Diversion To Urasha
Chapter 18

James awoke to darkness. In fact, it was so dark that he thought, momentarily, that he may still be sleeping. If it wasn’t for his head feeling like it had just been pummelled to death, then James might have been able to believe that he was in some deep dark slumber.

The reality of the situation was a far cry from this ideal tranquil scenario. The reality was, James had fallen, in what? This cave of some sort? With Crystaline? Oh no! Crystaline!

James dug his fingers into the muddy ground, forcing his body back up onto his knees. Frantically, his eyes scanned through the darkness in search of Crystaline. Ironic this.

Slowly, but surely, James’ tired blue eyes began to adjust to the darkness. There was light coming from somewhere above, natural daylight. There wasn’t very much of it, but there was enough, enough light to enable James to make out his surroundings.

James’ eyes paused on something large, something even darker than this cave. It was Crystaline, laid lifeless on the ground only a few feet away from him.

As James crawled over to Crystaline, he noticed her pale hands splayed out in front of her unconscious body. Feeling suddenly panicky, James rested his hands over hers. Phew! They were still warm. Crystaline was alive. “Crystaline!” he called to her, trying to nudge her body awake. “Crystaline, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Crystaline groaned, rolling onto her back, as her eyes flickered themselves awake. It took Crystaline a few moments to properly register both what had just happened and where she was. Once she did fathom what was going on, her breathing sped right up, as she rolled onto her knees. “What’s going on?”Crystaline whispered. Her eyes followed the weak little source of light from above. She realised that it came from the little cracks between the cave’s entranceway, and the boulder which had sealed it.

With a sudden burst of movement, Crystaline sprang her body towards the source of light, scrambling her hands and her legs through the muddy slope which stood in her way. After a further few moments of struggle, Crystaline mediocrely slid straight back down the slope - the thing was too slippery to climb.

With a flash, Crystaline’s sworsha illuminated purple, its handle being slammed into the ground, as she sat down beside it.

James removed his bag, leaning his back on the cold wall opposite Crystaline. Through the soft, purple sworsha light, he could see that the woman was breathing faster than usual, far faster in fact, as she came to terms with being stuck down here in this tiny cramped cave.

As James’ eyes adjusted even further to the darkness all around him, he noticed a little rivulet of blood, seeping from Crystaline’s temple.

James felt his own head, it felt warm, wet and sticky - he had suffered a very similar injury. “You want some water?” he asked tentatively, empathetically feeling Crystaline’s panic.

Crystaline gazed searchingly into James’ eyes. Eventually, her lips parted with a breathy whisper. “Water?”

“For your cut. I know that the others have the healing fluid but cleaning the wound would soothe it for now.”

Crystaline leant her head back on the wall behind her, wincing at James’ very mentioning of the others. “The others,” she ominously whispered. “They’re gone, and we, you and I, we’re not going anywhere either. We’re stuck down here until we die. So what difference does cleaning a wound make?”

James shook his head, not believing in Crystaline’s hopeless words for one second. “No, you see, that’s where you’re wrong. Phil and Crystos, the others, they are out there. They will come back for us.”

Crystaline scoffed, grinning a viciously sickening smile. “You’re so deluded, James. Really, I admire your hope, but the fact is, the others have either moved on, or...” Crystaline’s expression saddened. “Or they’re dead.”

“No,” James said, shaking his head again, refusing to believe in Crystaline’s words. “Crystos would never give up on you. And Phil, although I despise him, I know he’d never give up on me either.”

Crystaline merely stared back at James, still doubtful of his words.

As James leaned his head back on the cave’s wall, he wondered if his hopeful words had somehow gotten through to Crystaline. He wondered if just a tiny small part of her believed that she was going to get out of this cave, alive and well.

As he looked up to the little cracks of light up above him, James realised, for the first time, how silent it was. He could not hear the gershers screeching, or the boulders crashing. The worst, was not hearing the sounds of his companions. Where were they? Were they out there? Looking for him and Crystaline? James felt his entire body quivering suddenly. He’d read somewhere that this feeling was meant to signify someone walking over his grave. James thought of the irony, of how this little cave reminded him of a tomb, and perhaps, some day, someone might literally walk over this tomb, his and Crystaline’s graves.

James winced at the memory of Phil being carried off by that gersher. He had wanted to help his captain, only he was prevented from doing so by another gersher. Had Zach managed to free his captain? Was Zach even alive? Crystos? Morcees? Borcees? Chugga-Chugga? Had anyone actually made it?

