Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane
July 10th, 1969

Today Idecided that it was high time that I repaid Hannah for the special gift sheonce gave me; in fact this is to be a token of my appreciation for everythingshe has ever done for me!

Today, I wasstanding across from Second Chances watching the pawn shop window and wonderinghow to proceed with Hannah’s surprise.

Before longthe solution to my dilemma presented itself carrying a large suitcase.

I knewfull-well that it would be impossible to just waltz into the pawn shop and pullout fifty bucks without drawing attention to myself. It was imperative that Iremain anonymous for now. Combing my hair differently and wearing thewire-rimmed spectacles was out of the question.

I had watchedthe man with the large suitcase approaching from the direction of the distantTrain Stop Motel at the edge of town.

The smallfigure had slowly increased in size until, “Hi pal,” he said tipping his hatand introducing himself. “John Statler! Vacuum cleaner salesman out of Bostonon a short business trip. Does your mom have a vacuum cleaner, yet?”

“Unfortunately,yes!”

“Unfor…whyunfortunately?”

“Because myfather’s the biggest arsehole on the planet.”

“Whoa, pal! Akid your age shouldn’t be using language like that.”

“Yeah, sowhat’s the proper age to start using profanity?”

“Pro…what?”

“Forget it!”I suddenly had a brainwave. I would need the secret stash in both my shoes topull this off. I pointed at the largesuitcase he was carrying. “What sort of commission do you make selling thosefuckers? Sorry, I meant to say suckers!”

“Uh…look,pal, I don’t think that has anything to do with…”

“I’m guessingsomewhere between ten and twenty dollars per unit. Right?”

“Well…yes. Itdepends on the model and the accessories and…”

“How’d youlike to make a quick ten for five minutes work?”

“I’mlistening?”

I pointed mychin towards the pawn shop. See that shop with the big old clock?”

He read thename above the clock. “Fry’s Second Hands.”

I nodded.“There’s a music box in the window. A special one with a twirling ballerina. Itcosts fifty bucks. I got the money right here in my pocket. I need you to buyit for me.”

“Why?”

“Ten bucksmeans and no questions asked.”

“Fine, let mehave the fifty then.”

“Here,” Isaid handing him five tens. “And don’t get any clever ideas.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“So,” he saidcounting the money and grinning wryly,

“What’s tostop me taking this $50 dollars right now and walking away with it, pal?”

“What’s tostop me from telling the police you took me into the bushes and offered me $10dollars to play with your johnson?”

“What?”

“You heardme, fucknut! Now do as I’ve asked or you’ll be sleeping in the clink tonight.”I put on my best whiny-voiced kid act. “That’s right officer, and when I saidno, he tried to force me. But I got away and ran straight here.” I returned tomy normal speaking tone. “I wouldn’t be too surprised if they think you’reactually the Willow Creek Killer. It’ll be a very long time before you seeBoston again, pal! If ever!”

“Holy shit,kid! I was only pulling your leg.”

“Well, whydon’t you shake yours and do as I’ve asked before I decide to keep the $10 aswell. I’ll wait for you in the alley. Be quick about it now!”

Five minuteslater he presented me with the music box. “Here you are, pal! Now, where’s mymoney.”

“Not so fastJohn Statler from Boston,” I said leaving him holding onto the music box. “Ineed you to do me one last favor.” He was about to say something, but I quicklyadded, “There’s another ten in it for you. You’ll get the full twenty when it’sdone?”

“What now?”

“I need youto post that off for me. You got a pen and paper?”

“Sure.”

I wrote downthe address to Marnie’s Bakery & Dry Goods. “Be sure you make it to, MissHannah Marnowijk, just like I’ve written it here.”

“No problem,pal.”

“Anotherthing,” I said handing him the address. “Very important! I want you to send itexpress. It must arrive there before Saturday. Got it?”

“Got it!”

I handed hima ten. “This should cover the cost of both the packaging and postage. Off yougo! And remember, that I’ll be watching.”

I was waitingfor him outside the post office when he exited.

“Good news,”he said handing me the receipt. “The package will be there by tomorrow afternoonat the latest.”

“Great!” Iexclaimed. “That’s fantastic!” I quickly checked the details on the long slipof paper before smiling and saying, “John Statler from Boston, you done realgood today! I’m very proud of you!” I reached into my pocket and handed him twotens. “There you go. Twenty bucks as promised. You run along now and play, youhear?”

He didn’tneed a second invitation.

I went off toPop’s to celebrate. It was only on paying for the lime milkshake that Irealized that the bastard from Boston had never given me my change from theten.

Ah, well – hehad served his purpose splendidly.

I can’t waitto hear what Hannah has to say on Saturday night. It’s always a pleasure justto see her smiling face.

Making loveto her is a bonus!!!