Credence
: Chapter 24

I wake up, the morning light falling across my face, and jerk, squeezing my eyes shut again as I turn over.

But as I roll onto my left arm, pain shoots down to my fingertips and everything comes flooding back all at once. I groan, shooting up in bed.

The sheet falls to my waist as I look around the room—Kaleb’s room—and I see that I’m alone.

I look down at my bandaged arm, seeing blood seeping through. God, what was I thinking last night?

An ache rocks through my head, and I flinch, rubbing the back of my neck. After the fire and the injury, I decided to lose my mind and…

Images flash of the three of us, and I shake my head clear. I can’t face it. Not yet. Not that I didn’t absolutely love everything that happened in here last night, but I shouldn’t have done it.

Jesus. I stumble out of the bed, my legs weak as I grab for the first piece of clothing I replace on the floor. I need some ibuprofen and a shower. My entire body is on fire.

The time on the clock on the bedside table flashes two-sixteen a.m., but I know it’s later than that. They must’ve gotten the electricity working again. Thank goodness.

I slip on the black T-shirt, Kaleb’s scent wafting over me, and goosebumps spread down my legs, remembering how good he felt.

And for a moment I’m almost lost again. My heart aches a little, still feeling his eyes. His mouth. His arms.

Something starts beeping from outside, and I blink, hearing the digger. It makes that sound when it’s put in reverse. They must be dealing with the damage.

I leave the room, heading downstairs, and I glance through Noah’s open door as I head into the bathroom. His room is empty. It’s unlike him to be up and doing chores at this time of day, willingly at least. He must be pretty scared of his father.

How did the fire start? Now that I have a clear head, it doesn’t make sense. They’ve lived up here their whole lives. Jake taught them how to be diligent in turning off machinery and not leaving fires to burn unattended.

I step softly into the bathroom and reach behind the shower curtain, turning on the water. It must be something we didn’t realize was a problem. Like Noah said, something electrical, maybe.

Leaning against the sink, I lift my arm a little, whimpering as it aches. The muscles are tight, and I look down at it, starting to unwrap the gauze.

But I hear steps enter the bathroom, and I look up, seeing Kaleb. Showered, shaved, dressed in clean jeans and a navy-blue T-shirt, and my cheeks warm, thinking about how I loved everything about him last night.

And here I am, dirty, hair hanging in my face, and a night’s worth of blood and sweat on me. Not just my sweat, either.

He carries the red tin and comes over, setting it down and pushing my hair back, inspecting my face. My skin warms at his touch, and as he turns my head, caressing my cheek, it takes me a minute to figure out what he’s doing.

The slaps. He’s making sure I’m not bruised.

I stare at his mouth, wishing I could’ve heard his voice last night. I almost thought I did a couple times.

I reach up, touching his cheek, too, starting to believe I imagined everything I felt coming off him last night, but… he turns away, pulling back a little.

My hand stays there, suspended as he drops his own and starts rummaging through the tin.

Tears springs to my eyes. The old Kaleb is back.

“Kaleb…” I murmur.

He doesn’t make eye contact—his eyes narrowed as he removes the rest of the old bandages and starts cleaning the stitches.

“I don’t know what you were saying last night,” I tell him. “But I felt it.”

He sits me down on the edge of the tub and squats down, wrapping a new bandage around my arm.

I stare at him, the shame starting to creep in when he won’t look at me.

It didn’t feel bad last night. I didn’t feel the shame then.

Now, he’s probably wondering what schedule the slut is on. Who gets me on Thursdays? On Tuesdays? Do we meet in my bed or do I come to yours?

I try to swallow through my dry mouth, tears welling. “I felt it,” I whisper again.

I felt him and how it was perfect and how I wanted him to fold me up inside him forever. It was a perfect moment when all of me aligned for one fucking instant, and I felt full and strong. Those moments are rare.

His lips twitch, his hands slowing, but then he replaces his focus again, securing the bandage around my arm.

I reach out.

Slowly, I lift my right arm, almost like I’m holding out my hand for a dog to sniff when I greet it.

I feel him still as the back of my hand glides up his face, and I hold my breath.

I just want to know it was real. I was his in those moments.

Finally, he closes his eyes, exhales, and leans into my hand, giving in.