James clenched his fists, realising that he was letting these negative thoughts overcome him. Life wasn’t about this. You couldn’t handle life in this way. James had realised that life was all about positive thinking, about willpower, refusal to give up. The others were out there. They had to be. If for what ever reason Phil and the others could not replace him and Crystaline, James knew that he and Crystaline would figure their own way out of this mess, somehow.

James’ gaze shifted back over to Crystaline. Her expression was desolate as usual, though her breathing had calmed. Crystaline was a damaged soul, and James, he was lucky, for he knew that the same may have happened to him if it wasn’t for Lottie entering his life. The girl had saved him. From what? Years of misery, of self destruction? Of depression? James could remember how that felt. True - he had only been a kid at the time, but when he lost his father, the pain had been unbearable, and at the time, the frightened little boy had seen no way out of the pain. It was easy to become trapped in the darkness, too easy. The hard part - that was replaceing your way out of the mess. James could not have found his way out without Lottie, and maybe Crystaline needed a guiding light too?

James closed his eyes, smiling fondly at those memories of his father, of the time he did share with his hero. Before James even realised it himself, his lips began to move, sharing his memories with Crystaline. “You’d have liked it, you know. My home I mean, where I used to live as a child.”

Crystaline lifted her head, her eyes sad, yet curious as she watched James.

James continued. “Earth got kind of taken over once the changes happened. Most of the rural areas were turned into shipyards. Either that, or they were turned into training facilities, ones which trained people like me and Lottie - all of us here in fact.” James shuffled into a more comfortable position, his eyes alight with nostalgia. “Where I grew up was different. My mum, her family, they owned a beautiful little cottage, set in one of the last remaining rural areas of England. When my mum met my dad, my grandparents left them the cottage, so that they could raise me in it.” James shook his head, eyes alight with excitement. “I loved it there. It was the awesomeist place to grow up in. We had wildlife everywhere. I remember when...I remember when my dad and me would stay up late to watch out for the nocturnal wildlife. Sometimes, we would even sneak off into the nearby woodlands without my mum’s permission. We’d see loads of rare and beautiful creatures. We’d see badgers, foxes, hedgehogs, all sorts. I saw it as my own little adventure, like me and my dad were on our own space mission, exploring a forest not so unlike the one here, on this planet.” James took a deep breath of air, just as his expression saddened. “I was gutted when I found out. More than that, I was devastated, my entire world fell to pieces, and I watched as my mum’s world fell apart too.”

“When something massive like that happens, they say that you always remember the day so vividly. I was only a boy at the time, but I can still remember being taken out of school early. I can still remember that car journey home, wondering why a neighbour was picking me up instead of my mum.”

“As soon as I walked through the door - I knew. Even though I should have been too young to understand, I understood. I think I understood because it was something I had always feared would happen. Maybe my mum’s apprehension had rubbed off on me?”

“I can still remember that look in her eyes. I can still remember how red her eyes were, how sore they were, battered by their own tears. Seeing my own mother like this made me do one thing: I just ran, straight into her arms, sobbing into her shoulders, trying to hold onto her for dear life as my whole entire world shattered to tiny little pieces.” James paused, feeling his voice beginning to croak, just as his eyes glazed with their very own tears. “I was just a boy back then, so my mum...she er...she tried to explain my dad’s death in a nice way. She told me that ‘daddy wasn’t coming home from his holiday.’ She told me that he won’t ever be back, and that she was so so sorry. I mean, what did she have to be sorry for? This wasn’t her fault. My dad, he had died. People died, people die. I was no longer a naive, innocent kid. I woke up, I saw the real world, or so I thought anyway.”

“As the days continued, I can remember how my body felt. I felt like a robot, like a machine, programmed to feel only pain and despair. Those happy memories turned into sad ones. And everything was just dark, so dark. Literally, I could see nothing else, nothing but my heart, split open, gushing out blood. Was it gushing out the happiness, removing it from my body? Or was it infected, seeping out endless amounts of torturous pain? You see the happiness, it couldn’t have been that bleeding out from my heart, because at the time, it had all gone. Not even a tiny little remnant of happiness existed within me.”

