Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)
4.

I grabbed the pen that had stopped writing in the middle of the sentence and threw it. It made an arc, flying, and it looked so hopeful. Yet then, suddenly, it lost its speed and of course. It bounced off the edge of the paper bin and rolled under the closet. Somewhere where no one will ever replace it again.

I had no idea whether I was so bad at throwing, or whether it was the black bow tie, still lying in the corner of my room that disconcerted me.

I wanted to pick it up so many times. I wanted to hide it somewhere, to get rid of it, whatever. Just so it wouldn’t lie there anymore, reminding me of him.

Holy mackerel, I just didn’t get it!

You know, if we were in a parallel universe where something like that was imaginable at all, I’d say those jokes and provocations are the worst way to achieve it.

Fuck!

Did I really tell him something like that?

I’d never given a second chance before. Never. Once someone disappointed me, I didn’t bother to give them another opportunity to screw me over again. Their betrayal just proved me that they didn’t value our friendship enough and I didn’t need to waste my time with them.

But then, there was Eric Lestrad.

And my fucking heart.

I threw myself heavily on my bed only to stare at the ceiling. Like back then, the first day I’d met him. I’d thought he’d had the power to steal my soul. And ..., well yes.

I wasn’t wrong.

What did he tell me? That he knew it had been a bad idea the moment he’d first saw me?

His sudden change of attitude was really interesting.

And I spent this last week trying to convince myself that it was his problem, that I wouldn’t let him soften me. But whether I wanted to admit it or not, I liked it. I liked having him behind my back all the time. I missed him. I missed his jokes; I missed his compliments. I missed his solicitude, and I missed his smile that could move every organ in my body. The smile I literally longed for. No, there was nothing I wanted more than to have my demon back in my life.

But it also bothered me. I hated the idea that he thought he would get me back so easily. That I would forget within the snap of a finger.

Yes.

Lying in my room, I changed my mind about Eric at least two hundred and sixty-three thousand five hundred and eighty-nine times. My head ached from constant thinking, and I suddenly had that feeling like I suffered from a split personality.

Brain or heart, girl?

Still the same question.

What will you decide for?

Logic or your heart?

Oh my gosh, Lara, get out. Just get out of here!

“Jimmy, lend me your car,” I didn’t beat around the bush, I asked my uncle as soon as I ran down the stairs and found him sitting in the living room.

“Is there something wrong with yours?” He popped his eyes at me.

“It’s an older Peugeot and I want to enjoy the ride. You have a new Mazda,” I explained, hoping I wouldn’t offend Veronica’s former car too much.

However, Jim’s eyes widened after my confession even more. “Damn, I don’t know now if I should be worried about you or about my car.”

“Damn, I don’t know now if I’m supposed to be flattered or offended,” I snorted. But as the keys landed in my palm, I was willing to forgive my uncle for the lack of his trust.

I knew where I wanted to head as soon as I touched the wheel. Although I had been pretty sleepy, even though there had been a demon’s dazing charisma beside me, I remembered the route to my desired destination quite well.

Because it was unique, because it was special. Because I saved it to my memory as an absolutely exceptional experience. Just like the boy who took me there was.

Fuck, Lara! Please stop thinking about him!

It took him forty minutes in his Babygirl to get there. I needed maybe twice as much time, yet I found it, and I finally parked at a tiny beach. More than a month ago, I’d watched the sunrise here with my best friend. And now, quite ironically, I managed to come in time to watch it set down on my own.

I was fascinated the same way as before.

I quickly grabbed my jacket and locked the car. And I just sat down onto the sand, watching the sky and the endless waters in front of me. Watching the gleaming ball surrender to the power of darkness. The pinkish color it left behind itself, the silence that came with its departure, the breathtaking atmosphere simply calmed me down. And idea of Eric Lestrad suddenly seemed to be so far away.

After the last week, my head felt bigger than a watermelon. The thoughts that kept constantly running through it were already driving me crazy. I needed to stop thinking about him, I needed to throw him out of my mind. And this was a great idea to achieve it.

I let the light breeze play with my hair, as I was staring ahead of me. At the waves, sliding over each other. At the way, the sky gradually blackened. At the stars, slowly appearing above me. Actually, I didn’t get up until I started feeling cold.

And I was thrown right back to reality.

Yes, I was kind of stiffened the whole time I was driving back home. But as I turned off the engine, looking at Jim’s house, it was simply fear that overwhelmed me. I wasn’t able to get out of the car and go inside. Not when I knew who I would replace there. I just kept sitting here quietly, staring at the lamp light radiating through the blurred window blinds.