A lump lodges in my throat, but I hold back the tears as I caress his temple.

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore,” I tell him. “I’ll leave, okay? You don’t have to fear me.”

His eyes open, his brows etched with pain, but he doesn’t look at me.

“I’ll leave. I won’t ruin this home for you. I won’t hurt you,” I whisper. “I promise I’ll leave.”

Just let us have this time.

He shakes his head, and I don’t know what he’s trying to say now, but just when I think he’s going to jump to his feet and leave, his head falls, sinking into my lap.

I still, looking down at him. His black hair that’s not really black now that I can be close enough to him to see it’s a shade above. The tattoo stretching from under his ear and going down his neck vertically, but even this close, the cursive is still too fine to read.

It doesn’t matter. Kaleb has things to say. He just doesn’t need everyone to hear.

Sitting there, I grip the edge of the tub, something in my chest feeling like it’s splintering apart as he struggles for air with his head bowed.

He blurs in front of me as my eyes fill with tears. It’s not going to be easy to leave …them.

I swallow. A feeling, not a place.

Loving them has made something inside me wake up, and I don’t want to go back to being who I was. I might wish this change could’ve happened differently, but some of us don’t learn from the heat. We need the fire.

Reaching out, I glide my hands down his back and bend over, wrapping my arms around him.

I squeeze my eyes shut, savoring this.

But just then I hear heavy footfalls run up the stairs and a shadow falls across the bathroom.

“What the fuck happened?” someone yells.

I pop my eyes open. Jake.

I sniffle, drying my eyes as I sit up but avoid his gaze as he looms at the door. Kaleb rises and backs away from me.

What the hell is Jake doing back already? What do I tell him?

But he doesn’t seem to notice that Kaleb and I were embracing.

He rushes over. “Jesus Christ…” He takes my arm, gently lifting it up to inspect the bandage and then diving down to swipe the bloody one off the floor.

“It’s okay,” I assure him.

He shoots Kaleb a glare anyway. “I leave you alone for one night!”

Kaleb returns the look, and my stomach immediately sinks. God, they look alike when they’re angry.

But then Kaleb quirks a smile, and I’m not sure why, but it pisses Jake off more, and he jerks his head, ordering his son out.

Kaleb leaves, not sparing me another glance.

“It’s okay,” I tell him again once Kaleb is gone. “The animals are fine. I’m fine.”

Jake slams the door and comes over, kneeling down in Kaleb’s place and unwrapping the bandage to take a look. His cheeks and nose are wind-burnt, and the scruff on his jaw is a little darker than the hair on his head.

“A fire started in the middle of the night,” I tell him. “Thank goodness we woke up. We were able to extinguish it, but I got roughed up when I tried to get Shawnee out of the barn. It wasn’t the boys’ fault.”

He tosses the bandage and inspects the stitches. “Jesus Christ,” he bites out. “Goddamn them.”

“They didn’t do this,” I say. “They took care of it, though.”

He shakes his head, continuing to look at the wound. Rising up, he grabs a washcloth off the shelf and wets it, while also taking the petroleum jelly out of the medicine cabinet.

I look up at him, worry coiling its way through my stomach. “You’re back early.”

If he’d showed up ten minutes ago, he would’ve found me in Kaleb’s bed.

If he’d come back last night, he…

It’s not something I planned on hiding from him, but I don’t want him thinking we reveled in his absence either or that this was planned.

“I got turned around,” he tells me, setting the items down and spilling a couple ibuprofen into his palm and handing them to me. “The snow was just too deep and the wind too strong. I wasn’t going to make it another night out there.”

He comes down, dropping to one knee, and cleans around the stitches, adding some petroleum jelly as I swallow the pills.

I stare at him, his lips a foot away as he dresses my wound. “Something else happened last night,” I whisper.

He slows for a moment but then continues, not looking at me.

“After the fire…” I go on. “With the boys.”

I don’t blink and neither does he as he avoids my gaze. My stomach churns.

“I…”

“Both of them?” he asks, looking down to pick up some gauze he dropped on the floor.

“I…um…”

I can’t say it, though, and he doesn’t make me.

His lips tighten as he wraps my arm. “Were they good to you?”