“I went on for months like this, too afraid to talk to my mother. I saw her suffering, and I didn’t want to make her worse. I went off the rails. I misbehaved, I skipped school, I started trouble. Nothing seemed important anymore. I mean, what was the point? What was the point in living by the rules, in trying to have some kind of life, when all I could see was darkness? Was that all that life had to offer? Could we only be happy for a tiny short time? Until something unfortunate like my father dying would happen?” James shook his head, gazing intently into the watering eyes of Crystaline. “The answer’s no. Because as hard as it might seem, you can choose to be happy. I mean, when you’re in a state like that, the choice is practically invisible, but it is there, waiting to be chosen.”

“Lottie was my beacon, she shone a light down on me, guiding me to that choice, that little passageway which would lead me to happiness.” James clicked his middle finger with his thumb. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t just happen, in the single click of a finger. You can’t just summon feelings of happiness, but instead, you can work towards getting better. You can look for happiness and work out what you need to do to reach it. Me? I opened up. I spoke to Lottie, I shared my feelings with her, and took comfort from the fact that I no longer felt so alone. I spoke to my mum, realising that me talking to her helped her, too.”

“In gradual time, my wounded heart felt as if it were slowly being stitched back together again. It was bleeding less and less, and I could go through days where I would feel moments of happiness, moments without pain. Sometimes, I would have bad days, I would think of my father more, and those stitches in my heart would unravel, gushing out all that blood. But those stitches would soon refasten themselves again. Things were getting better, I was becoming happier. I no longer felt like a robot. I found myself again, and I was ready, ready to be happy.”

“You see, Crystaline, the pain never quite goes away. There are even days now where my heart will still bleed over my father. But I know that I’m not the only person who still feels this way. I know that there are people I love who feel the exact same emotions that I feel. We’ve all suffered, and we still do suffer, but we don’t let that stop us from living happy lives.”

“Although I miss my father greatly, I know that if he could see me now, he’d be proud of me. I always think of him, and I realise that he’d never ever truly left me. He will never truly leave me. He will always be a part of me, because love, it never dies. My father will always live on in my heart.” James placed his palm against his chest as he gazed into the beautiful golden irises of his listener. Crystaline had connected, hook, line and sinker. Crystaline had listened, she had heard. Feeling boosted by Crystaline’s reaction, James continued, “you see, Crystaline, you must never give up on life. Life is too precious to just give up. Okay, so right now, we’re both stuck down here, trapped in this cave. But somehow we’ll both get out.”

“I look into your eyes now, and I still see that uncertainty, that hopelessness, and you remind me of someone I used to know. I will get us out of here, Crystaline, but at the same time, if you still think that we won’t survive this, then what have you got to lose? Maybe it would help you to release all that pain inside you? I can promise you this: whatever you say in this cave will not be repeated up there, outside, to anyone else. Whatever you say stays between you and me. You can take my light, or you can leave it. The choice is yours.”

Crystaline’s breath quivered, her eyes shifting nervously away from James’. She bent one of her knees up, and her trembling hands began to pick away at the imaginary pieces of fluff on her leg. “I miss her,” she eventually whispered, her hands still shaking, searching even harder for something to grip ahold of.

James lent forward, his shoulders practically in line with Crystaline’s bent up knee. He offered an encouraging smile.

In a shaken, breathy voice, Crystaline continued. “I loved her. She was my world. The best mother I could ever hope to have. Your story, your memories, they’re not so unlike my own. In fact, they remind me of my time with my mother. We would go, her and I, into the wilderness, to search for creatures. We would often replace creatures on death’s door, and so we would bring them back, to the city, to heal them, until they were well enough to be released back into the wilderness. My mother was a healer, and she drew, she drew very well.” Crystaline held her left hand in her right, using her right to scratch at the left.

James opened his mouth, trying to replace the words to ask Crystaline, to ask her how...how her mother...how she...

“How did she die?” Crystaline whispered, her eyes locking onto James’, sensing what he was struggling to free from his lips. James nodded, allowing Crystaline’s words to continue,

“My mother was a kind lady, such a selfless soul. She was a healer, and she died because of the person she was. My mother was the one who created the healing fluid. Crystanaphy and her, they would both search the forest for its ingredients, until they found everything they needed to produce the fluid. My mother lived to help others, and she died helping others.”

“One day, when Crystos and I were only children, a war came to Urasha. A war which my father wanted to be no part of.” Crystaline paused, looking wistfully into the billows of purple light in front of her. “My father was so different back then. He was a peaceful man, a happy man, a warm-hearted man. My mother, her and my father, they were the perfect King and Queen, the perfect parents, the perfect couple. Love, it just emanated from them both. Or maybe it just emanated from my mother? Because once she was gone, the love vanished. It went completely.”

