Desire for you- ALPHA RYAN Book 1
Chapter 45

CATHERINE

"I've already said it, actually... I can't." Apparently he didn't understand my words. It really wasn't possible. Azrael had told me that clearly. I can't refuse either of them, since both of them are actually keeping me alive.

Ilay frowned and thought for a moment. I looked over his fucking hot torso and felt bad for Ryan at the same time. I had clearly betrayed him, even if Ilay thought that was my right with two mates.

I didn't really know what possessed me to be so obsessed with Ilay. Clearly, I'm just as obsessed with Ryan. Is it the presence of Ilay that does it? I probably would have pounced on Ryan like a monster too, just to satisfy my craving for them.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"It's not working... That's your final explanation?" he said again, scowling at me.

I nodded "I'm bound to you both.... You were only able to wake me up because Ryan tagged me, completing my tag. If I reject either of you, it puts me back in that state." I ran a finger over his chest and sighed.

"You're both bound to me and I'm bound to you. Even Ryan is now immortalized by this bond..."

Ilay registered these words and remained silent. I could hear his heart beating faster and he was probably getting upset.

"Damn... I thought I'd be rid of that guy one day when he died of old age..." Ilay said with a laugh and shook his head.

I pinched his side "Hey... Don't talk about him like that, after all, he's my companion too." I finally said.

Ilay rolled his eyes and sighed "You know, I was hoping that I could have my mate just for myself. I wasn't expecting any competition." He finally said, shrugging his shoulders, which I could well understand.

"Since I can't reject any of you, you don't have any competition in that sense," I said.

He nodded slightly "Yes, you're right, but I'm still going to use this information to my advantage, just to annoy Ryan for a while... Deal?" he asked me with a grin. I had to roll my eyes. "A week at most, after that you have to tell him," I finally said, biting my lower lip.

"Deal." Ilay said and gave me a kiss on the head.

"But that also means you have to deal with him for the rest of your life... How would you like to do that?" I asked him and sat up slightly.

Ilay looked at me with raised eyebrows "You can't ask me to spend my eternity with him... Just so we're clear." He finally said and sat up.

I had to swallow hard. Was this what I had hoped for inside? A life with Ilay and Ryan? Somehow I now had the feeling that my heart had slipped down my pants.

"You don't really think I would do that, do you?" He said again and looked at me with a shocked, suspicious expression. His brow would wrinkle if he continued to wrinkle it so much.

I shook my head. "No, I didn't expect anything like that from you and him..." I finally said, not knowing what to say. He had secretly thrown a spanner in the works.

"Then at least that's settled..." he finally said. The mood was in the basement, no wonder, his words were quite clear and I understood that, what man wanted to live with a man and be a happy family?

"I need to go to the bathroom." I mumbled to myself and finally got up. I ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I had to take a deep breath. I walked over to the shower and let it run hot. The thing with Ilay was weird and in hindsight I just felt dirty, especially as I'd never been interested in men, let alone had anything going on with two at the same time. I felt like that typical chick from high school who had something going on with every football player.

I finally got in the shower and started rubbing my whole body with the sponge, so much so that my skin turned red. Why the hell did I have to go through all this again? Hadn't I already suffered enough? When would it finally be over?

I had to remember when Azrael showed me hell, the reason I had chosen this life again.

I swallowed hard and took a quick shower. I got out of the shower and took a bath towel and dried my body with it. I looked in the mirror and hoped to see Daeva, but there was nothing. Rose wasn't there either. I was alone again...

I looked at myself in the mirror, a year had changed me so much... A year of torment that would never end.

I sighed and went back out into the bedroom. Could I call it my bedroom? No, not really...

Ilay was still in bed and had decently put on his underpants.

I ran to the closet in the room, hoping to replace some clothes.

In fact, everything was there in my size. When I reached for my underwear, I had to roll my eyes and it felt like déjà vu. Oh yes, that's right, it wasn't déjà vu. I had to think about how I had found similar underwear on Ryan. The thought brought a smile to my face and I reached for a black lace set.

I dropped my towel and completely forgot about Ilay, who was watching me intently... I put on the black lace thong and the bra. I rummaged around for a bodysuit, as I was damn cold, and put on a pair of black fabric pants from Zara and a sweater. The sweater was black and cream striped and had a zipper at the front. When I was ready, I went over to the dressing table and picked up the comb that was on it to comb my hair.

While I was doing that, I finally looked in the mirror at an amused Ilay. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms behind him. Had he been watching me the whole time?

Oh yes, he had and he seemed visibly aroused by the view, because his huge member was hard to hide.

I lost my lust as I thought back to his words from earlier and the only thing I wanted was to be with Ryan again.