My eyes water, and I nod. He’s not yelling. I’m not sure if I’m hurt that he’s not jealous, or thankful he’s not disgusted with me.

But he is jealous. His hard expression and clipped words tell me that.

I open my mouth to explain. I love him, but I…

I don’t know.

I drop my head. I have no idea how to explain any of this. Or what I feel with them.

It just never feels wrong. That’s all I know.

It’s felt wrong before. Not here, though. Not with them.

“I—”

“Did you finish those college applications yet?” he asks, cutting me off.

I blink, falling silent.

Huh?

College applications…

So that’s it? He’s not going to make this harder?

I search for my words, taking the easy way out he’s giving me. “What, are you trying to get rid of me?” I tease.

“Well, you’re no use as a cook anymore with one arm.”

I chuckle, relief washing over me as I shake my head.

And then I dive in, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him. He freezes for a moment but then relaxes, embracing me back as he pulls us to our feet.

Thank you.

“You okay now?” He pulls his head up and looks down at me. “Or do you need help with the shower?”

He gestures to the running shower, now hot and filling the bathroom with steam.

“I’m okay.”

I can wash my hair with one hand, I guess.

I scratch my head, overwhelmed. I have no idea what happens with the three of them when I leave this bathroom.

But nothing has to happen unless I want it to. There’s always that.

It can all end now.

I strip off my shirt, and he takes my hand, holding me steady as he helps me in to the shower. I go to pull the curtain closed, but I meet his eyes, and I can see the look there as he stares back. The one where he’s thinking of climbing in with me.

But as I watch the temptation play across his eyes, I finally watch as he just sighs, shakes his head, and rolls his eyes, yanking the curtain closed between us.

In a moment, the bathroom door opens and slams shut again, and I smile to myself. Thank goodness he made that easy.

One thing is for certain, though. Too much of a good thing is dangerous.

I’m sleeping alone tonight.

“Move the horses into the paddock and start clearing the debris.”

“Already done,” I hear Noah tell his father as I descend the stairs. “I’m raking out the stalls now. Oh, and Henderson emailed about his order, so just go deal with the new specs, and I’ll take care of the barn.”

I enter the kitchen, seeing Noah pull a small plate out of the microwave as I circle the island toward the sink for some water.

He sets the plate down on the counter, his eyes falling to my arm. “Is it okay?”

I fill up a glass and nod, tossing him a half smile. “It’s okay.”

A little better after my shower and the ibuprofen, actually. The heat cured most of my body aches.

He stares down at me, a slight smile playing on his lips, and flutters fill my stomach, making me lose my breath. He did exactly what he said he was going to do last night. He made love to me. He kissed me so much.

He kissed me so much last night. My cheeks warm, remembering.

He pushes the plate toward me, smirking like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “Your muffin’s warmed.”

I cock an eyebrow and grab the muffin off the plate, taking my glass and walking away. I hear his snort behind me.

Setting my plate on the island, I take a bite as Noah leaves. The sweet taste makes my mouth water. I ate at dinner last night, but I’m starving like I haven’t eaten in days.

I look up, seeing Jake’s eyebrows furrowed as he stares at the door that Noah just left through.

“What’s wrong?”

Jake blinks, shaking his head. “He’s helping,” he replies. “Willingly.”

He walks to the coffee pot and pours a cup as I drop my head, so he can’t see my smile.

“And the coffee’s already made,” he adds, staring at the pot with a puzzled look.

I take another bite. Happy people are more agreeable. I know that much. Noah is responsible today, because he’s happy today.

“Aren’t you cold?” I hear Jake ask.

I look over, seeing him stare at my bare arm, because I’m wearing a tank top with only one arm inside my sweater. The other side is tucked over my shoulder.

“The sleeve chafes me.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and take another bite.

He approaches. “You should stay in bed. You shouldn’t be up walking around. We can handle everything.”

“I don’t want to stay in bed.”

I thought about it. If for no other reason than to catch up on some sleep, but…

I don’t want to be in my room. I don’t want to be where they’re not.

I slow my chewing. It’s going to hurt to leave when the snow melts, isn’t it? I miss them when I’m not around them. What’s it going to be like being in a different state when I don’t even want to be in another room without them?