“Anyway, as I mentioned before, a war arrived on my planet. Life isn’t all hearts and wonderfulness. Bad things happen. My father did not want us to fight, or to even be involved. But he had no choice, our allies had gotten involved, and they needed the help of my people.”

“My father tried to ensure that the battles remained in space. However, as most of the fighting took place right next to Urasha, the war hit home, ravaging through the Urashan skies.”

“As the war came down on us, my family and I were confined to the palace. None of us were to go outside, not even into the city.”

“My mother was a brave woman, never one to let her confinements restrict or imprison her. She wanted to help. Our people, our fighters were lying out there injured, and my mother, she held the one thing which could help them, which could truly save lives: the healing fluid.” Crystaline took another pause, sighing before she looked into James’ attentive eyes. “It’s true what you said, about being able to remember a day of a loved one’s death so vividly. I remember that day, wondering where my mother was. I remember my father, how panic stricken he was. Neither my mother nor Crystanaphy were anywhere to be found. It was only when Crystanaphy eventually returned that we knew, we discovered what had happened to my mother.”

“My mother’s sister relayed the event over and over again. She just would not stop. She wouldn’t stop telling us how her and my mother had reached the barren wilderness. An ally ship had crash landed, and beings were splayed out injured all over the place, some, their lives already taken. Another battle was taking place in the sky above, but my mother, that didn’t stop her. She still ran on over to the fallen ship, endeavouring to heal as many surface wounds as she could manage. One particular ally had suffered from severe injuries. He could not even move for himself. My mother tried to heal what she could, unaware of the ship which had just been blasted apart right above her.”

“Crystanaphy had always recounted that moment in the most detail. She had tried to pull my mother away, her and the allies, they had tried to pull both of them away. But they...they were too late. My mother refused to leave the severely injured one. She was crushed, killed instantly by a chunk of fallen ship debris. The injured ally was spared from the debris. My mother had just about managed to push his body free from the huge hunk of metal. Only ironically, he died only moments later. Even my mother could not save him.” Crystaline paused, her eyes glazed with unshed tears. After a shaky sigh, she resumed her speech, breaking out, at first, into a barely audible whisper. “When she died everything changed. My world shattered into tiny little pieces. I felt...like you. Dead, with only the pain to remind me that I was still alive.”

“None of us coped well. Crystanaphy would not stop droning on, repeating the events over and over again, until we could all see the event so vividly for our very own selves. She had been consumed, by madness I think. Crystanaphy was not Crystanaphy anymore. She had gone, just like the rest of us.”

“Eventually my father grew sick of Crystanaphy’s blathering, banning us all from even mentioning my mother. From that day, none of us spoke of my mother, not even Crystanaphy.”

“Back then, I thought Crystos was the worst. He’d lost his voice completely. He wouldn’t even say a single thing. Not a word, not even a whisper. Before my mother...before she...before she died, Crystos had been happy, lively, filled with life. He was loud, annoying - my brother. Then what was he? When she left us? A shell - an empty one. A battered shell; tired, worn and bruised from life. He was like that for years, growing into a silent adolescent. I feared that I’d lost my brother too.”

“Who did I have? Really? Crystanaphy did slowly get better, though all her confidence had completely evaporated away from her. She sank into my father’s shadow. My father! He was no longer himself, the man I grew up with. Yet he was the one person, the one person who I felt I had left. We never spoke about my mother, but I knew. I knew that my father shared my pain. I felt like he and I were the strong ones. We tried to continue with our lives. Or, to put it in better words: my father continued to be king, and I did all that I could to support him.”

“Eventually, Crystos’ voice did return to him. We were staring up at the stars one night when he asked me if I missed her. At the time I was startled, startled by my brother’s question, and the fact that he was actually speaking. I’d never heard his voice so deep. He’d only been a boy on that day...that day when his voice had run away from him. I still regret that moment. I just walked off, following my father’s rules to not speak of my mother. Crystos and I, we don’t tend to ever speak of my mother these days. If we mention her, it’s only very brief. I think...I think he had always wanted to talk. Maybe that’s why he told you? My brother confided in a complete stranger over his own sister, yet I cannot blame him. Look at the person I have become. Crystos and Crystanaphy were the strong ones. They’re still good people. I...I cannot say the same for myself. I don’t even know who or what I am anymore. I’m scared of myself.”

