Freeing Starr
Chapter 33 ~ A mother’s worry

Everything was moving so quickly.

It's been a few days since I arrived here in the Kingdom and ever since that night after dinner, Leon was nowhere to be seen. I didn't even have a chance to go out and replace him as Stacia kept bombarding me every day with the wedding preparations. I was afraid that he'd stop talking to me after his outburst that night. I knew that he was trying his best to be accommodating and I knew that I was safe and I wanted to make sure he knew that as well.

I completely understood why he reacted the way he did. No Alpha male would want their mate to be in the same vicinity of the man that they once shared a bond with. Looking back on it now that I wasn't so drowned in fear, I remembered the slight insecurity that I saw in his gaze and I hate myself for putting it there.

Leon was not Zion. I needed to constantly remember that to further improve Leon and I's relationship. Everyone was allowed to shout when they're angry. I wish I could remember this in those moments instead of jumping out of my skin like a startled rabbit. I hated it.

Leon has been nothing but kind to me. Unlike Zion, he's not afraid to let me in, to let me see his emotions and that gives me a sense of security. He wasn't a bad guy and the more I spent time here, the more that thought stabilized as Stacia constantly told me stories of how Leon grew up and the mischiefs he'd get into.

Compared to my sob stories, this was a breath of fresh air and I found myself slowly yearning to know more about him. His likes, dislikes, what he does when he's not working and how he handles stressful situations. I wanted to experience his mischievous side and I wanted to be someone he could confide in. I wanted to be able to take his anger like a grain of salt and comfort him without fear. This time, I couldn't even say that it was our mate bond making me feel this way. I was genuinely curious and unlike my bond with Zion that was forced, this new bond with Leon was open, mutual and empowering.

Even though we weren't anywhere near each other, I could feel him vividly. I knew he was fine and I knew he was somewhere in the castle and I knew he could feel the same with me and it brought a smile to my face.

This was what a mate bond should be. A bond so sacred that no one could ever impeach on your connection. You feel everything. From their presence, to their emotions to their pain and you bare it all. All of it. You take it all in and you help them to manage their emotions. You take away their pain and you stand tall in their presence because they were the only source of light in this shadowed world of greed, hunger and war. They were the only person you could rely on.

I somewhat understood why Nadia did what she did.

Zion wasn't mine to hold. I knew that from the beginning but I wasn't willing to accept that because he made me believe he'd choose me over all else. I was naive. I knew how much he loved Nadia and I knew how much she loved him despite everything he'd put her through. That was their bond. I understood that.

Now it's time for me to experience mine.

I sighed.

Stacia glanced over at me with a raised eyebrow as she held up a bright purple cloth, "what are you over there sighing about? Come help me choose a color for the table cloths. They have to blend in perfectly with the flowers we ordered so that all the guests could topple off their seats in amazement."

I chuckled and eyed the purple fabric thoughtfully.

Unlike my wedding with Zion, where everything was prepared for me, Stacia made an effort to include me in literally every decision made. She made sure I approved of the colors and ideas she chose as she wanted me to feel comfortable and happy on my special day.

At first, she had asked if I wanted to do everything myself with her as the assistant but I refused since this wasn't my area of expertise. She was more than happy to help me set everything up and I was more than happy for the help.

I never knew how much time, effort and money was poured into ceremonies like this until now. It really amazed me how grand everything was coming out. Compared to the simple ceremony I had with Zion, this was brilliance.

Although I didn't mind the simplicity of Zion and I's ceremony one bit. There was something magical about getting united under the full moon in a small meadow. Unfortunately that union didn't end so well but I'm really hopeful for this one.

I shook my head with a grimace, "why's the purple so bright? I don't think it matches the flowers we chose at all."

Stacia frowned and looked at the cloth intensely, "really? Leona, what do you think?"

Leona, who was seated in the corner of the living room glanced up from her phone and shook her head, "mom, I keep telling you that you need glasses. That looks terrible."

Stacia rolled her eyes, "my eyes are fine."

"I thought the theme was royal gold and white?"

"Yeah, but we need a little contrast to make everything more spectacular no?"

"Yeah but that purple is too light. It wouldn't look good. What about black?"

"Black?" Stacia turned up her nose and threw the fabric onto the ground, taking up a pink one next, "forget that. What about this then?"

Leona nodded, "Not bad, it could work. I still like the black idea though."

Stacia turned to me, "what do you think, Starr?"