“Did you draw these?”

Huh? I come back to reality and turn, following his gaze. Both doors of the refrigerator are plastered with my sketches for the re-designs I’m doing on the furniture. I straighten my spine and walk toward the fridge, confused. I thought I threw these away.

Wrinkles cover one of the pieces of the butcher paper, because it was thrown in the trash and dug out. The other sketches I slid under the couch when I finished working the other day in the living room and wanted them out of the way.

Now they’re hanging up.

It only takes a moment to realize who put them there. I turn my head, seeing Kaleb throw a saddle over his shoulder and lead Shawnee back into the stable. I smile to myself.

“They’re good,” Jake says. “Can’t wait to see the finished product.”

I’m not sure how much I’ll get done with one arm, but I’m excited to get back in the shop. Jake takes his mug and starts to leave the kitchen, but then he turns and looks at me, suddenly serious.

“I don’t want you venturing off the property,” he tells me. “And don’t go outside at night, okay?”

“Why?” He’s trained me how to deal with wild animals.

But he tells me, “The fire started in the loft. There’s nothing there that would’ve caused it.”

I stare at him. So… It wasn’t electrical or something the boys did? What…

And then it hits me. The fire was set on purpose?

“I thought you said no one could get up here,” I say

“No.” He shakes his head. “I said the roads were closed.”

He leaves the room, and I gape after him. He’s not serious. Someone else could’ve been here last night?

I adjust the spray gun, turning the dial on the gun to a lower setting, and stand back, spraying a light dusting of gold paint over the most pronounced parts of the blue, violet, and green dresser. I graze the perimeter of the top, as well as the legs and the four corners.

Turning the gun off, I set it down and pull off my mask and eyewear. The blue and violet melt into each other, and I love how the blue drips into the green. The gold gives it a sheen, and once the handles are back on, I think it’ll look amazing.

I smile. I like it.

Removing the sling Jake had me put my arm in, I look down at the bandage, not seeing any blood seeping through. I don’t really need the sling, especially since it was my left arm injured, and I’ve been doing fine with just my right hand today, but Jake was right. Keeping it immobile helped with the pain.

I pop two aspirin with a drink of water and pass Noah and Jake as I walk back into the house.

Washing my hands, I look out the window, seeing the snow-drenched branches and needles, a light wind kicking up the powder on the rock cliffs around the barn and stable. From this view, the barn looks fine. I can’t see the other side and the whole corner burnt out. Thank goodness most of it is still useable. The boys spent the morning cleaning out the rubble and patching up what they could with the supplies we had on hand before laying down fresh hay.

The red light on my phone lights up as I dry my hands, and I turn it on to see a missed call from Mirai. I let out a sigh.

If I talk to her, what should I lead with? How I was injured by falling debris in a barn fire or how we were in a police chase or how I’ll be lucky to make it out of here next summer not pregnant?

No. I’m not ready to let the world in.

I ignore the call.

But I catch sight of the date on my phone and do a double take. It’s almost December. Christmas.

All of a sudden, I glance outside and see the trees that surround us. They look just like Christmas trees. I lean over the sink to check them out. I doubt Jake ever did much decorating when the boys were kids, but I’m sure he put a tree up. He’s not a Grinch.

And I’m sure he shopped for a tree right in his own backyard.

Pushing off the counter, I almost leap to the closet, grabbing my coat, hat, and gloves. I slip everything on quickly and then kick off my sneakers and slip my feet into my boots. Wrapping my scarf around my neck, I race through the kitchen and into the shop, grabbing a pair of cutters off the tool rack and stepping outside before Jake or Noah can pull their heads out of the bikes to ask me questions.

The cold nips at my cheeks and nose, but the clouds are rolling in, promising more snow, and something can’t keep the smile off my face. I step through the snow, knee deep as I climb the small incline between the stable and the shop toward the most perfect tree laying ahead. I noticed it months ago, but with the snow on it, it’s even more beautiful. It’s fifteen feet tall and full around the bottom as it grows into a sharp point at the top, perfect shape for a topper.

But I’m not cutting it down. And I won’t ask Jake to. No, it would be a shame.

I do need some fringe off it, though. It has plenty.

