Chapter 0108

The fact is that I don’t even know what I want. Or how to play. Everyone is playing chess and I’m not

even playing checkers. I feel so…stupid. And alone. I pull my pillow over my head, groaning, missing

my sister, my dad, my old life.

God, what I wouldn’t give to go back to it all.

The thing that finally breaks me out of my stupor is my stomach, which gives a mighty growl at some

point in the evening when I’ve been laying in the dark for what must be a few hours. I sit up, looking

down at my complaining stomach, and feel a headache pulse at the back of my head.

I groan, and put a hand there, wondering if it was Kent pressing me up against the door or Ivan feeding

me tequila all day that’s responsible for this. Either way, I want water, and sustenance. Now.

When I peek out of my bedroom door, the house is quiet, which pleases me. I want to see no one –

absolutely no one – this evening. Waiting a moment to check that the house is quiet, I then sneak out

into the hall, pulling my door softly shut behind me. I glance at a clock down the hall, surprised to see

that it’s much later than I thought – around one in the morning.

I am pleased when I encounter no one in the kitchen. I quickly pour myself a glass of milk and grab an

entire box of cookies from the cabinet. Not healthy, I know, but tonight I need food for the soul as much

as the body, and chocolate and sugar sound about right.

I begin to relax as I head back up the stairs, confident I won’t meet anyone, but just as my foot hits the

landing I hear something and freeze.

It was just a soft noise, a groan, or a moan…

I stand at the top of the steps like a startled hare, not moving a muscle except my eyes, which dart

around looking for the source of the noise.

Nothing in the hallway moves but…yes. There it is again!

Curious, I listen closely and replace my eyes moving to Daniel’s door. I continue to listen for a few

moments more and then – yes. I’m certain. It’s coming from inside.

I let my curiosity get the better of me, perhaps feeling a little reckless as a result of my great

embarrassment earlier in the day. Either way, I tiptoe closer to Daniel’s door, careful not to make a

sound. Passingly, I wonder if he’s okay and hope that nothing is wrong…

But deep down, I know what it is that I’ll see when I lean down and peek through the little keyhole of his

door.

And as I do just that, my suspicions are confirmed. It’s convenient, frankly, that Kent never replaced the

old-timey locks on the bedroom doors in this old house, because Daniel’s gives me a perfect view

inside to where he and another person – I can’t see who – tangle on his bed.

I cock my head to the side as I look, curious. I know that it’s wrong – that I should give Daniel his

privacy, but…I realize, suddenly, that I’ve never seen anyone have sex before. I blush to realize it. I

mean, of course I have seen it on TV and the internet. But not like this, never before so…real…

I’m mesmerized, frankly, by the sight of the bodies pressed together so fervently, tangled so that I can’t

tell the limbs apart in the dark blue light of the room. I continue watching as they pull apart for a

moment sit up, changing positions. I recognize the profile of Daniel’s sweet face, looking down at his

lover.

I’m embarrassed, a little, by the tenderness that I see there, and know I should move away. In fact, I

start to do so when the lover himself turns his torso towards the door. And I gasp aloud because…

Because I know that face, I know the shape of that body.

Jerome.

I stand up straight, aghast, my eyes wide and my jaw dropping open.

Oh my god.

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