Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane
March 21st, 1969

I got it. All three thousand dollars. I was surprised that he made thepayment in ten dollar bills. You would think $3000 in $10 notes would take up alot of space, but it’s only a couple of inches thick. I must have counted it adozen times to make certain. I haven’t handled this much cash in ages. Even inmy previous life, where I was the CEO of a billion dollar enterprise, I did allmy transactions over the internet or used plastic.

Hell, I even employed people to do my buying and selling for me. I alsohad a couple of check accounts, but ironically I never wrote out a single checkin the last ten years of my previous life. The era of the credit card muststill show its efficient head back here.

Also, anybody that needs cash has got to go stand in a long queue at thebank. I can’t recall when the first ATMs were installed, but they werecertainly the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Shit, we don’t even have sliced bread yet!!!

The money drop didn’t go quite as smoothly as I had hoped.

Another of my frustrations is that I don’t have a time piece. This meansthat I have to constantly ask people around me for the time. A watch isdefinitely at the top of my birthday list this year. Digital watches are alsostill a long way off and back here people still use am and pm a lot. If I hadtold Joaq to catch the 15h10 bus, he might not have known that it meant 3:10pm.

Anyhow, I got to the park at about 2pm and, to my shock and surprise, hewas already there, sitting on one of the park benches. At first I figured thathe must have come early to be on the lookout for any person arriving who mightbe the possible pick-up, but in retrospect I realize that he was just makingsure that he wasn’t going to be late for the drop-off.

Still, he did seem to be scanning the area and the faces of everyone thatpassed by. I also suspected that the play area of the park was probably one ofhis chief hunting grounds, but today his attention was more focused on theadults passing through on the paved way.

I decided to have some further fun and let the predator sweat some more.

I approached from behind and asked loudly, “Where’s Gigi and Gaston?” Hiswhole body seemed to give an involuntary spasm.

“Jack? My goodness! You gave me quite a start!”

“Sorry! Where are the dogs?” I asked restraining my laughter.

“At home. I…uh…got to go do some business in town.”

“Why you sitting here then?” I said glancing at the plain brown paper bagclutched in his hands. “You bring something to feed the pigeons?”

“This?” he said clutching even harder. “No, it’s for me. It’s…uh…just asandwich for later. The bus only arrives after three. I thought I’d relaxawhile in the park while I wait.” He seemed perturbed at my presence. I likedthat immensely. “What are you doing here?” he asked anxiously.

“I came to play awhile. I told a friend to meet me here, but I don’t seehim yet. I told him I’d be here at two. What time is it now?”

He glanced at his watch. “Ten past.”

“It’s still awhile before your bus comes. You wanna come push me on theswings till then?”

I could see he was just bursting to tell me to bugger off, but he managedto smile and say, “Sorry, Jack, I’m still feeling a little under the weather.”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot that you weren’t feeling so good the other day.What is it? Flu?”

“Yeah, a pretty bad case too. So I don’t think you should be hangingaround me right now. I’m actually off to see a doctor.” Then he gave a coughand sniffed.

“Great!”

“Sorry?” he asked frowning.

“If I get sick too, I can stay at home for awhile. No school! Hoo hoo!”

“Don’t be silly. Now run off and play. Come on, off you go. I insist.Besides, I’ve decided I’m going to go wait at the bus stop.”

“Okay,” I said moving off towards the swings. “I hope you get bettersoon.”

I sat on one of the swings and watched as he moved off swiftly towardsthe bus stop still clutching tightly to the bag.

I stayed on the swing until I heard the old town hall clock in thedistance chiming three. Then I ran towards the bus stop.

“Oranges!” I said loudly. His bodygave that same beautiful involuntary spasm.”

“What?” he asked unable to conceal his annoyance. “I thought I told youto go play?”

“Yeah, but I just remembered something that I thought you should know.”

“What?”

“I hear they say you should eat a lot of oranges. They got plenty vitaminC. And that helps to prevent colds and flu.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a proven fact.”

“Thank you, I’ll remember that,” he said glancing nervously down theroad. “Now go play.”

“Of course it ain’t gonna help you none now because you already got theflu.”

I could practically reach out and touch the desperation in his tone.“Fine! Okay! Did your friend turn up?”

There was a kid about my age on the roundabout. I pointed at him. “Yeah,that’s Melvin over there.” Then before Joaq could say anything I blurted, “Ijust remembered a joke. Wanna hear it?”