Realising that Crystaline had ended her story, James looked down at his trembling hands. That lump, that wretched lump in his throat, it was massive. James could hardly breathe. Yet he had to. He had to stay strong for Crystaline. James wanted to take Crystaline’s hands in his. Realising that she probably wouldn’t take too kindly to this gesture, James just leaned in closer, his eyes locking directly with Crystaline’s. “You don’t know who you are?” he whispered.

Crystaline shook her head slowly. No, she didn’t.

“Crystaline...you’re your mother’s daughter. I don’t know how you see yourself, but I know how I see you. How Crystos sees you. You’re selfless - just like your mother. You’re kind to animals, just like she was. You’re strong, you’re passionate, you’re brave! I think you...I think you mistake yourself for that shell you build up around yourself.” James patted his chest, just above his heart. “I don’t think that you see your true self, what’s in here, who you really are. I know you have a low opinion of me, but I think you’re amazing, Crystaline.”

Crystaline shook her head. “James, I...I don’t have a low opinion of you. You’re a nice person, good. You...you frustrate me.”

“Frustrate?” James whispered. “Why?”

Crystaline continued to shake her head, trying to form the right words to explain herself. Then, then she heard it. Crystos’ voice! “Did you hear that?” she whispered.

James canted his head to one side, listening out for the sound that he and Crystaline had just heard.

“Crystaline? James?” - there it was again, Crystos’ voice.

“CRYSTOS!” James and Crystaline both yelled together, stopping when they realised that Crystos would not hear them from in this deep dark cave.

“He won’t be able to hear us,” James groaned, scanning the cave for a way out, for anything that might help him and Crystaline ascend that slippery slope. Then his eyes paused, immobilised by Crystaline’s sworsha, dug into the muddy cave floor. Why? James thought to himself, why hadn’t he thought of this before? “Your sworsha...” he whispered, still thinking. “Our sworshas!” he said more strongly this time. “Crystaline, we can use our sworshas to climb up the slope. Think about it. We can dig the weapons into the mud and use them to haul ourselves up.”

Crystaline thought for a little while, trying to comprehend James’ idea. Then her face lit up, wild with hope. “You’re right!” she exclaimed. “Why didn’t I think of this before?”

“Believe me,” James grinned, placing his bag back on over his shoulders, “I asked myself the exact same thing.”

James removed his sworsha from his pocket. Wondering how to set his weapon. “What do you think? Do you think we need just the handle? Or a blade, too?”

Crystaline’s sworsha light appeared to vanish, darkening the cave even more. “We need a blade, it’ll give us more grip. But make sure you don’t turn on the electrics. Otherwise it could get a bit nasty.”

James nodded, only just about able to make out the slope in front of him. “This will be a challenge. Climbing in pitch black.”

“Focus on those cracks of light up there, and try not to bump into my sworsha, James.”

James grinned, feeling the sudden whoosh of Crystaline as she flung herself at the slope. James followed, plunging his sworsha blade into the slope. It was a little like climbing that cliff. With the aid of the sworsha, James always had something to hold onto, to keep his feet from slipping. Yet he could dig his feet into the slope too, creating gouges in the mud to give his body that extra bit of support.

As he got closer to the top, James could see Crystaline’s shape getting clearer and clearer above him. It was getting lighter now, almost there!

As Crystaline rested on the top of the slope after her successful ascent, she proffered her hand out to James, helping him up to the top of the slope’s peak. James felt it. He felt those little electrical impulses, that tingling sensation of Crystaline’s touch.

“We’re here!” he whispered breathily, supercharged with elation.

“So, we are,” Crystaline panted in return, turning her attentions to the boulder in front of her. “CRYSTOS!” she yelled, enticing James to join in with her. “CRYSTOS! WE’RE IN HERE! CRYSTOS!”

“Crystaline? CRYSTALINE? Phil! They’re over here!”

“PHIL!” James yelled, surprised by his own excitement to hear that his captain was okay. “Phil, we’re in here!”

“James!” the man yelled, his voice sounded all muffled, as if he were talking into a pillow. “Just stay where you are. We’re gonna push the boulder away!”

“Okay!” James turned to Crystaline, eyes wild with relief, as the light began to pour into the cave. “We made it!” he beamed, “we’ve escaped from the darkness.”

Crystaline stared into James’ eyes, with what? Pain? Passion? “You freed me,” she whispered, just as the boulder vanished.