Forsaken (Book #1)
Chapter Twenty-One

Training as usual was pretty hellish, and Grayson went all out. I can’t tell you how many times I was disarmed, only that it was a multitude of times. So many times that I actually lost count. I chalked it up to the fact that I had been using a pair of daggers instead of the swords that I had grown accustomed to. Ilya’s swords.

I ducked as Grayson swiped his dagger at my head. He was quick lashing out at me again. I scrabbled back, throwing my arm up trying my best to parry his blow. The blades clashed, and I gritted my teeth straining as I fought to keep him from pressing my arm closer to me. With a twist of his hand I was disarmed, the dagger flying out of my hand and to the ground.

I jumped out of the way, as he took another stab at me. We were moving at inhuman speed now, our movements a blur as we struck and parried. Sweat beaded on my brow as I blocked a hit from Grayson. I pivoted, whirling and kicked out with my foot at the hand holding a dagger that had been attempting to knock into my ribs.

The dagger flew out of Grayson’s hand and then were on an even playing field. He had one dagger and I had one. Unfortunately, I was destined not to win. Merely five minutes after I had disarmed him, Grayson had knocked my dagger out of my hands and had held his to the column of my throat. We were both panting from exertion and I held myself as still as possible lest my neck get nicked by the dagger.

After a tense few minutes Grayson stepped away, retrieving the daggers and hiding them somewhere on my person. I bent forward, laying my hands on my knees as I fought to catch my breath.

“You did well,” Grayson told me pride evident in his voice.

I glanced up, unsure if I had heard him correctly. I had done well? Sure, compared to other times we had sparred I had done phenomenally well but I wasn’t near as good as I expected myself to be. Grayson smiled at my incredulous look.

“I always say you do well Calla, because I don’t want to discourage but this time you did much better than I thought you would. I think it’s because you were treating it as a real fight, and you surprised me.” Grayson murmured, the smile on his face becoming more pronounced. “We were fighting at superhuman speed.” His eyes glittered with excitement as he emphasized, “You were fighting with superhuman speed.”

I straightened up, my own smile slipping onto my face when I saw how happy and excited Grayson looked. Then his words sunk in. I had been fighting at superhuman speed!

I had been fighting at superhuman speed!

We had been trying so hard to get me to tap into my Valkyrie powers, and now it looked like all of that effort was finally paying off. I had been fighting at superhuman speed. There was still a lot of stuff that I couldn’t do – like fly – but we finally had something to show for all of our efforts.

“Is that why you’re so proud?” I asked him.

“One of many reasons,” Grayson confirmed with a nod. “You’ve come so far in such a short amount of time. You are becoming more proficient with Ilya’s swords, and you fared with a dagger quite well today. We are also growing closer to unlocking all of your abilities.”

“So what now?” I asked still fighting to catch my breath.

“Now, you go home. You rest and then, tomorrow we start sparring again.” Grayson told me. “Monday, we’ll see about doing something different.”

“Like what?” I asked him, staring at him suspiciously.

“You’ll see.” He answered mysteriously.

Oh, I really didn’t like the sound of that.

* * * * *

Sunday started much the same as Saturday – minus me waking up with Lucian on the couch. I got up, fixed myself some cereal and then wandered around the neighborhood for a little while not daring to venture close to the gym. Grayson found me some time later, sitting on the front steps of my house, and we once again headed to the park. Unfortunately, we would not be sparring alone.

At the park Grayson so kindly informed me that I would be fighting not only him, but four Vampires he had trained and a Witch. Needless to say, I lost thirty seconds in. My frustration mounted as we continued to spar with me losing before it had even been one minute.

After thirty or so failed attempts Grayson called for two of the Vampires to back off. That time I lasted a little longer but I still wasn’t doing as well as I had when it was just Grayson and I.

Grayson did his best to reassure me, saying that this was exactly what he had been expecting but if anything it only made me more frustrated. I wanted to astound them all, show them and prove to them – and myself – that I could do this. That I could save New Haven and the rest of the world. But so far, I was doing a pretty crappy job of that.

After being disarmed and “killed” for what felt like the millionth time in a row I finally had enough. I threw the daggers onto the ground and stomped away. Was I acting like a brat? Some would say yes, but I was beyond frustrated.

I was trying to combat them and replace ways to surprise them but they seemed to be anticipating my every move. I couldn’t surprise them at all. I was failing miserably, and my self-confidence from the day before had dwindled until nothing of the sort existed.

Behind me I heard Grayson sigh before soft footfalls reached my ears. I didn’t turn around as he came to stand beside me. When I refuse to even acknowledge his presence or say anything to him, he stepped in front of me.

“Calla, we need to continue sparring.” Grayson murmured his voice soft.

I shrugged.

“Calla, you have to keep sparring. If you quit now, how do you think you’ll get better?” Grayson demanded his voice turning harsh. Then it softened, “Calla we’re counting on you so come back and start sparring with us again.”

I didn’t reply.

I was consumed with self-depreciating thoughts. I wasn’t good enough to successfully spar with them, so how was I supposed to fight multiple adversaries who were actually trying to kill me? I wasn’t going to be able to do this. Self-doubt is an ugly enemy, and is un-seeable. It’s a hard thing to fight and right now I just didn’t have the energy to fight it.

I wasn’t going to be ready or able to stop the Afterdark from summoning Darya.

“Calla snap out of it!” Grayson shouted but I didn’t react.

I didn’t even so much as flinch. In a dull, emotionless voice I said, “I’m going home.”

Grayson growled but I just walked away. Later on I would come to realize that walking away was a cowardly thing to do and I shouldn’t have done it, but at the moment I couldn’t even bring myself to care. I wasn’t accustomed to failing and right now, I felt like a failure. I didn’t think that I would automatically become this great warrior, but I felt like I was letting Ilya down.

I had never known her but in everything that I had read and heard about her, she was this fearsome warrior. She was amazing and powerful, the exact opposite of me. I wanted to have the same prowess in battle that she did, and I wanted to be afforded the same respect that people had given her. But I couldn’t even win when fighting Grayson one-on-one and I most certainly couldn’t win when fighting multiple opponents. So how was I supposed to bring honor to her?

How was I supposed to make her proud when I couldn’t even win a fight against people who weren’t trying to kill me?

* * * * *

I returned home, still sulking and collapsed onto the couch. I was being utterly childish right now, and I knew it but I didn’t think my attitude was unwarranted. Or maybe it was. I don’t know. All I knew was I wasn’t doing as well as I thought that I should be and I didn’t think that Grayson was helping me as much as he should be.

He was helping me a lot that was true. But I felt like he could do more than what he was doing now. One thing was for certain, I needed someone to talk to. Someone who was unbiased and could give me advice. My go-to person would be Cassie but she didn’t know anything about me being a Valkyrie, Darya, or Grayson being a Vampire.

And I was going to do my best to keep it that way. The only other person that I could go to – since I wasn’t in the mood to talk to Grayson – was Lucian. But I knew that when I voiced my concerns that he might tell the Afterdark and he wouldn’t be completely unbiased.

So, it looks like in this situation I was on my own.