Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future
Chapter 64

I lean into Bronx and snuggle into the crook of his arm, draping my arm over his chest. He takes his hand and weakly pats me on the arm.

"Baby, I need you to hear me out. Okay?" his voice is still scratchy and quiet.

"Bronx, you need to rest," I protest.

"Don't worry, she put plenty of morphine in that drip, I'll be asleep soon, but I have to get this out first. Please."

I sit up so I can look him in the eye.

"I fucked up, Kas. I should have told you what was going on," he tells me all about his theory of my visions having to do with Ryan and that I needed to be distressed to have one. He thought it was going to be the only way to get ahead of Ryan and stop him from whatever he was planning after the packhouse fire. So he and Milo cooked up an insane plan to trigger a vision and set it into action. They knew the rogue attacks were a distraction being planned by Ryan, but they needed proof.

"The last rogue we interrogated said they were waiting for you to shift so they could alert their master and he could catch you. So, Milo intentionally weakened our defenses on the northeast border. When you shifted, we chased you and drove you in that direction. All we had to do was herd Lex to that area without her knowing. It worked exactly to our plan, except for the part where I fell off a cliff. His words were soft and slurry as the morphine started to take effect.

"Go to sleep, Bronx. You've given me a lot to think about here. We'll talk about how mad I am when you're out of intensive care."

He nodded and closed his eyes, "I'm so sorry, Kas. I'm supposed to protect you not hurt-"

His breathing turns into soft snores before he finishes but he said enough.

"He wanted that lunatic to attack us?!" Lex growls.

To say I'm mad is an understatement. I'm fuming mad but also finally have control over the wild wolf living in my head. I'm calm compared to before at least and I'm not going to let Lex lose her shit again. I push her to the back of my mind and cut off our link. I don't care how old she is, she can still get grounded. °

I mull over everything Bronx has just told me. I understand his reasoning but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it. There are a ton of other ways he and Milo could have handled it.

I'm also upset that they pulled the rank card on the pack. Especially Delilah. They made her spy on me. Now I have doubts as to whether her friendship is sincere or not. That feeling of doubt? I hate that feeling.

I guess I should get a shower. I can do all this thinking while I get clean. Bronx is going to be napping for a while. He won't miss me. I quietly call Marco, who takes me back down the hallway. The doctor comes into my room half an hour later and does a quick cneck-up. Lex healed me while I was sleeping and I can be discharged. Once the nurse has me sign all the paperwork, Marco escorts me upstairs where James is waiting to take over.

"Guys, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your patience with me. You're the best warriors a girl could have assigned as

her guards. The things you taught me saved my life out there. I can't thank you enough," I say to them with sincerity, "If it's okay with you, I'm going to tell Bronx I want you two to train me. Like, actual training, not just defensive. I need to know how to protect myself in all situations. Maybe eventually I can train with the other warriors."

James looks at Marco who nods and he steps forward, "Luna, it would be an honor. I just have one request in exchange."

"Of course, what is it James?"

"Please forgive Delilah. She is heartbroken that her best friend turned her away. She loves you so much. She didn't want to have to keep tabs on you like that. Alpha Bronx ordered her to," James says in a pleading voice.

"Alright, once I can get the Alpha out of the hospital wing, I'll go see her."

"Thanks, Luna. It would mean a lot to me and her."

"It's just Kas, James," I say as I open the apartment door and let it close behind me. The window in the bedroom is already repaired. You can't even tell a giant black wolf crashed through a couple of days ago. Why does it seem like showers seem to go by in a heartbeat when you have a lot on your mind? When I step out, I realize I was there for almost an hour. I sit in front of the vanity for a minute, looking at my reflection. For someone who slept for two days, I sure look exhausted. It's time to have an honest conversation with myself. I decide I need to take my time getting ready. Rushing down to the hospital wing was not going to do me any favors right now. Itis time to focus on me and only me. Even if it's just for an hour or two. I

Questions and answers swirl in my head as I get ready.

