my first period.” She groans, hiding her face in my chest.

“What happened?” Her comment makes me wonder about a young Sophie during those times, like when she had her first kiss or her first crush. My mind starts to drift off to other firsts before I snap out of it.

“I asked him for pads. He came back from the local store with adult diapers.”

“What did you end up doing?” I fight a laugh.

“He took me with him after I slammed my bedroom door in his face. I cried in the pharmacy as we picked out the right stuff, becoming a blubbering mess while my dad paced the aisle and googled info. He bought me every candy bar to make up for it and pretty much offered anything to get me to stop. I was so emotional about not having my mom around to help me and I felt so embarrassed with my dad. But I’ve never seen him that uncomfortable. Can you imagine? Adult diapers. There was even a picture of a grandma on them. I had no clue what he was thinking. Those are the types of moments I wish I could call my mom and ask her about stuff.” She shakes her head, giving me a fresh inhale of her shampoo.

“Do you talk to your mom?”

Another sigh from her. “Yeah, occasionally, maybe like once every two months whenever she gets service. She’s still my mom so I’ve long since let go of that grudge. Some people aren’t meant to be parents.”

“That’s really mature of you.” I mean every word.

That’s the thing about Sophie. On paper, she may be twenty-two, but she holds herself to a higher standard, coming across older than her age. It makes me feel less guilty about our age gap because I can’t see her with a college fuckboy who barely has his shit together. She doesn’t deserve that.

“If you knew her, you’d understand. I can’t hold it against her anymore because she’s so happy doing what she does. She’s whacky like a hippie. I’m lucky she didn’t name me Rainbow Moon or something scary.”

We both laugh at that idea. Being around her knocks me off-kilter because I don’t know whether I want to kiss her, protect her, or fuck her. My hand lazily rubs against her back. She tries to shimmy off my chest, but I hold her there.

“Anyway, my list is all types of crazy. It’s my way of experiencing new things since I’ve been held with a tight leash all my life. And not the sexual kind either if your perverted mind is jumping to that conclusion.”

An image of Sophie tied up runs through my mind, making my pants uncomfortably tight.

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. But the list is a cool idea. Nothing like trying out a bunch of new things while traveling to all these different places.”

“If you could do anything in the world besides F1, what would you do?” Her question throws me for a loop. Where the fuck did she pull that one from?

I think about it for a good two minutes while Sophie lies on my chest, her head pressed against my beating heart while she waits.

“You like heavy-hitting questions. If I wasn’t racing, I’d probably go to school for something. Maybe to study architecture. I’ve loved checking out the buildings we visit in different cities and learning their stories.” The nerd in me shines through.

“Wow. A man who appreciates old-world history.”

“Have you always wanted to be an accountant?” I don’t get the appeal for someone like her because I can’t envision her sitting in an office all day long crunching numbers.

“Eh, no.” She giggles to the point of snorting. Damn, I got her some good weed.

“Then what would you do if you weren’t studying to become an office junkie?”

She lets out a nervous laugh. Has anyone asked her this before?

“I love art.” She says the three words in the faintest whisper like she is sharing a secret, adding it to our growing list.

I give her a squeeze. “What kind of art?”

“I do all types. Painting, drawing, but I especially love charcoal because I like to get my hands all dirty and smudge the lines.” Her voice betrays her excitement.

“Do you still do it? I haven’t seen you with any art supplies this summer.”

“Not as much anymore. Once I got busy with school, I stopped, except for a few classes I did on the side for elective credits. Plus, my dad appreciates respectable careers if he’s going to finance my degree. If I told him I was switching my major, I think he’d have a heart attack.” She sounds wistful and sad at once.

My heart pinches, an unfamiliar feeling for me. She won’t follow her own interests because of her dad?

“It’s never too late to follow your dreams and see where they take you. Look at me. You’re lying down with one of the best drivers in F1.”

“Your humbleness never ceases to amaze me. I mean, I can try while on the road.”

I stare into the darkness, avoiding everything inside of me telling me to make a move on Sophie. It’s a torturous experience. “You should. If you’re creative, take advantage. I lack any of that shit.” My arms tighten around her, loving the feeling of her lying across my chest.

What the hell is happening to me?

“Tell me a secret of yours. I feel like I always share while you barely do. So what gives?” She taps a finger against my chest.