“Another time perhaps.” He glanced at his watch. “The bus will probablybe here any minute now.”

“That’s okay, I’ll tell it fast.” He was about to open his mouth toobject, but I started telling the joke. “They say if you get the flu and go seea doctor it takes fourteen days for you to get better. If you go see thepharmacist instead, then it takes two weeks. But if you stay at home in bed ittakes up to a fortnight before you’re well again. Ha haa!” Joaq just stoodthere blank-faced staring at me. “Don’t you get it?”

“What?” he asked clearly irritated. He glanced anxiously up the roadagain.

“They’re all the same.”

“What’s the same?”

“Two weeks, fourteen days and a fortnight. It’s all the same. Ha haa!”

“Oh, yeah,” he said apathetically. “That’s clever. Very funny.” Thenquickly added, “Isn’t your friend looking for you?”

“Probably. See you round.” I ran off. “Bye.”

I went over to the roundabout and offered to turn the contraption for thekid playing on it. He was only too happy for the offer.

As I pushed I watched Joaq pace upand down in front of the bus stop. His gaze went constantly between looking athis watch and staring down the road. Now and then he would glance in mydirection, but then all of a sudden he stared intently up the road.

It was only now that I noticed theone-legged man on crutches wearing a long duffle coat and moving methodicallyin Joaq’s direction. It was also at this time that the bus to Sedgefieldstation rounded the bend.

Joaq obeyed the instructions tothe letter. He placed the bag in the trash container and boarded the bus.

I watched until the bus had disappeared over the hill before movingtowards the bus stop.

Then my blood turned cold. The one-legged man was scratching in the trashcontainer.

“Hey?” I said behind him. He turned to face me and my heart sank as I sawthe brown paper bag in his left hand.

“Yeah?” he asked looking down at me. “What’s up, bud?”

He had a piece of cardboard tied around his neck. On it was written: Igave a leg in Nam - What can you give?

I pointed at the board. “Is that true? Did you really serve in Vietnam?”

He leaned his crutches against the trash container and came to attentionas best as a one-legged man can. Then he saluted. “1st Battalion, 3rd Marines!”he said loud and proud. “Lava Dogs! 1st in, last out! Hoo-hah! Fortuna FortesJuvat!”

“What’s that mean?”

“Fortune favors the brave, bud. Fortune favors the brave. Hoo ha!”

“Yeah?”

“That’s right, bud! You maybe got a little something for a war vet? Aspare coin or two for an old war dog?

“What’s up? Weren’t you brave enough or did fortune screw you over.”

“What?”

“Never mind,” I said reaching into my pocket. “I don’t have much on me,but this will at least get you a cup of coffee.” I held out a clenched fist.There was nothing in my hand, but he wouldn’t know that until it was too late.

“God bless America,” he said reaching out and down. “And God bless you,bud.”

I retracted my hand slightly causing him to over reach and lose hisbalance. He stumbled, and in that instant I snatched the bag out of his handand grabbed the large lapel of his coat pulling him forward.

He collapsed onto the sidewalk and I sprinted away with the prize. Istopped at a safe distance and listened as he sent a very long string ofprofanities in my direction. When he had finished I raised the plain brown bagand said, “Fortuna Fortes Juvat, bud. Fortuna Fortes Juvat!” Then I winked andran off.

Besides $3000 in $10 dollar bills, I found something else in the plainbrown paper bag; something that I initially considered to be offensive andunsettling.

Joaq had taken the audacity to include a small note that reads: I amneither proud nor relish in the things I have done. So, when Judgment Daycometh – I pray that God forgive us both.

I was infuriated. Who did this sick bastard think he is placing myactions on a par with his perversions and murders?

Sure blackmail is a dirty word, but I’m hoping that I’ve scared him intoquitting his killing spree forever.

At first I wanted to destroy the note, tear it into a hundred pieces. Butthen I decided that it would make the perfect trophy; a token of my first greataccomplishment in this second life.

One day I will have it framed. Yes, just as Uncle Scrooge McDuck in theDonald Duck comic books framed the very first dollar that he ever earned, sotoo will this be a constant testimony and reminder to the fact that I,Cornelius Crane, can overcome any and all obstacles; no physical handicap willever deter me from achieving my goals. It is, after all, the brain and not thebody that matters.

Well, now for the really hard part of this whole escapade! What the helldo I tell my folks when they ask me where I got the money?