Walking up, I curl my toes in the boots against the cold snow that slipped in and bat at the branches, dusting off the snow.

I lean in, closing my eyes.

The scent of the pine and snow smells like Narnia and Christmas. I can almost smell the wrapping paper.

I reach out with my cutters and take one of the twigs attached to a bough. I squeeze the handle, prying the small branch left and right, but it’s frozen.

The crisp snow falls off a branch and lands on a sliver of my wrist, and I can almost taste the silvery flavor in the air. I pull at the twig, twisting it, but then suddenly someone reaches around me and slices the twig off in one swift motion.

I jerk my head, seeing Kaleb looking down at me. The hesitance that’s usually present in his eyes is gone, replaced with calm. He hands me the twig, and I take it.

“I wanted to make something for the house,” I say quietly.

But he doesn’t reply, of course. Kaleb doesn’t care what I’m doing or why.

Reaching out, he slices off another twig, the needles spreading their snow all over my boots as he holds the branch out to me.

I nod, taking it. I open my mouth to say thank you, but I stop myself. Instead, I meet his eyes and tell him with a small smile. Without waiting for him to walk away, I point to another one, and he reaches around me with both arms, cutting off the twig and laying it in my arms. I reach up, pointing to a higher branch, and he stretches above my head, working his blade again.

We move around the tree, picking nice, long twigs with dense needles, and I’m not sure how long our little truce will last, but I’m sure it will last longer the more I don’t talk.

The next branch breaks off, the snow on it sprinkling over me and landing on my eyelashes and nose. A glob lands right on my cheek, and I wince, shaking my head and brushing off my face. I smile, but I don’t laugh. I don’t make any sound. When I look up, Kaleb is watching me with an amused tilt to his lips.

I take the branch and whip it at him, his head jerking away to avoid the flurries, but I catch his grin.

My own falls, a sting hitting the back of my eyes as I stare at him. That’s the first time I’ve seen that. Something like happiness on his face.

He meets my gaze, and I quickly blink away the tears, not sure what the hell is wrong with me. It’s only a beautiful smile, because I’ve never seen it.

We move to the next twig, and I instruct him with a nod to cut that one and a few more close by. He lays them in my arms as the wind kicks up, and thunder cracks overhead. A shiver runs down my spine.

He reaches around me again, his arms circling me as he lays the last twig in my arms, and I stay there, waiting for another branch, but…

It doesn’t come.

I close my eyes, feeling a light snowfall hit my cheeks.

I want to turn around.

And I don’t.

Kaleb scares me. Making love to him, it felt like… Like I’d never wake up.

Like I was suspended. I didn’t like it.

But I loved it.

I was lost but at peace. Drifting. With Noah and Jake, I can see the future. I know what will happen, but with Kaleb, there’s nothing. I can’t see the next five minutes, because the feelings evolve. He changes me.

I’m afraid I’ll lose my foothold. I don’t want to go back to being who I was. Scared, waiting, unsure… I don’t want anyone to have so much power over my emotions again.

He just stands there behind me, his warmth making the hair on the back of my neck rise, and I look down at his arms at my side, feeling his head drop into the back of mine.

A lump stretches my throat.

But I lean back into him all the same, a fire coursing through my blood.

This is how he talks to me.

His hot breath hits the back of my hair as he slowly pulls my hat off, my hair fluttering across my face as I tense.

Then he brings his arm down hard, knocking the twigs out of my hands.

My chest caves.

The twigs fall to the ground, and I clench my fists, my blood racing. A tornado hits my stomach, and I can’t move. Shit.

His hands trail down the arms of my black pea coat, his fingers tightening around me, and I only have a moment before he plants his hand on my back and shoves me forward.

I gasp, stumbling through the snow. The fear makes my stomach sink a little, but it warms, too, making the world spin. I straighten, about to whip around, but he nudges me again, not toward the shop and house, but…toward the barn.

I throw a glance at the closed shop door. Noah and Jake probably still work quietly inside behind the closed door.

He pushes me again. And again until I start walking on my own.

Steam billows out of my mouth, my hair falling in my eyes, and I glance behind me to see his gaze locked on me, following my every step.

Don’t be gentle. Don’t let me forget what I am to you.

