Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future
Chapter 74

I can't sleep. I can't get what Kas told me about not being able to have children out of my mind. I mean, there is nothing I can do about it. It doesn't change the way I feel about her. She is my world. I just feel like having a pup of our own is something we assumed would be part of our future. I meant what! said about just needing her in my life. If we end up not having kids, then that is what the Moon Goddess has fated for us.

The text message chime on my phone goes off. I look to see it is from Reggie. It is eleven-thirty at night. What could he want?

Hey Bronx. You awake? Important.

I mind link Reggie to let him know lam awake and will meet him in the downstairs kitchen in five minutes.

I go give Kas a kiss and wake her up just enough to let her know where I'm going. She gives me a squeaky little grunt and waves me away before rolling over. I grab an eye patch and secure it in place before quietly making my way out of the apartment.

"All good, Alpha?" Marco sends in a mind link.

"Yeah, Marco. I let her know I'm going downstairs. She's sound asleep," I confirm, "Just going to talk to Reggie. I'll be back soon."

"Ten-four, Alpha," Marco nods looking a little more at ease.

Reggie is already in the kitchen, rummaging through the pantry when I get there. He is still dressed in his all black tactical gear for work. I slow down as I get to the doorway feeling hesitant. Something feels off with him. "Hey Reggie, you just get home?" I ask, tentatively.

"Uh, yeah. Hey wasn't there some of those cookies Kas makes? The oatmeal ones with the toffee pieces?" he asks, still rummaging.

"No, I think they got eaten up. You know that shit doesn't last long around here," I chuckle. Something is definitely off with him, "What's so important, Reggie? I know you didn't ask me to meet you at almost midnight to ask me about cookies."

He finally closes the pantry door and puts both hands on the counter, with a deep sigh. He drums his fingers on the counter in a nervous rhythm trying to figure out what to say. I look at his fingerless gloves to see that he hadn't even taken the mini blades out of the flat top pockets. Whatever is on his mind must be serious if he didn't even disarm himself before coming into the packhouse. I look closer and see where he is drumming his fingers is leaving bloody fingerprints on the counter.

I look up to see he has dried blood coming out of one of his ears and his nose. Not to mention a pretty wicked black eye and a split lip. That's when I pick up on the the strong metallic scent of blood, much stronger than what it should be from his face. I look closer to see his bulletproof vest is soaked in it. I do my best to not let my eye go wide. I don't want him to see me panic.

"That your blood, Reggie?" I ask non- chalantly.

He looks down at his vest, "Ahh...nah.

Not mine."

"Is he in shock or something, Bronx? Something's not right here," Saint whines, worried about our friend. "Come on man, spit it out," I urge him on, "What's wrong? Did someone die or something?"

His icy blue eyes shift quickly to me, "Almost."

"Wait really?" I search his expression to try to assess his mental state, "Who? What happened?"

"Sorry, Alpha. Classified mission, classified intel," Reggie shakes his head, then runs his fingers through his short strawberry blond hair, "but what I can tell you is that if Milo wasn't on paternity leave, we would have been fine."

"Alright, so what do you need from me, Reggie?"

Please don't say what I think you're about to say, I think to myself, because I won't be able to say no...

"I-I need you on the next mission, Bronx," he says. He stands up straight and puts his hands out to the sides then on his hips, looking down at the floor, like he's disappointed in himself. He shakes his head as he speaks to the floor. It almost seems like he is talking to himself, not me, "I know you can't. I know it. It is not good for anyone. Not your body or your mind. It's not good for Saint. It's just no good but I don't know what else to do."

"Reggie, I-"

"Bronx, the team and I have looked at all of our options," he looks me in the eye now, "One of my guys is in the hospital wing fighting for his life right now. If I had any other options, trust me, I would go any of those routes first." He gives me a desperate look.

"Saint. Can I trust you? You have been a bit of a wild card lately," I ask, sensing him pacing.

"I can do it. I'm fine," Saint snaps testily.

"Well, that answer doesn't give me much confidence," I scold.

"Bronx, I'm fine. We can take on one mission. It will feel good to get back out there. Just a small taste of special ops, then back into retirement," he says more calmly, "You telling me you don't want to go on one mission, you big weenie?"

I sigh internally, then look up at Reggie again, "When do we leave and how long will we be gone?"

He claps me on the shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen, "Debrief tomorrow oh-six-hundred at the field office. Get some sleep tonight. You're gonna need it. This one is a doozie, bro." He turns around when he gets to the doorway, "Bronx. Thank you for this." I simply nod and watch him walk away. I sigh again and pull out cleaning supplies. I can't have Mrs. Miller come in to replace her kitchen and pantry full of blood. I make quick work of cleaning and look around, avoiding the inevitable.

Now time to go let my mate know that I just signed myself up for a black ops mission that I can't tell her anything about.

kkk

"Kas, please don't be mad, Baby. Reggie needs me. It's just this once while Milo is on paternity leave," I beg her. The

conversation is not going nearly as well as I imagined in my head during my walk back up to the apartment. I had woken Kas up and told her about my conversation with Reggie. She demanded I tell him that I changed my mind, then locked herself in the bathroom when I told her I couldn't do that.

"Come on, Baby. I have to leave in five hours, I don't want to leave with you mad at me. Please come out of the bathroom. Come out and talk to me." The door swings open and my little mate comes out with a small angry growl, "Living room."

llet my arms fall to my sides and follow her, ready to take my licking. '

An hour later after a lot of Kas yelling, growling, and a well earned slap from Lex pushing her way to the surface, she starts to cry. I pull her into my lap and rock her until she falls asleep. I can feel her fear and honestly, I can't blame her. I can't tell her where I'm going or how long I'll be gone. I don't want to promise her I will be safe because I simply don't know. And I am done with empty promises I can't keep.

Around five a.m. I carry her to bed and head into the closet. I open my trunk of tactical gear and get dressed. Each piece I pull out of the trunk brings out more memories of the past. I remind Saint that they are just memories. There is nothing to be angry at. Reggie needs us and we need to focus and be level headed so no one else gets hurt during the mission...or after.

Once I am fully dressed, I rub my hands over my face and look at the lock box at the bottom of the trunk. I unlock it and slowly open it. My Sig is nestled into the padding just where I left it four years ago. I gently pull it out and lock it into the holster on my ribcage.

At five-thirty a.m. I lean over my mate and gently wake her. I give her a passionate kiss and wrap my arms around her tightly.

"I love you, Bronx Mason. Don't do anything stupid...or brave. Just do your job and come home to me as fast as possible," Kas cries.

"I love you, Kas Latmus. I'll be home to you as soon asl can," I hear her sniffle into my shoulder before I let her go and leave.

James is in the hallway now. "A-Alpha?" he says when he sees how I'm dressed.

"Helping Reggie. She's gonna need her best friend, James," I say to him knowingly.

He nods in understanding and pulls out his phone to send Delilah a text.

kee

Four days later, we get home late in the afternoon. I go straight to the apartment to replace Kas. She is in the kitchen making chocolate croissants. She has a Lizzo song blasting out of the stereo, so she doesn't hear me come in. She is holding up a clear measuring cup looking intently at the liquid inside and writing notes. There is a smear of flour on her cheek and her violet eyes look tired and puffy. I can feel her stress and exhaustion. I wonder if she slept at all while I was gone. '

"Ahem" I clear my throat to get her attention.

Kas looks up and drops the glass measuring cup. She doesn't seem to notice it shatter on the floor as she leaps over the counter and throws herself into my arms. I easily catch her as her lips crash into mine. have never felt better than I have at that moment. Having her in my arms is what it means to be home.