And then I almost got a heart attack when my phone began to ring.

I found it fallen somewhere under the seat. But there was an unknown number shining on my screen. Whoever it was, I didn’t feel like dealing with them. Or with anyone else.

However, I saw the fifteen missed calls when I canceled this one. I only then realized it was past 9 p.m., and I had been gone for almost five hours. Perhaps for the first time since I’d moved in, I got scared that Jim was mad at me. I had seven missed calls from him, and another eight from the same number I’d canceled a minute ago. And I was slowly starting to realize whom it belonged to.

Hell, where did he get my number from when he’d smashed his old cell phone?

Oh!

That shrewd conman.

“C’mon, send it,” I heard my own voice in my head, “I stop liking my phone being in your hands for so long.”

Holy crap! It was my fault?

I practically served my number to him!

That’s why the crooked smile!

My head dropped into my palms, and I maybe muttered a curse under my breath as I realized it. Why he’d been smiling when I’d let him send that photo.

Damn it, Lara!

The phone started to ring again, and I rather got out of the car.

“I’m here!” I shouted as I entered the house. And then I had to crouch under the reproachful glances the two of them gave me immediately.

“Damn, honey,” Jim shook his head in disapproval, “we were scared.”

What?

That’s all?

Nothing more?

I heard the worry in his voice, a disagreement too. But the psychic preparation that I would be grounded for two weeks was useless. He was still the best uncle in the world.

And I would have relaxed, I would have calmed myself down, if it wasn’t there. The second gaze I felt on me. The eyes that were fucking piercing me.

They belonged to the boy who was sitting on the sofa next to Jim’s chair as he had done a million times before. I couldn’t have resisted the unbearable urge, and I returned his look. He was smiling faintly; I didn’t miss it. Not even the concern in his face. The one that made my sight drop to the ground very quickly.

“I’m sorry, Jimmy,” I may have sounded a little more submissively than I´d originally planned. “I forgot about the time. About the phone too. And your car is scratch-free.”

Jim finally smiled as I put the keys on the table, but then his gaze slid down. My own uncle stared at my thighs. “Hon?” He asked with astonishment in his voice. “How come you have sand on your jeans?”

I saw it.

Peripherally, but I did see it.

The way Eric lifted his head, and though he didn’t say a word, I just knew it had dawned on him. That he´d figured out where I´d returned from. The corners of his lips, which curled into a beautiful smile, only confirmed my assumption.

“I think you can die without knowing it,” I turned my attention back to my uncle. Rather.

And Jim just laughed, shaking his head: “Will you stay and watch with us?”

Heh.

So…

The boy who was my best friend, who broke my heart, was sitting in Jim´s living room. The reason why I´d been crying for some many nights. Exactly that one and only boy who annoyed me countless times in just one week to finish me completely when he told me he wanted me back after all. And my uncle just asked me whether I wanted to sit next to him. Whether I wanted to stay in his fucking bewitching company.

“Why not,” I shrugged.

He didn’t say a word since I crossed the door threshold and that was weird. Incredibly weird after he pumped my veins with adrenaline this afternoon. But as soon as I seated myself next to him, he reached out for a beer to handed it to me. He smiled at me, yes, of course he did, forcing me to think of one thing only.

Why? Why the hell was he so damn handsome?

I managed to hold on for an hour. I somehow managed to ignore those two feet that divided us and to keep trying not to move. Like really trying. Because it was like sitting on needles. In contrast to his calm, I felt a constant need to do something. Just to ward off the urge to touch him.

That dark blue hoodie, he was wearing… Exactly the one he was wearing the day we made a trip to the cliff as well. The one he lent me when I didn’t want to go to school in a beer-stained T-shirt after I´d spent night in his blankets. It completely swallowed me, but on him… Oh. Holy. Mackerel. It clung tightly to his chest in an absolutely perfect way, leaving me to be tormented by my own imagination. After that one hour, I wasn’t able to stand it anymore.

“I’m going to sleep,” I got up at that exact moment when it became unbearable. My fantasies, his closeness, everything that was burning in my chest. And for my announcement, I earned two totally confused looks.

“Seriously? It’s Friday. Not even 10 o´clock.” There was a provocation radiating from Jim’s question. “Shouldn’t I read you a bedtime story?”