He shoves me again, and I whip around this time, ready to push back, but he charges into me, pushing me up against the barn.

This is how he is. A breeze one minute, a cyclone the next.

He does exactly what he wants.

I barely breathe as he hovers over my mouth. Un-balling my fingers, he yanks my gloves off and works the buttons of my black pea coat. Gripping the lapels, he yanks me into him, coming for my lips.

But I twist my head away.

No kissing. Not this time.

Tightening his fingers, he jerks me into him again, bringing his mouth down, but he only gets within an inch. I hold myself back, shaking my head.

No.

The heat of his scowl burns my skin.

He grabs me by the jaw, and I clench my teeth as he forces my face up, his lips crashing down on mine. His mouth sears in his rage, but I steel myself, keeping my lips closed as I push him away.

“Ugh!” I growl.

He stumbles back, and I launch to make my escape, but he grabs me again, one hand on my jacket and the other in my hair, holding me to him as he forces his tongue into my mouth. The wet heat sends a shockwave through me, and my knees buckle. I want to wrap my arms around him.

I want to enjoy this.

But I twist my face away, his lips sinking into my neck. “Kaleb, no,” I choke out.

No kissing.

He rips his mouth off me, pushes the door open, and shoves me inside, following me and shutting the door behind us. I slip out of my jacket, the wool rubbing against my stitches as I stumble out of his hold. I suck in a breath at the ache in my arm, but it’s forgotten almost immediately.

I scurry backward, facing him but unable to look at him. If I look at him, I’ll lose it. I want him too much.

“Just no kissing,” I murmur more to myself than him. “Please.”

You scare me.

He stalks toward me, and I throw a worried glance to the door behind him, but it shakes as the wind kicks up and howls outside, and I feel walled in. We’re out here alone.

He stalks toward me slowly, and I back up, hitting a wooden beam and wincing as I veer around it. I stare at the ground at his feet, seeing his black and blue flannel dropping to the ground, followed by his black T-shirt.

But I don’t look up as I stop and he closes the distance between us. Circling my waist, he gently lifts me up and carries me to the wall, setting me down.

I shake my head. I don’t like him like this. I don’t like him gentle.

Planting his arm on the wall above my head, he leans in and touches my face.

My skin tingles where his fingertips graze, and I have to clench my fists to keep from shivering. Softly, I shake my head again.

“Don’t be gentle,” I whisper.

Closing his hand around the back of my neck, he jerks me into him, and I almost smile in relief. Until his lips touch my forehead. He presses his mouth to my skin, warmth spreading down my temples and over my cheeks as his thumb caresses my jaw. My mouth falls open, watering for the taste of him.

Kaleb. Tears fill my eyes. Please.

The heat of his body surrounds me and anyone else would be freezing in here, but I can’t even tell. His lips fall to my temple as he breathes against my skin, and my belly warms, wanting to wrap my arms around him so badly.

His nose trails down my cheek, and then he takes my chin, lifting it to force my eyes up. But I keep them down, breathing hard.

Just bend me over. We’ll both get off, and then I can get out of here. What is he doing?

He takes my hand and plants it on his bare chest, but I clench my jaw, immediately going for his belt instead. I unfasten his jeans and slip my hand inside, grabbing hold of his cock and rubbing to get him hard. He immediately grabs my wrist, though, and pulls me off him.

He plants my hand back on his chest.

Heat seeps through my fingers, making the rest of my body break out in chills, hungry for the same warmth.

He tilts my chin up again, nudging me harder when I don’t raise my eyes, and when he dips in, taking my lips, I plant both hands on his chest, trying to keep him away.

“No!” I twist my face to the side, and his hand slams against the wall next to my head in anger.

I flinch. He takes my hand again, placing it on his face this time, begging me to touch him—to look at him, to see him—as his lips move across my cheekbones and beg for my mouth. His hot breath desperately searches for mine.

“Kaleb, no.”

Finally, he shoves away from me, cold air suddenly rushing between us, and I hear his heavy breathing, because I’ve made him mad again.

I finally look up.

His glare rips through me, and every muscle on him is tight. He doesn’t understand.

I look at his father. I look at his brother. I touch them.