I take a few deep breaths, regulating my heart rate. She tempts me to share everything with her.

Sophie lets out a deep exhale. “I was joking. You don’t have to share something if you don’t want to.”

She gives me an out, making me feel something I can’t label for the life of me. Her selflessness and her ability to not push me gives me the strength to put myself out there because if I can’t trust her, is she really my friend? God, I’m really a sucker for her.

“People think they know me, but they don’t.”

“Which people?” she says plainly, not an ounce of judgment in her voice.

“Friends, fans, my team. The person they know is far from the person I really am. I’ve mastered an image they want to see.”

She takes a moment, crickets sounding off in the dark woods surrounding us. “What’s your reasoning for doing that? Is it to protect your privacy?”

“No.” I swallow, holding back the growing anxiety building inside of me.

“Then?” She lifts off my chest and sits.

“It’s stupid,” I grumble, running a hand down my face.

“If it means something to you, then it can’t be stupid. But you should know that it’s okay to hide parts of yourself from the public. For you and your sanity.”

She makes my confession easier by being so damn non-judgmental. It’s a complete change of pace compared to Peter and the public, all attempting to tear me down in hopes of some sick sort of redemption story.

“I live a lie. It’s a far cry from hiding parts.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret.” She looks me in the eyes as she speaks in a hoarse whisper. “We all live lies. Some are just better at disguising them. Others hide and never acknowledge them, instead flinching at shadows looming in the corners because they know what lurks there. You’re aware of what you’re doing. You consciously embrace your secrets, becoming one with the issues haunting you.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” I groan.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t. But it doesn’t mean I can’t empathize and feel for you. Life is about learning to share the burden of your problems with others. It might feel all good and dandy now to hide, but secrets have a way of getting to us all. And sometimes the greatest lies aren’t the ones we tell ourselves; they’re the ones we believe time and time again despite all the evidence proving us wrong. So share your secrets or keep them inside. The choice is yours. But just know that shit will eat away at you until you’re shrinking at your own shadow too.”

Silence cloaks us. Her words sit against my chest like a weight, pressing against the ache near my heart. Minutes pass by, neither one of us talking as we mull over our own thoughts. She lies back down on my chest. I feel relieved at the lack of eye contact.

I don’t know where I replace the courage to share, but fuck I do. Blame the perceptive blonde lying on top of me who builds me up without threatening to tear me down. “My brother married my best friend.”

Sophie stills, not saying a word. Her silence encourages me to continue.

“Her name was Johanna.” I didn’t expect to choke on her name, but my voice betrays my hurt.

Sophie grabs my hand and intertwines her fingers with mine. She gives me an encouraging squeeze. It takes me another minute before I continue because I want to think out my words and make this whole process as painless as possible. Sophie stays silent, her thumb brushing against my hand, soothing me in more ways than one.

“She was my partner for my freshman year science class. I chose her because I knew she was smart, and I thought she could help me pass. And I did just that, all thanks to her. But we started hanging out a lot together. She and my brother met, and they had this connection I can’t explain. But Lukas is a few years older than me, so he didn’t want to make a move on a freshman when he was about to graduate. Johanna and I got really close—me because she wasn’t interested in hooking up and Johanna because she enjoyed my company. So we can fast-forward through years of friendship. Once Johanna and I graduated, my brother made his move and they dated before getting married. They eventually had Elyse, my oldest niece. Those two couldn’t help getting pregnant with Kaia right after Elyse. But during the labor process…” I swallow back the bile rising in my throat. “There were a shit ton of complications that happened and she didn’t make it.” Wetness pools in my eyes, but I blink back the looming tears.

“Oh, Liam. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how tough that was and how heartbreaking it is to lose someone you care for in such a sudden way. You and your family have been through so much.” Sophie wraps herself around me.

“I feel disgusted with myself that I can’t move on. My brother is doing fine, and my parents are always strong, but me… I hate parts of myself. So instead of embracing all of me, I don’t. I lost my best friend that night. But also, I forfeited part of myself to survive the pain.”

“You can always fight to get it back. You’re not a quitter, and one day you’ll wear your hurt like a badge of honor. That’s when you know you can heal and move on. Everyone handles their pain and sadness differently so those who don’t accept you don’t matter because acceptance includes all the parts, not only the desirable ones.”