"Is Ryan going to be long?" I asked Ilay, who rolled his eyes in response. He snapped his fingers and Ryan landed on the floor.

"Damn, you idiot, you could have warned me!" He grumbled, clutching his head. I immediately went towards him to help him up.

Ryan looked around and spotted a half-naked Ilay. He raised his eyebrows, while Ilay just grinned at him. Ryan's eyes drifted to me and I could only imagine what he was thinking.

Stupid asshole, I knew Ilay would make a move like that to put a hatchet between Ryan and me.

Ryan crossed his arms "You didn't?" He asked, looking at me in particular.

I had to swallow hard, because the answer was literally in the air. You could literally still smell the "part", I could hardly deny it to him.

"I'm sorry, Ryan... I don't know what got into me earlier.... It just took me over." I said quietly, not knowing how to explain myself to him.

His eyes turned pitch black and I could tell by the veins in his neck that he was fucking furious. So angry that he seemed to want to throw himself at me. "How could you?" Ryan growled grudgingly, grabbing me by the neck and pushing me hard against the wall.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and tried to free myself from his grip with my hands. He was damn strong and I couldn't do it.

"P-please Ryan... you have to believe me." I croaked out, trying to catch my breath. Ilay reached in between us and pulled Ryan back.

"Get the fuck off her!" He roared at Ryan and was now beside himself with rage. Ryan didn't hold back any longer and transformed into his wolf to pounce on Ilay. As quick as Ilay was, he was able to dodge Ryan at the last second. He took on his true form and black veins appeared all over his face, his skin became paler and his eyes changed color from green to dark red.

I had never seen Ilay in his true form before, especially as he could even transform. I, on the other hand, had never been able to do that before.

Ilay lunged at Ryan and they were about to tear each other apart. Ryan bit dangerously into Ilay's side and didn't let go.

Ilay cried out in pain and he vanished into thin air, only to appear behind Ryan and grab him by the neck.

I gasped out, this wasn't a fight between two men, no, they were both about to tear each other apart.

"BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!" I shouted at them desperately and tears came to my eyes.

They didn't seem to be able to listen to me. "STOP IT OR I WILL REJECT YOU BOTH AND MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" I shouted at them both again. The tears fell all over my face as if on cue and I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the floor.

My stomach began to cramp and I no longer understood the world. What was happening to me?

Both men paused at my words and let go of each other. Ilay immediately came over to support me and was almost knocked over by Ryan, who had transformed again.

"D-don't touch me!" I warned them both, wrapping my arms around myself. "I-I should have chosen hell when I had the chance u- and now I'm doomed to put up with you for life!" I screamed at them both, getting further and further into my rage.

"Put up with me for a lifetime? I don't know who has to put up with who here? They leave you alone for half a day and you're in bed with the other one!" Ryan accused me, still furious.

I couldn't hold back any longer. Before I knew it, my hand landed on his cheek. I had seriously slapped him. The second time since I'd known Ryan.

"You, fucking asshole... GET OUT OF HERE, BOTH OF YOU!" I yelled at them, pointing out the door. "OUT!" I shouted again, clutching my stomach in pain.

Ryan froze and glared at me angrily, while Ilay looked on worriedly. "Catherine, we'll get a doctor... Please." He finally said, trying to help me get up.

"I told you not to touch me. Are you deaf?" I hissed at him and forced myself to stand up.

"Get out of here, both of you..." I said again, looking at Ryan with a face contorted in pain.

"You're the reason for this disaster... If only you had marked me earlier, none of this would have happened..." I croaked out quietly and ran over to the bed. I lay down in bed and pulled my legs up to me. I wanted nothing more to do with Ilay and Ryan for today. I'd had enough of both of them.

"You were the snivelling one who never wanted that. Have you forgotten? You've already rejected me once. I tried to do right by you every time, but no matter what you do, I'm apparently not good enough for you!" Ryan shot back, pacing around the room.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out to just calm myself down again.

"It was a mistake bringing you back here. The chaos was bound to happen." he grumbled angrily and walked out the door.

Wow. The words stuck in my throat and I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. His words hit me hard, especially as I had seen how everything had gone down here.

Ilay looked after Ryan and sighed. He sat down next to me and grabbed my shoulder, which I immediately pulled back "Don't touch me. Get out of here."

"He'll calm down, Catherine. Don't take his words personally. He only said it because his ego is hurt. He'll come around." Ilay said and stood up again. "Rest for now, I'll be right back," he finally said.

"Just go away, I don't want to see either of you," I whispered and turned to the other side.

I could understand that he was angry with me, but that he was about to get violent?