I winked as I needed a moment to realize what he´d just said. And then I…, I kept staring at my uncle as I felt it. Something that slowly started burning me somewhere in my chest and in a second it completely overwhelmed my whole body. Including my common sense. I only knew he´d crossed the line. That was the last straw.

My grumpiness that had been building up inside me all week thanks to my demon suddenly exploded and I couldn’t have managed to stop it. I didn’t want to, either.

Dear Uncle, is there something you don´t like? Fine! Let’s change it then!

I quietly sat back on the sofa, grabbing the phone that was already lying under the pillow.

“Hi Jess, what are you doing?” I glared at Jim as soon as my best friend answered.

“Not much, what about you?” she gave me exactly the reply I needed to hear.

“Great. What about Bill´s? Let´s say in fifteen minutes?” A corner of my lips lifted into a crooked smile as Jim’s face dropped into his palm.

“I´m in,” Jessica agreed. Thanks heavens. “I’ll call Kyle and...”

Noooo.

I couldn’t resist.

I didn’t want to.

Under no circumstances.

I turned my gaze to the second reason, which had bothered me for a long time. Looking into his deep brown, surprised eyes, I didn’t hesitate to interrupt Jessica: “I’ll call Colin.”

I couldn’t have suppressed another smile. A mischievous smile as my demon’s face took on a pretty pissed expression.

“I should have kept my mouth shut, shouldn´t I?” Jim muttered through his palm as I ended the phone call. “Hon, please, take care of yourself, OK?”

I wanted to snort at him, but he got up. I only assumed he headed to use the bathroom. “And please, answer your phone,” I heard him before he disappeared down the hall.

Well, he made my conscience wake up. And maybe I would keep feeling guilty if it wasn’t there. Eric’s narrowed eyes, the gaze which he was piercing me with. He didn’t let me focus on anything else. Out of the blue, at that moment, I just wanted to provoke him even more.

Maybe with calling Colin right now.

In front of him.

With a big smile on my face.

Gosh, Lara! Don’t be childish!

Yes, he’d been very annoying last week, but after our last conversation, I had to admit that it was someone completely different, sitting next to me tonight. Someone I remembered.

I downed the rest of the beer in one gulp, suddenly realizing that we were here alone.

“If he touches you, I’ll break both of his hands.”

I froze, hearing his silent statement as I placed an empty bottle on the table.

Excuse me?

Damn, what that supposed to mean?

What does he care who will touch me?

I took a deep breath.

And then I stopped thinking.

I stopped suppressing the desire to repay his teasing from this afternoon. From whole this week when he´d been driving me crazy.

He smiled at me as I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He smiled as if he´d wished me a beautiful evening five seconds ago. And I couldn’t control myself anymore.

“What if it wouldn´t be his fault?” I winked innocently. It was his turn to raise his eyebrows, as he hadn´t understood my question, and what kind of rude I would be if I wouldn’t explain it to him.

Instead of just ignoring it like any normal intelligent person would have done, I stood up. But not to leave the room. I got up just to step over his knees and then I sat down again. On him, I cheekily straddled him, looking at his pretty surprised expression.

The dark blue hoodie, oh, yes, it suited him so badly, but right now, it was just an obstacle I needed to get around. My hands slowly followed its bottom hem before I let them get lost somewhere under it. Before I touched his bare chest.

Hell!

I let my fingers wandered the path up, pulling the fabric with them. And it didn’t take me a second to realize how huge problem I had. Feeling the heat of his skin once more… Well, right now, after three weeks of abstinence, I just had a sip from the best twenty-year-old whiskey.

“See?” I said, unable to take my eyes off his exposed tattoos. “You’re doing nothing, you’re not moving at all, and yet you’re touching me. You can’t break his hands for something I will be responsible for.”

Silence.

A really strange disarming silence that followed, made me lift my sight and look at him.

Oh… Fuck!

There were flames, there was a fierce fire, burning in his eyes. I swear I suddenly felt it burning my skin as well. He was watching me under narrowed eyelids, and I remembered that gaze immediately. His breath accelerated a little bit, and yes, I did like how disconcerted he looked like.

“You sentence him to death, Dove,” he hissed hoarsely.

“Why?” I asked innocently. I deliberately pretended that his statement had surprised me. “Why does it bother you?”

He pierced me with those glowing eyes, as if I´d just asked something terribly stupid, illogical. Like why I had to breathe. He took a breath and, without taking that ardent gaze off my face, he shouted: “Jim! Wouldn´t you share with one of the Guinness beer you´re storing in your basement like forever?”