I pursed my lips as I stared at the pink fabric. It wasn't a bad color. It could actually work, however, I kind of liked the black that Leona suggested.

I hesitated before asking, "Can I see an example of how the black would look?"

Leona nodded, "I got you," before typing away at her phone.

Stacia placed a hand on her hip and sighed, "you girls are really thinking of making a black wedding."

"Mom, black and gold are heavenly together. Our royal color is gold so we must include it in the wedding. Gold just pops out the most when it's intertwined with black."

I nodded along, "I'm not that good at this stuff but I do think gold and black looks great together."

Stacia waved her hand dismissively, "fine, fine. Majority rules I guess. I'll order the black and we'll see how it turns out but I'll also order the pink just in case."

"I'm fine with that," I agreed.

"Yes well moving on, we have to get you fitted for your dress. I called the boutique and I've scheduled for the tailor to arrive here tomorrow morning. We're almost done with preparations."

Leona nodded, "we're right on schedule as well."

I nodded in relief and sighed, "how do you guys handle planning such large events in such a short period of time? If I didn't have you guys, things would've been so hectic."

Stacia waved a dismissive hand, "you'll get used to it. I married Lee within the first week that we met. He’s a very impatient man. I’m actually surprised that Leon decided to wait three weeks for your ceremony. Which reminds me…. How far have you two gone?”

I blinked in surprise and asked, “what?”

Leona groaned, “mom, please don’t start.”

Stacia said defensively, “start what? I’m just curious.”

I flushed in embarrassment and lowered my head, “we haven’t done anything yet.”

“We’ll what’s stopping you? Clearly it’s not my son.”

“Mom!”

“What?”

I frowned as I carefully digested her words. What was stopping me?

I hesitated before admitting, “ever since we met… Leon has never shown any interest in me in that way. I don’t know if he thinks I’m dirty or…”

Stacia raised a hand to stop me as she shook her head and frowned, “stop that thought process right now. There’s no need to devalue yourself, Starr. It’s common for most wolves to have already been with someone before they even meet their mate. My son has also had his fair share of women. I can assure you that if he ever looked at you with disgust, he wasn’t looking at you but the mark on your body. It’s not common for people to accept choice mates unless their soulmates died. I could imagine how much it pained him to replace you already mated.”

I lowered my head in shame, “I’m sorry.”

Stacia came up to wrap her arms around me and pulled me into her, “you don’t have to be sorry. It was never your fault. Everything happens for a reason. Don’t ever think that we or my son view you as dirty because you’re not. I can’t speak for my son but based on his actions I can say that he’s just trying to give you the space he thinks you need.”

“Desire is a strong emotion, especially among Alphas. He probably doesn’t want to scare you off with his desire. That’s probably why he’s been holding himself up in his office these past few days. It’s probably eating away at him not being able to touch and embrace his mate whenever he wants. My son is incredibly great at restraint and bottling his emotions and sometimes it bothers me because I see him smiling but I can’t tell if it’s genuine or if he’s just trying to not make me worry. He has so much on his shoulders and he insists that he can do it on his own but I know the weight of the crown he bares. I’ve lived it for years with his father and that’s why I’m hoping the best for you two. I’m hoping that you could help him not just as his mate but as the queen of this Kingdom.”

I froze as I felt a drop of water land on my shoulder and I pulled away to see the tears that was brimming her eyes. As she gazed at me, I saw the wolf within her pacing with worry, whining for her child. I sensed all her anxiety, worry and sadness. She wished for nothing more than to help him but she knew that there was no way she could so she turned to me instead.

My heart trembled and I nodded resolutely, wiping a tear that fell down her cheek, “don’t worry. I promise to do the best I could for Leon and this entire Kingdom. I swear on my name as an Alpha female that there’s nothing you have to worry about.”

I’ll make it so that there was nothing to worry about. If Leon really was trying to hold himself back for my benefit then as thanks, I should quickly get stronger, bury my demons and stand beside him. If he still didn’t want to touch me, I would touch him. There was no reason for me to fear. He never gave me one so I wouldn’t treat him like a threat.

I wanted our relationship to work out. I needed it to and I knew he needed it as well.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” I muttered, smiling reassuringly at Stacia, “he’ll be fine.”

Stacia sniffled and nodded, “I hope so.”

Leona, who was silent this entire time, stood up from her seat to come and comfort her mother. She smiled at me and gestured towards the door, “with such a strong mate by his side, he better be.”

With that said, I quickly left the room to go replace him.