Daddy's Little Whore
Daddy’s Little Whore – Part 45

KEIRA’s POV

Tears were brimming in my eyes as my lips trembled. I stood before my mum and brother’s grave and gave myself a minute to let a few tears escape. Having a breakdown in the middle of a cemetery was not in my best interest. But I could bet that almost everyone that came here with a bouquet would do the same thing.

My brother had to be one of the best humans that had walked this earth. Not because he is dead but because even while he wasn’t here anymore, I lived by a lot of his mantra.

I can remember him telling me that I’m some little firecracker. And that it was okay for me to let myself burn before I shined. And that was just one of them. He was really the one person that had my back even more than I did.

But the tears were uncontrollable. I tried to take in slow, steady breaths as a remedy to calm myself down. Nothing worked. All I could feel was pure, gut-wrenching sadness that settled in the pits of my stomach.

I used to think I could get over the incident if I forced myself to be happy. I told myself I still had papa and things would not be as bad if mum was no longer here.

The years that had passed only proved me wrong because here I was, almost a decade later, still not able to move on.

It felt like a bad dream when it happened, still felt like a bad dream even now, and I had been waiting for someone to wake me up from this misery. To pull me out of it and make things go back to the way they were before I lost it all.

I lost control of my life, and overindulged in s*x because I needed it to make me feel complete. I needed it to make me feel something. Maybe occupy a void in my heart. But it was the beginning of my self destruction.

And then there was my stepbrother who made things worse by simply being alive. I had to put up with the reminder that someone as horrible as him still walked around like a free man. He ruined my life. Took away things I could never get back even in a million years.

I watched it happen, and still, he tried to blame papa for it to escape going to prison. I knew the real story. But who would have believed a little girl over him? I have lived in silence for a long time over his evil deeds and it ate me up.

I still sometimes dream of him pulling the trigger and the bone chilling silence that followed after, or the first time he forced himself on me. The second time was easier because I knew fighting him off was a futile attempt. He was big and strong and he used it to his advantage.

I remembered crying my eyes out whenever he was finished and feeling dirty. I would rush to the shower, washing his stench off me until my skin turned red. I could not get it to go away. It was always there, the reminder of him etched to every part of my body.

I could not understand why he would ever do that to me, to us. There was no justifying his actions. My childhood was snatched away and I would never forgive him for it.

Papa did not have a clue about how terribly his son ruined me. It was one of the reasons I felt alone in this world. There was no one to save me, not even papa himself. I did not blame him. I kept the hurt to myself and I was doing a good job acting like everything was fine.

The sky had turned grey when I looked up, promising rain. I briskly walked back to my car and slid into the driver’s seat, remaining there even as showers of rain pattered down on my windshield.

I did not want to go back to the apartment yet. Natasha could not see me like this. I had always tried to put up a smile for her no matter how bad things got. But I wanted my alone time today. I needed space to feel my emotions and cry them out.

I loved my friends and I knew they did too only because they had not seen me at my worst. I doubted anyone would love me if they could see the darkness inside me. So I would embrace the darkness myself. It is what I had been doing for a long time.

A knock came on my car’s window and I flinched from the shock. I thought I was alone at the cemetery.

I winded my windows down, staring at a middle aged woman who had an umbrella over her head.

“You can’t be here. This road is under construction,” she said as I nodded. I had seen the construction signs but chose to ignore them.

As I drove off, I dialled Clint’s number one last time to let him know I was at his place and it went straight to voicemail.

That was it.

If he no longer wanted to be my therapist, then so be it. I felt like I was forcing it at this point. How long could he f*****g get mad at me for?

It was delusional to think he could actually help me. I could not even help myself. The s*x was good while it lasted, though.

When I reached my apartment, I showered and slept through the dull muscle ache the rest of the day. By the time I opened my eyes, it was dark, and I realised that the only reason my body hauled me out of my sleep was that I needed to pee.

I heard voices on the other side of my bedroom door. Natasha’s and a male. It could be someone from school she had to make a project with. It wasn’t the first time she’s had to bring someone over.

I opened my laptop and started an episode of a movie series. When the air in my room began to grow cold, I wrapped myself in a blanket and tilted my laptop on its side. Four episodes in, my eyes were already closing on their own again.

Just as I felt myself drifting to sleep, the door swung open. It collided with the wall. I flinched awake.

Natasha gave me an unimpressed stare from the doorway. “You were not at school today. Care to tell me why?”

“No, not really.”

“C’mon, Keira. You have been acting a bit weird lately.”

A bit? This girl was as clueless as ever.

“And you have missed so many classes,” she continued.

“It has only been two days,” I murmured. “I will get back on track, I promise.”

Natasha nodded, unfolding her arms across her chest. “Fine. I am going out to get food. Do you need anything?”

She would replace it more suspicious if I refuse to eat, because I never do unless something was wrong.

“I will eat whatever you buy,” I said. “Just make sure it is good.”

“You can count on that,” she chuckled and closed the door behind her as her footsteps retreated out of the house.