Holy crap, Jim!

Damn, with my hands on Eric’s body, I totally forgot about my uncle.

“That’s a good idea,” I heard him say from somewhere. He must have headed for the basement; I heard the door open. And I knew I didn’t have much time left till he would come back.

I was trying my best not to show, that reminder of my uncle had disconcerted me a little. That my fingers were tingling on his skin. That feeling his firm muscles under them had a huge impact on my heart rate. That all I wanted to do was to rip those clothes off him, to press myself against his body and immediately touch his lips with my mouth.

But my demon leaned over to me, he probably wanted to say something. I didn’t let him; I couldn’t let him to bewitch me again. I pushed him away from me, I pressed him hard against the sofa behind him, and no, I wasn’t able to suppress the crooked smile which appeared on my face as I heard his dissatisfied sigh. Instead of allowing him to get to me, I slowly moved closer to him, closer to his lap. Just to see if this my performance had any effect on him.

Yeah, it had.

Mission accomplished.

The desire in his eyes almost devoured me, his breathing deepened. He opened his mouth, and the fact that not a sound came out of it, exactly told me what I was doing to him.

Except that it wasn’t enough for me.

He gave me a few extra minutes when he´d sent my uncle to the basement, even though he wasn’t interested in Guinness. I was sure of that. And I didn’t mean to miss this opportunity.

I ran my hand through his hair and without hesitating, I shorten the distance between us. I pressed myself against his divine chest, trying not to perceive how perfectly we fit together. As if there was nothing between us.

“You shouldn’t punish him for something I do. That’s unfair, “I whispered in his ear.

Oh, hell yeah, my brain was torn to pieces. And right now, it was only my heart that was controlling me. That made me erase the imaginary border, which had separated us three weeks ago. I suddenly couldn’t replace any reason not to touch him anymore.

Instead, I got carried away.

By him, by his closeness, by the fucking passion as I ran my nose up his neck, stopping at that tempting spot underneath his ear. No, my self-control absolutely failed as I tasted his skin with my tongue.

He froze, he completely stiffened beneath me. The envoy from my personal hell opened its gates to me right away when I felt his hands on me. When he wrapped them around me to pull me into his arms.

“Dove,” he leaned his face against my cheek, suddenly unable to catch his breath, “you’re fucking killing me.”

He squeezed me more firmly and at that second, I realized how close to the edge I´d gotten. Just one more step and I would really replace myself in the eternal damnation.

My hands met his, I laid mine on his, just to keep them from traveling through my hips to my butt. Just to grab them and force them to release me. He murmured something pretty disappointed, and at that moment I just knew I needed to pull away from him.

Before I would succumb to him.

Because hell, I wanted to tease him! I wanted to repay him all the situations he´d disconcerted me this week. Not to fall for him all over again.

“Very well,” I whispered softly in his ear. I literally jumped away from him as he protested, as he tried to wrap his arms around me again.

“So, you’re saying Colin´s gonna like it,” I said innocently, watching the result of my effort.

I liked it.

I liked it a lot.

In fact, I was proud of myself.

Because my demon, sitting in front of me looked like he wasn’t able to even move. Like I´d sucked all his life-energy out of him. He was staring at me the same way as the night when he´d whispered in my mouth how much he´d wanted to kiss me. I liked his totally scattered breathing; I liked the tent in his jeans I was responsible for. I liked the idea of ​​leaving him like this.

But what I liked most was the time he needed to collect himself. A few long seconds before he realized the meaning of the words I´d let out of my mouth.

“What?” He growled. “What did you say?”

The anger that overshadowed his eyes formed a smile on my lips. His whole body tensed, and I realized that the time to turn around and leave had just come.

“Damn, Dove, come back!” He stood up immediately.

I was a little scared that he would catch up with me, that he would manage to stop me. And then I smiled broadly at my rescue, which was on its way.

“Are you already leaving, honey?” Jim closed the basement door behind him and approached me with two bottles in his hands.

“Fuck!” I heard from the living room. My disconcerted demon throw himself back on the sofa and cross his legs at the knees.

“Have a nice evening,” I winked at him, trying my best not to burst out laughing.

“Laugh all you want, Princess,” he lifted the corner of his mouth into the divine crooked smile, but the threat in his voice could not be overheard. “But I won´t forget. Keep that in mind.”

Instead of words, I blew him a kiss and without further hesitation I rather headed to the door. But the fact he didn’t say anything more, that he just took a sharp breath, I considered as my little victory.

🙕