What is a Luna? What does it really mean to be a Luna Regent? I ask myself as I blow dry my hair and style it into a braided bun. I pull a few extra wisps of hair out to frame my face as the stylist showed me. I haven't really been given the opportunity to experience what being a Luna really means. Is it my fault? The people around me who think they are protecting me? I think back to Milo and Lenora's meeting with Lady Camille. They told me I would never be alone. So why did I not feel comfortable telling them how alone I really felt? Why was it so easy to forget their message?

I rummage through my drawers and decide on skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder cream -colored sweater. What does it really mean to be the mate of someone like Bronx? I replace a pair of black Ugg boots that I didn't know Lenora and Ashley had even bought for me. I slip them on and look at my feet in the mirror. Bronx has been through so much in this life. To be his mate, I have to support him just as much has he supports me. I think back to past lives we've shared together. I have to be strong for him in this life. That is the important part.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hate the Uggs. They make me look like I have tiny bear cub feet. I kick them off and put them back in the box. I will give them to Milo's niece, Elle. Bronx has good intentions, but is there anything I can do to stop him from being destructive? Is it just in his nature? I'm his mate. I need to learn how to save him from himself. I opt for a pair of leather Adidas that have a wedge heel hidden inside. They are super cute and fit perfectly. Plus they make me look two inches taller, which automatically puts them at the top of my favorite shoe list. <<<

What does it mean to be a goddess? To have the Moon Goddess as my mother. I kind of like the way this look I am putting together is going. I open a drawer and pull out some lip gloss and mascara. I've never actually worn mascara other than the Winter Solstice party and Delilah helped me with that but there's the first time for everything. Are my abilities who I am or are they just a part of me? Getting the little mascara wand so close to my eye seems a bit dangerous but I manage. I apply the lip gloss and stand back, looking in the full-length mirror. +

I am lokaste Latmus. I am a goddess. Daughter of the Moon Goddess, Selene. Mated to Alpha Regent Bronx Mason. 1am a Luna Regent. I am powerful in my own right. I am all those things but they are just pieces of me, not all of me. I have hopes and dreams and desires for myself and for the people I love. That is the glue that puts all the pieces into one big happy puzzle. :

I adjust my sweater as I look into the mirror. I look good. I never think I look good. What gives? I don't know, but I feel different. Don't get me wrong, it's different in a good way like a weight has been lifted off me or someone pumped fresh air in the room. It could be this odd burst of confidence, which I assume is going to disappear as soon as I stop looking in the mirror, but somehow, I feel like a Luna. I feel like the glue that makes up the puzzle of my life is finally starting to set. If someone came in right now and started with 'Luna Kas this' and 'Luna Kas that', I wouldn't mind. °

I give myself time before I head back down to the hospital. I have to have my head on straight if Bronx is going to listen to the things I want to say to him. I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich and take out a notecard out of my wedding binder. I notice my engagement ring is no longer on the magazine where I left it. I hope someone took and put it in a safe place to give back to Bronx. I make a little checklist of things I want to say to Bronx on the notecard while I eat my sandwich.

When I'm ready, James escorts me back to the hospital wing so I can see Bronx. We walk side by side, making small talk as we go. I'm done with the two hundred fifty pound shadows following me everywhere I want the personal connection with my guards that I had become accustomed to when we were in France. As we walk, I notice people acknowlging me again. Saying hello and that it's nice to see me. It makes my heart happy. I treminds me that the past couple of months were not what they wanted for me. They were coerced to treat me in a way they would not normally have.

The guards let me into the room without question but Bronx is still sleeping. I quietly place the chair next to his bed and just stare at him with my arms crossed. It would probably seem creepy if someone were to walk in, but don't care. I want to etch him in my memory. An image to remind me what love looks like, even if it is misguided and does bonehead things, it is still love.