And last night, I didn’t hold back in his bed, but today, I know I can’t go there again, and he doesn’t get it, because he’s like a fucking child. Everyone has to accept that he doesn’t have to explain himself. Now he knows what it feels like.

Grabbing me by the collar, he hauls me over to him, rips my shirt open, and sends the buttons flying as he tears it from my body. I bring my arms up to cover myself in my bra, my stomach clenching as I watch him fist Noah’s shirt in his two hands and rip it down the middle, the fabric crying out as he makes sure I can never wear it again.

Catching me by the back of the neck, he pushes me over onto the hood the car under a gray cover, and I don’t even have time to get up before he yanks my jeans down, pulling off my boots and socks with them.

I growl, pushing myself up, but Noah’s ruined shirt hits me in my face, and I only hesitate a moment before I slap him across the cheek. He smiles, the challenge and fury in his eyes as he shoves me back down, yanks me to him at the edge of the hood, and plants a hand between my legs, fisting his fingers and showing me what’s his. I gasp, but he moves the hand to my mouth, shutting me up as he yanks my bra down with his other hand and covers my nipple with his mouth.

And for a second, we’re right back and finishing what we started that first night we met. On a car, him taking what he wants, and me not protesting fast enough, because I don’t want him to stop. I clutch Noah’s shirt, trying to cover myself, but he shoves it off my other breast, anger written all over his face now as he paws my cunt, rubbing it and digging his fingers in through my panties. Then, pushing my arms over my head, he devours the flesh of my nipples, and my heart pumps hot as my eyes roll into the back of my head. Fuck.

Don’t stop. Just like this. Don’t kiss my lips or look at me or fucking hold me. Just like this.

He rises up, takes hold of the backs of my knees, and jerks me down into position, pushing my legs open as he digs his cock out.

I clutch his brother’s shirt to my body, covering my breasts, and only have a moment before he grips my hips and pushes inside of me.

I clench my fists around the shirt and squeeze my eyes shut as he starts pumping between my legs, my back grinding against the car as he thrusts hard and fast until he’s finally all the way inside.

A groan escapes me. Oh, God. I blink my eyes open to see him leaning over me and looking down as one hand grips my thigh. He pulls out, glaring down at me as he slides back in, his thrusts getting faster. He falls into a rhythm, strain tightening his face as he gazes at me, and he grabs Noah’s shirt, trying to pull it off me.

But I hold it tightly. Just fuck me.

He stares down at me, something he knows his brother wants—something that belongs to his brother and father, even just a little—and knows that out there, I’m not his to keep.

In here, though? He can sneak a piece. This is what he can have. The stupid little piece of trash he hates, but can punish with a hard fuck when he wants to remind her what she’s good for. This is what we are.

His dick fills me up deep inside, and my stomach tightens, because it feels good, and I don’t want it to.

Gasping, I close my eyes, refusing to let myself moan, but I feel the shirt ripped out of my hands. I pop my eyes open, growling as I pull myself up. Asshole…

But he doesn’t give me time to fight him. He wraps his arms around me and covers my mouth with his, holding me tight.

I stop breathing.

His thrusts cease all of a sudden, and his smell surrounds me as his fingers slide up through the back of my hair and hold my head to him, the world spinning behind my lids at the warmth around us.

Kaleb.

Breathing hard over my lips, he nibbles on me, dragging out my skin through his teeth slow and soft all of a sudden, and I open my mouth as if on autopilot, letting him have what he wants. The thought of stopping him anymore hurts.

Picking me up, he carries me to the door, lifts up the cover, and opens the car, the heavy metal creaking. Dipping his head, he lays me down across the front seat of the old vehicle, the cracked leather pinching my back.

And he comes down on me, slipping back inside me.

“Don’t slow down,” I beg in a small voice. “Please?”

Sweat seeps out of the pores above my upper lip as he runs the tip of his tongue across his mouth. I’m dying to kiss him.

Instead, I grip his hips and urge him faster. “Please?” I whisper in his ear. “Don’t be soft. Don’t make it hard for me to leave.”

Soft with Jake is fine. Soft with Noah is fine.

I like it soft.

But soft with Kaleb… It hurts. Tears fill my eyes.

He sinks into my mouth slow and deep, and a tornado rips through my body, swirling all the way down to between my legs. I cry into his kiss.

