Cut the Cord
Chapter 25

Kurt closes his eyes, but they flap open of their own accordand force him to confront the dark room around him. He never thinks of it ashis room; despite having lived here for months, he still feels like a guest. Itdoesn’t feel like someone else’s space per se, it’s more like a hotel room,full of his belongings but not properly and permanently his.

It is particularly lacking in comfort tonight and he feelseven more like a passing lodger than usual. He hasn’t felt like himself allevening to be honest, not since Blaine showed up out of nowhere—except itwasn’t out of nowhere because his dad had brought him as an intended surprise.Boy, was Kurt surprised.

The thing is, he knows he has been a complete jerk allevening—he knows that—but he reallyhates surprises. He likes to have complete control over every aspect of hislife and whenever someone takes him by surprise, they snatch his preciouscontrol and hold it just out of his reach. Blaine always makes him feel alittle like that, simply because he makes Kurt feel so much, and it’s somewhere between exhilarating and absolutelyterrifying. That out-of-control feeling was amplified to scorching,uncomfortable proportions when Blaine had turned up with his father, completelyand utterly uninvited and un-agreed upon.

And truth be told, whenever he spends time with Adam, nomatter how innocent their interactions, it always feels horribly like betrayal;Blaine arriving like he did feels a lot like being caught in the act. Which isso, so stupid because he and Blaine aren’t together, and he and Adam arebasically just friends who flirt a bit, and even if they were more, he’s notbreaking any rules. Blaine is the one who cheated, not Kurt.

Right now, though, it’s not the technical specifics thathe’s worried about. Really, underneath his anger at the injustice of it all,his frustration at his own feelings—and Blaine’s—really, he’s just worried thathe unwittingly broke Blaine’s heart. Or, worse, that a part of him sort ofmeant to break it a little, needed to hurt someone the way he himself had beenhurt. He’s not cruel, but he is wounded and he knows from experience that he’san expert at lashing out just to push people away a bit, to give him somebreathing room.

But Blaine—sweet, precious, kind Blaine—had flown all this way to see Kurt, had brought himpainstakingly-wrapped presents in a cute little gift bag, his smile so hesitantbut so genuine when Kurt had first slid open the door, and Kurt might as wellhave slammed it in his face. He may have meant no harm in pushing Blaine away abit, but in the midst of his panicked self-preservation he had forgotten howfragile Blaine is. Kurt may well have just shoved him to the floor andinadvertently trampled all over him; the thought makes him feel physicallysick.

His ears strain, but he can’t make out any sounds ofdiscomfort coming from Blaine. He sort of wishes he could because he needs thatreassurance that Blaine is there, that he’s alive and well and capable offeeling emotion. The loft is completely silent save for his father’s muffledsnores and Kurt is going to implode. Sighing, he slides his legs out of bed andducks through his curtain. He needs to fix this.