“Easy for you to say. I admitted I deceive others and you’re here boosting my ego.” I’d laugh if my throat didn’t feel constricted.

“That’s because you’re the only one losing when you deflect and hide. If you decide not to get close to others, that’s your choice. I’ll keep living my life with the bits and pieces you share. But the real question is, can you live with your ruse for the rest of your life? If you can, then you’re the most beautiful liar I know because the prettiest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.”

Damn. Sophie, despite her limited life experiences, has a shit ton of wisdom packed in such a small body.

She keeps going. “But remember this. I want to get to know all of you, including the parts you’re too scared to share. I want to learn about the man no one else knows. So give me every part of you because I’m not here to piece you back together. I like you too much, just the way you are, broken parts and all.”

Fuck. Her words fill me with hope I didn’t think was possible.

“I suck at getting close to people.”

She squeezes my hand, sending an electric current up my arm, replacing my sadness with lust. “You’re already getting close to me, you fool.”

Well, shit. I totally am, and I’m not the slightest bit sorry. Spending time with Sophie has been the best damn part of this season.

I rub my thumb across her knuckles, craving her touch like a junkie craving his next hit, eliciting a sigh from her. “Not to deflect or anything, but why do you keep ignoring our chemistry?”

“Because I don’t want to ruin something good for something temporary.” She pushes herself up and away from me. Her hand lingers on my chest, the warmth from her palm radiating through my shirt.

“I’ll take anything from you.” It’s sad to admit how I’m not joking.

“That’s my fear with someone like you. You take and take until I have nothing left to give. You’d be easy to fall in love with until you walk away, breaking my heart in the process.” She whispers the words like saying them lower makes them less scary.

Her dropping the L-word fills me with dread.

“I can’t promise anything close to love, but I can promise you endless orgasms, friendship, and mindless sex that’ll leave you buzzing from your head to the tips of your toes.” I offer her a sly grin, propping myself up on my elbows.

Like always, Sophie does something shocking. She leans in and presses her lips against mine. The kiss feels soft at first, her wariness evident.

Holy shit, Sophie is kissing me.

My instincts take over as I kiss her back, no longer in shock at her move. One of my hands wraps around the back of her neck and holds her steady. My body sings at the contact, my tongue darting out to feel her plump lips.

I pull her on top of me while her tongue—that fucking tongue—probes mine and gives me access to her mouth. I could combust at her touch. An embarrassing yet truthful admission nonetheless because kissing Sophie makes me question what the fuck I’ve been doing before. Scratch that—kissing Sophie feels like everything.

She gasps as my teeth tug on her bottom lip. My dick throbs in my pants, clearly not getting the memo that this is just a kiss. I replace controlling myself around Sophie a hopeless cause. Our tongues test each other while my hand wraps itself around her soft hair, tugging on the strands I’ve wanted wrapped around my hands for months.

A rush of desire nearly knocks me out. Sophie gains the confidence to explore my body, the feeling of her hands dragging against my chest and arms nearly doing me in.

I roll us, pushing her back against the grass as my body splays atop of hers. Our lips never break contact. Fuck, I love the taste of her, the pressure of her body against me, the whole damn thing. Her fingers graze my stubble before she places her hand on my face.

My body pushes into hers, her moan making my dick pulse as it rubs against her center. I love the sound of her heavy breathing, showing me she feels as affected and helpless as I do from our connection—both victims of our stupid game.

I break away from the kiss to get a look at her. Regret fills me instantly as the haziness in her eyes dissipates and her mind turns back on.

She coughs before recovering. “Uh, we better get going. It’s late.”

I groan as I roll off of her, standing before helping her up. We both pretend nothing happened and return back to normal as we gather our belongings. Well, we act as normal as friends who kiss like lovers and share the same desperation for one another. Sophie and I put on the best damn show with us pretending to fight our attraction for no good reason except for her thinking she’ll catch feelings instead of orgasms.

Fuck feelings. They leave a bad taste in my mouth. Sophie needs to be convinced how feelings are meant for good boys who will cherish her for everything she’s worth. I can only promise what I can offer with my career and my past. A future isn’t guaranteed, but I swear the only one she’ll think of is me doing every naughty item on that list to her.

It’s enough for me. But the real question is if it’s enough for her.