“Tiernan!” I hear someone call. “Kaleb? Anyone in here?”

I open my eyes and draw in a breath. Noah.

Kaleb clamps his hand over my mouth and starts pumping as he sucks and tugs my nipple into a tight point.

“Hello?” Noah shouts again, his tone aggravated that he can’t replace us. The tarp is over the car, though, and even though the door is open halfway, the car cover is still drawn over the windows, so no one can see.

Kaleb fills me, his groan vibrating across my chest as he licks and sucks, and the sound of his voice makes chills spread down my spine. I suck in air between his fingers, pushing against him and trying to twist out of his hold, but his other hand squeezes my breast, plumping it up to his mouth, so he can devour me.

I arch my back into it, moaning behind his hand.

Fuuuuuuck.

His slow thrusts tease me as he kisses and bites, making my insides start to whirl like a cyclone, and I fist my hands, wanting to take him, wrap my arms around him, and show him the same attention.

I want to touch him. God, I want to touch him.

My orgasm starts to build, and I open my mouth to cry out—to get Noah’s attention, so he’ll end this or join us or something. Anything to stop his brother and what’s happening, but…

I hold my breath, about to fucking come, and…

I don’t call out.

I open my eyes, pull Kaleb’s hand off my mouth, and wrap my arms around him, kissing him so deep he fucking stills, his body jerking in surprise.

Kaleb.

Kaleb fucking Van der Berg.

I keep my eyes open and move over his lips, watching the creases in his forehead deepen as I lick his tongue and moan into his mouth. Tears hang at the corner of my eyes, but I clench my thighs around him and tense against his thrusts.

I don’t want to come yet.

Sinking into his mouth, I thread my fingers through his hair and over the top of his head, feeling him melt in my arms. I glide my hands up his chest, around his neck, and down his back before sliding them around his waist, hugging him to me.

The door to the barn finally slams, Noah probably leaving, but I don’t care anymore. This isn’t real. It’s not really happening. Kaleb will go back to how he always is when we leave this car, and I’ll go back to filling out my college applications, but in here, I can’t fight him anymore. I want to feel this. I want to feel what I felt last night in his bed.

The injury on my arm is a million miles away.

I kiss him everywhere. Along his jaw, the scruff making my skin tingle, down his neck, behind his ear, and coming back for his lips in between. When he doesn’t rush to move inside me quite yet and closes his eyes, I hold his head and graze my lips over his eyelids and across his brow, pressing my mouth softly, almost dizzy from savoring him. His forehead falls gently into mine, and slow and quiet, we fuck, holding each other. I stare down between us, watching him enter me as his mouth hovers an inch from mine, and I know he’s watching me. I want to say things to him. Beg him for more. But even more, I want to hear him say things to me.

I look up into his eyes. Relaxing his body on mine, he takes my face, holding us forehead to forehead as I spread my legs wider. Our skin sticks with the sweat, and I dig my nails into his ass, feeling his jeans just below.

My belly warms, something builds, and I squeeze my eyes shut, ready to cry out as he pumps harder and faster, but he jostles my face in his hand, demanding my eyes stay on him.

I hold his green gaze, the orgasm wracking through my body and pleasure sweeping between my legs as I start to come.

But still, I don’t blink as I hold his eyes.

Breath passes between our lips, I tighten my stomach, and then…it explodes, a wave of tingles spreading down my legs and up into my chest as he watches my every moment.

I open my mouth, feeling it flood through me and not making a sound as I tighten around his cock, heat filling me deep.

Finally, a small whimper escapes.

I fall onto the seat, my eyes finally closing as he covers my mouth with his and thrusts a few more times before coming himself. His hot breath is like a drug, making me weak as his dick throbs and spills. The pulse in my neck beats a mile a minute, and I can’t open my eyes. All I can do is hold him tight to me as his head lays on my shoulder, his breath hitting my neck as he pants.

I want that again. I want that a million more times, a lifetime’s worth.

But I have a sneaky suspicion I’ll have a hard time replaceing it with anyone else.

I turn my head, my forehead immediately meeting his lips as his possessive hand squeezes my thigh.

Kaleb Van der Berg, you suck.